Is there really help out there....? — The Bump
May 2016 Moms

Is there really help out there....?

I am around 10 weeks.. my boyfriend of 6 years fights and yells at me everyday, if he isn't ignoring it entirely, that this baby will ruin his life and future.. I had an abortion just 6 months ago because him and his family convinced me it was the only option.. I resent them and tear my heart to pieces every single day because of it.. I never wanted to be like my mom and bring a baby into the world without a supportive father but if I give up this pregnancy I truly do not know if I could make it through.. I have zero family support and limited friends.. I have no idea what to do..
AmmyBelle

Re: Is there really help out there....?

  • I agree. There are single parent support groups you could maybe research. Also, once your circumstances change you'll find that your social circle does too...could be that once you're free of your bf you could end up meeting new friends that are in your same situation.
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  • dshannahdshannah member
    edited October 2015

    Thank you all.. I really think I could do this on my own but I don't want to give my baby a negative life. All I want is to the mom I've always been working towards, if I can provide a good life I feel like I need to do this for baby and me.

    Definitely make your own decisions and do what you need to do about the baby, but for the love of all that is good in the world, whatever you decide: leave your boyfriend!

    You can do it on your own and there are resources out there that weren't available in your mother's day, and whatever happens the baby will be loved and so will have no regrets about being your child. But.

    You cannot build a life with someone who forced you into an abortion, let alone tried for two. you need to leave him ASAP.
    schicksalsarawifenowRanFan28KaKip
  • I'm sure you are aware of your many options: adoption, abortion or parenting. It sounds like you want to parent but don't have the resources to do so. I would start looking into different human services agencies. Around here we have The Women's Help Center, Birth Right and Planned Parenthood. These are great options to start with because they can help get you the other services/ referrals you made need. They also provide counseling services, help with maternity clothes, baby items, general support, housing assistance etc... Depending on your financial situation you may qualify for WIC, food stamps and/or cash assistance. If you are working there are programs to assist you with daycare cost after the baby is born. You may also qualify for Early Head Start which provides parenting support from pregnancy till age 3.
    If you decide to parent, you know that you can't be in an abusive relationship. It sounds like you and your SO have been together for quite some time. It's not going to be easy to just leave him. You need to find support, start counseling and get your life together before this baby comes! Best wishes :)
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    dshannahsillyfoxashlitasKaKip
  • He sounds like a rotten person and it's unclear whether he will be able to grow up since it sounds like his family is enabling his juvenile behavior. I'm with all the others here who suggest distancing yourself from him and finding support from one of the various groups out there. You'll be able to meet and get support from others in the same place in life, and you and the baby deserve better than him anyway.
    AmmyBelle
  • I'm sorry this is happening but I'm wondering if you just went through this why did you become pregnant again? At ten weeks the baby is almost s fetus, do not have another abortion. Adoption or being s single parents an option. You need to leave him regardless. If you are still feeling bad about the abortion before could you really do it again? Do you have family you can talk to? I don't want to seem harsh but the abortion option is really not a good one.
    Dasha420alexandrac86avidkeoschicksal
  • Help is all around you have options. I know abortion you've done. That's courageous and hard to go through, yet you did than. Now presented with a decision you can consider adoption or parenting. I have 5 children 4 with me. One I did open adoption. Its not an easy decision but it helps knowing as a mother your doing what is best. You can still see the child with out the struggle. The choices are yours you can do anything you put your mind to. Parenting alone isn't ideal but you can do that too. Trust I started at 17 and now I'm not perfect. Yet I understand my choice to parent and raise my children and also give a chance to and love from a distance doesn't make me a bad mom. It made me a grown woman whom has taken responsibility for my actions and choices in men. Feel free to contact me if you need an ear. Your post has really touched me. You will be ok. Hope this helps. If uoubbeliece in faith look it at as a blessing in disguise. Do not give up.
    dshannah
  • At saltlife82, sounds harsh if I may say. Why ridducule her situation. The question shouldn't be why she did become pregnant again? Is everything you do perfectly planned. I just saying yes be responsible but in the midst when you haven't deal with it responsibility. Everyone has there own lessons to learn. Its how you do them and learn not too. Now she's in a similar spot once again maybe it's a decision thats meant for her to better seek better. Support is the key encouragement too. Judgement well who judges you. I just saying.
    dshannahamscapeashlitasKaKip
  • I was in an awful marriage. It didn't start out that way. But after having my daughter, things went down hill. He wasn't involved, verbally abusive. I was basically a single parent. We fought all the time. We got a divorce before my daughter was 2. And I will tell you, it was the best thing we could have done. We all are much happier. My daughter is a thriving, happy 8 year old. My point is if you want to be the best mother you can be and give your child a wonderful life, you need to get out of an abusive relationship. Others mentioned resources for help. I don't know of any. But I'd do some research and visit the different centers. Good luck. 
    dshannahLemmyRNKaKip
  • Don't mean to sound rude. Or be a debate sorry for the typos hopefully what I mean is be understood.
  • There are some really good resources mentioned here! Sending you and your baby prayers, you are not alone, keep asking for help and don't give up!!!!
    schicksal
  • If I were you I would head to Planned Parenthood. Despite the entirely unfounded bad press surrounding the organization they will help you understand what your next step is. They will also have a ton of resources in regard to help getting out of your abusive relationship. Unlike a Crisis Pregnancy Center Planned Parenthood will present ALL of your options. Then you can choose which direction you want to go. Depending on what you choose when the time comes Planned Parenthood will also help you get low-cost/free birth control that will keep you from getting into this kind of situation again. Please, please, please, for the sake of your life and this potential child's life reach out to those that are there to help you.

    ashlitasKaKip
  • I'm sorry this is happening but I'm wondering if you just went through this why did you become pregnant again? At ten weeks the baby is almost s fetus, do not have another abortion. Adoption or being s single parents an option. You need to leave him regardless. If you are still feeling bad about the abortion before could you really do it again? Do you have family you can talk to? I don't want to seem harsh but the abortion option is really not a good one.

    SUUUPPER helpful.

    Me: 31 | DH: 33

    DS1: 12.23.13 | DS2: 05.06.16

    BFP: 06.30.19 | EDD: 3.9.20

    **TW**
    TTC3: 11.18
    BFP: 02.05.19
    CP: 03.07.19
    *really traumatic recovery*



    evamartaLuxanischicksal
  • First off, I am so sorry that you are in this situation, regardless of how you got there. I can not imagine.

    As described, your boyfriend is abusive and you need to leave him as soon as possible. Regardless of if you decide to parent or adopt, your health, physical and emotional, has to be a priority. While I understand not wanting to repeat a cycle of raising a child without a father, you and your child will be healthier and better off without an abusive person in the home.
    I think you have been provided with some great resources and options here. Please know that you do have support here, but it is imperative that you reach out to people around you who can come along side in person while you heal. Hugs, mama!

    Me: 31 | DH: 33

    DS1: 12.23.13 | DS2: 05.06.16

    BFP: 06.30.19 | EDD: 3.9.20

    **TW**
    TTC3: 11.18
    BFP: 02.05.19
    CP: 03.07.19
    *really traumatic recovery*



    evamartaKaKip
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