how to deal with rude comments

taint8d · October 2015

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and my baby decided now would be the time to make my belly pop! I love it, but I do not love the fact that people think it's okay to say things... Mean things. I'm not one to say anything about anyone's appearance, but dang. People have no filter. Any advice??

sarahufl · October 2015

What kind of mean things are people saying?

Mailmans Baby Momma · October 2015

I'd say stfu.

NachosAndPeaches · October 2015

I think it's tricky. For the most part people really don't mean to be rude. But after a while it is hard to smile and nod. I had the opposite problem and I didn't show til 27-28 weeks. Old ladies at my synagogue would tell me I was starving my baby etc. I know they thought they were joking and complimenting me by telling me I was small, but it got old, fast. Looking back I'm like, wait, I was frustrated that people told me how small i looked? What? But when you're hearing it over and over, it's frustrating. I say smile and nod as much as you can, unless someone really crosses a line, and then nicely correct them.

AmadorRose · October 2015

Ahh yes. 16 weeks and I'm already sick of people commenting on my midsection. Some comment because my uniform is not flattering and makes me look much bigger than I am. Others think I should be much bigger and can't wait for me to "get huge." My only response this far is to tell them that all of my energy has gone into widening my hips because it makes mothers remember how uncomfortable it is when people are constantly commenting on your changing shape, while men and wine who haven't had kids feel almost as uncomfortable as I do for having my belly talked about in the first place.

I'm not good at being tactful or overly polite, so this is the best I have.

Ready4theParty · October 2015

Yep. My friend, who just had her second in June, had the balls to tell me that losing weight after #2 is so much harder than it was with #1. I lost the weight quickly with Dd but put it back on with a stressful job and have struggled to take it off since....something she knows. She kept tellinge not to beat myself up about it because it took a nine months to put on. Her baby is all of four months...wtf.

kalanieileen · October 2015

@taint8d I'm curious... What exactly are people saying?

foxbaby2016 · October 2015

I know exactly what you are going through. I heard a senior executive at work tell a coworker of mine that I'm starting to get really fat (this man knows I'm pregnant). He also asked me today if I was going to have weight loss surgery after the baby came. People can be so unbelievably rude and hurtful.

loveymay · October 2015

My boss told me that baby weight is only 12 pounds, anything else is just fat. She said when she sees women who gain 30 or 40 pounds during pregnancy, that she just thinks how much harder they will have to work to lose it....because you know, only 12 pounds of that is baby related. I couldn't do much more than stare blankly at her, and also say that my Dr told me to gain between 25-35 pounds. Some people!

AmadorRose · October 2015

loveymay said:
My boss told me that baby weight is only 12 pounds, anything else is just fat. She said when she sees women who gain 30 or 40 pounds during pregnancy, that she just thinks how much harder they will have to work to lose it....because you know, only 12 pounds of that is baby related. I couldn't do much more than stare blankly at her, and also say that my Dr told me to gain between 25-35 pounds. Some people!

Has she ever been pregnant? My mother advised me to gain no more than 15 despite starting out slightly underweight. People just don't get it.

taint8d · October 2015

That I look like I'm expecting twins, that my as shouldn't be as fat as they are. The worst thing is that they feel like my baby is coming early because I'm so huge. My best friend is my biggest problem right now. I can easily ruin them by pointing out their flaws , but I won't because that's not like me at all.

kalanieileen · October 2015

Call me immature but I would honestly tell them all to fuck off. That's just me tho. I'm blunt and can dgaf their feelings if they're going to dgaf about mine.
I had an issue with my boss at one point. Rumor had it she was expressing distaste about my pregnancy saying "that's what she gets for getting herself knocked up." The minute I heard that I spoke directly to her. Whether someone is my boss or not I will not allow someone to disrespect me like that. Turns out she never said those words, someone was starting drama.

kalanieileen · October 2015

Also, if she is your best friend you should be able to dialogue with her about how her comments are making you feel. Being a best friend warrants conversations you sometimes don't want to hear, but NEVER does it warrant being an asshole. See if you can tell her how you feel and if she will stop.

loveymay · October 2015

AmadorRose said:

loveymay said:
My boss told me that baby weight is only 12 pounds, anything else is just fat. She said when she sees women who gain 30 or 40 pounds during pregnancy, that she just thinks how much harder they will have to work to lose it....because you know, only 12 pounds of that is baby related. I couldn't do much more than stare blankly at her, and also say that my Dr told me to gain between 25-35 pounds. Some people!
Has she ever been pregnant? My mother advised me to gain no more than 15 despite starting out slightly underweight. People just don't get it.

