Visitors/Family waiting during Delivery

lindsayp916 · October 2015

If my LO doesn't come on her own this week, I will be induced Sunday night- My mother and inlaws want to be in the waiting room from when I check in until I deliver, which makes me really uncomfortable and adds to the already mounting anxiety about giving birth. Did you have visitors waiting in the lobby while you were giving birth? Or did you call after the baby arrived? I would prefer to let my family know after she's here and we've had adequate bonding time.

LLynde5 · October 2015

My mom came tonight. Two days early. I start the induction process tomorrow night and she wants to come in with us then. I told her absolutely not. She can wait all day Wednesday but I am not sure I will even let her in the room during active labor.

arwestover3 · October 2015

We don't plan to tell any of our family in the area except for my sister-in-law who's taking our oldest. Do it's going to stress you out, ask them not to come! Have your SO with you too. And don't worry about offending them. Stress can have negative effects on delivery.

Nicolesull89 · October 2015

I was super stressed about this as well however I didn't want to make anyone upset by not telling them when I go into labor so I've decided that we will tell everyone and they can make their own decision where to wait. We however will not be catering to anyone or checking on them if they choose to wait in the waiting room. We are telling our nurses we don't want any visitors until we have had some time and we will let them hold off visitors until we feel comfortable. We told our families of this plan as well. We are going to take our time bonding with our little one and if our families prefer to spend that time hanging out in the waiting room that is up to them.

arwestover3 · October 2015

Oh yes, and tell your nurses you don't want anyone else in until you're comfortable! They are the perfect bouncers haha

JamieDubs · October 2015

My L&D ward is on the 4th floor with no waiting room. You are allowed two support people and anyone else has to wait downstairs. They don't know if you have delivered until you phone them. They encourage you to take an hour before letting anyone up.
I'm waiting to be induced as we speak, could be any minute or not for a few hours based on how busy they are. The induction could take up to 12 hours they say!

MrsN092714 · October 2015

My mom is the same, wants to be at the hospital (to step in if needed she says, that won't be happening). There is no waiting room in the Mat ward and I straight up told her that until we have had our bonding time nobody is allowed in there. If she wants to wait at the hospital, I don't want to know about it. I think it would stress me out too. I told her I'm not going to be announcing anything or sending out messages until our families get to meet the babe and that seemed to help. Ask your hubby to talk to your in laws. At the very least maybe you won't know they are there and that will ease your mind

bhibbitts · October 2015

I'm only letting my husband, mom, grandma and if my husbands mom, sister and grandma want to be in there that is fine. That is it! There is a waiting room, that the guys can hangout in. I am really not announcing it until after he his here.

bhoward1130 · October 2015

I am stressed about this too. It wouldn't have been an issue with my family, they respect my wishes and are going to remain at home during my labor/delivery process and only come up after I give the go-ahead. However, my MIL went behind my back and asked my hubby if she could wait in the waiting room at the hospital while I was in labor. My hubby and I had a good long talk about it, and I've decided that if she wants to sit in the waiting room for lord knows how long then so be it! But she will not be allowed in my laboring/delivery room under any circumstances. This is a special time for my hubby and I and I would like it to remain between us. Plus, we just aren't that close I'm not even having my own mother in there. Lol. Also, I will be posting periodic updates to Facebook but that's it! My hubby and I will not be responding to anyone's texts as we would be responding to texts the entire time and not enjoying the experience!

Kari Merks · October 2015

I've now had 4 babies and each L&D was a bit different in terms of family coming. With our first we actually had FIL and my aunt hang out with us while I labored. I enjoyed having the company to distract me as we were there for most of the day until I was ready to deliver. With the second we told people when we were admitted and they came and hung out in the waiting room and came in after I delivered. With number 3 we didn't tell anyone until after he was born and that gave us about an hour alone with him. This last time we only told my aunt and she came and hung out with us while I labored (though that was only a couple of hours).

