Bedroom issues

clairemwalker · October 2015

Looking for some advice/opinions lovely bumpies! Sex has been a little absent from the bedroom lately . . . First it was because i was so sick/tired and then it got a little better but it would sometimes be uncomfortable for me so we didnt do it that often. Now my pregnant belly wierds him out. Kind of worrying since at 19w5d im going to get alot bigger! Also now that im noticeably pregnant the baby itself in there kind of turns him off. Does anyone think this might change? Or any advice on how to deal with it? Or just suck it up and get over it? Search function leads me to believe its a fairly common issue, but no one really had any advice or anything. Thanks!

llybeck · October 2015

It's tough sometimes, the belly/baby would kill the mood for me too last time. DH described it to me that I want unattractive and in fact he found me more beautiful and amazing than ever, but he couldn't get past that it was "weird". I basically asked him to suck it up and he did, it got better but we definitely had less sex. After baby was born we went right back at it.

I would just make sure he knows he's not going to "hurt" the baby (some guys worry about that) and ask if there is anything else he would be more comfortable with. There are a lot of things you can do that aren't penetration sex and maybe that would be easier for him for a while or to help get him back into it. I'm sorry, I know it's frustrating.

kyraaD · October 2015

it definitely is a common issue! a lot of guys are really weirded out with having sex once their SO becomes noticably bigger, or the baby starts moving.
what positions are you guys mainly doing? if you dont mind me asking.. perhapse doing different positions would help? for example, doggy style. a lot of guys love it & he wont be near your belly so it might make him feel a little more comfortable. you can also do a variation of reverse cowgirl where he sits on the edge of the bed & you sit on him facing away. your belly wont be facing him so again he wont have to necessarily see or be near it.
also, have you tried talking to him about it? tell him you miss being intimate with him, & ask what would make him more comfortable in bed now that you're getting bigger. in the end tho it's up to him. if he really really isnt comfortable then i wouldn't put too much pressure on him. it sucks, but it wont last forever!

edit: spelling.

clairemwalker · October 2015

Haha thanks guys, we kinda tried (and failed) to talk about it this morning which is what lead me to post. Its not so much that he thinks he will hurt the baby, but more just that its wierd for him to have sex with a baby in there at all. I did notice that he quickly changed me out of any position where my belly was in his line of sight which is what prompted me to ask him. He also admitted that while he still finds me beautiful, he is not really sexually attracted to me the same as before in my pregnant state. Kudos to him for being honest but i started hormonal crying at that point so that was the end of the discussion. Arrrg not sure if there is a solution to be had except for suck it up and hope that he gets past it!

kynbar5 · October 2015

My husband is like this. His problem isn't thinking he'll hurt the baby it's more that he's just not completely comfortable with the whole idea. When I'm not pregnant everything goes back to normal. I think it's great that y'all talked about it but it is hard to do. Now that you know the actual problem we can try to help!

Doggy style is an option but (for me at least) it can be painful. I personally like lying on my side and having him behind. Only thing about that position that he doesn't like is if his hand makes it's way to my belly and the baby kicks. This quickly prompts a change in position lol. Maybe try standing/slightly bending in front of the bed and have him behind you. If you're both still wanting to have sex and be open and honest with each other then it's a process that actually can bring you closer together and hep with communication. Good luck! Now I'm going to go blush haha $:\$ ">

skruhmin · October 2015

So this is a very common issue in relationships during pregnancy. If you can try to find other ways that you can connect one on one. If that's a massage - great. If that's a candlelit bath, great. If you can, try to look into new positions together that will help both of you feel comfortable and fun. Pregnancy can be a very erotic/sensual time, you just have to try to find that new norm.

arcanejinx · October 2015

My DH is ok with pregnancy sex he just gets a bit weirded out touching me. However he is all about my belly when he is sleeping. I also injured my hip so positions have been limited due to the pain.

I had to tell DH to back off a bit in the sex department as I feel so unattractive and weird. I then had to have another talk and say he could touch me! I think he's just trying to figure out my moods.

As others have said sometimes the best and only way to figure this out is to be open and honest. Try to bring it up when you two aren't in the middle of anything. In the heat of the moment it can be too easy to feel hurt/unheard but during a calm neutral time it's must easier to speak and to listen.

clairemwalker · October 2015

Thanks for the advice ladies! @kynbar5 i think our husbands are thinking a bit the same, the physical want to do it is there but its totally weird for him to actually have sex. Funnily enough, that side position that you were describing is where we ended up! (My turn to blush) im sure everything will go back to normal. This is our first pregnancy so we are finding out more and more every day. Never thought sex would be an issue though!

skruhmin · October 2015

clairemwalker said:

Thanks for the advice ladies! @kynbar5 i think our husbands are thinking a bit the same, the physical want to do it is there but its totally weird for him to actually have sex. Funnily enough, that side position that you were describing is where we ended up! (My turn to blush) im sure everything will go back to normal. This is our first pregnancy so we are finding out more and more every day. Never thought sex would be an issue though!

