Family Doesn't Know

Knottie87030966 · October 2015

So my hubs and I just decided to start trying. I'm obviously cutting out alcoholic beverages. However, Thanksgiving is coming up soon and my in laws don't know we're trying and even if we're pregnant then I really don't want to accidentally give it away. The in laws typically enjoy a bottle or 2 of wine plus cocktails around the holiday season. How can I respectfully decline without accidentally dropping any ttc or pregnancy hints?

bsckgb7 · October 2015

This is asked frequently around the board. Please do a search. Typical the answer is: say you have a headache or are taking antibiotics or make yourself a mocktail.

ShallowSeas · October 2015

Is there a reason you're completely cutting out alcohol? Most of the ladies on this board are 'drink til its pink' since you don't actually share a blood supply with the baby until about 6 weeks. Drinking alcohol while ttc won't harm anything, however, its a personal preference so if you chose to cut out all alcohol while ttc then more power to you.

I've noticed that since DH and I have been married, anytime I even mention a stomach ache to anyone the first question is always, "are you pregnant?". DH's family doesn't even know we're ttc and only my parents and sisters know. So be aware that there's probably a chance you'll be asked anyway. You could tell them a number of things: you're stomach isn't feeling well, you're on medication that can't be mixed with it, you're not in the mood for alcohol right now, you're on a diet and alcohol isn't part of it...you really don't owe them any explanations. If you don't want wine or cocktails then you dont want wine or cocktails. End of story. If they ask if you're pregnant tell them 'no' and change the subject.

chrlyr · October 2015

I personally don't think it's necessary to cut out all alcohol when TTC, but to each their own. If you really want to keep TTC under the radar, just sip on a glass of wine. Then there won't be a question.

TheTamedShrew · October 2015

Well, we just started trying as well, so obviously I'm still drinking all the things

But in all seriousness, you could just pour yourself a glass of wine and pretend to sip it throughout the evening.

Pour yourself a "vodka tonic" with just tonic.

Nurse one drink throughout the evening.

Just say you don't feel like drinking.

You really don't owe anyone an explanation.

housewifehobbyist · October 2015

I sometimes drink and sometimes don't with friends & family. It will make it that much less suspicious when I pass on a glass of wine when I DO end up pregnant. And I've never had anyone question my not drinking, it's not really their business anyway.

Knottie87030966 · October 2015

So just as an fyi, I've tried deleting the post since I didn't realize there was a search bar where I could search and I cannot figure it out. So, sorry if this is a redundant topic. And we're typically a martini family and I'm not exactly sure how to make a gin martini a mocktail. I told the dh that he'd be drinking double at Thanksgiving bc that could be putting us around the 6 week mark if things are happening in there.

Kristin712 · October 2015

Why not take a pregnancy test the morning of Thanksgiving/a holiday party? If you're KU, you can't drink. If you aren't, enjoy.

TheBorg7of9 · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:
So just as an fyi, I've tried deleting the post since I didn't realize there was a search bar where I could search and I cannot figure it out. So, sorry if this is a redundant topic. And we're typically a martini family and I'm not exactly sure how to make a gin martini a mocktail. I told the dh that he'd be drinking double at Thanksgiving bc that could be putting us around the 6 week mark if things are happening in there.

You've got the cart before the horse there, honey.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:

So just as an fyi, I've tried deleting the post since I didn't realize there was a search bar where I could search and I cannot figure it out. So, sorry if this is a redundant topic. And we're typically a martini family and I'm not exactly sure how to make a gin martini a mocktail. I told the dh that he'd be drinking double at Thanksgiving bc that could be putting us around the 6 week mark if things are happening in there.

First of all, don't delete. It's rude. And your post could be educational for future new people. And you've been quoted so it won't do you any good.

Second of all, Google "mocktails." Problem solved.

Thirdly, you're putting the cart before the horse. You have a 20 percent chance of getting pregnant each month, provided you're both healthy. Between now and Thanksgiving, your changes of actually being pregnant, and far enough along for this to be a concern are low, but even if you were, there are several things you can do, as PPs have mentioned. If you're not pregnant at that time, or later holidays, you can either drink til it's pink, use an excuse or, again mocktail it up if you still want to abstain.

nlwz123 · October 2015

I drank until I actually became pregnant, so I don't see the harm in making yourself a martini and just slow sipping (or hardly sipping at all) if you are worried about it.

If you DO end up becoming pregnant, I think the "I can't mix it with the med I'm taking right now" is a good one.

