Telling your employer

seasalt123 · October 2015

I'm at 13 weeks and had my 12 week ultrasound last week. Everything appeared to be normal but I have a midwife appointment the end of next week, so I guess they will confirm then.

I'm struggling with when to tell my employer. I'm dreading this but also don't like the dishonesty. At this point, my stomach is bloated all day as well, particularly when I eat. I know it's not baby, but it doesn't look normal at all anymore. Thankfully, I have some loose shirts to cover it up with.

When is everyone telling their employer? Does anyone have a job where they worry about the career impact this pregnancy will have?

LadySamLady · October 2015

I'm very lucky in this department - I work on a 6 person team and 5 of us are women. Our team manager is a mother of 3 (her youngest just turned one) and another colleague is coming back from maternity leave next week. It couldn't be a more supportive, family-friendly environment. Telling my team was easy.

Telling my actual boss boss (the actual princess I've mentioned) was much more nerve wracking. I told her this week, because we have a relationship where I knew she'd feel slighted if I waited much longer than 13 weeks and in order to give her as much time to mentally prepare as possible. I was worried that she would be stressed by my absence and spent a long time planning out how I would explain the ways in which my team would fill in while I'm on leave and emphasizing that I am never unreachable (working for a small family financial office to billionaires has a lot of perks but going off the grid just isn't one of them). Well, to my surprise she was nothing but excited for me. She expressed no worries or concern and said "Oh Sam, do not worry about me! I know the office can handle it, I'm just so happy for you."

I recognize that my job is pretty unique though and I'm sure there are many more factors to consider in a more corporate environment.

kbrands7 · October 2015

I had to tell my principal & director fairly early because I had some bleeding issues and needed to leave a little early from work in order to make an appointment on time. They were both polite about it and know that I'll have everything ready for my long term sub, and that I'll help find a suitable sub. (I did last time.) I told my coworkers yesterday and everyone has been great. : )

I'm more concerned about the return to work, as it was frustrating last time. The evaluation policy is such that, when returning from maternity leave, you are evaluated more like an untenured teacher (lots of observations, lots of paperwork). Making a pumping schedule and getting privacy before school/after school/during lunch/during a portion of prep (3 unpaid times, one portion of non-instructional time) was difficult and not always respected. I quickly learned to fully cover while pumping because I was walked in on so many times despite a locked door, sign, and admin knowing my schedule. My main pump being during lunch (unpaid time) also meant that I didn't really get a chance to socialize with coworkers much last year except in the hallway, so I was accidentally left out of the loop for some things. I got shafted that year on courses also even though I filled out requests before maternity leave. The reasoning I was told was "...well, you weren't here..." then quickly a more political response about schedules like puzzle pieces and what-not.

nerdymama15 · October 2015

My immediate supervisor knows and our other teammate knows. Our department pretty much consists of three people lol. I asked my supervisor when a good time to tell HR and she said end of Feb, March. Somewhere in there.

seasalt123 · October 2015

Thanks for the responses ladies.

My company is 'family friendly' and I work with women but I also know it's human nature for an employer to factor in your pregnancy when considering which projects to assign. Huge downside to being female. :-(

nsouplynn · October 2015

I told my reporting supervisor about two weeks ago. I wasn't casual about it and I got straight to the point. (He's a guy, what to expect??) He was trying to process the news and congratulated me but I can tell my pregnancy/maternity leave is going to be something that we may come across and they won't be thrilled to deal with. I haven't told the president of my department yet but I am pretty sure he will find out.

laurenmdrn16 · October 2015

My principal and nurse leader know because I needed to get coverage for an appointment. I did tell the rest of the nurses in the district at the last nurse's meeting, which may have been a mistake because they keep calling and asking how I am doing, which is nice...and then giving so much advice about what I should be eating, "have you gotten your titers for varicella?", "HFM is a real danger", etc etc. I am a nurse too so I get it, but really I just want to do my job, get home, take a snuggle nap with my kid, and not be worried about death lurking behind every corner!

One tip I heard is that you should wait until after you complete a project to tell your boss so I when I met with my nurse leader to tell her I had finished the kindergarten immunization survey, I also told her I was pregnant so she would know I was still planning on getting all my work done and not going to coast and leave a bunch of stuff for the sub.

cmeags · October 2015

I am probably going to let management know around 14wks (if I start showing).

