Best support system turned on me!

herbie0220 · November 2015

Hey everyone, I just hit the 7-week mark, and one of the first people I told was my cousin. Her and I are 3 months apart, and were raised like sisters. We even have matching tattoos. She has a 6-month old girl, and I was so excited to have someone so close to me that I could talk to about everything. Well, I was having a "moment" last week, and was texting her all of my fears. I was telling her that I'm terrified of miscarriage, I'm having a hard time finding a doctor and am worried about getting good care while on Medicaid, that I'm having trouble sleeping already, and that work is very very stressful and difficult. She called and said I'm "looking for reasons to wallow in my sadness". Now that I look back on it, she had a beautiful, complication-free pregnancy, whereas I already can't sleep on my stomach. I'm having a hard time letting it go and I'm really disappointed, feeling like I need to censor myself now because she obviously doesn't relate to me the way I thought she would. Anyone else have anything similar happen? It's eating me up inside!

NicknShan · November 2015

If you guys are as close as sisters - just talk to her.

My own sister and I are the best of friends, but when it comes to pregnancy, we relate on very little. She is still the best support system, but sometimes that doesn't include everything pregnancy related because we are so different there.

Hang in there. Talk to her. And remember you have this group too

herbie0220 · November 2015

Hormones kicked in and this made me tear up lol. Thank you

lm45678 · November 2015

I would add to PP to remember that you don't have to go to the same person for everything.

I have girlfriends that are great normally, but none of them are married or pregnant-- so I go to one friend to talk about the baby who is pregnant too.

I love my sister to death and she is generally always there for me-- but when we were buying a house she wasn't supportive. (I'm younger and she was still renting)

It can be so hard to feel as though someone isn't there for you, but one of the best things I learned is that no one person is supposed to be everything to you.

Talk on here, join a moms group in your area, reach out to friends or other family and I would bet you'll get the support you deserve

mrsb8244 · November 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through this tough time. It's definitely important to find someone who is willing to listen and let you vent when you need to. For me that person is my mom and she let's me say what I need to say even if I'm being irrational. Feel free to vent to us here because we're open to listening! Maybe your cousin is going through something in her life right now or maybe she just doesn't understand. I agree with PP that I would just try to talk to her and maybe even bluntly ask her if she can be your person or if she would prefer you don't vent to her.

meggyme · November 2015

Make sure you're sharing both the good and bad of your pregnancy. Even the most understanding person would get annoyed if all she ever talks to you about anymore is the bad symptoms. Maybe ask if she will go to a prenatal yoga class with you or hang out the way you used to.

herbie0220 · November 2015

Thank you everyone for your responses. We hung out 2 days after this happened and she brought me one of her extra body pillows. I know she loves and supports me. And I certainly don't want to use this as a source for bitching about her, because I love her too. I guess I just felt betrayed and confused. She smoked marijuana through the first 8 months of her pregnancy, only stopping at the end so that the baby wasn't immediately taken from her upon birth. Considering I kept my mouth shut and kept my judgements to myself, I was floored by the accusation that my (very REAL) problems were trivial and excuses to be sad. The fear of miscarriage is something I imagine every pregnant woman faces, and being turned down by doctors for 2 weeks straight because I'm on state insurance is very real, and beyond my control right now.
I find myself thinking about this interaction with her daily, and wanting to hash this out. I just don't trust myself not to attack her and risk our relationship over it. I appreciate the support from everyone, and feel much better about having a support system on here. Thank you. We'll all get through these next months together :x

likeabel · November 2015

I was going to say if she has a 6 month old she might have spent the last week awake all night with a teething baby and just didn't have the energy to support you at this moment.

But after your last post, maybe she was just coming down from a high and didn't have the energy to support you. @-)

longhurrdontcurr · November 2015

Yeah, I honestly don't even know what to say about smoking weed her entire pregnancy except the last month to avoid getting caught.... :-/

WinniethePoohsPants · November 2015

After reading about the pot stuff, I think you should go talk to someone else about your pregnancy worries- specifically someone who took their pregnancy seriously.

cattuccino · November 2015

WinniethePoohsPants said:
After reading about the pot stuff, I think you should go talk to someone else about your pregnancy worries- specifically someone who took their pregnancy seriously.

All of this.

crdo · November 2015

WinniethePoohsPants said:
After reading about the pot stuff, I think you should go talk to someone else about your pregnancy worries- specifically someone who took their pregnancy seriously.

This. Exactly this.

june2016baby · November 2015

WinniethePoohsPants said:
After reading about the pot stuff, I think you should go talk to someone else about your pregnancy worries- specifically someone who took their pregnancy seriously.

I agree. Don't shut your cousin out, but it doesn't sound like you could trust her advice.

emucoleman · November 2015

WinniethePoohsPants said:

After reading about the pot stuff, I think you should go talk to someone else about your pregnancy worries- specifically someone who took their pregnancy seriously.

I agree 100%. She can't relate to your worries because she didn't have them--she assumed everything would work out no matter what she did while pregnant, and now that the baby is born and is fine she has the "proof." So she probably thinks you're worked up over nothing. (You're not.)

arosemong · November 2015

I agree with everyone above ^^. I have a non supportive sister who cut my husband & I out of her life about 3 years ago. I wonder what it'll be like when she finds out she is going to have a niece or nephew

hurts my heart still... With that being said... It has given me trust issues with people since I never thought my own sister could be so cold.

I'm sure your cousin will come to her senses & realize that you are just like every other FTM!! I know I am scared out of my wits & im 6wk2d. Just know that you're not alone!!

xo, amanda

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