Another question about becoming a SAHM

Charla1224 · October 2015

I looked for other threads to ask this question in, but I couldn't find a way to do it without hijacking someone else's conversation.

Anyway, for those considering staying home, not returning to work after your LO's born.... When will you tell your employer? Sure, you could tell them before you leave that you won't be returning post baby, but then you won't get the maternity leave benefits (if you're entitled to any). The other option is to wait out maternity leave and then say, "sorry I'm not coming back." But that just sounds mean. I'm the only counselor/ social worker at my school, I would be leaving the school without one for months starting the school year if I did it that way.

I'm not 100% positive, but my H and I are looking at the possibility of me staying home after LO comes. I work at a school, so our contract is reviewed in late April, early May and we sign on for the next year. I'm not sure that I will continue receiving my summer pay if I tell my principal I'm not returning the next school year, but I think they have to pay me through my contract (which ends the first week in July). This is all so confusing because I don't feel comfortable talking to our HR about it because I'd be showing my hand.

So, I'm asking you all... If you plan on staying home or you already do.... when did/ will you chuck the deuces to your employer?

laurenmdrn16 · October 2015

Here's the deal; with my previous school, I knew I wouldn't be coming back because I was on bedrest from the beginning of the school year, my son was born in mid-September, and then I figured I would have complications and wouldn't actually be able to return to work until after January. Out of courtesy to the administration and to be sure they didn't just get a substitute and then have to hire a FT nurse half-way through the year, I told my principal the moment I knew I would be on medical leave so they could hire a FT nurse right away and get the year started off right (we had quite a few medically involved students and nervous parents who would be very anxious if they weren't sure who would be taking care of their kid). However, when I spoke with my principal, he suggested I have a meeting with our HR director and "see what he says". So my HR director actually told me that I should write a letter of resignation, but not submit it until 2 weeks before the end of my maternity leave. I thought that was shady, but he said he wanted to make sure I could still keep the health insurance since I was going to need so much medical attention during the next few months. Also, I worked at a private school so the maternity leave was 2 weeks full pay and then 6 weeks at 60% pay. I won't lie that it was nice getting the paycheck during maternity leave. I also worked a little from home/hospital by checking emails, reviewing policy, and even submitted our school's Medical Emergency Response Plan and Concussion Protocol to the state from my hospital bed.

So all-in-all, I was able to work from home, get STD, get maternity leave pay, and then submitted my resignation, all while a new FT nurse was hired and the students had full continuity of care. Definitely a unique circumstance and one I am not sure if any other job would allow, but it really was a win-win for all.

Bluejay3030 · October 2015

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I told my employer around 18 weeks that I wouldn't be coming back. My boss had enough time to work out a plan for me to work from home, but if that hadn't worked out she knew I was done. I thought about going the shady route and just quitting shortly after my maternity leave ended, but it didn't sit right with me. And if I had done that, the opportunity to work from home and continue a positive work relationship with my employer wouldn't have been possible.

If you want to retain the relationship or possibly use your employer for references in the future, being candid upfront--especially early on--about your plans (and even your indecisions) is usually the best policy.

I know it's a little more complicated for someone working at a school... I wish I knew more about how all that worked, but good luck to you with whatever you decide!

Charla1224 · October 2015

That was extremely lucky @laurenmdrn16. We don't have a real HR department because we're a small Charter school. Really it's just an office manager and the principal. I have a close personal relationship with the principal, but I still don't feel comfortable putting her in the pickle of knowing I plan to leave before maternity leave. At the end of the day she's responsible for the school and the school's budget. Ugh. I just might need to get over feeling bad and wait to tell her. Hopefully I can tell her at the time contract renewal and she'll honor my contract. I'd be willing to help in any way I could hiring a replacement.

yogahh · October 2015

I guess I am the mean one...I would tell them afterwards. Make it seem like you had a change of heart and just LOVE staying home. Sure, its a bit deceitful, but any amount of money you can bring in before quitting would be beneficial.

laurenmdrn16 · October 2015

Charla1224 said:

That was extremely lucky @laurenmdrn16. We don't have a real HR department because we're a small Charter school. Really it's just an office manager and the principal. I have a close personal relationship with the principal, but I still don't feel comfortable putting her in the pickle of knowing I plan to leave before maternity leave. At the end of the day she's responsible for the school and the school's budget. Ugh. I just might need to get over feeling bad and wait to tell her. Hopefully I can tell her at the time contract renewal and she'll honor my contract. I'd be willing to help in any way I could hiring a replacement.

Don't I know it! I am 100% that would totally not fly now that I am working at a public school. I probably will just end up being let go since I don't have tenure yet and they can fire me for no reason. But, it is also unpaid maternity leave so maybe it wouldn't be worth it to fire me yet. I don't know.

I think you should wait until you get a little farther along, see if there is any possibility of needing to leave work early, either for STD or an early baby, and maybe tell your principal around March or April since that is when some schools start their hiring process for new employees for the next school year anyways. Or, like you said, wait until your contract renewal. And I think offering to help hire/train a replacement is huge and will be much appreciated.

PS- every time I write STD I think it is sexually-transmitted disease, not short-term disability. I mean short-term disability or medical leave, not sexually-transmitted disease, just to be clear.

