June 2016 Moms

When are you asking your husband to stop drinking?

DH loves his nightly drink.  Usually its only one or two, but a few nights during the week and almost every Friday and Saturday night he has more then a few.  It is a super touchy subject for us.  I have never been a big drinker so for me to not drink isn't an issue, and therefore can't use the well if I can't drink you can't either.  Its not really an issue at this point, but  I am just worried that there will be an issue later on and I need to go to the hospital and he will have had too many to drive.  When is a logical time to have the "no drinking" talk??
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Re: When are you asking your husband to stop drinking?

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  • Do you foresee it as being a big conversation? I'm sort of confused, sorry. To me it would just be a matter of reminding him that he'll be driving you to the hospital and obviously he'll have to be sober.

    Are you worried he'll drink anyways? I don't want to read into your post but you mention it being a touchy subject - is it safe to assume you think he drinks too much?

  • Do you think he has a problem? If so you may want to have the convo ASAP so he can get help. If you think it's just recreational then it should be no big deal for him to cut down. I mean I wouldn't ask my husband not to drink at all because I can't, but I would expect he wouldn't drink excessively every night.
  • CourtJack its a touchy subject because we have discussed it in the past, and it didn't go well.  Obviously there is more of a reason now for him to stop.  I am more worried about him getting upset because he thinks that I think he has a problem.  I worry that he just wont pay attention to how many he has had and be too drunk to drive or be coherent if something were to happen.  That is what our talk before was about.  It doesn't bother me when he has a couple drinks at night, but sometimes he just doesn't pay attention and keeps pouring. 

    NicknShan you are right and there could be an issue at any point.  Maybe it will be easier after our first appointment and he can hear the heartbeat.  Then it will "feel more real"
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  • mrsschmitymrsschmity member
    edited November 2015
    To what PP said - I wouldn't go as far to say his habits are an addiction at this point. Obviously I don't know you, your husband or your lifestyle, but a couple beers after work and and a few more over the weekend doesn't necessarily mean there is a problem or an addiction. If it concerns you though, which it sounds like it does, I would bring up your concerns about it now.

    My husband is responsible with his alcohol when he drinks, but I wouldn't expect him to quit drinking entirely just because something *could* happen. Of course when my due date gets closer he'll make sure he's able to drive within a moments notice. I feel like that's common sense. But leading up to that point I think it's unreasonable to expect him to stop drinking entirely. 

    Once baby comes, I still think having a couple of beers is ok, as long as you're drinking responsibly and able to be a responsible parent. 

    *Edit because words are hard
  • CourtJack its a touchy subject because we have discussed it in the past, and it didn't go well.  Obviously there is more of a reason now for him to stop.  I am more worried about him getting upset because he thinks that I think he has a problem.  I worry that he just wont pay attention to how many he has had and be too drunk to drive or be coherent if something were to happen.  That is what our talk before was about.  It doesn't bother me when he has a couple drinks at night, but sometimes he just doesn't pay attention and keeps pouring. 

    NicknShan you are right and there could be an issue at any point.  Maybe it will be easier after our first appointment and he can hear the heartbeat.  Then it will "feel more real"

    Hmmm, ok well with what you've said here, I'd actually suggest you consider not having this conversation this far in advance, because that, to me, indicates that you do think he has a problem, and he may resent you bringing it up this early - and you may have to deal with this your entire pregnancy. I think as you get closer to your due date, if he hasn't figured it out on his own, you'll just remind him that drinking will need to be curbed. I would hope he would know this on his own, but if not - I think waiting to bring it up may be an idea to think about.

    Your ticker shows you have a six year old? Was this an issue when you were pregnant then?

  • mrsschmity  Thanks :)  Yeah I dont expect him to overall stop drinking,  You ladies are right and I just need to have a heart to heart with him.
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  • @CourtJack Thanks for the advice I appreciate it :)  He isn't' my DD's father.  I did that pregnancy alone, her father wasn't very involved.  I was very lucky and my brother lived with me the last couple months and he wasn't able to drink due to medication.   So really its the first time I have had to deal with anything like this.
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  • mrsschmitymrsschmity member
    edited November 2015
    @augbride87 are you truly concerned that it is/could turn into a bigger problem? Or are you just anxious on whether he'll know what to down the road when it gets closer to baby getting here?

    If it's the latter, I would absolutely agree with what @CourtJack said and not have the conversation this far in advance. He's a dude. Out of all the men I've seen become fathers, they've all had their fair share of beer/drinks prior to becoming daddy. And they've all figured it out on their own how to handle their drinking when the time comes to bring a baby into the world.

    That said, if you truly are concerned with his habits as they are now, that is a different issue. But I wouldn't jump the gun and assume that he won't be a responsible man or father when it comes to drinking.

