December 2015 Moms

How to ask for more support from my job (if I should do it at all)

jenbstevensjenbstevens member
edited October 2015 in December 2015 Moms
A bit of background: I am a high school special education teacher who started a job at a new school this year. I told them I was pregnant before I took the job and they were very supportive. I am the first teacher at this school to have a baby while working here (there are two teachers who already have kids, and the former assistant principal was pregnant but moved in to a different position after the baby was born). Another teacher is also currently pregnant, just in to the second trimester, and has been at the school for four years. Most of my job consists of working with students in small groups for two blocks per day (95 minutes per block) and then I have two short periods that are basically circulating around the room and supervising students who are working on math on their computers (on Khan Academy). 

I've worked out my maternity leave (starting at 37.5 weeks and lasting until 9 weeks after the baby is born) and all is fine with that. I am, however, exhausted right now, particularly for the periods when I just have to just walk around the class for 30 minutes. I'm also struggling to get up in the mornings, no matter what time I go to bed (since I've officially hit the point where sleeping really sucks) and staying through 6pm staff meetings twice a week is really rough. 

Basically I'm wondering if people think I should ask for a bit lighter duty for the next three weeks until my leave starts, either in the form of handing off some of my duties to someone else or by coming in late or leaving early on some days. Part of me says I should suck it up and do everything I possibly can until I'll be gone completely, but the other part of me is really struggling with just feeling good, cause ya know I'm 35 weeks pregnant. Adding to the struggle is that it is my first year here and I want to show that I'm a hard worker/reliable/good at my job etc, which I AM, but I'm also trying to listen to my body and do what's best for the baby. 

If you do think I should ask for my duties to be reduced, how do you think is the best way to approach it? My principal and assistant principal are both single men in their mid 30's who just have no idea (nor does anyone who hasn't been pregnant, I am coming to realize). For example on a school camping trip two months ago they scheduled me for the 4am-6am supervision shift... not malicious, just clearly not thinking about the needs of a pregnant woman cause they have no idea. 

Please help! Any advice is welcome, including what others have done in this situation or telling me to suck it up for the next three weeks. 
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Re: How to ask for more support from my job (if I should do it at all)

  • Unless you have a note from your doctor saying that you can't do certain things, your employer does not HAVE to reduce/change your duties.  I say this but maybe you have a understanding employer that would agree to this regardless.  It is also not clear from your post whether or not you would be using some form of leave for these periods of lighter duty.  To me, you should work the hours and duties that your job entails (as long as it is cleared by your doctor).  If you can't, take leave.  I'm not saying you shouldn't ask, I am just saying that in my opinion you should be using some form of leave if this is what you want to do and your employer is willing to accomodate.

    Married - 10/10/2009

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    DD - EDD 12/30/15

    "I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url|| <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</

  • I'm sure I could get a note from my doctor as she has told me to "slow down". I wasn't planning on using any type of leave for the lighter duty, my feeling is that if I'm using leave I shouldn't be at work at all, which is what I'm doing for the 2.5 weeks before and 9 weeks after the baby is born that I'm on maternity. There is no "partial leave" that I am aware of.
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  • It sounds like we have different "leave" policies.  When I want to take a partial day, like come in a couple hours late or leave a couple of hours early, I take leave.  It is in the form of hours for me.  So say I wanted to work part-time until my maternity leave like you were suggesting, I would have to take leave for those "hours" I would miss or I would be getting leave without pay.  It sounds like you may not have the option to take leave if you were to go part-time, so would this be unpaid?

    Married - 10/10/2009

    DS - Due 11/3/2012 born 9/28/2012 due to Severe Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome

    DD - EDD 12/30/15

    "I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url|| <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</

  • Oh, my organization has a "take what you need" policy for sick and personal days. As long as you can get your classes covered, we are trusted to take what we need and not abuse the privilege. I know that's not common, I'd never heard of it before. I'm not sure how they would handle part time as I'm salaried for a full time position and it would only be for a few weeks. 
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  • edited October 2015
    I would talk to your supervisor or in the classes where you have to walk. Maybe walk for ten sit for five. Walk for ten sit for 5, but let your supers know so that they don't pass by your class and think you've been sitting. 

    Also maybe between classes you can try and take a quick nap in an empty classroom or the nurse's office. 
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  • Oh wow!  That's awesome!  Definitely would explain why I was so confused!!  LOL.

    Given you have such a great policy for this, I would go with your gut on whether or not to ask.  If you are really that uncomfortable and exhausted and feel it would be best to catch up on sleep or rest, I say go for it and ask.  The worst they could say to you would be no.