Kristin712 · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:

So just as an fyi, I've tried deleting the post since I didn't realize there was a search bar where I could search and I cannot figure it out. So, sorry if this is a redundant topic. And we're typically a martini family and I'm not exactly sure how to make a gin martini a mocktail. I told the dh that he'd be drinking double at Thanksgiving bc that could be putting us around the 6 week mark if things are happening in there.

Deleting a post is considered rude. Please don't. Others who lurk around after you can learn from this and have the answers to two things now: drinking while TTC and why dirty deletes are frowned upon.

lalalorelai · October 2015

A great way to approach TTC is to not put the cart before the horse. You may be pregnant for Thanksgiving, you may not. Tackle that bridge when you come to it.

I'm a drinker. Friends and family are going to know right away if I turn down a drink that something's up. Say you drank too much gin last night and you can't stomach a martini. A monster hangover is a great excuse for so many things.

TheTamedShrew · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:

So just as an fyi, I've tried deleting the post since I didn't realize there was a search bar where I could search and I cannot figure it out. So, sorry if this is a redundant topic. And we're typically a martini family and I'm not exactly sure how to make a gin martini a mocktail. I told the dh that he'd be drinking double at Thanksgiving bc that could be putting us around the 6 week mark if things are happening in there.

So, what you're really asking is how to avoid drinking around the holidays if you actually get KTFU. In which case, this question would be more appropriate for the 1st tri board, since no one here is actually pregnant yet. Also, you can't delete posts.

and your family sounds awesome by the way.

dixie7701 · October 2015

Knottie87030966 · October 2015

Well gee whiz guys, this was my first post. It was just something I had been thinking about. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. But good luck to all of you.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:
Well gee whiz guys, this was my first post. It was just something I had been thinking about. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. But good luck to all of you.

We can't make you feel like an idiot without your consent, dear. No need to cut out booze or your sense of humor to TTC.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

True story though, it's no biggie. Hang out. We are snarky & you can drink with us!

TheBorg7of9 · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:
Well gee whiz guys, this was my first post. It was just something I had been thinking about. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. But good luck to all of you.

hey man, no one was trying to make you feel like an idiot. If you lurked around this board and read other posts, you will see this is a no nonsense board full of smart and nice ladies. We don't respond by typing a million exclamation points and fruity unicorns, but that doesn't mean we were trying to put you down.

MissAmeliaPond · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:

Well gee whiz guys, this was my first post. It was just something I had been thinking about. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot. But good luck to all of you.

No one tried to make you feel like an idiot. I see a lot of straightforward responses here... This is a great board. If you stick around and lurk more, you'll get a feeling for the tone. We were all new once too, and a lot of us read through the newbie threads before jumping in head first - some didn't, got flamed, put their big girl panties on, and they're still here. The women here are an amazing resource, and this is a great community, and no one here will BS you ever. But there are rules, and people will get called out for breaking them. If you want to stick around, you'll be more than welcome in the TWW and WTO threads. That's a great place to start.

AndiPandi127 · October 2015

@knottie87030966

Don't feel like an idiot - people here are just very straightforward and tough love-y. Read the Newbie post at the top of the page, it has lots of great info and gives you a feel for how the board operates. I've found it to be WAY more helpful than most other boards who just repeat info constantly and tell you what you want to hear.

Everycol0r · October 2015

Knottie87030966 said:
So my hubs and I just decided to start trying. I'm obviously cutting out alcoholic beverages. However, Thanksgiving is coming up soon and my in laws don't know we're trying and even if we're pregnant then I really don't want to accidentally give it away. The in laws typically enjoy a bottle or 2 of wine plus cocktails around the holiday season. How can I respectfully decline without accidentally dropping any ttc or pregnancy hints?

If you're not pregnant, drink the alcohol.

Solved.

tripledaggerWed95976 · October 2015

No one us trying to make u feel bad- I think it's just that we all know that most healthy couples take 6 months to a year to concieve. You are on ur first month of trying and it sounds like ur just assuming u will immediately get pregnant. If u are making that assumption, then you're setting yourself up for major disappointment. If you do in fact become pregnant before thanksgiving then just that cross that bridge when you come to it... IMO it's not something u need to worry about at the moment.

Lasscher · October 2015

@Knottie87030966

My first 2 cycles I made the mistake of acting pregnant when I wasn't which made it that more devastating when AF came. Also it made me weird and awkward with people socially and I'm sure one of my in laws suspects we are trying due to my shady no alcohol/coffee behavior. This cycle I'm having all the drinks!!! I probably ovulated and I'm still dranking... (Misspelled on purpose

) ) I am not going to miss out on living life for a pregnancy that I don't know will come, especially since me and the future LO don't share blood that early. I did however cut down on caffeine bc that has a withdrawal and I didn't want to do it all at once if I get a BFP and shock my body so I've gotten down to mostly decaf now.

