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Feel like screaming...HATE small talk

Winnie81_OldWinnie81_Old member
in Infertility
Ive been so irritated with everyone displaying their perfect family posts on social media that I decided to take a break (with support from the ladies here). I just got back from getting a pedicure because I wanted to relax and zone out. The nail lady started trying to chit chat, asked how long I was married, husbands occupation, and then the "do you have kids?" Question. Half of the time, if I say no, they leave it at that. This time, the lady blurted out "wow, my husband would have left me if I didn't want children". She was obviously assuming this is my choice, which is so presumptuous it makes me sick. She then went on about how she had to hurry up because they were married at 26 and we're getting too old to hold off. I seriously feel like I am being tested right now. I just came home and started bawling and now I think I'm going to go buy something to take my mind off of this. I hate small talk with a passion and this is why. It's everyone's safe conversation to ask about children and I'm tired of it. We have been trying for 5 years and it just keeps getting harder to deal with other people. I'm sorry for ranting, I'm still new and I feel like I have only posted negative, bitter feelings so my apologies. I think I would have smacked her if she wasn't cutting my cuticles when she said it (:|
TTC #1: March 2011 (slightly before)
Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 
2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
6 rounds of clomid
5 rounds of iui
Several HSG's sprinkled throughout the years to up my chances of a BFP
Several dilation of cervix because they suspect the scar tissue is hindering it from fully opening (partially adds to the severe cramps all month)
IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
ER 12/1/2016
ER-Retrieved 22 eggs 10 fertilized
4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
FET 1/10/2017  
Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
FET estimated end of Feb, beginning of March

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Re: Feel like screaming...HATE small talk

  • katie121209katie121209 member
    That is awful!! I hope you didn't leave her a good tip. People can be so inconsiderate.
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  • brazenbibliobrazenbiblio member
    I'm sorry that happened to you. I hate when people ask me about having children. It feels super invasive instead of the light small talk they mean it to be. I wish it wasn't everyone's go to topic. 

    Me-36
    DH -35
    Married in 2008
    Started TTC in 2011
    Began testing May 2014
    Test Results
    HSG- clear
    Hysteroscopy- clear
    SA- 11 mil count
    45% motility
    Diagnosis: MFI
    July 2014: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    August 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    September 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    May 2018 after long period of not trying, starting adoption process with family friend's newborn
    November 2018 Adoption complete!


    Report Reply
  • villacis811villacis811 member
    I'm so sorry for people's inconsiderate comments. I didn't understand before I was in this position how insensitive it is to ask about children.I know I have asked people about having children before and now I wish I could take back each time I did. I really do think people don't think before they speak. Since learning of our issues I have been trying to explain to people how sensitive the topic of children can be. 
    DH- 31 me 32
    Started IVF  mid Oct  - ET 10/31
    Beta 11/11- BFP
    EDD July 18th 
    Report Reply
  • mskeenanmskeenan member
    Ah I'm so sorry ! Sending you a hug ! It is so messed up that that is just considered small talk . It's such a personal thing why are strangers ok bringing it up ? Maybe asking just "do you have any children " is one thing but then all the judge-y shit that follows is terrible . I'm literally at the nail salon getting a pedi right now and staying on my phone to avoid talking to people - haha !

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
    Report Reply
  • Winnie81_OldWinnie81_Old member
    @katie121209 inconsiderate indeed! I left her a standard tip. I thought about not, but I think it's honest ignorance, still hurtful regardless though. Angry Yelp review will be happening and my friend wants to egg them tonight (not seriously, but it's a fun thought!)
    TTC #1: March 2011 (slightly before)
    Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
    dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 
    2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
    6 rounds of clomid
    5 rounds of iui
    Several HSG's sprinkled throughout the years to up my chances of a BFP
    Several dilation of cervix because they suspect the scar tissue is hindering it from fully opening (partially adds to the severe cramps all month)
    IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
    ER 12/1/2016
    ER-Retrieved 22 eggs 10 fertilized
    4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
    FET 1/10/2017  
    Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
    FET estimated end of Feb, beginning of March

    Report Reply
  • Winnie81_OldWinnie81_Old member
    Thank you guys so much for the support. I feel like there needs to be a movement to reiterate etiquette around this topic.
    TTC #1: March 2011 (slightly before)
    Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
    dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 
    2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
    6 rounds of clomid
    5 rounds of iui
    Several HSG's sprinkled throughout the years to up my chances of a BFP
    Several dilation of cervix because they suspect the scar tissue is hindering it from fully opening (partially adds to the severe cramps all month)
    IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
    ER 12/1/2016
    ER-Retrieved 22 eggs 10 fertilized
    4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
    FET 1/10/2017  
    Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
    FET estimated end of Feb, beginning of March