    Married - 10/10/2009

    DS - Due 11/3/2012 born 9/28/2012 due to Severe Preeclampsia and HELLP Syndrome

    DD - EDD 12/30/15

    "I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Chart[/url|| <a href="http://www.fertilityfriend.com" style="font-size:smaller;" >Ovulation Chart</

  • If it were me, I'd just suck it up. Every day I have to give myself a pep talk just to roll out of bed. It sucks, but I don't have the financial ability to take any more days/hours off. You can try to talk to them, but they may just suggest you go on leave now. I would just suck it up for another few weeks.
  • jenbstevensjenbstevens member
    edited October 2015
    @mhwood I didn't think it would be either, but I'm finding that it is since I'm not exactly sitting on my butt for the rest of the day. Also, I asked for advice, not for people to judge what I'm saying is difficult for me. Everyone has their own hard.

    ETA a tag. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @momontheflyinglemur I really like that idea! I do think part of it is I'm afraid of what they will think if they see me sitting at my desk when I should be circulating. Also unfortunately my only break is lunch combined with a prep (a period when I don't teach) and there isn't really anywhere to sleep, but I try and put my feet up at lunch as much as possible. 

    @laura6006 I'm kind of leaning that way. Except for what momontheflyinglemur said about alternating my time during the short classes, I don't think there is much I can do and I just need to deal with it until my leave starts.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I wasn't judging at all, I was merely saying that moving around is a good thing.


  • Instead of walking around, can you sit in a rolling office chair? I know sometimes it's not perfectly feasible, but maybe it could help? I know when I was teaching, I had to sit down for a couple days because of a hurt knee, and I was able to be mobile that way. But, it was only a couple days. I hear ya on the exhaustion!! My blood sugar has been consistently so low that unless I eat literally every 2 hours, I can't stand and walk around for long either.

    *I was a teacher, but I know SPED is very different!!*
  • @ariellerene Our classrooms are really small and packed with desks (charter school life) so I wouldn't really be able to move around too much, but I also did that at a previous school when I sprained my ankle. I could probably do it in my regular blocks (when I have to move less and there are less kids), but not for the shorter classes. Hmm I haven't had my blood sugar checked since my 1 hr glucose test, I wonder if that's an issue for me too! Thanks for the ideas!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @mhwood, you did, which I appreciated, but not until you told me that what I'm struggling with "doesn't seem that strenuous". 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I think a lot of us are having to work hard to get ourselves out of bed in the morning. I am envious that you will be able to take time off before the baby comes - myself and a number of others will probably be working right up until the water breaks or we go into labor or have the scheduled c-section.

    I would certainly see if you can alter your walking around before you ask if you can "come in late." It seems more reasonable to accommodate - the latter seems somewhat lazy. Being pregnant is hard, yes, but life continues on. And as PP said, moving around is good for all of us, unless we have medical issues and are on bed rest. Maybe not 30 minutes at a time, but perhaps the 10 minutes at a time.
  • @mhwood, you did, which I appreciated, but not until you told me that what I'm struggling with "doesn't seem that strenuous". 
    I guess I was just comparing what you are doing to all of the nurses and other professions on the board. I'm on my feet 3-4 hours a day walking around 5 acres at the museum where I work, at 31.5 weeks it is starting to get a little much, put I push through it.
  • Can you use a rolling chair to roll around the room? I'm a TA in 2nd grade this year and I've been finding it difficult to stand and bend over to help the kids at their desks. I have my own chair and desk in one of the classrooms so I roll around when I'm not feeling well. It's really made things manageable. If your school can't do that for you then get a doctors note. They don't always care though. I have one and they still have me in 32 classes and 4 duties (2 of which I have to carry hot pots of food and serve kids) per week. Just found out I'll be proctoring MAP testing for the next 2 weeks too! Oh and my bosses are women so don't think you'd be better off with female principals.

    That comment by pp totally came off as judgy btw. A flight attendant told me that not long ago and it took everything I had not to curse her out.
  • @laceyH13 I totally agree, I had planned on working up to my due date in order to maximize time I could take after the baby comes, but when I found out I was entitled to take leave before (from the state), I decided to take what was offered. I'm not trying to be ungrateful for what I'm being given, just trying to make the next few weeks bearable. 
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  • As someone who will be starting my leave at 33 weeks, I totally understand where you are coming from. Except that my job is 38 hours, so technically not full time, but it is being constantly on my feet.

    I'm not in the U.S., however, so I cannot offer much advise since our leave system is government, here in Canada.

    I do offer my sympathies to everyone who has to continue working up until they are due! I can't imagine.
  • @mhwood and nurses often go on light duty (or leave) long before their due dates. You're 31.5 weeks, and already feeling it, so I'm still surprised at your reaction to my feeling tired at 35. 

