"Baby girls steal your beauty" and other stupid things I shouldn't listen to

emilygscheidle · October 2015

33 weeks today with a baby girl and having a bit of a meltdown. I've been stressing since the beginning about not being attractive to my husband after the pregnancy, and I've always placed a bit too much importance on physical appearance and what other people think of me. I turn 30 in a couple of weeks on top of everything, and last night a coworker told me that baby girls steal your beauty while everyone talked about how having children ruins your life. I know all of this is stupid to believe let alone waste the time to listen to, but it's all still making me pretty low. Also noticed a large amount of "mommy hate" on facebook recently echoing these same stupid sentiments toward child bearing (I mean seriously, you wouldn't be around right now to say these heartless things if not for people wanting to procreate). Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated from people I know would understand what I'm going through.

Bombmom3 · October 2015

Well I had two girls before being pregnant with a little boy so I guess I must be some ugly if they stole all my beauty lol

I understand, though. I have pretty severe body image issues and since I've been pregnant or recovering from being pregnant for the last four years running (and lost 100lbs right before the first pregnancy) my body has been through the ringer. I have needed hubby to reassure me a lot that I am still attractive to him and desirable. The good news is you do get your body back after the baby comes - just takes some time and patience.

What was the hardest for me was actually the post partum shed. I have PCOS which causes thinning hair so when I'm pregnant I enjoy having a "normal" amount of hair. And then three months after I deliver it falls out in clumps. So horrible and depressing. But - it stops and it grows back and I promise you aren't a hormonal freak of nature forever!!!

We all go through some fears about our bodies bouncing back (will I be the same, will anything be the same, will my husband still want me) but the bottom line is our SOs love us for who we are (and who we become as mothers to their children) and we DO eventually get our bodies and lives back

And don't let anyone tell you little girls steal your beauty - even if you feel like an elephant seal (which about sums up how I'm feeling at 34 weeks with #3) remember you are still beautiful and you are the perfect vessel to be creating something as wonderous and precious as your baby

redfallon · October 2015

@emilygscheidle said:

33 weeks today with a baby girl and having a bit of a meltdown. I've been stressing since the beginning about not being attractive to my husband after the pregnancy, and I've always placed a bit too much importance on physical appearance and what other people think of me. I turn 30 in a couple of weeks on top of everything, and last night a coworker told me that baby girls steal your beauty while everyone talked about how having children ruins your life. I know all of this is stupid to believe let alone waste the time to listen to, but it's all still making me pretty low. Also noticed a large amount of "mommy hate" on facebook recently echoing these same stupid sentiments toward child bearing (I mean seriously, you wouldn't be around right now to say these heartless things if not for people wanting to procreate). Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated from people I know would understand what I'm going through.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way

That coworker of yours needs to shut her face. And having children does not ruin your life. They seem like a bunch of insensitive/ignorant jerks. Do they have children?

stephaniearthurs · October 2015

What an awful thing to say to another human being! I'm so sorry that that happened to you!! If it's any consultation all the Moms I know who have girls, are just as georgeous as they were before they had babies! Maybe even more because they are really happy!! Also, so are the moms i know who have had boys!!

It's hard to feel pretty when you are huge and getting huger! My hubby has always been lighter then me, but now he's training for an ultra marathon and our weight gap is getting bigger and this really bothered me. He offered to eat more ice cream!

I try to sometimes do my hair and put on makeup and wear something nice to make myself feel better! Maybe a date night before the baby comes can help!

mltarrio · October 2015

I was never one to worry about weight and looks before I got pregnant, but I have been very sensitive to these issues while pregnant. I have put on a lot of weight, and feeling good and sexy and pretty in this current state has not been easy. The lack of "interest" from my husband has not helped, (not that it is his fault at all, but it doesn't make me feel great).

What really made me feel good was my baby shower this past weekend. I bought a dress and put some energy into my hair and make-up. It made me feel good, and I got a lot of nice feedback from my friends, which made me feel even better.

Don't listen to what stupid people say. I am sure you are more beautiful than you realize in your pregnant state, and your little girl isn't "stealing" anything from you. Get a new dress, or lipstick, or whatever makes you feel good and try to remember that you are still you in there and not just a baby carrying vessel. You will get back to being yourself soon.

nik6499 · October 2015

I think this was initially centered around an old wives tale that said if your skin and hair were not as wonderful you were having a girl, I don't think there is true implication that there are lasting long term effects. I can honestly say this is bull. My skin was horrible with my first girl my skin is great with this girk

cdv2015 · October 2015

stephaniearthurs said:
What an awful thing to say to another human being! I'm so sorry that that happened to you!! If it's any consultation all the Moms I know who have girls, are just as georgeous as they were before they had babies! Maybe even more because they are really happy!! Also, so are the moms i know who have had boys!!