Just wait until you've hit beached whale status. The only advice I have for you is to be able to laugh at yourself, because that's all you can do

hang in there.

cmerribury · October 2015

The ladies here gave some great advice. I'm just chiming in (late) to say that my husband reacted much like your and @kynbar5 husbands during my first pregnancy. It was really hard on me and really alienating. However, this time around I want nothing to do with him physically, and I think he'd be OK with it...so you never really know. I'm just expecting that things will be a bit whacked out, but go back to normal eventually. Good luck!

kynbar5 · October 2015

@skruhmin lmao that could be a whole new thread in itself! We'd all be peeing our pants reading those hilarious stories!!!

skruhmin · October 2015

kynbar5 said:

@skruhmin lmao that could be a whole new thread in itself! We'd all be peeing our pants reading those hilarious stories!!!

Seriously! I'm cringing thinking about the last 10 weeks, especially desperation get this baby out of me sex - so awkward. Oy!

kynbar5 · October 2015

skruhmin said:

kynbar5 said:

@skruhmin lmao that could be a whole new thread in itself! We'd all be peeing our pants reading those hilarious stories!!!

Seriously! I'm cringing thinking about the last 10 weeks, especially desperation get this baby out of me sex - so awkward. Oy!

Aaahahahahhaa!! I swear, having babies either brings you closer to your spouse or so so so far apart! The fact that we're still happily together makes me SO thankful! Oh, the things that have been burned into my brain lmao

RosyK · October 2015

Maybe get one of those baby doll nighties? It would be billowy enough to hide the belly for a while, after which time he might be more used to it.

With dd1, dh was like that, and I finally told him to suck it up and just do it a few times and if he still felt weirded out, then we could do it less. He did get over it, and dd2, 3 and this baby have all been our usual sex life.

kellygrace2 · October 2015

cmerribury said:
The ladies here gave some great advice. I'm just chiming in (late) to say that my husband reacted much like your and @kynbar5 husbands during my first pregnancy. It was really hard on me and really alienating. However, this time around I want nothing to do with him physically, and I think he'd be OK with it...so you never really know. I'm just expecting that things will be a bit whacked out, but go back to normal eventually. Good luck!

So glad I'm not the only one - same situation here! First pregnancy my husband was so afraid he'd hurt the baby (it took us awhile to conceive so he was paranoid). This time around he's wanting it and I'm just not into it. He's really understanding about it and everything else is great. I'm sure things will get back to normal once this one is born.

Parker16772 · October 2015

Same situation here! Normally we are pretty active but lately it's been pretty non existent. We had the same problem when I was pregnant with DS and it went right back to normal afterwards. Its just so awkward with a belly in the way!

clairemwalker · October 2015

Oh god beached whale status!!!!! I think ignorance is bliss .. . I am but a naieve FTM. thanks for the advice (plus some giggles) ladies it does make me feel better to get the reassurance that this is a pretty typical man problem. I find it funny that before i got pregant he was so worried that i wouldnt want it anymore but now its him! I do reckon he will go back to normal when the baby was born, we have started joking about how we will just have to have sex in the dark so my belly isnt obvious!

ash10828ash · October 2015

I have the opposite problem, my husband is into it and I'm the one freaked out. Ah pregnancy. I'm sure things will be back to normal once the baby is out

maelic · October 2015

It weirds my husband out too, alas. First trimester I feel like shit, so no dice. Second trimester is okay. By the third trimester he doesn't want to come near me with a ten foot pole. I took it personally last time, which didn't help, but at this point, ehn. It is what it is, I can't force him to be comfortable with it, nor would I want to, so it'll just be a drought until, oh, July?

Melodyags · October 2015

I'm having the opposite problem. Mine seems to want sex more when I'm pregnant. We can't now because of medical reasons.

Lidibear · October 2015

My husband had the same issue with my first pregnancy. After talking about it, it wasn't that he was turned off, seeing my pregnant belly reminded him that his baby was in there and he was scared to hurt the baby or me.

I took him to an appt with me where we both asked all of the questions we had. He slowly got over it.

He had no issue with it whatsoever with or second and he actually admitted he was found me even more beautiful pregnant.

This time around I've had a hard time due to morning sickness and migraines. While he will make sure I'm feeling well enough to to be intimate, he is super playful and finds ways to show me I still turn him on. A touch here and there. A kiss. Anything to let me know he is in the mood without being pushy.

So, yeah, talk to him about it. Find the answers together. Spring for some crotchless panties, lol. Be playful.

pbrad15 · October 2015

My husband is super into it, but I'm not at all. It makes me feel bad, but he's understanding. Maybe try some lingerie to help get him in the mood?

chime · October 2015

A little of the opposite here. We have both been wanting it but we can't. 20+ weeks to go...

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