Good Luck on your journey and stick around on the board.

TheBorg7of9 · October 2015

Lasscher said:

@Knottie87030966 My first 2 cycles I made the mistake of acting pregnant when I wasn't which made it that more devastating when AF came. Also it made me weird and awkward with people socially and I'm sure one of my in laws suspects we are trying due to my shady no alcohol/coffee behavior. This cycle I'm having all the drinks!!! I probably ovulated and I'm still dranking... (Misspelled on purpose ) ) I am not going to miss out on living life for a pregnancy that I don't know will come, especially since me and the future LO don't share blood that early. I did however cut down on caffeine bc that has a withdrawal and I didn't want to do it all at once if I get a BFP and shock my body so I've gotten down to mostly decaf now. Good Luck on your journey and stick around on the board.

Hi, FYI, there's no need to give up caffeine while pregnant. You can still have 200 mg, if not more.

Lasscher · October 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:

Lasscher said:

@Knottie87030966

My first 2 cycles I made the mistake of acting pregnant when I wasn't which made it that more devastating when AF came. Also it made me weird and awkward with people socially and I'm sure one of my in laws suspects we are trying due to my shady no alcohol/coffee behavior. This cycle I'm having all the drinks!!! I probably ovulated and I'm still dranking... (Misspelled on purpose ) ) I am not going to miss out on living life for a pregnancy that I don't know will come, especially since me and the future LO don't share blood that early. I did however cut down on caffeine bc that has a withdrawal and I didn't want to do it all at once if I get a BFP and shock my body so I've gotten down to mostly decaf now.

Good Luck on your journey and stick around on the board.

Hi, FYI, there's no need to give up caffeine while pregnant. You can still have 200 mg, if not more.

Yea I know I just personally will not be drinking reg coffee on a regular basis if I get PG call it paranoia which it probably is, but that's what I'm going to go with for now.

addyplusone · October 2015

Why does everyone think we are mean.. it's called tough love. We are all adults here right? You lovey squeezy mushy love go to your friends who are going to say whatever you want to hear. Not the truth.

marajay6 · October 2015

This thread has just made me realize that if I were to get pregnant soon I will have to deal with the in-laws over the holidays without the help of wine. How will I manage?!?

Buggums · October 2015

Lol @marajay6!!!

A few sips of alcohol won't hurt you even when you ARE pregnant - the whole thing is actually really overblown. So I say go ahead and have a glass of wine if you know you're not pregnant yet. Won't hurt you at all.

PrimRoseMama · October 2015

Buggums said:
Lol @marajay6!!!

A few sips of alcohol won't hurt you even when you ARE pregnant - the whole thing is actually really overblown. So I say go ahead and have a glass of wine if you know you're not pregnant yet. Won't hurt you at all.

This is actually not true. The AAP came out with a very informative study.

https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/pages/AAP-Says-No-Amount-of-Alcohol-Should-be-Considered-Safe-During-Pregnancy.aspx

Buggums · October 2015

Oh wow! Seems like they do a new study every year that's totally different. As with all things... like the whole "eggs are bad for you" "eggs are the best thing in the world for you" debates. Who knows.... just go take a pregnancy test first. lol.

rkstro2 · October 2015

Boom goes the dynamite @PrimRoseMama ! Way to share the real info and recommendations! Love it

To the OP one of my besties showed me how to pretend-drink by getting a Sprite and putting a lime in it. Looks just like a vodka tonic or a gin and tonic. Or if you like fruity drinks: a cranberry with a lime or pineapple juice and grenadine with a pineapple piece. The list goes on. I would only fake drink in front of co workers (if I were KU). In front of family I just wouldn't drink and they would have to suck it up in a "don't ask don't tell" fashion. Otherwise a BFN pre-festivities should let you know it's ok to "drank".

MrsFL2015 · October 2015

Take a glass of wine and when no one is looking try to pour some out. You said you're cutting back on alcohol, couldn't you drink one and then just say you have a headache/stomach/ate too much.

sarah0985 · October 2015

I've recently cut back dramatically on drinking due to other reasons than ttc. When people ask why I'm not drinking (which is very strange for me) I tell them flat out "I've stopped drinking because of health reasons" and they leave it alone. In my experiences most people aren't that interested in knowing why and/or don't pursue it especially if you say it matter-of-factly and then change the topic. They tend to not make a big deal out of it if you don't make a big deal out of it.

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