Husband doesn't wake up when baby cries. — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Husband doesn't wake up when baby cries.

I'm livid. I went to bed and left my husband in charge of the baby so I can get some sleep and I woke up 1 hour later to my daughter crying and my husband asleep in the couch. So I picked her up calmed her, and an hour later fed her (it was his turn) after I finished feeding her he woke up and said he'll do the next feed (6am)
It's 6.18 here now, his alarm has gone off twice and he still hasn't gotten up. So here I am feeding her again.
I just don't get it. Do you ladies have the same issues?
My husband just doesn't hear her when he sleeps. It's crazy to me!

Re: Husband doesn't wake up when baby cries.

  • Sometimes he hears her. Sometimes he doesn't. If my dh is off of work I'll wake him up to change her. Or take her downstairs so I can grab a few more hours of sleep since I'm up nursing throughout the night.

    I say wake his butt up! Sometimes men need a little push. Like one in the butt to get out of bed :) gl!
    SIGGY WARNING//TICKER WARNING//PAIF

    Long of the Short:
     TTC since April 2013  DH 42 y/o I'm 30  Dh had vasectomy reversal Feb 2013 after 3 months developed scar tissue 
     First Re appt was September 2013 OOP for everything minus meds  
    DH's TESE surgery December 2013
    First cycle was February 2014 BFN none to freeze
     Second cycle was April 2014 BFP ending in Chemical Pregnancy none to freeze
     Third cycle June 2014 BFN none to freez
     Fourth cycle October 30th 28 retrieved, 13 mature and 12 fertilized
    PICSI, assisted hatching and fresh sperm from my DH's TESE surgery used
    5 FROZEN from a freeze all cycle! 
    FET completed on DECEMBER 9TH!!!
    Beta #1 13dp5dt BFP!! 800
    Beta #2 15dp5dt 2100
    Beta #3 17dp5dt 3600 
    First Scan January 5th! Everything looks great! Heart rate of 121!
    Second Scan January 20th. Baby Justone13 looks amazing. Heart rate of 175!
    Baby Girl is due August 27th
    Liv Annmarie born 8/25 7lbs 6oz 21 1/2 inches long 
    image 

    tracij12
  • I know I should wake him up. I'm just worried if I do, he'll fall asleep with the baby in his arms and drop/ smother her without realising.
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  • vlc81 said:

    I know I should wake him up. I'm just worried if I do, he'll fall asleep with the baby in his arms and drop/ smother her without realising.

    I understand the worry. I had to let go and let him do it. But I also threatened him if he fell asleep with her he would regret it.
    SIGGY WARNING//TICKER WARNING//PAIF

    Long of the Short:
     TTC since April 2013  DH 42 y/o I'm 30  Dh had vasectomy reversal Feb 2013 after 3 months developed scar tissue 
     First Re appt was September 2013 OOP for everything minus meds  
    DH's TESE surgery December 2013
    First cycle was February 2014 BFN none to freeze
     Second cycle was April 2014 BFP ending in Chemical Pregnancy none to freeze
     Third cycle June 2014 BFN none to freez
     Fourth cycle October 30th 28 retrieved, 13 mature and 12 fertilized
    PICSI, assisted hatching and fresh sperm from my DH's TESE surgery used
    5 FROZEN from a freeze all cycle! 
    FET completed on DECEMBER 9TH!!!
    Beta #1 13dp5dt BFP!! 800
    Beta #2 15dp5dt 2100
    Beta #3 17dp5dt 3600 
    First Scan January 5th! Everything looks great! Heart rate of 121!
    Second Scan January 20th. Baby Justone13 looks amazing. Heart rate of 175!
    Baby Girl is due August 27th
    Liv Annmarie born 8/25 7lbs 6oz 21 1/2 inches long 
    image 

  • DH wakes up, but it takes him A LOT longer to than it takes me. So I always end up waking up at LO's first whimper. I wait for it to reach a cry and then get up, since I'm already awake anyways. DH will wake up about half the time but stays in bed and passes back out unless I kick him out, lol. It sucks but I've pretty much given up. LO calms down better with me anyway. I miss sleep...