I think it all depends on what you're comfortable with. I preferred people coming to visit once we were transferred to our regular room. That way we had an hour or two in the L&D room with the baby to bond and nurse and get cleaned up.

kellbell156 · October 2015

With my 1st my mom and mother in law waited. I was technically induced because my water broke but needed pitocin. With that said with #2 we just called after she was born and people visited when they could. I do not recommend them waiting. Not just for you, but for their sake. And also after your baby is born do you really want to be bombarded with people? In my experiences, the moments of being with just the new baby and my husband for the first hours at least, are the best.

MirandaC1984 · October 2015

We made it very clear to both sides of our family that we will call them when we are ready for visitors. We will let them know when we have been admitted to the hospital but do not want anyone waiting. We'll want the first several hours to ourselves.

1stComesLove421 · October 2015

I sent my 14 month old to my parents for the week and said "We'll call after she arrives." I don't plan on telling anyone when we're in labor. It added so much extra stress the last time, with people calling to check in.

lindsayp916 · October 2015

MirandaC1984 said:

We made it very clear to both sides of our family that we will call them when we are ready for visitors. We will let them know when we have been admitted to the hospital but do not want anyone waiting. We'll want the first several hours to ourselves.

This is my ideal situation!! Unfortunately my inlaws are traveling several hours to visit and want to come straight to the hospital to wait. I'm trying to convince my husband to direct them to my parents house where they can entertain themselves until we are ready for visitors. I just know with my husband's sister they all hung out in the delivery room until she started active labor and that is my nightmare, but I just have this feeling if I am not incredibly vocal about my wishes far in advance they will just bombard me anyways.

Like some of you said, it may just come down to me telling the nurses we aren't accepting visitors. It's so frustrating that I am dealing with a group of adults that can't seem to comprehend that this is not about them, and I'm not denying them access to the baby, I would just like to feel like my immediate family's time/space is paramount.

JaqiDec04 · October 2015

If family wants to wait in the waiting room, let them. They can sit there all night, and be bored. And they can sit there all day the next day, and be bored, and uncomfortable, and cold. Wether they are sitting on their couch at home, or sitting on a couch in the waiting room, what difference does it make to you?

I never understood the "I don't want you at the hospital" mentality that has been going around the last few years. There were a dozen people waiting to meet DD in the waiting room. I never asked them to be there, and didn't expect them to be. I never gave them a second thought during labor, or feel the least bit guilty they waited all night till 5 am to meet her (2 hours after she was born). They stayed two minutes. Told me to get some rest, and left.

If you don't want them to "encroach on your special time" then don't let them.

ColoradoHiker · October 2015

lindsayp916 said:

MirandaC1984 said:

We made it very clear to both sides of our family that we will call them when we are ready for visitors. We will let them know when we have been admitted to the hospital but do not want anyone waiting. We'll want the first several hours to ourselves.

This is my ideal situation!! Unfortunately my inlaws are traveling several hours to visit and want to come straight to the hospital to wait. I'm trying to convince my husband to direct them to my parents house where they can entertain themselves until we are ready for visitors. I just know with my husband's sister they all hung out in the delivery room until she started active labor and that is my nightmare, but I just have this feeling if I am not incredibly vocal about my wishes far in advance they will just bombard me anyways.

Like some of you said, it may just come down to me telling the nurses we aren't accepting visitors. It's so frustrating that I am dealing with a group of adults that can't seem to comprehend that this is not about them, and I'm not denying them access to the baby, I would just like to feel like my immediate family's time/space is paramount.

Okay, two different pieces of advice, depending on the situation. If you go into labor naturally before your induction date, just don't call them until after the baby is born. My family and ILs are 3-4.5 hr away. When my mom made noise about us not wanting her to be in the delivery or waiting room (for who knows how long?), I told her I simply wouldn't call them until it was over if she couldn't relax about it.

