Normal to feel kindof antisocial?

ealiska · October 2015

One of my biggest sources of anxiety right now is not being able to rest and being stuck out when I just want to be home.I have a few social engagements in my calendar that I want nothing more than to get out of and I'm wondering if the rest of you feel that way.
I also have a specific issue I'm trying to figure out and would love your feedback on.
A girl I'm pretty close with is having her bachelorette party Saturday night (yes, Halloween). It involves meeting at the MOH's house for cocktails/apps/presents and then taking a party bus to downtown Detroit. I RSVP'd a month ago when I was feeling pretty good. Recently I've been struggling a little. I'm still quite healthy but in the last two weeks my feet have started swelling , my BP went up (10 points although I'm still in a healthy range) and I found out I'm not anaemic , but my hemoglobin levels are half a point away from it. I'm DREADING a spending a night at the bars without a way to leave whenever I want. DH does not want me driving myself to downtown Detroit on Halloween (or ever) and I agree.
He said he'd be willing to be on call that night to come get me if I start feeling unwell or that maybe I should just do the part at the MOH's house and then leave. I'd still bring a gift and pay for my portion of the party bus because I know the MOH planned on me being there. I feel awful because I said I'd go, and I'll likely have to leave her wedding early as it's 10 days before my due date. Only myself and one other person from our group of friends from college can make it (she has lots of other friends going )so I know she's not feeling the love from us as a group AND I'd worry my other friend would feel out of place.
If I only go to the MOH's house am I being selfish/ lazy or taking care of myself?

goldochsi · October 2015

Of course you're not selfish! I hope it will be appreciated that you show up at all.
I also only go out now if I can choose when to leave.
But people can be insensitive. I understand your concerns!

kristen2b · October 2015

I don't leave the house unless I have to. Also I kind of hate everyone. About the party, maybe go to the house just for present opening and then go home. The bride is going to get wasted pretty quickly after that and won't even notice you aren't there.

JElizbetty · October 2015

For my batchlorette my cousin in law 9 months prego went with us, but I did tell her ahead of time I would completely understand if she didn't want to go or she had to leave early, I admired her just for even wanting to go while pregnant. So I don't think you are being selfish at all, and I think and hope the bride to be will also completely understand as I did. Staying home and resting up sounds so much better and safer, drunk people can be unpredictable. And yes I have gotten more antisocial than I already was lol, I blame my low tolerance for humans on hormones, kind of always been that way now it's just intensified.

c000501 · October 2015

I've had to opt out of many things and people understand... Just getting to the end and need rest. People will understand and wanting to be a home body is temporary..... It'll be ok, just take care of yourself and baby.

Daphneh28 · October 2015

I think you are so nice to compromise that way. I have been out of society for months now lol! Can barely make it to work. So don't feel bad. Call MOH and Call bride and your other friend. I'm sure they will all understand.

Mother0fDragons · October 2015

I agree with pp about going to MOH's house for the pre-celebration and then once everyone gets ready to go to the bars head home. The bars on Halloween night would be the last place I'd want to be too. Drunk and tipsy people are super annoying when you're knocked up!! Also like mentioned, drunk people can be unpredictable, better to be at home safe and comfy. Hope your friend can be understanding if you meet her half way.

Angelface225 · October 2015

A night of bar hopping, especially on halloween sounds like a special kind of hell right now. I've turned into a total homebody too, dinner out is about as adventurous as I get these days. Cancelled a client in the city today because I didn't want to drive in this crazy hurricane remnant weather we're getting.

koala1107 · October 2015

Yeah I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go. I admire you for even considering it. I honestly want to cry just thinking about being dragged around to bars all night on Halloween. I picked up an extra shift at work this weekend just to avoid being dragged to a friends party lol. My tolerance for drunk people when I'm pregnant and uncomfortable is a zero. So no, you're definitely not alone!

oregonmommy-2 · October 2015

If I were you I would just go to MOH house and give gifts and hang out with them then go home when they go downtown. Personally I wouldn't go downtown being this far along pregnant and uncomfortable. If she gets upset that's ok.. One day when she is pregnant she will understand your decisions.

