Baby shower?

kateortegaa · October 2015

This is our third child. We have gotten rid of a lot of the big item from the first two which has everyone telling me we should have a baby shower this time around. I don't think we should. Just feels awkward, whereas with your first it's a celebration really. Does that make sense? Ugh. Please tell me what you ladies think. Have any of you had a show after multiple pregnancies?

proudparent2b · October 2015

I agree with both of you. Having a meet the baby party alternative would be a neat idea. You might get a few things, but it's not tacky.

vinerie · October 2015

I would not go to a shower for someone who has had three kids. I would definitely go to a "meet the baby" party, especially if it was a boozy-brunch type affair!

countrygrl5533 · October 2015

2nd kid shower: I would go.
3rd kid shower: I would go if there was a significant period of time between kid #2 and kid #3 (8+ years)

I would make a registry of the things needed in case anyone asks if you need anything but would not want a shower in your situation.

Salas21 · October 2015

i have a 8 year old and a six year old . I don't own anything for a baby and every child should be treated as great as the first one. I don't think there is anything tacky about it. Every child is born individual and special and should be celebrated plus getting the stuff never hurt . unless you have millions of dollars getting items is a bless... ( some people wow)

Merciel · October 2015

I love the "meet the baby" party idea.

doozer1345 · October 2015

I felt this way (I'm pg with my second) this go round bc not too long ago it was pretty taboo to have another shower after your first. BUT if you have someone that offers to throw you one I'd go for it. All babies should be celebrated no matter if they're the 2nd or the 9th. I have a friend who has offered to throw me one but I've insisted it be more like a co-ed cookout where our friends and family come together and we all eat and visit. No games, no cutesy baby references, etc. Just a cookout like we do normally and just treat it like a celebration.

gracefulruby33 · October 2015

I'm also of the opinion that showers after the first kid are tacky. That said, I will be registering and if anyone asks if I'm registered, I will let them know. I won't be announcing it to anyone. I'll be satisfied with the discount. :-)

Jesse835235 · October 2015

I'm of the mindset that I believe showers are a celebration into motherhood. A shower for your first doesn't mean that baby is more special than any subsequent babies. That being said, I don't think people should have showers if they've already had one. Have a meet the baby party instead. People who want to give you gifts will do it whether or not there is a formal gift giving event for them to do so.

mrstmoose · October 2015

I wouldn't have one after my first baby, but that's just me. I think having a meet the baby party is a good idea. Since you chose to get rid of things, I wouldn't expect others to buy you those items.

snmhxf · October 2015

I didn't have one with my first, no friends or family in the area.. I sure hope someone throws me one this time though! I don't want or need gifts but a special day and celebration with friends !

saraleigh2 · October 2015

I think an informal party is good, lots of ideas mentioned, if your needing some help w/new baby supplies try asking your friends and fam for hand me downs at a separate time, I love hand me downs because u usually get things that work really well and that were well made/lasted etc! Registrr for discounts too. All the best on celebrating and congrats!!

camillaandcarson · October 2015

I personally would only do it the first time around, although everyone in my circle does multiple and I have participated in that for them (but I did notice the subsequent showers are never for big ticket items after the first and appear more causal).

If someone offers a shower for my 2nd baby this pregnancy I will politely decline.

13Mommy16 · November 2015

i feel like you (general you) are the type to knock ideas if someone is to have a baby shower with there first why cant they with there 2 or 3rd a baby shower isnt just a party to get people to give gifts all the time its about sharing the passion of carrying a gift from God and if you have all the money in the world who cares if someone wants to get a gift for you take what you can get i gave alot of my sons stuff away to another couple who needed it so yes i will be having another baby shower because a little bit of help never hurt anyone...

FinePlacentaPie · November 2015

13Mommy16 said:

i feel like you (general you) are the type to knock ideas if someone is to have a baby shower with there first why cant they with there 2 or 3rd a baby shower isnt just a party to get people to give gifts all the time its about sharing the passion of carrying a gift from God and if you have all the money in the world who cares if someone wants to get a gift for you take what you can get i gave alot of my sons stuff away to another couple who needed it so yes i will be having another baby shower because a little bit of help never hurt anyone...

Someone can buy you a gift without a party designed to welcome a woman into motherhood and yes, to receive gifts.

whattalife525415 · November 2015

I'm invited to one this weekend for my SIL's 3rd "we were done having kids so I sold everything but it wasn't being prevented" baby. Her middle and this one are 4 years apart. I'm not going because SIL and her sister are throwing it. I'm sorry but I was at your 1st shower and I will buy a baby gift but I'm not going to replace your stuff. Sorry, in general she rubs me the wrong way. Where did that in law thread go??

dsmith211 · November 2015

danakristen said:
I'm invited to one this weekend for my SIL's 3rd "we were done having kids so I sold everything but it wasn't being prevented" baby. Her middle and this one are 4 years apart. I'm not going because SIL and her sister are throwing it. I'm sorry but I was at your 1st shower and I will buy a baby gift but I'm not going to replace your stuff. Sorry, in general she rubs me the wrong way. Where did that in law thread go??

