Career Decisions

lionstigersbears · October 2015

I feel I'm coming upon a crossroads in my career and motherhood, and really need perspective from others. I have made passing mention of this in a variety of threads (TTT and the maternity leave thread if I remember correctly), so forgive me if I'm becoming a whiner. I truly would like some feedback, whether it be from personal experience positive or negative, HR perspective, SAHM, WAHM, working moms, anyone!

I got my masters in social work and worked my way up at a non profit from intern to part time to full time to a supervisor of a program in the past 3 years. This past summer I reached the highest licensing credential for my degree. After coming back to work I advocated for myself to work from home one day per week for admin tasks because I was really struggling. It hasn't helped. Truly going part time in my role is unlikely. Before I was so torn between loving my work and wanting to be with my little. The scales are shifting...my work has lost the magic for me, but I'm not totally disconnected from the piece of my identity that is a clinical social worker. I could imagine myself finding part time in another setting, maybe soon, maybe in a few years.

Here's where I'm at--financially it doesn't make much difference if I don't work (daycare for 2 and insurance premiums are ridiculous) and I know I want to leave my job, but in a smart way. So far I have come up with these ideas...
-leaving before maternity leave (pro-clean break, best thing for me personally con-could make resume look like I couldn't cut it as a supervisor, aka worst thing for my career)
-coming back for a quarter after maternity leave (pro-done before holidays, 1+ year in current role, con-feels flakey)
-stick it out until we hopefully move in the next 2-3 years and leave gracefully that way (ugh).

I know this is getting long so I'll leave it at that unless more info is needed to give me the awesome insights I know are sure to come ....

I appreciate any perspective anyone has, things I haven't considered, encouragement, a kick in the butt, etc.

yogahh · October 2015

If you are unhappy, and would rather be a SAHM and can afford it, I would go that way. Why continue to work if its not fulfilling to you anymore, and your salary is just getting eaten up by daycare? I don't think that leaving would mean you are "not cut out to be a manager" at all, and any future hiring manager that would think that doesn't deserve to have you on their team. If you think part-time work is manageable, maybe go that way, so you still have your foot in the door?

lionstigersbears · October 2015

@yogahh it may sound silly, but reading your reply brought out a huge deep breath. I appreciate your reply, it's nice to hear that it doesn't automatically make me an undesirable future candidate in your eyes.

laurenmdrn16 · October 2015

Honestly, I think if you can, leave before your maternity leave. To me it seems like the best option for you and the best option for your career. As for how it will look on your resume, I think it will be more telling to highlight any initiatives or accomplishments that you made while working as a supervisor. I left my previous position right before my maternity leave because I was on bedrest and didn't want them to limp through with a substitute when I wasn't even sure I was going back after my maternity leave ended. Sure, questions were asked about why I left my job at the beginning of the school year, but I professionally answered that it was the best option for myself and my previous employer.

proudparent2b · October 2015

It's a tough decision. Definitely do what you think is best, since you are financially able to make the decision.

The only caveat I have is that choosing to stay at home for a few years has been proven to negatively impact your future career and earnings. For some people, that's a big deal, while to others it's worth it to be a SAHM.

Charla1224 · October 2015

Fellow social worker here..... Hey Girl Hey!

I think you need to make the best decision for your mental health and for your family. If that's to leave before your maternity leave, then leave. Our profession is generally pretty forgiving and accommodating. I'm sure you can find a social work deep way of expressing your need to leave your supervisory role before the one year mark due to self and family care needs. I'm especially confident you'll do fine because you've already got your LCSW (so jealous. I'm afraid baby will set me back 3 months in my journey towards LCSW). There are so many great opportunities for LCSW's. The field is incredibly diverse. Social Work is also an easy profession to stay connected to as a SAHM or WAHM. Find a nonprofit board and join, get involved in local politics, community groups, etc. These type of volunteer experiences are just as valuable on a social workers resume IMO.

