Feeling Down? Lots of Hormones? Drama?

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

I normally wouldn't post something like this, But i am thinking maybe this might be the only group of people who actually may understand something similar. Forgive me for posting a bit of a dramatic post, but i would love to hear from other expecting mothers because i definitely feel like im losing my mind a bit.

I am wondering if anyone else is having an emotionally tough time right now? I am having enough symptoms that i'm barely leaving my bed. I have a chronic illness so I haven't been able to work for the past 2 years. So i was already home when i got pregnant. The good news is that pregnancy seems to have sent my condition into remission, but the pregnancy symptoms are so heavy on me right now that am actually worse off than i was with just my regular illness. So in one respect its pretty frustrating to actually feel good in ways i haven't felt good in a very long time.. but at the same time have other symptoms that make my situation of being pretty stuck, worse than ever.

On top of that, my hormones are out of control, as to be expected. But they are presenting in kind of a weird way. Everyones asking me if i am overreacting to things, or have a short temper or things like that. But instead im mostly just upset about one single thing. Over a year and a half ago, I had a devastating loss in my life. I had a best friend for over 6 years a the time, who was closer to me than anyone i've ever known, i considered them to be my soul mate, like a sibling i never had, they were my other half, and a friendship that i cherished heavily. Unexpectedly this person left my life, they gave me no explanation, no warning, no reason, there was no argument, nothing that had happened or gone wrong. They were just gone in one day. I went from having this person by my side to them simply being non-existent. Eventually i was blocked on any types of social media or ways to contact them, and have literally never heard one more word from them since that day. We had a totally normal conversation, the conversation ended, and another one never picked back up [despite me trying of course.] I am just having a hard time with this all over again. Its killing me that my best friend doesn't even know im pregnant and may never meet my baby.

On top of all of this, It seems like all the friends I do currently have are being weird in one way or another with the pregnancy. The majority of my friends are not married, most are not even in serious relationships or relationships at all. So i do understand that my life is very different and now having a baby is again totally out of the realm of where they are all at. But the reactions have been weird. One close friend has only talked to me when he wants to complain about how crappy HES feeling, yet has not once asked how i was doing, so ive kind of just been staying away from that. My closest girlfriend is acting completely bizarre, it was pointed out to me by another friend that it seems like shes kind of being sort of like an 'other child' about this [i am very motherly to her, shes very immature and seeks out motherly/fatherly type figures in her personal life] and purposely kind of 'acting out'. So i kind of feel like i cant talk to her because she is just speaking to me totally oddly. Then a handful of my other friends are suspiciously more busy than normal and seem to have no time to chat or catch up.

I dont know, Again i feel odd about even posting this in a public forum but I guess i am just feeling kind of alone and wondering if this is sort of normal?

Disclaimer: I am thrilled to be pregnant, I am pregnant after fertility treatments and had amazing luck with it. I am insanely grateful to have this baby growing inside me. I also do (and have for a long time) see a therapist, but shes kind of of the opinion that i need to be keeping stressful topics off my mind right now, which is kind of not too helpful when my hormones are out of whack.

NicknShan · October 2015

Wow. What a story. I am really sorry for everything you are going through. It seems to be a lot. Although I cannot relate to you on a lot of the individual events in your life, I can most definitely relate to you in that it is extremely common to have this crazy wave of emissions and period of depression and confusion early on in this pregnancy. It is so normal.

Kudos to you for seeing a therapist. Remember that the therapist works for you. And if you want to talk about this and get it off your chest, I don't think the therapist is doing their job if they expect you to just bottle this stuff up. During pregnancy - that will make it worse - not better.

As for your friends, I was the first in my group of friends with DS. Everything changed. I am a mom. They still go out all the time with limited responsibilities, and it is hard for them to understand why I chose this life (as if being 30 is so young). As a new chapter in your life begins, I promise that you will find more friends out there that can relate to you. Some of them may even eventually come from this BMB. So hang in there. We are here for you. And know that what you are feeling is normal.

Hugs. Hope you feel better soon.

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

Its undoubtedly been a tough few years. We had to do fertility treatments because my husband had cancer (we banked his sperm before chemotherapy/radition). Then i got chronically ill. Then i lost my best friend. Then my parents sort of lost their minds and disowned me about 6 months ago (thought luckily they are trying to remedy this now.) its been almost a joke how many things have gone wrong. I was completely shocked to have gotten pregnant on the first round of IUI. It was unbelievable because of our track record.