It's hard to feel pretty when you are huge and getting huger! My hubby has always been lighter then me, but now he's training for an ultra marathon and our weight gap is getting bigger and this really bothered me. He offered to eat more ice cream!

I try to sometimes do my hair and put on makeup and wear something nice to make myself feel better! Maybe a date night before the baby comes can help!

Bless your heart. My husband has crazy fast metabolism, so he doesn't gain weight. We have a 40 pound gap before pregnancy (he only weighs 120). I struggle tremendously with body image because I feel huge next to him. Date nights and fixing myself up does seem to help. Fall weather has made it more fun to dress the bump.

TomekiaB · October 2015

I refuse to think of pregnancy weight as "mine" I think of it as "our" weight since the baby and amniotic fluid, placenta etc is for the baby's benefit...it makes me feel better to share it

breezypip · October 2015

I'm sorry you encountered people who are insensitive and bitter towards pregnancy and pregnant women. I think that opinion is not the norm. I've been lucky in that most people tell me they think pregnant women are beautiful and that what we are doing is amazing. I'm having a girl and I have heard that saying, but like PP said I thought it had more to do with your skin and how you carry during pregnancy... And so far I've had zero breakouts this pregnancy.

It always makes me nervous to step on the scale and see the biggest number I've ever seen or to wonder if I'll end up with stretch marks and things like that, but generally I've enjoyed my big round belly and I feel beautiful most days because I'm making my baby. I think I'll feel it more after she's born and the (perceived) pressure is on to look good again. But I've also been lucky to have a DH that tells me I'm beautiful all the time, even if he does lovingly snicker as my belly gets bigger and bigger.

Don't listen to the haters! We only get to experience pregnancy so many times in our lives, if we're lucky, so I think we should try to embrace the good and bad that comes with being able to create a human being.

dec15mum · October 2015

What a horrible thing! I'm sorry it's got you down

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and you're a beautiful person.
You're carrying and growing a human being inside you and it's so incredibly amazing!
Chin up mama :x

arz1215 · October 2015

I've heard girls take mama's beauty also.. I think it's nonsense. I've also been told I was having a girl before I knew because my skin.. dang hormones and breakouts. I'm sure you're glowing! We are our own worst critics.

Daphneh28 · October 2015

I heard the same thing too and funnily enough my hair has never been prettier or fuller, my skin looks freaking amazing. I feel like crap 6 days out of 7 but looks? I've never received so many compliments in my life. And I'm having a girl. So don't listen to crazy people. Focus on you and how gorgeous us mothers of little girls are going to look in matching outfits in about a year or so!! Don't drink the hateroade and enjoy what's left of your pregnancy.

ColoradoHiker · October 2015

I've struggled the last six weeks or so. I was really on track with my gain to keep it below 25 lb, which was recommended due to starting at a higher weight. Then I started swelling at 30w and gained over 10 lb in three weeks. The midwives are fine with it, as my ankles and hands are obviously (painfully) swollen, but it really bothers me that I was doing so well with keeping it under control, but now it's really nothing I have control over at all.

blended10 · October 2015

Now's a good time to be a mama to yourself: imagine someone said that to your daughter (how dare they!) - how do you hope she'd take it? It's so important as mothers to little girls (and boys) that we are much more than our bodies, our hair, our skin's complexion. We are bringing new life to the globe! One of these kids could cure cancer, or end world hunger, or be a great teacher to the next generation. There is no greater calling of your body than that. Kids do not ruin your life, they enhance it, they show you what is really important. However they come to you.
Don't listen to those silly people. Take nothing personally, it's so rarely about you anyway! You're doing great, this will be the best, hardest, sweetest thing you've ever witnessed.

christinemelanie · October 2015

I'm pregnant with a girl and 33 weeks. I still get surprised when folks comment on how "radiant/glowing/pretty" I look because I also thought how girls steal your beauty. I appreciate folks who are nice about it, but I'm sure you are just as beautiful OP! With all the hormones, it's hard to not feel more sensitive about a topic. Until someone has been pregnant, they don't realize how insensitive their comments are. Hang in there and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