I read the same tip as @laurenmdrn16 and I'd like to let them know after a project is complete.

mrstmoose · October 2015

My immediate supervisor knows as I've been having migraines and generally not feeling well.

I will tell the Executive Director at 13 weeks.

cgg0707 · October 2015

Ughh I'm struggling with this. My boss actually brought me into his office today to discuss potential promotion. I know for a fact I won't get promoted if they know I'm pregnant. Not that they will say that per se (they will use other excuse). I feel bad lying, but then again I don't think is fair if they hold me back. I kind of want to hold off a little longer to see if they start the process of promotion. Is that bad?

khochanadel · October 2015

I don't think so. You have to do what's best for you.

rlworzalla · October 2015

I just started training a new job this week, and I have yet to say anything, and we are 9w3d. I'm not sure when we will tell, as I don't want to hold out too long, but don't want to jump the gun. It's a part-time flexible position, which is better, but it's working with children with autism, and it's a lot of activity and moving around, and I want to make sure I can handle the job requirements too.

JoMunson · October 2015

I told my employer at 11 weeks after our first ultrasound confirmed. I did some research that said although it's hard, you want to make sure your boss has plenty of time to find your replacement for your maternity leave and HR has plenty of time to sort out what they can and can't offer you. I was a boss for awhile and I know that it's not your bosses job to be happy for you, it's their job to solve problems you cause- even if that "problem" is a great awesome baby.
Right now I'm a first year teacher, so technically they could choose not to renew my contract for any reason. I wonder about that sometimes, but I can find another teaching job or sub so it was worth it to me to get pregnant.

seasalt123 · October 2015

I wound up going ahead and telling my employer today. She was extremely excited and very supportive of making sure that I still would get prime projects etc. I feel relieved having told her; we had a good chat.

She left it up to me to tell her tomorrow if she can share the news with our head or not. She said she is fine either way. If I green light that, I will then also have to tell my team this week. After that, I can imagine the news will spread rather quickly on its own.

Ugh, it still makes me feel so awkward.

@cgg00707 I so understand how you feel. It felt myself in a similar circumstance as well.

Cassandramariec · October 2015

I work with an extremely family friendly company (we work with kids, and it's like 95% youngish females, so babies are everywhere.) I told my immediate supervisor last week, though I was nervous I'd find out today something had gone wrong. We had a scheduled meeting, so it was a built in time. Given the reassurance at my appointment today (12w) the time to share is nearing. I will be telling a few other supervisors who can help ask questions next time I am at the office, since we work in clients' homes.

THAT is the tricky part though-- when to tell clients. As it is, it's difficult maintaining a professional relationship when you are in someone's home on a regular basis. I am trying to figure out how and when to do so. Though a few parents may be sad/concerned as obviously I won't be there come May, and adjusting to a new therapist can be tricky and stressful, I know they will be happy, and it will be fine. I just want to handle it correctly!

Charla1224 · October 2015

I had a hard time trying to navigate that too @cassandramariec. In the end I did it based on the clients need. Some I knew would take it personally if they learned from someone else or only after I started showing. I'm meeting with my clinical supervisor tonight though and I plan to discuss it with her.

sosweet487 · October 2015

I ended up telling my employer early (around 7 weeks). I told one of my coworkers (my direct supervisor) that I was pregnant but was holding off on telling anyone else, especially the president, until after I had my first ultrasound. I told my direct supervisor because I wanted to be able to explain all my appointments as well as have someone to talk to about it

BUT... one of my twatwaffle coworkers started complaining to the president about us saying that we are always in the office giggling and talking quietly and she "knows" that we are spreading office gossip and saying mean things about her and other coworkers. There is a whole lot going on with her... she had a mental breakdown one day. So I ended up breaking down and telling the president earlier than anticipated. My supervisor said that I didn't have to but I felt it was better so that it is out there.

He was cool about it but I know he is afraid that once I give birth I'm not going to come back. Apparently the last person who was pregnant here did that and they were left without anyone to replace her. But he did say that we might be able to work out either a part time/work at home deal when I return to work. So that's good

rqurban82 · October 2015

Very normal to tell the employer about the pregnancy I did when I entered 12 weeks even my belly dosnt show that I'm pregnant the employer should give the support and help to the pregnant working ladies .

