10 Things that have helped get me through

Raincity · October 2015

I'd like to start a list of things that have helped me get through the process of having a miscarriage. I'd like to state that my intent is obviously not to minimize the pain that anyone is going through. I understand that the pain and fear and utter disappointment that this evokes simply cannot be staunched. I've just been taking it hour by hour in this last week, and these are some of the things that have gotten me through those hours. I would really love to hear what is helping you through as well.

1. Walking. It made me feel like I was speeding up the process. Once the process started, I just wanted it to go as quickly as possible. It was nice to be alone, walking through nature for hours with the dog after work. I appreciate the natural rhythm of it and I feel as if it's encouraging my body to return to its natural rhythm.

2. I searched Itunes podcasts for the word "miscarriage" and came up with some wonderful podcasts about the topic. They all included an expert and also discussion with regular women who had all experienced MC before. Most of those women now have healthy babies or even grown children now.

3. I bought an adult coloring book and a new set of colored pencils. I color in the evenings in bed while watching my favorite TV show (Big Love on HBO, just fyi). It helps me zone out. I've mentioned this before on this forum, but seeing the colors accrue in the book is palpable proof that time is passing.

4. My husband has declared this week "Treat Week" in an effort to console me. He brings home a little something every day from work. Day 1 it was an orchid in a pot, day 2 it was three apples, day 3 it was a tiny salted carmel ice cream. Just having something to wonder about and look forward to (which, I know, seems cruel, because what in the world could compare to the happy anticipation we were feeling about our baby? nothing.) but still, when I feel completely depressed, I have this one little treat to look forward to.

5. I take about 3 hot showers a day. Whenever I feel inconsolable, I get in the shower and call it a 'reset' on the day.

6. I took a yoga class called "One breath at a time"- managing grief." It was good timing that it was held yesterday- after I finished the process of MC. (I sure couldn't have done yoga when I was having the MC.) It was intense but ultimately helpful.

7. I saw an acupuncturist today. I know that's not for everyone, but she's so kind, attentive and positive. She's worked with many women who have experienced loss and also infertility. Making appointments like that, with 'healers' (whether it's a Doctor, yoga teacher, therapist, acupuncturist- whatever floats your boat) give me something to look forward to during the week and assures me that I'm striving to take care of myself.

8. Ambien. While it's not my intent to sway anyone towards prescription medicine, I would be lying if I didn't mention that sleeping pills are helping me right now. I'm a terrible sleeper and I've found that sleepless nights were just too much for me during this time. The fear/anxiety/pain cycle would really take hold. The sleeping pills help me get through the day, just knowing that I don't have to face that cycle and I can crash out.

9. My husband and I have a pass around eachother to say anything. We somethings get really dark with our humor. I am a edgy east coast kind of person, and I like being able to retain my dark humor through this process. Sometimes, the comforting websites with their pastel colors and all the urging to 'drink a cup of tea and pamper yourself" are just too much for me. It's nice to be able to feel like myself through this....even if it is between the tears.

10. I have the intense desire to clean out my house. Purge old stuff. Scrub the bath tub. I found this helped to counter the horrific experience of miscarrying,which was messy and painful. Cleaning the house made me feel, strangely, that I had some control over my life at the moment. Getting rid of old things made me feel as if I were getting closer to a fresh new start, when we can TTC again and move on.

Best of luck to you ladies. If anyone wants to add to this list, I'd be happy to try other suggestions.

ssnova · October 2015

@raincity thank you for your post I think it was a great idea and will help fellow mothers who find themselves lost. I can agree I've done a few of the things as well (1, 2, 5, and 10) I did puzzles and did a lot, I mean a LOT of research.. I spent hour upon hour online, reading books, talking with my midwife, finding any and all reasons miscarriages occur then kept the ones that fit my situation and search them even more.. it really helped in a sense, I felt in finding an answer it would help with some of my pain and partly it did.

marie2409 · October 2015

Thank you for sharing. I bought a calm coloring book after your earlier mention of it. It really helps me zone out and calm down when I am feeling sad or anxious. Amazing therapeutic value. I am so glad you shared this because I never would have thought about it.

kns1988 · October 2015

Thanks for sharing. I also went on a cleaning binge as soon as I was feeling physically well enough. It helped take my mind off everything, and I felt like myself again in that moment. I typically keep my house very clean, but I was slacking when I was pregnant. As soon as I lost the baby, I couldn't tolerate the house anymore... not that it was even that bad really. I think it was a control thing.

Talking to other people has helped. I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping, though, which is compounded by the fact that 2 days after my miscarriage, I accepted a new job that will require us packing up and moving 4 hours away within the next 3 weeks. This week has been a complete whirlwind of emotions.

10 Things that have helped get me through

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