mrstmoose · October 2015

I'm a social worker so I'll leave you this perspective: our field is extremely fluid, to where you can always find a different position. If you really want to be a SAHM, I would quit when you have the baby and go back to work whenever you are ready. This way, you can save for a few more months and give your employer, employees and clients the transition that they need. Good luck! I'm jealous you can stay home!

countrygrl5533 · October 2015

With my first, I quit my job 3 weeks, 3 days before my due date, on a Friday. Then my DD was early and I went into labor 3 days later, that Monday. I had hoped to have at least a couple weeks to enjoy being home, get some freezer meals made, etc. Didn't happen. So my suggestion is to quit before the baby is born. Try to enjoy a little time before the baby gets here. If you can afford it, take the first 1-2 weeks with your son still in daycare and enjoy some time to yourself. Then enjoy a few weeks with just you and your son before the baby gets here.

I was in the school setting but had/have a number of friends in the social work field. Like a few have already said, it's a pretty forgiving field when it comes to things like this.

kbrands7 · October 2015

If you would prefer to be a SAHM, and can afford to do so, I say do it! I wish that I didn't hold the insurance ( and salary atm) for our family or I would stay home for a few years while the kiddos are young.

I agree with PP that it seems like it would be best to work until you are due, or close to it, then leave as a clean break. Focus your resume on your accomplishments at work for when you want to get back into the workforce, and maybe do some occasional volunteer work with the little ones when you're home to keep your resume fresh/connect to social work somehow.

BuzzBee614 · October 2015

This post hits home for me because it was my exact dilemma at the end of the last school year. I have two masters degrees in education that I will be paying off the rest of my life and many teaching certifications. However, I was miserable because teaching wasn't the most important thing in my life anymore and I resented the time away from my daughter. She was hospitalized in April and that was the straw that broke the camels back.

I resigned in June and work part time as a server/bartender plus do a work from home job 10-15 hours a week. I do not regret my decision, but I do acknowledge it will hurt my career. I am concerned I may not be able to get a job in a few years when I am ready to return because I live in a highly competitive area for teaching positions.

I am blessed that my husband carries the insurance and financially it is extremely tight (no vacations anytime soon) but again, I do not regret it for a minute.

I think it depends on you as it is a deeply personal decision. some people enjoy being a SAHM while others are better as working moms.

I will tell you: juggling 10 bananas would be easier than trying to work from home with a toddler. It is an adventure every day. Haha.

camillaandcarson · October 2015

I have a masters and am at home.
I feel beyond fortunate to have this option at all. And I haven't experienced regret despite money being tight.

lionstigersbears · October 2015

Thank you all SO much for your thoughts and ideas!

@laurenmdrn16 good points, and it's helpful to hear about others who have had to make tough calls that factor in so many different pieces. Similar to what @Charla1224 and @mrstmoose said, I'm fortunate in the sense that social work is a field where people tend to understand this kind of thing more, are tuned into self-care/burnout/compassion fatigue and all of that, and that there are so many ways to maintain connection to the field. Totally valid point from @proudparent2b though, I'd have to make the decision knowing that getting back into the field may take some rebuilding in the future, depending on how I spent my time in the interim and what work I was looking for when the time comes.

@countrygrl5533 and @kbrands7 (and others, I'm starting to lose track!) I think you're spot on with the benefits of timing. If I'm going to leave, giving myself, staff and clients a hard date that I can within reason depend on, rather than rolling the dice close to EDD.

Not sure who else is a SAHM/WAHM besides @buzzbee614 and @camillaandcarson but I'm glad neither of your have regrets. I'm not under the impression that staying home will be all roses and butterflies, but I can relate to the feeling of resentment growing what what I'm doing now.

