negative nancy

mrszoess · November 2015

hi

I am 10 weeks tomorrow and I am still scared every single day. whenever I use the bathroom I get nervous like I'm going to find blood (which is often since I can't stop peeing!)

people talk about when the baby is born and names and my husband was talking about Halloween costumes next year and I am excited about it but have an overwhelming sense of doubt.

I've had zero spotting zero cramps more than a twinge or pulling. we measured small at 8 weeks so that was scaring me too since our RE has no bedside manner and is not ever overwhelmingly positive at a scan.

I go back tuesday for another ultrasound and to my Reg obgyn the following week.

is anyone else having these morbid thoughts? I'm trying "I'm pregnant TODAY". but it's hard.

thanks

PlainJane8350 · November 2015

I worried my entire pregnancy and I still had a healthy baby girl seven weeks ago. So, worry away! You don't jinx yourself. I worried all the way up until I got to L&D because my water broke, but baby wasn't active. Turns out, it was 5:30 A.M. so she wasn't awake yet. My nurse told me to try to enjoy an hour of your pregnancy a day and that sounded doable for me. Most of us have PTSD from our losses. Just do what you can...and congratulations on your pregnancy!

ALC08 · November 2015

I am just ahead of you at 16 weeks but yes. Early on all i could do was worry. Because of my history i had hcg levels checked and had three u/s by the time i was 11 wks lmp. Each of those went well so that helped but i do still worry. It's not as consuming as before but it's still there. Like @PlainJane8350 said i think i will worry until i have a healthy baby in my arms. I think it's completely normal to feel this way after loss. Hope you get some relief after your upcoming appointments!

mrszoess · November 2015

thanks guys

my friends all say they worried but the ones I trust are the ones who went through it also.

spatter1 · November 2015

I'm 14w3d and still worrying constantly. You're not alone!! I have been able to have more frequent moments of excitement lately but they're still always followed by serious feelings of doubt and paranoia. 2 days ago I bought my first thing for baby- an adorable onesie- and by the time I got home I was so freaked out I put it in the nursery closet with the receipt and shut the door. I keep thinking I'll feel better after my next appointment and then the appointment comes, I feel better for about 30 mins, and then right back to worry. Starting to come to terms with the fact that this is just how my pregnancy will be. It sucks!!!!!!! But we can do it with each other's support and support from our loved ones.

kimey1 · November 2015

The other day DH said this one is meant to be with us. My reply was "I hope so. I'm counting every week. I'll believe it when she's in my arms."

peregrinefalconx · November 2015

I understand the sentiments...I say the same thing..."I'll be excited when the doctor puts a baby on my chest and says congratulations." But I will be happy to get out of the first trimester!

But we have been talking about the baby like it is a little more concrete, like "when the baby is born..." I have such a mix of emotions when I say these things: excitement, foolishness (like it will never happen to me). It's all so complex, the emotional side. Difficult once you've been bitten. I put my first U/S in a frame and put it in "the nursery", but had to hide it because it is traumatizing for me.

The hope will trickle out, but it won't ever be the same, I think, as for somebody who's never experienced it.

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