MsIan · October 2015

I told my direct supervisor and a few co-worker friends at 11 weeks. I have a 12 week appointment today and I hope that doesn't backfire on me. I'm apparently supposed to have a sit down with the boss boss soon about my intentions to come back and so forth. That's not really at the top of my Exciting Baby Things To Do List.

seasalt123 · October 2015

@sosweet487 that coworker sounds like a total idiot. I hate people like that and wish your president hadn't indulged her paranoia.

My boss has now filtered the information to the higher ups this week and then early next week/end of this week, I will tell my direct reports and then the rest of my immediate coworkers. I'm not looking forward to people knowing.

BreezieBre · October 2015

I'm very nervous to tell my employer. The company believes in work life balance, however I'm in a male driven industry. Like 80% males.

The industry is also down right now (oil and gas) major layoffs left and right. Projects have slowed down, and they're looking to cut cost every where. So I had decided to definitely not say anything until I started to show.

This week my supervisor told me that I'll be working on a major 2 part project starting beginning of November. He was excited that there was work for me, I am too, since that's job security. However, the 1st pay deadline is end of January and the full completion scheduled for the end of June!

So now I don't know when to tell because obviously I won't be here for the completion of the project all of May and June. Maybe I will tell after I complete the 1st part successfully at the end of January. That's if I can hide it that long.

RaquelFry · October 2015

I work some weekends, and I told my weekend team already. I feel the closest to them, and i want them to be ready for my absence. They're genuinely happy and excited for me.
I am not that close with anyone else I work with. My supervisor is female, although, childless. I don't see her being overjoyed about it knowing we are understaffed. I am also the most senior on my shift. And I don't see anyone else getting excited. I feel like I'm going to be emotionally shunned.
At a meeting right after I found out we were expecting, a coworker metioned in the meeting, to everyone, that people needed to stop having babies. (She also is childless)
I wouldn't say they are anti family, there usually is 3 pregnant women at a time. Some who choose a different lifestyle seem bitter. Needless to say, I am petrified, and scared to say anything. I'll probably wait until I can't hide anymore.
The people who care know, and the people who need to know will find out soon enough.

concreteayngel · October 2015

Told my supervisors last week (at around 13 weeks.) Went to HR today to see about maternity leave options. Was shocked to hear that between Paid Family Leave and FMLA, I can take up to 7 months off, 4 of them paid! Yay California!

sillyfox · October 2015

concreteayngel said:

Told my supervisors last week (at around 13 weeks.) Went to HR today to see about maternity leave options. Was shocked to hear that between Paid Family Leave and FMLA, I can take up to 7 months off, 4 of them paid! Yay California!

Incredibly jealous!!

sosweet487 · October 2015

concreteayngel said:

Told my supervisors last week (at around 13 weeks.) Went to HR today to see about maternity leave options. Was shocked to hear that between Paid Family Leave and FMLA, I can take up to 7 months off, 4 of them paid! Yay California!

Really??? I'm in California and definitely need to look into that

seasalt123 · October 2015

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories.

I've told my immediate higher up team (I technically report into two different VPs so both needed to be aware) so that they have full transparency into when I will be leaving. I too have a project which delivers in June so I'll have to do my best to have it completed and deployed by end of April.

They have promised not to tell and so we're not sharing the news with anyone else until I feel comfortable. I don't know when that will be; physiology may dictate it depending on when I can't cover it up anymore.

H0neyC0mb · October 2015

I had to tell my bosses, I work two jobs, fairly early on because I was in the process of switching which one I was doing full time and would be a couple months without benefits. So I had to figure out how I could still maintain full time at the one job, thus maintaining my benefits with them, while doing the amount of hours to qualify for the second job's benifits in a few months. Both my employers have thankfully been very flexible about it!

I told my coworkers yesterday as my increased nausea was becoming impossible to hide.

BabyL527 · October 2015

I told my manager around week six. I am a floor nurse and I do 12hr shifts...I got all day sickness and was trying hard not to look like I was just dragging myself around. The day I told her she sent me home early to rest and even found me coverage for the next day so I could recover from the unsomnia I was having..
Charge nurse always gives me the "easier" load and the less likely patients to make me vomit. It was worth telling her early.

whattalife525415 · November 2015

I had just started a new job 2 months ago and was really nervous telling my boss. But I told him last week at 11 weeksand he was really cool about it and was happy for me. Apparently I asked about maternity leave (I knew I would get pregnant at some point) while I was deciding to take the job so he wasn't surprised. I told the 2 Co workers that will have to cover for me this week and they seemed happy too. Just a relief that they all know and I can get large without being paranoid.

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