feeling very down - looking for some positives

troys · October 2015

Recently I found out I have a blocked fallopian tube and previously had found out my husband has low motility. I've been quickly slipping into a depressive state and can't stop thinking about it. I can't get into the fertility doctor for another 3 weeks and I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it. Does anyone have any positive ways to cope? Any success stories? What did you do to keep it off your mind?

riveridgional · October 2015

I don't have any experience with this, but just try to focus on the fact that in 3 weeks you will know more and be able to take some productive steps. Grieving is a completely normal and justified part of the infertility process. Let yourself do it and don't feel guilty about it. However, it always helps me to set a time limit for my grieving. Maybe give yourself one more day to be upset. Then, try to pick yourself back up, keep your chin up, and enjoy the next 3 weeks with your DH. Try to plan at least one fun thing a week that you can look forward to and help keep your mind off everything. You will get through this and we're all here to help and support you throughout this process.

jnissa · October 2015

Everything that was said above!

Just keep in mind that everything that you're describing is treatable. There are plenty of success stories around here with those conditions. In the time frame of TTC, while three weeks may seem like an eternity to wait, it's really not that long. Keep in mind that while you're sad, there's nothing there that ends your dream or your chances. You'll just need to be a little patient and maybe take a longer route.

HBamama2B · October 2015

@troys I understand how you are feeling. We stumbled after we got DH MFI Dx on top of my own infertility. The positive was, once we met with the RE, as pp noted above, we felt instantly better to be taking concrete steps towards a positive outcome. While every week feels like a broken glass lifetime in our cycles, the best encouragement I can give you is that with fertility help (IVF with ICSI for instance) you will have double the chance of achieving pregnancy a normally fertile couple would. I hope your journey ends with a BFP soon!!

twomommiestobe · October 2015

When is your appt? Our ivf consult with our new RE is Nov 9. We can count down together!

My wife and I will be doing reciprocal ivf. I have anovulatory cycles (not ovulating) so I will be using her eggs. Three weeks will fly by!

troys · October 2015

Our appointment is Nov 10, we can definately count down together! I wish you all the best luck and appreciate the kind encouraging words! @twomommiestobe keep me posted!

twomommiestobe · October 2015

@troys we aren't wanting to start meds until Jan. Do you have a time line in mind? I want to survive the holidays and then let our deductible reset in Jan first

troys · October 2015

@twomommiestobe I honestly know nothing. I'm guessing it'll be at least December before anything happens with my cycle happening to start before our appointment in November. I know it'd be smart to wait until Jan so i'm not paying a deductible twice but I'm so over the waiting game! #hurryup&wait

twomommiestobe · October 2015

I really just wanna enjoy Christmas dinner hahaha but then again... I'd love to surprise our moms at christmas with a bfp... I just doubt we could get it done by then. So I'm not considering that option

oxinfree · October 2015

@troys - waiting is torture... no way around it. I personally find writing therapeutic. My journal always understands

and never judges me for swearing or being irrationally angry... worth a try

best of luck at your upcoming appointment. I've been waiting for mine for about 3 months and its tomorrow

eeeeeeeee

troys · October 2015

Good luck at your appointment today! @oxinfree

oxinfree · October 2015

Thanks @troys ... Not sure why but I've cried three times already today. Nerves maybe? Gah. 2.5 more hours....

troys · October 2015

How'd it go @oxinfree

oxinfree · October 2015

Hey @troys ... thanks for asking. It went okay. I'm super happy with the clinic and our doctor. It was definitely refreshing to not be told we're young and there's no reason we shouldn't be pregnant. Our last clinic in Canada was awful. They didn't really give us all the information in our file ... public health for you! Our new doc was saying he's trying to read between the lines, so kind of like starting all over again. Might be a good thing... gives me a bit of hope.

He checked my ovarian reserve which isn't bad per say, but definitely isn't where is should be for my age. Also looked like I had a significant cyst on my left ovary. He'd also like me to do a biopsy on my uterine lining. Check to see if its a receptivity issue since I've never once implanted. We're also deciding right now if I want to check for killer attack cells and our alpha Q compatibility. I think it's worth doing intralipids, and I know I have immune issues (so many allergies and sensitivities etc) so paying out of pocket for a test just to confirm seems redundant, but still worth considering. I dunno... lots of testing coming up here in general I guess....

My husband is going to be going to a urologist to check if there is anything that can be done to improve his morphology. He may have something called verioscele which you can have a surgery to correct. Poor guy. On the one side I hope so as it could fix a lot of our issue, but on the other side, I imagine that's pretty scaring for a guy to go through... he hasn't complained for a second though, and willing to do whatever (especially after i've gone through so much) so kudos to him for being awesome!

With timing we're definitely not going to be able to cycle until 2016. I'm guessing Feb? March maybe? More waiting... blergh.

