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inviting girlfriends of close friends to shower- opinions wanted

mckloughmcklough member
in February 2016 Moms

There are many things that I didn't realize were frowned upon until TB so I'm just curious what people think.

My shower is being held in my old "home city" I lived there until DH and I moved 3.5 hours away and I'm still close with my friends from college. Most of them were guys and were very involved in my wedding stuff. One of them was even my man of honor- instead of having a maid of honor. Many of my friends have moved away to different cities but two of my male friends stayed. My MIL thought it would be awkward to invite them to the shower so I decided to invite their girlfriends. The girlfriends are friends with each other and they also know my female friends that are going to be at the shower. I've only met them probably about 5 times but they've been dating my friends for over a year.

My intention with inviting them is to make them feel included in the group, but I was just wondering if other people thought it was going to come across as gift grabby.

*Kate*

February 2016

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Re: inviting girlfriends of close friends to shower- opinions wanted

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    sheslikeasunburnsheslikeasunburn member
    If these men are important to you, why don't you just have a coed shower?  There is no baby shower rule that says it must be vaginas only.
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    mckloughmcklough member
    sheslikeasunburn said:
    If these men are important to you, why don't you just have a coed shower?  There is no baby shower rule that says it must be vaginas only.
    I know, but MIL is hosting and she was uncomfortable with it. As a group of friends we've been discussing getting together to do a less traditional shower and make it more like we did with the bridal shower/bachelorette party for my friends. I wasn't pregnant back then but it was a short shower with games and drinks and then the bachelorette portion was just A LOT of drinks

    *Kate*

    February 2016

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    wisco29wisco29 member
    I don't see it at gift grabby at all.
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    mckloughmcklough member
    natsfans84 said:
    I don't see anything wrong with inviting them, especially since they're friends with some of your girlfriends who are attending your MIL's shower. but if you're planning to have a get-together later that includes your guy friends, I'd let them (guys + girlfriends) know in advance so they don't feel obligated to attend both. Some people are just more comfortable going to events with their SO.
    oh yes definitely. I sent them messages to explain that we might do a friends only thing too and that I didn't want them to feel obligated to come but I would love for them to be there since I hope they will be around for many years to come.

    *Kate*

    February 2016

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    Monkeybutt80Monkeybutt80 member
    edited October 2015
    I might be in the minority here, but if I was invited to a baby shower for a woman that I'm not personally close to, but only met 5 times through my boyfriend, I don't think I would be too excited to go. I would probably grudgingly attend because at least my other female friends are going.  But my opinion might not be the norm as I have also learned from being on TB that in my social and family circle, baby showers are on the smaller side (Ive never been to one with more than 15 people or so) compared what I see commonly done here. 
    ETA to agree with pp' idea of the get together later that include your guy friends, as they are really the ones who you are close to.  I also wanted to add that I don't think it's gift grabby even if you invite them, I would just feel annoyed I have to take a couple of hours out of my precious weekend to attend a shower for someone I am not close to. But then I can be very grouchy about social functions. 
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    funkypineapplefunkypineapple member
    Monkeybutt80 said:
    I might be in the minority here, but if I was invited to a baby shower for a woman that I'm not personally close to, but only met 5 times through my boyfriend, I don't think I would be too excited to go. I would probably grudgingly attend because at least my other female friends are going.  But my opinion might not be the norm as I have also learned from being on TB that in my social and family circle, baby showers are on the smaller side (Ive never been to one with more than 15 people or so) compared what I see commonly done here. 
    ETA to agree with pp' idea of the get together later that include your guy friends, as they are really the ones who you are close to.  I also wanted to add that I don't think it's gift grabby even if you invite them, I would just feel annoyed I have to take a couple of hours out of my precious weekend to attend a shower for someone I am not close to. But then I can be very grouchy about social functions. 

    I wouldn't be excited to go either because I hate being in situations where I barely know anyone. It's uncomfortable and exhausting for me. On the flip side, it's also my decision on whether I go or not and in this situation, I would not feel any kind of obligation so I would just RSVP as not attending. If my SO was THAT close to the mom-to-be, then I'd send a gift on behalf of the both of us
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    strlitemissstrlitemiss member
    I think its a nice gesture and the heads up is a bonus but I don't think its gift grabby.
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    Miss LilacMiss Lilac member
    I think it's a nice gesture as well. But like other PPs have said, I probably wouldn't feel very comfortable going to a shower for someone I barely know and would hold out for the more friend oriented get together.
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    Jellybelly119Jellybelly119 member
    edited October 2015
    I personally am uncomfortable going to showers of my husband's friends' wives, but I still do it. All the wives/girlfriends are invited to mine too; even the ones I'm not very close to. I'd feel it was more awkward to leave them out given how close the guys are.

    Disclaimer: my mom included my guy friends on my guest list, but they're all gay and super excited to be included themselves.

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    mckloughmcklough member

    ok cool so it is nice. I won't be offended at all if they don't come and it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving so they have a super easy excuse if they don't want to come too.

    thanks for everyone's input,

    *Kate*

    February 2016

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    thoughtfulmommythoughtfulmommy member
    I have been the "girlfriend" in this situation before and I appreciated the invite, I did not find it gift grabby at all. I did however decline, because I am awkward in situations where I know the people.

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    blueberrymommablueberrymomma member
    So DHs family is huge, like first, second, third, fourth cousins all live within 20 min of each other. I remember at my bridal shower I felt super awkward about all these people being invited whom I didn't know. Now everyone's married and having kids so
    I'm use to it but still think it's alittle weird most of them we only see at showers, weddings, and funerals. But I know the older generation gets cranky if their daughter or granddaughter doesn't get invited.
    So I understand feeling gift grabby but it is their choice to come and I think you've handled it appropriately
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    MississippiCatfishMississippiCatfish member
    mcklough said:


    natsfans84 said:

    I don't see anything wrong with inviting them, especially since they're friends with some of your girlfriends who are attending your MIL's shower. but if you're planning to have a get-together later that includes your guy friends, I'd let them (guys + girlfriends) know in advance so they don't feel obligated to attend both. Some people are just more comfortable going to events with their SO.

    oh yes definitely. I sent them messages to explain that we might do a friends only thing too and that I didn't want them to feel obligated to come but I would love for them to be there since I hope they will be around for many years to come.


    I think this is great, especially the last sentence:) very thoughtful of you to include them - it says that you want them to be a part of your life, not just their SOs.

    Also, when I think back to the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I would have really appreciated this from his friends who are women. They weren't terribly inviting (mostly, there are exceptions!!), and if they have extended a hand like this, it may have been easier to get to know them.
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    glitteryantglitteryant member
    I don't see anything wrong with inviting them.  I invited the girlfriends/wives of DH's close friends to my shower.  Or....my mom did.  
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    cantobeancantobean member
    Invite for sure. Just don't be offended if they decline. It's not gift grabby, but they may just not feel comfortable. Everyone's different.
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    satindawl83satindawl83 member
    Send the invites to your male friends with a plus one. That's what I did for my female friends when we decided to have a co-Ed shower.

    That way, it's not gift grabby, and the expectation is one invite equals one gift. Versus a separate invitation which implies there should be two separate gifts.
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