I wouldn't go either. I might send a card and maybe a cute outfit or a gift card for baby. But in no way would feel obligated to replace items someone chose to get rid of.

thismakes4 · November 2015

I would go to a baby shower whether it's the first, second, or eighth. And I'll give gifts according to the situation... If I didn't know you for your first, or you had all girls until now then you'll probably end up with a more extravagant gift. I like celebrating with people. However, I wouldn't personally do it for myself. I have 3 boys and if I happened to sell old baby items then I can afford new/used baby items. I like a meet the baby party... I would consider that but I also like people being able to schedule separately through me when it's convenient for both of us. More intimate instead of people fighting to hold baby.

bookelf221 · November 2015

I would go to a shower no matter how many kids they had- and give a gift- but that's because I love giving people presents. It's fun. I would say do whatever feels right to you- no matter what other people say.

yogahh · November 2015

I posted this earlier this week. I still feel the same way

Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.

yogahh · November 2015

bookelf221 said:

I would go to a shower no matter how many kids they had- and give a gift- but that's because I love giving people presents. It's fun. I would say do whatever feels right to you- no matter what other people say.

But you can still give a gift without attending a shower. A shower is a party where guests are pretty much required to bring gifts, and can get a bit "gift grabby". Whether or not a friend has a shower for her 1st or 10th kid, I will be getting her a gift to celebrate the occassion.

bookelf221 · November 2015

yogahh said:

bookelf221 said:

I would go to a shower no matter how many kids they had- and give a gift- but that's because I love giving people presents. It's fun. I would say do whatever feels right to you- no matter what other people say.

But you can still give a gift without attending a shower. A shower is a party where guests are pretty much required to bring gifts, and can get a bit "gift grabby". Whether or not a friend has a shower for her 1st or 10th kid, I will be getting her a gift to celebrate the occassion.

Meh. I like parties too. It doesn't bother me because it's not like it has to be an expensive present. I get the gift grabby feeling- I promise I do. But for me it's not a big deal- but that might just be my personality- I wouldn't care if someone comes to my shower without a gift because it's still time I get to spend with them but not everyone is like that. It's why I say do what you want. If people wanna hate- let them hate.

missnc77 · November 2015

I think sprinkles are cute ideas for non-FTMs. I've had several friends do that, and you just bring a box of diapers or wipes for the mom to be, and then enjoy drinks and lunch.

lalala2004 · November 2015

I'll be honest, I had no idea showers after your first were taboo until I joined The Bump. I had been to several, and they seem to be more common these days. Here's what I think:

1. If someone wants to throw you a shower, it's seems rude to refuse.

2. If people think it's rude to have one, they won't attend.

3. If you don't want to seem gift grabby, don't register.

4. It should be a small event.

mamaruckus · November 2015

well I'm having a shower even though this is my second child, simply because it's a boy this time.. my first is a girl. we're buying the big items ourselves (car seat, stroller, etc), & I've already got our stash of cloth diapers built up.. but I will take all the boy clothes anyone wants to give, new or hand me down!

ashlitas · November 2015

I think it really depends on your community. My office coworkers throw baby showers whenever someone in the office is pregnant, regardless of how many children the person already has. Same with my in-laws. Both just love to throw and attend parties. Gifts are always optional - it's the spending time together in celebration that matters.

Dasha420 · November 2015

In our tradition we don't believe in throwing baby showers. However we do have a get together as in a welcoming a few months after birth so close family and friends can come and see the child and we can sit and eat together. Those are always great.

I think though if you do celebrate them then it shouldn't stop on your first child. Like a previous poster said- each child is special and different as well as each pregnancy.

If people feel taken advantage of then it's their mindsets. As friends they can come and support you or celebrate this time with you. If you feel like it's "begging" which I don't think it is then write on the invitation no gifts necessary.
I would go to multiple showers if invited because it's a fun idea for those who celebrate it.

finnybooboo · November 2015

I don't think I'd attend a shower for a 3rd child unless it was 6+ years in between. I've been invited to showers for a 2nd, but I definitely didn't spend as much as I would for a 1st time mom. Recently a friend of mines sister did a "mail shower" where everyone sent a card (with or without a gift) to the parents to be during a said period of time. I thought it was a cute idea, and you didn't feel pressured to give a gift. I sent a $25 target gift card with mine and felt good about it.

gemini2005 · November 2015

It's pretty common where I'm from to have a "sprinkle" or "pink party" for 2nd or 3rd pregnancies. They are usually small with the guests bringing an outfit or some sentimental baby item. I had a few relatives and close friends come to celebrate when I was pregnant the last time because I was having a girl (we had a shower the first time when I was pregnant with DS). This time I won't agree to have anything (not that anyone has offered!) since I think that would be a bit much.

LemmyRN · November 2015

@Dasha420 I'd prefer that kind of get together over a shower. A sip and see kind of thing. I'd just have to explain that if they are sick, they better not come or I'll send them home. Same for their kids. Some in my family lack common sense. They don't grasp things like "let's NOT get the newborn sick" or "my kid is sick, let's NOT call my 76yo grandma w/ lupus to come"

ashlitas · November 2015

LemmyRN said:
@Dasha420 I'd prefer that kind of get together over a shower. A sip and see kind of thing. I'd just have to explain that if they are sick, they better not come or I'll send them home. Same for their kids. Some in my family lack common sense. They don't grasp things like "let's NOT get the newborn sick" or "my kid is sick, let's NOT call my 76yo grandma w/ lupus to come"

We must be related. I have a few in my family that have brought their kids to crowded family functions with active flus, untreated conjunctivitis, you name it.

Dasha420 · November 2015

@LemmyRN @ashlitas
I completely agree! Nice to know other people have oblivious family members!

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