Everyone's Pregnant But Me...

jennamarie05 · October 2015

Let me preface this by saying I know I sound super witchy, and I apologize, as that's not my intent, but I need to vent!

I'm 28 and was diagnosed with PCOS in April 2015. To make a long story short, my husband and I have been trying to conceive, with assistance from a reproductive endocrinologist, since then. We've done 3 cycles of letrozole, ovidrel, and timed intercourse, but have yet to become pregnant. We'll be trying our first IUI within a couple of weeks, so we're prayerfully hoping that may be successful! We've kept our struggles pretty quiet, and since I'm one of the younger, more newly married women in my office, everyone keeps asking when we'll start having kids. I just keep saying "hopefully someday!"

Today, not 1, but 2 coworkers announced their pregnancies in a super cute way (bags of popcorn with the label "Someone's About to Pop!), and set them in the break room, with a sign saying "Guess Who!" Of course, I heard from several people saying "its you isn't it!!"

I so badly want to respond with No. Its not. F. You. Thanks for the reminder. But instead I smile politely and say, no not yet, and hug and congratulate the girls who are expecting (within 2 weeks of each other, no less!)

Any tips for dealing when everyone is becoming a mom except you??

Colleen0516 · October 2015

I currently know 10 people... TEN ... That announced pregnancies. All within 6 months, the count grows by the weeks lol
I die a little bit each time I hear someone new. All it does it make me look at my failed attempts in a new perspective.

"Oh wow, her wedding was 3 months ago... She's 12 weeks pregnant? She conceived on her honeymoon.... Oh wait, I was trying then too I'm but still not pregnant, man I hate how easy t was for her"

"Oh wow, she finally got pregnant YAY! She's been trying for 14 months- it finally happened for her! In so excited for her... Oh wait- I was trying then too, I'm still not pregnant. Why couldn't I get pregnant? I've tried just as long"

I hate it. I hate being jealous. I hate being sad. I hate feeling like everyone is pregnant EXCEPT me. Buttttt we can't control it. I try really hard, but I always end in tears. I

Moral: It's a normal feeling... Don't shame yourself, don't think you're a bad person. We all feel it! We all understand!

rachlee2010 · October 2015

I sucks..it's really hard to deal with. Last January my coworker found out she was pregnant and then a week later she lost the pregnancy. We both knew we were both trying. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant and 3 weeks later I lost my pregnancy. A week or two after that she found out she was pregnant again..I haven't been pregnant since and she just left work on her maternity leave. I am a teacher and the kids keep asking me about having kids. One of my BFF's who started trying over a year after we did was frustrated she wasn't pregnant after 4 months. Well back in January when I found out I was pregnant and I told her she never even said congratulations and stopped talking to me for a few weeks. I knew this was her way of dealing with things but it took her until the day of my miscarriage to call me and start talking again and as soon as I told her what was happening she became my best friend again. two weeks after my miscarriage she found out she was pregnant. She is also due very soon and while I got over the way she acted because she is so close to having her baby and I am still not pregnant those memories of how she acted and treated me are coming back and really bothering me.

As hard as this situation is and as the pregnancy announcements keep coming I always am polite and congratulate people. I may cry at home or to my few close friends/family members who know what's going on but I would never treat a friend that way.

I guess I don't have advice but know you aren't alone and there is no way around it but this is a sucky situation

ShayLatrice · October 2015

You are not alone. Pregnancy announcments all around me this year. To top it off I went to a family function this weekend and saw my little cousin who has 2 babies that she doesn't even want nor take care of and I sat and watched her do nothing as her 1 year old baby picks things off the bowling alley floor and eat it. You could see her diaper was sagging because it waa soaking wet. Finally, I decided to change her and when I took her to the bathroom I saw she had the worst case of exczema I have ever seen. Her legs were swollen, cracking and bleeding because they were so dry and I found out she hadnt had her hair washed in one month! I cant deal with people who can have babies by just looking at a male appendage and dont want or take care of them.

Colleen0516 · October 2015

@rachlee2010 your story breaks my heart! But something you said, is so right and so important. I 100% agree with you when you said be polite. I always tell myself do your best to keep it together, and then fall apart in private.

My biggest fear with struggling with infertility is that people will treat me different. I'm lucky that my friends and family are super supportive, they know it's hard for me BUT I never want to steal someone's joy because of my struggle.

It KILLS ME when I hear someone is pregnant, but I try to remember that it's their BEST day and their GREATEST news to share. The deserve the moment and they deserve it to share it freely and without any reservations.

I DO breakdown in private. I try to be strong, I just can't. But I don't let myself break In front of people.

@rachlee2010 im sorry your friend did that to you. You're a great friend for standing by her after it all. I guess It was her way of dealing with it. It wasnt right but I guess she had her reasons...
Your time will come. You'll get pregnant! Hang in there!