    Report Reply
  • Winnie81_OldWinnie81_Old member
    @mskeenan YES!!!! So much truth to what you said. Hugs
    TTC #1: March 2011 (slightly before)
    Fur-children: 3 dogs + 2 cats (all rescued)
    dx: Endometriosis and Fibroids 
    2 Laps and 1 Abdominal Myomectomy
    6 rounds of clomid
    5 rounds of iui
    Several HSG's sprinkled throughout the years to up my chances of a BFP
    Several dilation of cervix because they suspect the scar tissue is hindering it from fully opening (partially adds to the severe cramps all month)
    IVF #1 Gonal F, Menopur and Cetrotide
    ER 12/1/2016
    ER-Retrieved 22 eggs 10 fertilized
    4/4 day 5 embryos were normal for PGS!!! 2 boys/2 girls
    FET 1/10/2017  
    Gallbladder surgery 1/10/2017
    FET estimated end of Feb, beginning of March

    Report Reply
  • villacis811villacis811 member
    @mskeenan I I love that idea. People really need to be more aware of what we go through!
    DH- 31 me 32
    Started IVF  mid Oct  - ET 10/31
    Beta 11/11- BFP
    EDD July 18th 
    Report Reply
  • vssbrmvssbrm member
    Ugh that is aweful, I avoid going to the nail salon theese days for that reason. I am sorry you had to endure that.

    @mskeenan we should start a movement, pictures of shot sites/bruises, videos of injecting our selves while hotessing a dinner party downstairs, the clock at 5:00 am when we have to get up to get to the dr for monitoring, follie sizes, lol!
    Married May 2009, TTC since November 2012 (Together since 2006 ish - had my eyes on him since 2001)
    Me: 32 (33 in May), Him: 37 (January)

    DX: Me: High Prolactin, Possible Autoimmune Disease Issues, though RE not concerned (?)  New RE has a plan!!
           Him: Minor Varicocele, low morphology, slightly low count

    History:

    Beta 5/9/2016 BFP!!
    Embryo transfer scheduled for April 28, 2016 and beta test May 9, 2016 (day after Mother's Day!)
    Transfer Meds include: Lupron Depot (4/1), Minivelle Patch (every 3rd day), Estradiol (3x daily), Amoxicillin, Progesterone in Oil, Methylprednisonlone. Lovenox and baby asprin added after transfer. 

    3/22/16 - Sono Saline ultrasound cyst to be aspirated on 4/1/16 if not cleared up by 3/29 US - It cleared on its own
    Retrieval 3/4/16 - 26 eggs retrieved, 23 mature, 20 fertilized, 14 embryos currently frozen
    Starting IVF Stims on +/- Feb 22, 2016
    HSG scheduled for 1-26-16 - All clear "beautiful uterus" (though inverted)

    Switched clinics and now prepping for IVF in February / March

    Fourth IUI -  CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - December, 2015 - BFN
    Third IUI -  CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - November, 2015 - BFN
    Second IUI - CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - September, 2015 - BFN
    Started Prolactin Medication October 15 - Levels quickly regulated to with in normal range
    First IUI - CD3-7 100 Clomid w/ Ovidrel Trigger - August, 2015 - BFN
    After no BFPs (ever) First RE/Urologist visit in Feb 2015
    HSG w/ OB, 2014 = all clear
    Trying to conceive since November 2012
    Report Reply
  • wifeinraleigh28wifeinraleigh28 member
    Ugh, I hate small talk too!  Usually when I get asked if we'll be having kids soon I say "Maybe, when the time is right."  And then try to quickly change the subject.  But I seriously want to punch anyone who asks me :((
    ***BFP & Child Warning***

    Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
    IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
    IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
    FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
    FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
    FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
    Report Reply
  • BrightenMySkyBrightenMySky member
    Small talk should be "some weather we're having," not "do you have kids?  no?  do you want them?"  Why do people think that's ok?  Sorry your pedicure was not relaxing.
    About me:
    /loss mentioned/
    TTC#1 July 2014
    dx: MFI (morphology)
    IUI #1 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Sept. 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #2 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Halloween 2015 ~ BFN
    IUI #3 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Thanksgiving 2015 ~ BFP!!
    hb 146 bpm at 7w5d
    1/28/16 ~ began to say goodbye to our beautiful baby at 11w 
    d&c, followed by cytotec
    TTCAL April 2016
    IUI #4 w/Clomid + Ovidrel Apr. 2016 ~ BFN
    IUI #5 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ CP
    IUI#6 w/Clomid + Ovidrel ~ BFN
    Report Reply
  • calfherdercalfherder member
    That does seem like a rude comment, especially about her husband would have left her for not having kids. I would have had to make a snarky comment about how they must not have a very strong marriage if that were the case. I'm kind of mean sometimes though. 
    __________________________________________________________
    Married September 2004 <3
    TTC since January 2014 
    DX - MFI Antibodies, High DNA fragmentation
    IUI #1 November 2015 - 0% Motility
    IVF #1 January 2016 - (FAIL/Over-suppressed)
    IVF #2 May 2016 - (FAIL/25 eggs, 1 5BB xx, PGS abnormal)
    Report Reply
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