Cmagno · October 2015

You're a saint for even considering it! I struggle with still feeling like I need to "do everything" and be super involved in things but I have to take a step back and remember that it's not all about me. I'm now carrying a full grown baby with me (35 weeks) and it's important I keep myself from getting totally exhausted. My goal is to spend November cuddling my toddler, going out on little outings, working my part time schedule and otherwise resting and trying to enjoy the last month of this pregnancy. Good luck but try not to beat yourself up if you end up skipping the whole bachelorette!

rockinmathchic · October 2015

I agree with PPs. If you want to support her, go to the first part at the house and decline the second part of the night. They will totally understand. Plus, speaking from experience (had severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome with my 1st pregnancy), higher blood pressure, even if it's not considered high by doctor's standards, is nothing to mess with. Stay home, relax and take care of yourself.

ssn109 · October 2015

I can feel for you here. One of my really good friends is getting married 1 week after my due date, 5 hours away. So that's already out unless LO makes his grand entrance a month early. Which I'm not hoping for. I told her way back that I still wanted to go to her bridal shower and bachelorette party though, since I was excited for her. The shower was a few weeks ago, and I made the trek from Pittsburgh to New York for it.

Howver, her sister slacked on getting the bachelorette party together, and it's less than a month before my due date. In NYC. More than 5 hours from my OB. So I had to beg out, there was no way it would be ok for me to travel that far that close to my due date, especially being high risk. Instead, I and a couple other girls who couldn't go for various reasons planned a mini bachelorette night for the 4 of us next weekend. We all felt bad we couldn't go, and thought this was the best way we could make up for it.

So, if you just go to the little party at the MOH house, and then beg out I should think you'd be fine. If she gives you an indication her feelings are hurt despite your situation, maybe offer to take her out for dinner or do something fun with just the two of you or just a few of your mutual college friends who couldn't make it. At least you're making an effort, one day she'll appreciate it (hopefully)!

VesperLove · October 2015

I think it's great that you're even considering PART of the night. It takes so much energy just for me to get up the energy to go out and do ANYTHING ... work, social events, grocery store, so I know how you feel.

I think that your friend would totally understand if you only went to the first part of it. She'd likely just be happy that you're there at all! The MOH will be thrilled that you're still willing to pay your part. All will be well. If this was me and it was someone I was close enough with to be invited to something like that, I'd definitely still try and go to the first part (even if I was exhausted) but I absolutely would not be going out to the bars. No way.

grkgdss00 · October 2015

Agree with others, just go to the house and say hi for presents, etc and see them off! Your friend will be super grateful you were there for that and should totally understand. I definitely wouldn't be going if I were you! Hell to the no.

stlmomof2 · October 2015

I lived in Rochester Hills MI for 2 years and never again will I drive to downtown Detroit by myself again LOL. For me it would just seen awkward that I am already so many weeks pregnant and in a bar where everyone is drinking and I can't. I say drive to MOH's house to show you DO care but if she asks you why you aren't going to show up afterwards you can tell her you are not feeling that well and leave it at that.

I miss Michigan

great place to live.

Melissadmag · October 2015

You're not being selfish at all. Honestly if I was the bachelorette I would be thrilled to have you over at the house, but would almost feel like I had to ... I don't want to say babysit...but I guess I would feel a little held back on the party bus and at the clubs/bars and stuff if I had a very pregnant friend there with me. I'd feel protective I guess and wanting to make sure she was still having fun even though she wasn't drinking, and be worried about her all night instead of focusing on myself. I think it would come as a relief to know that yes, she cared enough to come to the laid back house part of it, but had the foresight not to come to the crazy part of it, especially since you can't really partake much in the partying anyway.

I think it is a great compromise to go to the house, show her some love, and then excuse yourself before the rest of the night gets going.

ramfam2507 · October 2015

I don't even want to go trick or treating with my daughter. Bar hopping? Puhhhhlease [-X

ealiska · October 2015

Thanks for all the support! I just got off the phone with the bride and you guys nailed it. She was super supportive and said she was happy I could make it to the beginning part! I'm so relieved!

coolwhip1010789 · November 2015

I don't think it's selfish at all! People should understand that you're at the point now where everything is uncomfortable. They should appreciate the effort you're putting into being a part of everything. I think going to her house and paying your portion is a great idea and if they expect more oh well, you can only do what you can do!

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