Again, I'm getting wordy but wanted to truly express my gratitude to each and every one of you. I had been feeling so isolated in my concerns and ideas about what to do then it dawned on me....I have a whole community right here! I'll update as I continue on this road to making changes.

itsStackie · October 2015

I worked non profit social work as well. Your area may be different, but they seem to understand people leaving due to money or needing some family time. I think letting them know you plan to not return for a while near the end of your pregnancy will help when you try to return or look for something else in the non profit field, since most seem to know about other non profits and such. I was unhappy at my job most of this past year, but didn't want to leave due to the flexibility, PTO, and the fact I actually had a small case load. In June I lost my job from budget cuts and it has been a blessing from God. Have courage and leave.

countrygrl5533 · October 2015

lionstigersbears said:

Not sure who else is a SAHM/WAHM besides @buzzbee614 and @camillaandcarson but I'm glad neither of your have regrets. I'm not under the impression that staying home will be all roses and butterflies, but I can relate to the feeling of resentment growing what what I'm doing now.

I am a SAHM who does some work as well (I create my hours though as it is a blog and an Etsy shop). I wouldn't say that I regret staying home....but 3.5 years later, I am really missing working and a "sense of self." It's part of why I do some of my own work. But still....I always wanted to be a SAHM. Now that I am, I don't think it is all it was cracked up to be. Not saying that to scare you at all. I think it would be a whole lot harder for me to have sleepless nights (newborn, sick kid, etc.) followed by actually having to go to work instead of being able to stay in my pjs and take a bit of a down day. It's a good thing we are never trapped into one decision forever.

Merciel · October 2015

I want to echo the consensus that previous posters have expressed.

My feeling is that in social work, it's so important to have a passion for your work and to be able to truly connect with the people you're trying to help. If you're feeling disenchanted and burned out, then it may be difficult for you to make those connections, and that's a field where burnout can really have some long-lasting effects for the clients and for you. I've known people who took cases that they probably shouldn't have because they couldn't make themselves say no, and things didn't go well, and the social workers (unfairly) blamed themselves and had to carry that guilt around because they felt like they could/should have done better (even when, from my perspective as an outside observer, that did not seem remotely warranted or fair -- but I think it's a thing with people in this profession that they hold themselves up to impossible standards sometimes).

Anyway, I am not a social worker myself, but my job brings me into contact with them sometimes, and since I've noticed that pattern a few times, I wonder if perhaps it might be a factor here as well. Maybe, maybe not, just throwing it out there as something to consider.

lionstigersbears · October 2015

@merciel totally valid observation, I've seen it too and I DON'T want to be that person. I feel guilt about leaving, but compared to the guilt I feel not having the same passion I did before and continuing on despite my options....there's truly no comparison.

@countrygrl5533 you're on the other side and share a really good perspective too...been there done that kind of thing. It's that kind of story that I'll have to hold onto as motivation to maintain my licensure so that my decision doesn't have to be forever either!

Thanks to you too @itsstackie ! Same around me, the nonprofit world is tightly knit and in case we don't move closer to family, I definitely want to leave on good terms and maintain relationships. This opens an entire new can of worms.....my boss and I are quite close and relate well (we've each shared pregnancy news wth each other early and connected as mothers over the past year or so). It totally blurs the lines about how much notice to give...I wonder if too much would actually be counterproductive, or come across as deceptive if I waited too long. Hmm.

I'll chew on that for awhile I think!

Mellbow · October 2015

I am in the same position. I worked hard to be where I am in my career and even earned a master degree to get here. I stayed home until my DD was 4 months to spend extra time with her and learned that being a SAHM is so hard.

I have also lost the spark with my work and feel like I'm doing everyone a disservice right now. I struggle with being tired every day and I know it will pass, but I feel like I'm not pulling my weight and I'm supposed to be a leader. I also know that I will likely never find a position like I am in now and will probably go back to the classroom if I decide SAHM life is not for me.

I'm an educator and am contracted yearly, so I plan to tell my employer around Feb/March so that they can find my replacement for next year.

saraleigh2 · October 2015

I would not worry about what others are going to think- there are so many factor that go into this decision. Just give proper notice and be as helpful as you can about the transition. If it comes up in a future interview-agree it was best for you and your employer as was stated by another mom! You have to do what's right for you and if your heart's not in it right now then how can't you keep doing a good job? How can you be happy? If that's the case the won't it be worse later? Go with your gut!

saladflambe · October 2015

Were I in your position, I would give ample notice and plan not to return after delivery.

Short and sweet answer

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