I almost forgot to add: I have lots of gfs who are so cute and have beautiful mothers! You can definitely see where they get it from!

cmcweeney · October 2015

Having kids isn't for everyone. Maybe some people feel it would ruin their lives and they have every right to feel that way. This is my third child and I think that my babies have done nothing but improve my life. The girls stealing your beauty is def a myth. Pregnancy causes a LOT of changes with your body and hormones, some women glow beautifully and some look more tired than anything. It doesn't last forever either way. And if my baby girl wanted to steal all my beauty I'd give it to her. My point is look at the bigger picture. You're creating life, and that is beautiful! I hope that you feel better about yourself, what you're doing is amazing

ElyseMarie · October 2015

I'm in the same boat as you. Just turned 30, not feeling very attractive because I've been getting a lot larger lately (33 weeks) and have been getting all these awful comments about how I'll have to give up basically everything I love once baby comes. Bodies change, and I think husbands appreciate all that we go through and love us more for it. I think it comes down to not surrounding yourself with these types of Debbie Downers (if at all possible) and realizing that everything in life is what you make of it. Obviously a child comes with sacrifices, but I fully intend to have time for myself to enjoy things that I did pre-baby, for my own mental health and happiness, which in turn is best for everyone! Baby girls stealing your beauty is a total myth. You are beautiful and creating something beautiful. Everyone wants to get their two cents in somehow.

VegetaElPrincipe · October 2015

I have learned that misery just loves company. Usually when people say things like that, it's usually because they are unhappy or ignorant. I just ignore them. I suggest you do too. It's not worth your feeling low because people don't think before they speak.

groovylocks · October 2015

"Girls steal your beauty", what? I don't understand. Does that mean, like, in utero? What a weird statement.. I've never heard this.

TomekiaB · October 2015

@groovylocks It seems to be an old wives tale that if you're pregnant with a girl you deal with more acne, less shiny hair or pregnancy glow--versus if you are pregnant person truly glowing you are having a boy.

satindawl83 · October 2015

The "girls steal your beauty" has been the only old wives tale that was true for me. I've been breaking out like crazy, but I know it's only temporary.

esscapelle · October 2015

"Girls steal your beauty" is bull...I'm having a boy and my skin has never been worse. I never had problems with acne before being pregnant, and my face has been constantly breaking out ever since this baby boy came around! Every woman/pregnancy is different...all weird and beautiful in their own ways.

Court11152325 · October 2015

This article sums up just about how sexist the notion of "girls steal your beauty" is... amongst other myths about being pregnant with girls.

https://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/134120/5_totally_unfair_pregnancy_myths

ETA the link. It didn't post the first time.

Melissadmag · October 2015

It doesn't ruin your life. It may prevent you from going out and partying/drinking/clubbing all night every weekend, but honestly if that's all you have going in your life, your life kinda sucks and needs to be ruined/rearranged anyway. I personally usually hear those types of comments from teenagers and kids in their early 20's that haven't found anything more interesting to do with their lives yet than get wasted. Most adults, thank goodness have a lot more than that going on in their lives, and most of what we adults have going on can accommodate children, or is even more enhanced with children.

On top of that, now all of those things you used to have to use your rental kid for (mine is my niece) like going to Disneyland, or the park to feed the ducks, or going to watch a Disney movie in theaters, you now have your own little buddy to do it with

Katty422 · October 2015

I think everyone is different so bodies during pregnancy are not the same. My MIL insisted I was having a boy bc she said I was just so pretty. Lol that was not the case. Kept telling her that it's not the case for everyone. She lost. People will say anything to pregnant women bc they honestly just want to talk about the situation. Ignore what they are saying about this and that and focus on your baby girl!

marikadevienne · October 2015

This is me and my mom 2 week a ago. Girls steal your beauty my ass! Mother-daughter teams are unbeatable!!:) don't stress, we are about to get stronger for our experiences Momma!! I stress out about my looks too, this too shall pass. U r bringing a new life onto this planet, u r beautiful!!!!

groovylocks · October 2015

Like... I'm goofy looking but i've always been a bit goofy looking. I don't mind it. She hasn't made it any worse. Wouldn't really care if she did.

Court11152325 said:

This article sums up just about how sexist the notion of "girls steal your beauty" is... amongst other myths about being pregnant with girls.

https://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/134120/5_totally_unfair_pregnancy_myths

ETA the link. It didn't post the first time.

wow.... None of this applies to me. Nor any other women I know or knew with girls. Crazy bunk..

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