    **Edited to add that I realize this can be a touchy subject. Just trying to offer a different perspective :)
  • @augbride87. gotcha ;) I have an 8 year old from a previous relationship. So, similar situation!


    Whatever you decide, I hope it works out and you guys come to a mutual understanding :)

  • mrsschmity  Thank you for that!  Its mainly the latter.   Maybe I just need to have a little faith in him that he will figure it out in the next 9 months!! LOL
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  • Unless you think it's a problem requiring intervention, then I think the talk can be saved for the third trimester.

    I wish my husband would finish off the beer in the fridge... I'm more of a beer drinker than my husband, and the 6-pack of pumpkin beer that I bought before the BFP is sitting in there mocking me. It will be going with us to Thanksgiving dinner, so I can get my beer loving sisters to finish it.
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  • Both H and I like our semi-regular nightcap. I obviously gave mine up when I got the BFP and H has cut back quite a bit since I stopped drinking. I keep my fridge stocked with sparkling grape juice in case I feel the need to join him, but I would never ask him to stop drinking completely. That would imply he has a problem, which I don't think he has. Like PP said if you think your H has a problem, that's another story, but I'm not sure why your worrying about being sober to drive to the hospital 7 months before it would be an issue.
  • I'm just going to ask: do you think he has a drinking problem?

    If your issue stems only from his ability
    to transport you to the hospital when it's go-time, thats one thing and its a conversation that can happen way down the line.

    But if you think he has a problem, that needs to be addressed now. From the way you worded your posts and the information you've given, it seems to lean towards that.

    I apologize if I'm mistaken but I also feel like this could border on a bigger issue in the future.

    I agree. It sounds from your post that you may think there's a problem. If that's what your gut is telling you, then it may be worth talking about sooner rather than later.

    I may be misinterpreting, and I apologize if so. Best of luck in figuring this out. :)

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16



  • cjt121413 said:
    I'm just going to ask: do you think he has a drinking problem? If your issue stems only from his ability to transport you to the hospital when it's go-time, thats one thing and its a conversation that can happen way down the line. But if you think he has a problem, that needs to be addressed now. From the way you worded your posts and the information you've given, it seems to lean towards that. I apologize if I'm mistaken but I also feel like this could border on a bigger issue in the future.
    I agree. It sounds from your post that you may think there's a problem. If that's what your gut is telling you, then it may be worth talking about sooner rather than later. I may be misinterpreting, and I apologize if so. Best of luck in figuring this out. :)
     I would be lying if I said part of me didn't think it was an issue, but I think I am going to wait and see if he figures it out on his own.  It might seem silly to worry about this 7 or 8 months early, but you can't help when your mind thinks about things. 
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  • I never drink and DH likes to have a beer or two at night. But he knows that I come first and if I ask him to stop, he will. Your so needs to make sure you come first and are comfortable with whatever he is doing, whether you are fine with a few drinks or none. Good luck.
  • @augbride87 - I don't think you're silly either. I think @NicknShan gave some great advice. I know how hard these issues can be. Even if your DH does have a problem with alcohol, that doesn't mean he's not a great person. :)

    Me: 33     H: 36

    Married: 12/14/13   DS: 1/29/09

    BFP2: 10/9/15  MMC: 11/12/15

    BFP3: 4/6/16   DD: 12/12/16


  • cjt121413 said:
    @augbride87 - I don't think you're silly either. I think @NicknShan gave some great advice. I know how hard these issues can be. Even if your DH does have a problem with alcohol, that doesn't mean he's not a great person. :)
    That is very very true!!
    Married: June 25, 2011
    DS #1: Born September 29, 2013
    Baby #2: Due June 3, 2016

    DST T4L




  • If his drinking is a problem in general, that's one thing. You should talk to him about it. But I don't think the fact that he might need to drive you to the hospital is a good reason for him to stop drinking. There are many things a person could do that could mean he might not be able to drive you to the hospital...be at work, be at the gym, be running errands, whatever.
  • While this may not sound reassuring, I can reassure you that it is not silly at all to be thinking about this. If your partner is regularly drinking to the point that they can't drive, that's a problem. Particularly since you're in a precarious position being pregnant. It isn't entirely uncommon for a pregnant woman to need to go to the ER. 

    If it were me, I would have a bit of a heart to heart and ask him to keep his drinking within legal driving limits(so, like 2 drinks in an evening), just in case something happens and you need his help. On a personal level I would be bothered if my husband was drinking to the point that he couldn't drive once or more every week even if I were not pregnant. This seems like something that would be better brought up earlier rather than later. 
  • Thank you so much ladies for all of your advice :)  I will let you know how it goes when we do finally have our little chat. 
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  • No advice but best wishes...maybe after bean arrives he will look at it differently.
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