HBamama2B · October 2015

@jennamarie05 that is hands down the most inconsiderate cruel and inappropriate way I've ever heard of announcing a pregnancy. To start gossip in the work place with everyone starring at each females midsection and questioning them?? Oh my! I would have been so humiliated. I'm always conscious of the potential struggles of those around us. Whether they might be trying and not conceiving or having made a hard but right for them decision to not have kids. That would have been in poor taste at a family event, let alone a work place!!

so sorry you endured that.

khochanadel · October 2015

I agree. That was tacky. I'll never forget when a coworker announced that she was pregnant right before our yoga class. Everyone was gushing and congratula tying her and I just sat there then cried
Quietly through the whole class.

beckihall · October 2015

I know it's hard, it breaks your heart a little with each new announcement. But it WILL be your turn one day. Just have faith in your journey and know that it will happen when it's the right time.

My SISTER got pregnant while my husband and I were struggling. (Her fourth child in 5 years, "without even trying") She even said awful, insensitive things to me like "it's not that bad".

I know it's hard, it's one of the hardest things you could go through. But you'll get through it. For me, telling people about my infertility struggles helped. I found so many friends and family members who had gone or are going through the same thing.

amma31 · October 2015

Great thread ! Thank you for sharing your stories and for starting the thread. I think one thing I learned from all of these stories is that when I finally happens to me (as it will happen for all of us ) it's important to be humble about it. You just never know what type of pain or struggle the person next to you could be going through all along.

This is one of my main problem is with gender reveal parties. It's like some of us are really struggling just to be able to conceive one, and you want to throw this big party just so you can announce to the world what gender yours is ???? No thank you I can't make it !

lilmamapanther · October 2015

I just went through having co-workers asking me when me and my dh were gonna start trying. I wanted to be like *itch we've been trying for 2 freaking years so thanks for reminding me yet again how I've failed as a wife to continue our family's bloodline. I feel you about needing to vent. I have to just smile and nod and be like one day we'll be blessed. Or we're enjoying our selfishness right now. When I wanna say stop keeping track of my womb. I already have me, my dh, my RE, my primary, my maternal fetal dr, my diabetic endo and my parents keeping track of my womb I'm booked up and don't need any other help thanks.....

ecb3588 · October 2015

It can be so frustrating. Even when you are sincerely happy for the person, it can be hard to push the "when is it my turn" thought out of your head. Especially with social media running rampant these days. We have already decided there will be no social media announcements when/if it is our turn...as happy as I would be, I would not want to hurt someone else going through a rough time. It would be kind of like screaming "Hey, I just won the lottery and you did not!" But you are not alone, this group is proof that there are a lot of women going through a rough time, and we are here for one another!

katie121209 · October 2015

Facebook kills me with all the pregnancy announcements and baby pics. I know I should stop going on it but it's hard to quit. I love my hubby more than anything and would never change being with him but I probably get the most bitter when I see exes from college with their pregnancy announcements

oxinfree · October 2015

Wow... this is brutal. I'm so sorry you had to go through that @jennamarie05 ... Unfortunately we live in an incredibly egocentric society that has little time to understand how our actions may negatively affect others. For that reason I chose to be overly open, so when someone asks me an incredibly uncomfortable question, I answer it very straight faced to the point that 9 times out of 10 THEY become uncomfortable. Then I excuse myself and walk away. I'm not trying to be nasty... but I think people need to stop making assumptions that it is at all appropriate to discuss someone's personal life and personal situation.

On top of that... all the boasting on facebook and the monthly updates of fruits comparing size of growing baby are enough to make me wanna throw my computer out the window. I try and remind myself that they are simply coming from a perspective that can't understand, but I'm a point now where I really don't think ignorance is an excuse. Sorry that's my rant of the day. Maybe I'm pms'ing or super cranky but its how I feel. Blergh.

@beckihall - my SIL also got pregnant years into our infertility struggles. She is very aware of our pain, and yet still sends us baby bump pictures. Brutal.

@shaylatrice - my word... I too find it very sad and "unfair" in those types of situations, but who am I to decide who is worthy. I just feel sad for the kids, and try and ignore my feelings towards the parents as ultimately we never know their perspective/where they're coming from, and challenges they may be facing. Doesn't make it any easier really, but such is life unfortunately.

I hope all you lovely ladies (and myself) get your happily ever afters soon! hugs

aleini · October 2015

Last Friday had a D&C.. I was so sad also because was our 5th anniversary that same day. Well that day I found out of 2 girls that are pregnant with the same number of weeks as I suppose to be.. And when I was doing the registration at the hospital EVERYONE was pregnant or with their babies.. I couldn't be more depressed. I had been wishing for a baby for so long. We have to do an IVF and then this happend. I'm waiting for AF to try again but I'm scared. I know how you feel, been there done that.
Sorry for my bad English girls!

sandiego715 · October 2015

Im feeling it too. Found out today that i will be miscarrying again. I may get positivr tests but something is wrong. I am now going to meet an RE after this. Its been 2 yrs of being happy then being shattered.

mskeenan · October 2015

I'm so sorry @sandiego715 my heart breaks for you . I never really understood how heartbreaking this was until I went through it myself .