The thing with the therapist is that my husband and I both see her (together sometimes, separately most of the time.) and we have been for a long time, so we know her kind of a personal level which makes it a bit harder. Shes recently had some really back luck with her health herself and has had to make some changes to her schedule and time worked, and she also JUST had her first grandchild. So i understand why she has the opinion that she has about this. But at the same time.. i kind of agree with you that im not paying her for me to be a good friend to her. My husband asked me to just be patient with her for a little bit until she is in a better place. But i have even considered taking a break from seeing her until then because I just dont want to have half of what i want to talk about be off the table, because she thinks its bad for me to get upset about it.

Im totally understanding and prepared that i am likely going to be evolving into a new group of mom-type friends and having the others end up with lesser places in my life. My husband and I talked for a long time about it and it definitely seems that me being extra sensitive to my ex-best right now, its making it harder on me with the other friends sort of drifting. Because I think that I am ended up in a mixture of weird emotions between, i dont want to lose my friends, i want friends, but then another side of me going, well they were never my ex-best anyway, kind of justifying losing them because they werent "as important" as he was Its all very complicated and frustrating.

Thanks so much for writing me!!

TwoBadMice · October 2015

I lost my BF of 20 years after my first pregnancy too. But we had babies 3 months apart so you'd think it would make us closer. Ido what happened either I had a really hard time with BF and PPD and she didnt have any issues like that. I think becoming a mother changes people. You are not only birthing a new baby but you are birthing a new you as well. And that may mean loosing ppl from your old life but it's not a bad thing it just takes getting used to.

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

TwoBadMice I just endlessly find it so strange how any person who is that close to you can flop like that. From what youre telling me it seems like a wonderful situation that should have lead to a much closer situation between you too, its sad that the differences drifted you apart. But i like what you said about birthing a new you, I already see that happening.

agillespie15 · October 2015

DS3 (14yrs old) came in from going to hang out w DS2 (16yrs old) and was mad because he wanted to spend the night over there at DS2 house (he lives w his dad) but had to come home. He went outside to shoot rabbits (in the dark). So I was cleaning, and I was itching to talk to DH all day about some things I'd been thinking about all day. Well I finally got a minute to sit down w him to show him what I found, and not 2 minutes into it, DS3 came in and asked DH to help him skin rabbits (this was like 10:00). I told him we were talking (meaning we r talking, we will talk to u in a minute) Well he was wearing his nice clothes and I told him not to skin rabbits in those clothes and he got all huffy with me and told me he wouldn't ruin them.... Anyway, he went out, and we proceeded w our conversation then he comes back in multiple times after that asking how to tan these hides and etc etc. all I wanted was DH's undivided attention for 15 minutes! But then he was talking to DS3 instead! I got up and was like " just forget it", and went in the living room to pick up. DS3 had crap EVERYWHERE that I'd been asking him to pick up since last week, and I went off I told him that I wasn't a maid and that I was tired of picking up his crap. Told him he needs to be responsible and pick up after himself...Told them I feel like I do everything. I work, wash the clothes, do the dishes, cook the meals, everything.Well that hurt DH's feelings because he felt like I was attacking him. Anyway, I flew off the handle and I shouldn't have. It bled over to this morning so I was bawling when I got to work. Just want u to know that it isn't just you..... I cried all morning. Stupid hormones.

TwoBadMice · October 2015

TheHauntedHauswife said:
TwoBadMice I just endlessly find it so strange how any person who is that close to you can flop like that. From what youre telling me it seems like a wonderful situation that should have lead to a much closer situation between you too, its sad that the differences drifted you apart. But i like what you said about birthing a new you, I already see that happening.

Yeah it's taken me a long time to get over it. It's almost like quitting smoking (or any addiction). It feels weird to you because you've had that addiction or person in your life for so long, it's like writing left handed if you normally are right handed. Idk if that came through as well as I'd like it to lol.

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

agillespie15 Not that i am happy to hear of your situation, but it is nice to hear that others are being super sensitive. Its tough. Its consuming. The 'issue' is all i think about and i feel guilty cause im like, why arent i sitting here thinking about my baby thats coming.

TheHauntedHauswife · October 2015

I ended up deciding to text my ex-best that i was pregnant before i made it public later this week. Weirdly in made me a feel a tiny bit better. But no response, of course, I didnt expect one.

Also got another ultrasound last night which is always fun. Baby is measuring 3 days ahead of schedule and all else looks perfect.

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