    MusicEBA22
  • Guys brains can't handle it like ours can. The lack of sleep seems biologically ingrained in me & I can still function. Not so with DH. But he seems more willing than your partner to assist. Odd.
  • I really do think there's something biological that makes a new mom very alert to her baby's cries. I could hear my newborn from 2 rooms away when he cried, while my mom (in the next room) and H stayed asleep. I doubt he was crying that hard, I was just very attuned to his cries.

    Try not to get too angry at your husband. It's amazing that he's offering to help and taking his turn to get up with her. Next time if you wake up first, just get LO and shake H awake, gently reminding him that it's his turn. The first few weeks (hell, the first couple months) are extremely difficult for both of you. Don't let this be something that strains your relationship.
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • Thanks everyone! We have talked about it since and he will make more of an effort. He was fine last night. As we are FTP, it's all a huge adjustment.
    Justone13
  • TamarraLTamarraL
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its
    member
    edited October 2015
    I've went through the same thing. It's exhausting. Even if he does get up, u still need to get up just incase. So many arguments later. We came up with a solution. He's shift is from 06:00 to 12:30 at night. During the day I express and keep milk in the fridge. And from 12:30 till he gets back from work its my shift. It gives me some me time to relax, take a long shower and do what I need to do. And gives us both enough shut eye.
  • I really do think there's something biological that makes a new mom very alert to her baby's cries. I could hear my newborn from 2 rooms away when he cried, while my mom (in the next room) and H stayed asleep. I doubt he was crying that hard, I was just very attuned to his cries.

    Try not to get too angry at your husband. It's amazing that he's offering to help and taking his turn to get up with her. Next time if you wake up first, just get LO and shake H awake, gently reminding him that it's his turn. The first few weeks (hell, the first couple months) are extremely difficult for both of you. Don't let this be something that strains your relationship.

    So much this. I've never asked DH to do anything with either kid in the MOTN, partly because of this. I do it better (lol) and quicker so I might as well get up and do it.

     

    tracij12SquirtgunDustyMelons
  • @Bigboobsmcgee, I love how direct you are. I have the same philosophy. It's easier for me to just do it.
    Married DH 08.28.10
    Pregnancy #1: BFP 04.10.11 EDD 12.23.11 DD1 Born 12.4.11
     Pregnancy #2: BFP 5.12.14 MC 5.20.14 @ 5wk4d
    Pregnancy #3: BFP 11.1.14 EDD 7.5.15 MC 11.13.14 @ 6wk4d
    Pregnancy #4: BFP 1.31.15 EDD 10.5.15 DD2 Born 9.23.15
     
    Bigboobsmcgee
  • Justone13 said:

    vlc81 said:

    I know I should wake him up. I'm just worried if I do, he'll fall asleep with the baby in his arms and drop/ smother her without realising.

    I understand the worry. I had to let go and let him do it. But I also threatened him if he fell asleep with her he would regret it.
    I had the same fears in the beginning, but I so had to let go and let him take care if her too. My DH usually does the last evening feed and I do the middle of the night or early morning feeding, since he's a night owl. If we switch it up for some reason and he does the middle of the night he just tells me to wake him up if he doesn't wake up.
    Justone13
  • Like a few of you mentioned I think it's just the motherly instinct to get up with the baby. That's why women have babies lol. My hubby will have to get up at night if I take overnight shifts as I am a nurse and work 12 hour shifts. men will get used to it. But like a few of you said mommies do it more effectively and quickly and are more soothing I guess lol. Happy motherhood to all!
  • Like a few of you mentioned I think it's just the motherly instinct to get up with the baby. That's why women have babies lol. My hubby will have to get up at night if I take overnight shifts as I am a nurse and work 12 hour shifts. men will get used to it. But like a few of you said mommies do it more effectively and quickly and are more soothing I guess lol. Happy motherhood to all!

    I'm also a night shift RN and my husband will have the baby 1 or 2 nights a week. Luckily he's a night shift cop so it's not like he has to go to work in the morning. We are a little unique because we have separate bedrooms (because our shift times don't match neither of us was getting good sleep) the baby is in the RnP in my room plus I mostly BF still so he has really been off the hook at night. I started some formula so he could do more and give me breaks during the day. His time will come in a couple weeks but at least baby is past eating every 2 hours overnight.
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