Jenly17 · October 2015

I told my employer after my maternity leave was up. It wasn't meant to be a shady move, but I really wasn't sure if I wanted to go back to work or stay home, so I was buying time. I wasn't paid during that time, but I did recieve my benefits throughout my leave. It was difficult transitioning from working to becoming SAHM, but I can honestly say, there is no price tag for the moments and memories that I have with my daughter. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions! Good luck with your decision.

amscape · October 2015

Your school would have to pay you through your contract- double check of course but resigning & not signing the following years contract are different. When I didn't renew at my public school a few years ago (moving) I was paid through summer per contract. If I don't renew at my current position, I would get a lump sum at the end of June to close out my contract. If you're not sure, just wait though- better safe than sorry, especially with insurance & the way some schools treat teachers these days!

lionstigersbears · October 2015

Isn't getting paid in the summer just a matter of spreading out your earnings? In that sense I'd think they are bound to pay you for the work you already did to earn your salary, since it's basically a payout plan.

As for the general idea, I'm in the same position. I'm also close with my boss and have wondered if it would be helpful for her to have more notice or not. In ways I think yes because I will slowly start seeing less clients and they could be working on hiring. Other hand, I had a coworker who gave 2 months notice and I remember a side comment of that being too much (just gets a little awkward). I've seen the debates about maternity leave, and if you're paying into STD I feel it's pretty clear cut--you pay into it and earn it. I feel a little more icky about situations where employers choose to give very generous benefits intended to help women transition and return to work. I understand and support any choice though, as every situation is different and the view of a perk/benefit vs earned right is complicated.

buffythevampireslayer · October 2015

I would wait until after your maternity leave. Per the other thread about how much of a joke maternity leave is in this country, I don't think you owe it to anyone to prep them in advance. Take care of yourself and your family because it's not like we get extra help here!

snmhxf · October 2015

Look at your contract and your benefits and see if you are required to return to work after maternity leave to be eligible for those benefits or if they are earned in advance.

I think giving plenty of notice is good, as a stay at home mom you'll want those connections and references when you are ready to jump back into it.. Even if it means working 1x a week as a sub in a couple of years. Also keep in mind being a SAHM is not for everyone, you may do it for a few months or a year and realize you need to go back to work. You don't want to burn those bridges!

livinreality · October 2015

Be sure that you don't have to repay maternity benefits if you quit after maternity leave. I was working with my first and I had to return from maternity leave and work a certain amount of time (2-4 weeks I don't remember exactly) to not repay what the company had invested.

I lucked out my company let me return to work part time but keep my full time benefits through maternity leave.

goatgirlnyc · October 2015

I'm currently a SAHM with our 2 year old. I originally asked for 6 months leave, then extended to a year and then called them abd told them I needed more time. The HR lady told me to just take my full 4 years (unpaid of course), and just to let them know if I want to come back early.

Just to give you some background, I work for a city agency so I'm a "government employee". We can take up to 4 years off, unpaid, no benefits, for our first child. That being said, as a city employee, I do not make a lot of money so basically my whole take-home salary would go to child care. I absolutely love staying at home and caring for my son. More than I ever could have imagined I would and since I still have a job waiting for me, it seemed like a no brainer for me to stay at home for now.

The hard part now is telling my employer that I'm pregnant again and I'll be taking an additional 3 years off...

sillyfox · October 2015

I think it is unprofessional and gives working moms a bad rep when you take maternity leave and all the benefits and pay, then tell them you aren't returning. It is part of the reason companies in the US aren't more generous with maternity leave if you ask me. I think it is much better to be honest, or to go back to work after for a time if you want the benefits and pay of maternity leave. Sounds like I'm in the minority, and maybe I'm biased since I will continue to work after maternity leave. But I feel like it makes it so much harder for the moms who do need maternity leave and then do plan on returning. Please, be honest with them if you plan on staying home, even if you wait and do it at the last minute.

Also, it sounds like you would be really screwing them over if they expect for you to come back the following school year and then you don't. They could be using that time to try to hire someone, or even hire someone to shadow you before you leave. If you plan on going back and/or using them as a reference, I think it is best to be up front and honest with them.

Ok, off my soap box. Good luck, whatever you choose.

hintzsm · October 2015

I think you should be able to talk to HR about it. Don't they have to be confidential and answer questions? Like you said, you aren't sure what you want to do and this is several months away. They can't punish you for maybe thinking about stopping working.

Also I see that you are a SW in a school. This might be stereotyping/making an assumption, but you are probably a very kind, compassionate person who is looking out for others' interests. But take a moment to just think about yourself and yourself only. How will this impact your future job opportunities? Will you need references? If you give the mandated two-week notice, I don't think they can put on your file "left us in a lurch while on maternity leave." It will just say "yes, gave proper notice." If it won't hurt future chances at re-hire, getting references, etc., I'd say just put in your notice when you feel comfortable, take the leave benefits. If you don't go to bat for yourself, no one else will! Tell yourself "it's just business." You are at your job for money.

If doing the "shady" thing is giving you bad vibes, I think the finish up your contract in July, give them 2 months thing is a good compromise.

And once you have your little baby, they will become the priority, and I think you will have greater clarity about everything else.

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