On the other hand, does your mom/ ILs know when the induction is on Sunday? If not, don't tell them. If they do (and hopefully they are staying in a hotel), remind them how long it can take for the baby to actually come out, how boring it will be, and that you're not going to see them until an hour or two after the baby is born. Let the nurses be your bouncers, and don't compromise if you want to be alone with your new family for a while. You can't keep them out of the hospital, but you can prevent access until you're ready.

beanie1977 · October 2015

I would have them come closer to when you're actually in labor.

We checked in Sunday night, I labored all dat Monday into Tuesday early morning and it's almost 11 am Tuesday and I'm pushing (actually I'm laboring down again). We don't expect baby until later this afternoon.

Then we want time alone before all the visitors.

So it will be a long boring wait if your whole family comes from the start!

midge519 · October 2015

My dad waited in the waiting room for 6-8 hours (I can't remember exactly). The hospital I was at allows 3 support people and that was SO, my mom, and SO's mom. All waiting has to be done on the first floor of the hospital so that's where he went. He knew what to expect and brought things to occupy himself. Having our moms was a great experience for us because it allowed us to have conversation during labor that focused on something other than labor. They would continue the talking through each of my contractions unless I signaled to them that I wanted it quiet. It also allowed SO to have someone to talk to while I labored in the shower for a while. It was a perfect setting for us. If others came to the waiting room I wouldn't have cared but they were only allowed when we said to switch out, the limit of three was for two hours after birth and then went to the visitors limit.

cmjn94 · October 2015

i was induced at 8 in the morning and needed the time without pain meds to focus. I got an epidural at midnight and slept and without the pain I actually wanted my mom there for delivery. So I think just take it a little at a time. especially if you're a first time mom! If you think you want people there and then change your mind they can leave. And if you think you don't want anyone then don't have anyone but you can change your mind then too!

nycki66 · October 2015

With my first was just the dr/ nurses and my husband. We are planning the same with this wiggly worm comes out. It's such a special moment to see your baby for the first time, don't need everyone else is there.

ameares721 · October 2015

I told my mom and my best friend. My mom was at the hospital when I got there and my best friend came within a couple hours. I was at the hospital five hours before she was born. They were in the labor room with me until I was ready to push and then I made them get out. We waited 90 minutes after she was born before bringing them back in. My in-laws came later in the day after she was born (along with about 15 other family members). She was a month early so no one was expecting it. I wasn't stressed about anyone waiting though because I knew I wasn't in control of how fast (or slow) she came and they are adults so they could leave if they wanted to!

violetigerlily · October 2015

Nov '15 lurker here. My family also lives a few hours away and both sides told us that they wanted to drive up more or less as soon as I went into labor. Currently the plan is for them to stay at our house (and take care of the cats) while we're at the hospital and to go home before we come home. I think I'm ok with them stopping by the labor room if I'm going to be there for a while--chatting might help distract me, but nobody is going to be there for seriously painful labor or pushing aside from me and DH (unless I decide last minute that I want my mom). I made that pretty clear, and mentioned with the skin-to-skin policy I might end up laboring naked and wasn't comfortable being on display and that kind of stopped MIL from wanting to be there.

My main issue has been the immediate bonding time. Both mom and MIL assumed they'd be able to come up a few minutes after DS's arrival "as soon as he's been weighed and cleaned up." I explained to them that things have changed a bit from when they had us and that our hospital has skin-to-skin time (I explained them plopping a gooey baby directly onto your chest cord attached even to make it clear that it wasn't the same as in their day) and that they even wait to weigh and measure a healthy baby until an hour or two after birth because it helps he baby stabilize his temp and establish breast feeding. They were a bit surprised and interested in it but after that seemed quite ok with waiting an hour or two after. We'll frankly probably just wait until we get moved to the postpartum floor which is about 2 hrs after birth anyway. If your hospital has skin-to-skin or breastfeeding initiatives, or even if they don't, using that as the reasoning (although bonding time should be reason enough--but then they say they want to bond too...) might make it more tangible or understandable to them.

lindsayp916 · October 2015

@violetigerlily That's a great suggestion- I haven't talked to them about the skin-to-skin concept, and also mentioning possibly being naked might seal the deal as to why they have to wait.

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