My best friend and I found out we were pregnant one day apart from each other . My pregnancy was chemical .. And her pregnancy is healthy . I am so happy for her but I cant help but be jealous . I feel like every update she gets could have been me ... Since we were going to be due the same week . It breaks my heart. I want to be nothing but excited for her but every update makes me both excited and hurt .

Winnie81_Old · October 2015

I wish I could hug everyone on this thread. I feel for everyone. It is painful when everyone is pregnant but you. Me and DH have 9 nephews and 7 of them are still in diapers. So there is always a birthday, baptism, misc event to go to, just in the family. In addition to that is all of our friends/coworkers, and I do sincerely try to display happiness for them, but I feel like it doesn't come off authentic at times. I wish I could show genuine joy for them when they tell me they are pregnant, because I am happy for them.

Winnie81_Old · October 2015

My last post cut off. It gets really hard with family, because I don't think they truly understand how hard it is. One of my sister in laws had 4 baby showers, and a gender reveal and wanted me to photograph every one of them. I went to 2 of the showers and the reveal but she was offended that I missed the other 2. I don't think they realize, but small talk at baby showers is all about babies lol. Every stranger coming up and asking about my current motherhood status is exhausting.

Rachd110 · October 2015

@wa85 I can't believe your sister in law was offended. How horrible. And when did people start having showers for all pregnancies? I thought you are only supposed to have one for the first??

Winnie81_Old · October 2015

@Rachd110 I agree. I think a Sprinkle shower is good but everyone has a different idea on etiquette. I must clarify that this was 4 showers and a reveal for her first child. Me, my mom and other sister in law threw her one, and then there were 3 more after that. It was a bit over the top. :-O I don't think she really gets it though. when they were TTC she called me after 3 months because she was scared she was infertile....yeah

ShayLatrice · October 2015

WA85 wow... 4 showers is A LOT. a few people I knew have had two because they had moved to a different state so they went back home to have one and then had one in the state they were living in, which is understandable... but 4 that is kinda outrageous. I've been invited to quite a few showers lately and I've declined them all, I'm just not interested in sitting around talking about babies for 3-4 hours or dodge questions about when DH and I will have kids. The great thing is ALL of them have been on Sunday's and that is Football Sunday in our house and we have anywhere from 10-15 of the kids we mentor over the house. I feel like when we go to a bay shower we are isolated in our own world of trying to be happy for someone else, but also dealing with our own emotions of wishing our time would come.

Winnie81_Old · October 2015

@ShayLatrice I could not agree more. It is way too many. She has a huge family so it was broken into 2 parties so they could all go, then the one we threw, then the one her friends threw. I feel like I try very hard to not make it an issue because I don't want my friends/family feeling sorry for me, but at the same time, I don't always feel like the sensitivity is reciprocated. If it was, then it wouldn't be an issue that I didn't go to all 4. That is great that you mentor kids. How did you get involved in that if you don't mind me asking?

Rachd110 · October 2015

@WA85 4 showers and a gender reveal for the same baby. That's a bit much. She definitely should not have expected you to attend all. Some people are very self-absorbed and inconsiderate.

ShayLatrice · October 2015

WA85 My husband and I moved to Austin 8 years ago and I worked with a lady who helped with a youth football league. They needed coaches and my husband played high school and college football so I felt like it would be a good fit for him. After that we moved into youth ministry for a while and local church and then decided to branch out and do it on our own because there were too many restrictions. A lot of the football kids have held unto to us since 2008 and some of the church kids have as well. Now we have a house full of teenagers EVERY weekend eating up all our food and fighting over who gets the corner seat on the sectional. We love it though!

smitty18 · October 2015

Hi - i know the feeling all too well. In our tight knit neighbor hood we are the only baby-free couple. It kills me. they have mommy play dates, and I see all the girls bonding and hanging out with their mommy friends. The girls are generally nice about it, and I can't help that I can't go to the kid play dates.. but it still leaves me feeling left out.

I'm more newly married (3 years) than a lot of people at work, so everyone is chiming in- "what are you waiting for? Don't wait too long to have kids! I waited and struggled!"... I felt like saying none of your business - I barely know you. How do you know I'm not struggling now!

One day after another failed IUI cycle, I bailed on my cousin's baby shower. I just couldn't see myself sitting there without breaking down in tears or seething with jealousy. She struggled too, but even in her struggle it still happened. Not for me yet.

Thanks for letting me pile on to the vent session. Glad to know others are going through the same things!

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