She's been pregnant but always ended up miscarrying early. So she's never carried a baby to term, and she's obese so I thought it was odd for her to remark on how women need to lose weight after pregnancy. I don't think she realizes that its healthy to gain fat when pregnant. Bodies need some extra maternal stores to grow a human after all! I didn't appreciate her comment about weight gain though, every woman is different and weight is always a sensitive topic. I did tell her that there are only 2 thingd you should say to a pregnant woman: " you are glowing" and "pregnancy suits you.".

jkkeene · October 2015

This is my first pregnancy, and I can't believe all the things people say!

@foxbaby2016 I cannot believe a man felt entitled to say that about your body in your workplace! That is wholly inappropriate and unprofessional. I would want to report to HR.

Here's my most recent: Last night a coworker realized I was pregnant because I ordered a virgin mojito. Later she came up to me and asked me if I had known I was pregnant at my wedding (which was July 3rd - I was NOT pregnant. We might have gotten pregnant that evening or really quickly on our honeymoon, but I was definitely not pregnant at the wedding). I said no, definitely not. She said, "Oh, after I saw your wedding pictures, I had asked [another coworker], Is she pregnant?" Then she tried to correct: "You know, because you had such a glow." Uh-huh. Thank you. I did have an empire waist dress, but it was NOT a maternity wedding dress.

AmadorRose · October 2015

loveymay said:

AmadorRose said:

loveymay said:
My boss told me that baby weight is only 12 pounds, anything else is just fat. She said when she sees women who gain 30 or 40 pounds during pregnancy, that she just thinks how much harder they will have to work to lose it....because you know, only 12 pounds of that is baby related. I couldn't do much more than stare blankly at her, and also say that my Dr told me to gain between 25-35 pounds. Some people!
Has she ever been pregnant? My mother advised me to gain no more than 15 despite starting out slightly underweight. People just don't get it.
She's been pregnant but always ended up miscarrying early. So she's never carried a baby to term, and she's obese so I thought it was odd for her to remark on how women need to lose weight after pregnancy. I don't think she realizes that its healthy to gain fat when pregnant. Bodies need some extra maternal stores to grow a human after all! I didn't appreciate her comment about weight gain though, every woman is different and weight is always a sensitive topic. I did tell her that there are only 2 thingd you should say to a pregnant woman: " you are glowing" and "pregnancy suits you.".

My mom had 6 kids, 7 pregnancies and I guess 15 was standard 25-35 years ago. However, I am much thinner than she has ever been and have always struggled keeping weight on unless I was at the gym 3x a day. I plan to breastfeed and knowing my genetics (by looking at my other sisters who have BF) I plan to try to put on the recommended weight. I'd like to have a little reserve because I can't consistently eat 600 extra calories a day and I don't want to get so skinny that I look like I'll fall through my asshole and hang myself. Been there, done that; I felt sluggish and awful.

Also, if I had a bad day and I want an ice cream cone for supper...I'll have an ice cream cone for supper. I snack on veggies all day so I'm not feeling guilty about it.

Bootsie327 · October 2015

I showed largely and early with both my son and this baby. Last time I got so many comments about my belly "are you sure there's only one in there?" "Are you sure they got your due date right?" Etc. And I would just make a snarky comment about medical science being on top of things.

JadaBlue · October 2015

I would look surprised and say "That was a really unkind thing to say." When they try to brush it off just flatly respond "It wasn't funny/You hurt my feelings/Whatever fits." The direct, calm, polite approach makes most people uncomfortable because it makes it clear who the a$$hole is and they don't repeat it.

ivyvines6 · October 2015

AmadorRose said:

loveymay said:

AmadorRose said:

loveymay said:
My boss told me that baby weight is only 12 pounds, anything else is just fat. She said when she sees women who gain 30 or 40 pounds during pregnancy, that she just thinks how much harder they will have to work to lose it....because you know, only 12 pounds of that is baby related. I couldn't do much more than stare blankly at her, and also say that my Dr told me to gain between 25-35 pounds. Some people!
Has she ever been pregnant? My mother advised me to gain no more than 15 despite starting out slightly underweight. People just don't get it.
She's been pregnant but always ended up miscarrying early. So she's never carried a baby to term, and she's obese so I thought it was odd for her to remark on how women need to lose weight after pregnancy. I don't think she realizes that its healthy to gain fat when pregnant. Bodies need some extra maternal stores to grow a human after all! I didn't appreciate her comment about weight gain though, every woman is different and weight is always a sensitive topic. I did tell her that there are only 2 thingd you should say to a pregnant woman: " you are glowing" and "pregnancy suits you.".
My mom had 6 kids, 7 pregnancies and I guess 15 was standard 25-35 years ago. However, I am much thinner than she has ever been and have always struggled keeping weight on unless I was at the gym 3x a day. I plan to breastfeed and knowing my genetics (by looking at my other sisters who have BF) I plan to try to put on the recommended weight. I'd like to have a little reserve because I can't consistently eat 600 extra calories a day and I don't want to get so skinny that I look like I'll fall through my asshole and hang myself. Been there, done that; I felt sluggish and awful.

Also, if I had a bad day and I want an ice cream cone for supper...I'll have an ice cream cone for supper. I snack on veggies all day so I'm not feeling guilty about it.

My mother is insisting that I'm not gaining weight quickly enough and has gone from making comments to me about it, to messaging my fiancé telling him he needs to be worried. (His response is always snarky, congratulating her on her new medical degree in obstetrics)

Never mind the fact that the doctor is saying not gaining anything yet is fine, and I shouldn't try to gain weight with my family's pre-genetic disposition to diabetes, and being over weight before hand, and to just let it happen naturally. She keeps telling me to gain like 30+ pounds between now and April, when the guidelines clearly state between 15-25.

Sorry, having the opposite issue... As far as initial post about your boss, wouldn't let someone talk to me like that, but I'm also incredibly outspoken. I hear the "smile and nod" method works wonders for most women?

TKaiser91 · October 2015

Had that with DD. The worst was when i was 18 weeks along my FIL said i shouldnt have gained 10 lbs yet and i need to stop over eating. WTF??? I then reminded him that pregnancy also includes a placenta, amniotic fluid, and some water retention. Its not just baby. So my 10 lbs i had gained back after losing them in the 1st trimester was completely normal. Needless to say he never said anything again. Nor did anybody else in DHs family. This time around I've lost 15 lbs but i look 6-7 months pregnant but they havent said a thing. Actually they dont even ask about baby at all, like it doesnt exist which is actually more upsetting. Just because its our 2nd pregnancy doesnt mean its any less special!!!! Sorry for the rant, its just like DAMN! Some people are just...irvwywl fb ruwldbidlqhd. I have no words.

@loveymay next time tell her that i gained a total of 30 lbs my first time. Then because of water retention not going down after birth I was prescribed a water pill and lost 20 lbs is 24 hrs. So yeah her comment about people gaining 30-40 lbs because they ate to much and will have to work harder to lose it isnt always accurate.

Joness11 · October 2015

Speaking of rude comments, got this from the husband today "you know, you don't look pregnant yet. You just look fat." Which he's right, but still lol -_-

korpatch · November 2015

I work as a cashier. There is a fellow who called a pregnant coworker fatty Mcfat fat. If he starts doing this to me when I start showing I will say, "excuse me?"
If he voices himself again I will call him "dummy mcdumb dumb." Chances are he won't complain to my manager... And if he does, they'll be on my side. I can understand someone saying that I'm getting big or even huge and marveling at my size, but calling someone especially a pregnant woman fat is just plain wrong. There is no excuse.

tmoe0627 · November 2015

Wow you guys work with some incredibly rude and insensitive people. Since when has anyone's pregnancy weight gain been anyone's business but the woman and her doctor? Everyone's body is different and responds to pregnancy different. Nobody should have to explain their pregnancy weight gain to anyone!

cmjenkies · November 2015

@korpatch or if he does it to anybody anymore, report him to HR, because that really is workplace harassment and should not be tolerated.

Cynthia1207 · November 2015

People just don't know what to say sometimes. With my first, I gained a lot of weight but I didn't change my eating habits so it really was needed weight for my pregnancy. I lost all of it.

I still had to hear comments such as "are you sure there's only one in there, stop eating junk (which I almost never do) and woah you are going to topple over if it keeps going!". At the beginning when I wasn't showing it was all "oh you don't look pregnant, you just look like someone who ate too much".

I learned to grin and bear it because it would turn ugly if I didn't. Whenever someone would say something, I'd reply politely and walk away to not engage with them anymore.

how to deal with rude comments

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