FTM and feel like a failure

klock11 · October 2015

Can some other moms share their experiences of the first few weeks. My baby is two weeks old and I feel like I am never doing anything right but have no idea what to do. He is good all day sleeps on and off and eats anywhere from 10-20 minutes every 1-3 hours. But at night I can't seem to keep him full or happy. Tonight he ate 20 minutes on each boob went to sheep for 20 minutes woke up and is rooting like crazy he drank 2.5 oz if my breast milk from a bottle. He falls asleep I put him down and in 20 mins he's crying again his bum is clean. I don't know what I am doing wrong but I am in desperate her if sleep and just feel like I can't take it anymore like I maybe wasn't meant to be a mom because in obviously horrible at it. My husband is back to work and works crazy hours so I don't want to bother him as he needs his sleep to work he operates heavy machinery and works 13 hr days and 11 day shifts with only 3 days off in between. Please help!!

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

First off, you aren't a failure. I'm sure your hormones are still all crazy which is why everything seems so overwhelming. After my first was born and was always thinking I wasn't meant to be a mom because things were so hard. Lots of women think that.

A newborn is really fucking hard work and no one realizes that until you're in the thick of it.

Nights are the hardest with babies. Are you sure he's getting enough when he's on the breast? I wasn't making enough milk for my son and he cried all the time because he was hungry.

Also, he might be nursing so much simply for comfort. It's hard being the mom because all the work falls on you and your baby wants you the most.

Do you have anyone that can help to give you a break? Hang in there, the first month is definitely the hardest but you'll survive!

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

One other thing: where does he sleep? Is he swaddled? That usually always helps a newborn sleep better.

tracij12 · October 2015

First off, you are not a horrible Mom! The fact that you are worried and care so much for your LO proves that!!! I felt the same exact way with my first. I know it is super hard when you feel so exhausted, but try to take a deep breath and relax. It's funny how your mental state can affect baby.

Might be worth talking to your dr or a lactation specialist. Could be that baby is getting too much foremilk and not enough of the more nutritious hind milk to satisfy. Could be extra gassy die to something in your diet.

While I can't offer a solution, I can offer lots of support and big internet hugs!!! Keep loving on your baby and, if you've gotten a good routine during the day, sleep as much as you can in the daytime!

kristyn831 · October 2015

What your baby is doing sounds completely normal. I was nursing/pumping for the first 7.5 weeks due difficulty latching. I barely got any sleep - once he nursed, took a bottle, got to sleep, I had to pump, make bottles, clean pumping supplies, clean bottles, and he would be awake again.

LO is 12.5 weeks and still nurses every 1.5-2 hours around the clock. He never sleeps more than 2 hours at night. I started bringing him in bed to nurse lying down so I could get some sleep. Hang in there and good luck!

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

klock11 said:

I am sure I am producing enough because when I pump I can get 5 oz in 45 minutes and when he's feeding I can hear lots of swallows so I think he is getting it. Also he is sleeping in his crib we swaddle him and lay him between two rolled up receiving blankets so he feels like he is still being held. It seemed to work the first couple of nights but not lately.

Nights are the worst with babies. Both my kids would be up for an hour at a time, eating constantly and just not wanting to sleep. They both hated sleeping flat so I didn't use the bassinet or the crib until much later. My 2nd kid slept like an angel in the RnP. It was a lifesaver, for real.

I know how hard the first few weeks are. I do. Perhaps ask the BF'ing board about the all night nursing sessions? I formula fed so I'm no help there.

Knottie1442268460 · October 2015

Swaddle, white noise ("white noise baby" app), pacifier, sleep in swing (or Rock n play if you have one-this is what we use, in our room. )
Put baby to sleep by rocking him on side in your arms (5 s's).

You're just super tired. I'm sorry your DH has crazy hours and can't help right now. Can you call a friend to hold baby while you shower then nap?

scribbler12 · October 2015

Something I have noticed with my little one is that after he has eaten for a while, and then frantically roots, he needs a burp. Maybe that will work for you. Hang in there! The first month and a half of Breast Feeding is super hard, but it gets so much better.

sokomo · October 2015

No advice, just wanted to say I'm a FTM and feeling the exact same way. I'm so exhausted, I feel like a complete failure as a mom, and it doesn't seem like it's ever going to get better even though everyone keeps telling me it will.

I hope things improve for you soon. Just know you're definitely not alone. xo

valerie1132 · October 2015

My pediatrician said that at first babies have day/night confusion. During the day when you are pregnant, babies are often less active since you're moving around and essentially "rocking" them to sleep. But at night a lot of times babies are more active when you are pregnant and in the first weeks of life because the rocking stops when you lie down for bed, so they start bopping all over the place!

You're not alone! I'm a ftm and my baby is 5 weeks, and we went through it! Starting to get a handle on it now. But I would recommend your hubby does one feeding at night, I get not wanting him to be up all night too, but you're in this together! It'll get better in the coming weeks!

KateLouise · October 2015

You're not a failure, newborns are hard. I'm on my third baby and I still spend a lot of my time wondering what my baby wants. Every baby is different, and getting into the swing of reading your baby and their cues takes time.

I agree with pp that sometimes what looks like hunger cues can be gassiness and a need to burp,because a baby doesn't know the difference between hunger pains and gas. Also babies do love to suckle even when not hungry, have you tried a dummy?

Have you talked to your mw/OB/LC about how things are going? They might have some more specific advice.

hang in their, you're doing a great job, babies are hard!! Everyone has tough days/weeks/months.

Best wishes and big hugs to you!

klock11 · October 2015

I am sure I am producing enough because when I pump I can get 5 oz in 45 minutes and when he's feeding I can hear lots of swallows so I think he is getting it. Also he is sleeping in his crib we swaddle him and lay him between two rolled up receiving blankets so he feels like he is still being held. It seemed to work the first couple of nights but not lately.

MCraig1484 · October 2015

Don't have any additional advise, but wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way. I've been on the verge of tears all day as my LO has had a rough couple of days with constant fussiness. My husband's work has been crazy as well, so like you, I've been trying not to bother him. I luckily have my parents support, so when I finally broke down and cried to my mom today she told me the exact same thing that all of these ladies have said. This is not easy, but it will get better and the fact that you are so concerned, says a lot about what kind of mother you are. Hang it in there!

ElizabethSandyman · October 2015

You can do this. You are not a failure, you are just supremely tired and you need more help. If DH can't help (and it sounds like he can't) call your mom, your MIL, your friends. Someone needs to feed the baby a pumped bottle while you sleep for more than an hour at a time. You don't need to do this alone. Also, please call your doctor or pediatrician - you could have the beginnings of post partum depression which is worsened by lack of sleep.

People can say that it gets better, but when you're in the thick of it, it feels like you will be this way forever. I have a 4 week old and things are much better than when he was 2 weeks. But it gets better in small steps. You'll look back a week and see that it's better.

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