2legbaby · October 2015

@troys I also have a blocked fallopian tube and DH has low #s and morphology . I also , unfortunately, am about to turn 38 so age is not on our side

Waiting is the worst part of this process whether it is waiting for appointments, aunt flow, TWW for that BFP....it sucks BUT I can agree with the other ladies here, I felt more depressed/anxious/frustrated until we met with our RE; we quickly (within a week) got our diagnoses and a plan and moved forward from there. Having a plan really helped give me a focus and help maintain my sanity (as best anyone can during this process!)

Good luck at your appointment!

vssbrm · October 2015

@oxinfree my husband has a varicocele As well. Our Doctor said that surgery will really not change our odds and there is controversy over if the surgery does anything for the sperm quality. I would be very interested to hear what you dh's urologist says.

troys · October 2015

@oxinfree I'm so glad you feel much better with your new doctor! I'm hoping for good news in the coming days during testing.

troys · October 2015

@2legbaby what have they suggest for treatment?

oxinfree · October 2015

@vssbrm - interesting and good to know! Maybe we should do a bit of reading before his aptm. Thanks for the heads up... I'll keep you posted as to what we find out! Question though... have you ever conceived naturally? Where are you at in your infertility journey? If that's too personal or I'm prying no pressure... just curious how much a factor the varicocele is. There's factors on my side as well possibly but trying to wrap my head around everything.

@troys - me too!

thnx

2legbaby · October 2015

Hey @troys- in addition to my blocked tube I also have PCOS, so with mine and my husbands problems combined, IVF was recommended as a first line option as IUI would be very unlikely to work. That being said, a urologist put my husband on Clomid (off label use for men) that increased his sperm #s, motility and morphology, so if you guys don't have any other issues going on and you are younger then us they may have less aggressive options for you so don't worry too much yet (I know tough to do!) but I did find the time we were waiting for our first RE appointment a good time to talk with my husband about what we were willing to consider financially/medically in order to make our family happen and I did a lot of research on the options so when they talked about IVF, ICSI, PGS I knew what they were speaking about and that helped lots.

As far as a fun way to pass the time and "destress" I recommend looking into adult coloring books...I find it super therapeutic and can get lost for hours if I start to stress by pulling out some pencil crayons:)

vssbrm · October 2015

@oxinfree Definitely read up on it, I still feel like I have not read enough, nor do I feel like I read anything that I felt gave us a conclusive answer of what to do. I also read there are also varying degrees of a varicocele, my DH has a "minor" one, so I would imagine recommendations vary based on circumstance. In the end we have trusted the Urologist and are not going to pursue surgery or anything. The last IUI his numbers were with in where the RE wants to see them except for the morphology which was a few % points lower than what they wanted, so that is great!! We have not conceived at all, not one BFP in the 3 years we have actively tried. The RE really feels that he will be able to get us pregnant with IUI, but as much as I try to cling on to hope, it is getting hard. He did just put me on a med to get my prolactin level (which was only slightly elevated) in to normal range (it is with in normal now!), so everything is crossed that that might be the magic sauce and work for us this time!! We will do our 3rd IUI next week, after that we will take a break to re-boot.

Good luck to you, and please keep me posted on what your urologist says!!

troys · October 2015

@2legbaby your posts are very helpful, thanks so much for sharing!

oxinfree · October 2015

@2legbaby - I agree with the coloring books. They've become so much more popular. There's also an app called recolor that I like to use when I'm on the go and anxious or whatever. just an fyi

@vssbrm - thanks... yea. I'm sure it'll be just a trust our gut situation. My hubby only has 1% normal (or below even) which the doc found concerning. They didn't even recommend IUI for us, we skipped straight to IVF with ICSI because of it in the past. Then again... there are also issues with me possibly so likely correlated to a multitude of factors. Fingers crossed for this last IUI for you!!! Hopefully no break is needed... and you finally have that bfp!! hugs to you!

Caroline351 · October 2015

I'm sorry you're struggling.

While I can't say I've experienced what you are, I totally understand the sadness. Those are the hard days. I let myself cry if I feel like, but then I throw myself into something I LOVE to do. It's a lot easier to distract yourself with something you love (I've been reading a ton!). Sometimes that includes ice cream and watching Disney movies with my cat.

The other thing I do, is go to the gym. I HATE the gym, but I love the feeling after a workout. Not a gym person? Go for a walk, exercise really is good for the mind, body, and soul!

Lastly, I'll tell my husband I feel bad. I can tell you he usually is like a deer in headlights to my tears, but he'll hold me or rub my back and that has amazing healing powers.

We're all different and you'll find your way to do you. But don't be afraid to make it ALL ABOUT YOU when you need it.

Good luck!

2legbaby · October 2015

Thanks @oxinfree ! I'm going to download that app:)

troys · November 2015

I'm so excited! Our appointment was 11/10 but got a call this morning of a cancellation this afternoon! I'm at work and of course can't concentrate! Pray for us!

twomommiestobe · November 2015

How exciting!!!!

update us later

troys · November 2015

PCOS it is. Pills pills pills and then probably insemination

twomommiestobe · November 2015

I'm sorry. But at least you know for sure and can get a game plan. There is a ton of research on how changing your diet can help with pcos. Look into it

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