    @rmarie13 someone else suggested the rolling chair and I love the idea except that our classrooms are tiny and packed with desks/chairs/tables/bookshelves etc so I wouldn't have the space to get the chair in between the desks. I have been lucky enough to have someone take over my lunch duty though! 
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  • I took early leave with DD2 and I regretted it. I was bored to tears at home.

    With DD1 I worked until the day I was induced at 42+6. With this one, I'm working until Dec. 11, with my c-section scheduled for Dec. 15.
  • @mhwood like I said, everyone has their own hard. I'm glad you're able to keep working so long, good luck. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • You only have 2.5 more weeks, I'd say try to stick it out or get a Dr. note/take leave early if it's too much for you to handle. I agree with PP where 2 x 30 min periods of walking around a small classroom doesn't seem very strenuous. Not judging, but if you can't handle it then maybe you can start leave early.
  • @mhwood and nurses often go on light duty (or leave) long before their due dates. You're 31.5 weeks, and already feeling it, so I'm still surprised at your reaction to my feeling tired at 35. 
    Working over 40 hours a week, more than half of that on my feet walking/bending/working with kids/lifting, plus taking care of a 22 month old at home....yeah, I'm feeling it. *shrug* 
  • I would see about a rolling chair of you just can't handle being on your feet. I work 8-12 hr shifts 5 days a week and am on my feet 90% of those times. Yeah I'm tired and sore but there is no harm being done to my baby or myself so I have no reason to take off before the two weeks before baby is due as planned at this point.
    I don't know what issues you may have had thus far in your pregnancy though and if it's impacting your baby differently so it's a "every pregnancy is different" type of situation.

    I hope you're able to find some relief, whatever you do! It can be frustrating being at a new job and needing more than your normal accommodations for sure!
  • I don't teach charter, but I can understand your work issue. I'd get a doc's note and email my principal and follow up with an in face convo when I submit a hard copy of the note. I'd have sent it via email as well. But my principal is a piece of work. Then I'd go from there.
  • My OB explicitly told me, "pregnancy is not a disability." I guess only you know your body, and you'll have to do what's best for you and your family. I think at this point we're all feeling tired, sore, achey and run down.
  • I recommend sitting down with your principal and discussing the situation.  Ask him to brainstorm with you what alternatives he believes would be possible for the period of time you are required to stand.  Perhaps ask a couple of coworkers who know your work situation what they would do in such a situation and run those ideas with the principal.  Let him know that you are more than happy to get a doctor's note if that's what needs to happen, but that you wanted to approach him about possible accommodations before then.  If your principal is not at all receptive or he requires you go through the process, get HR involved, get a doctor's note, and then work together on alternatives for light duty.  Reasonable accommodations will need to be made if at all possible. 

    Personally, I'd suck it up, elevate my feet in the evenings, and count the days.
  • I don't have an option and I just suck it up because I want my leave for after the baby comes. I am in clinical 4 days per week and some visits I am with my preceptor so I stand in the corner and observe, I can stand there for up to an hour depending on the visit. It sucks, I'm tired and it hurts but I can sit down usually for 5-10 minutes after. I usually go to work before clinic most days after and work 12 he shifts on the days I'm not in clinic so I average 6 14+ hrs per day shifts so I'm probably not the most empathetic in this area, I always just consider it mommy boot camp because pretty soon we won't get options we are gonna be running around, a lot
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  • Thanks everyone for the input. You're right, I just need to suck it up, rest in the evenings and count the days.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Since you only have 2 1/2 weeks left before you go out on leave, my opinion is just to suck it up for the next couple weeks. If you had a month or two or three left, then it would be worth it to discuss with your principal. But, being your first year at the school, it could make you seem less dependable / hard working. As a teacher myself, I know the struggle! I have 7:15am meetings 2-3 days a week and have to plan an extra 30 minutes for morning sickness when I get up that early! Plus, I'm in meetings most days after school until 5 or 6. And, we're on a mobile campus which means constant walking from building to building outside in the cold, the heat, the rain, etc. Are there days I wish I could just go home and sleep, yes. But, if I'm on campus working, there are certain responsibilities I have to meet. Other professions where people take "light duty" are typically when they're physically lifting people/objects/etc that would be dangerous or cause harm to the baby. If you were having to help lift/toilet the children, that would be one thing. But walking and staying on your feet is within the range of tasks that are simply a part of what you have to do. Sorry to tell ya what you don't wanna hear, but for 2 1/2 weeks, just suck it up. You can do it.
  • I work as a middle school humanities teacher. In what many would call a "no excuses" charter school. Hours are long, the teacher and student expectations are high. While I personally have not let up just yet in the movement during the day, I do leave daily earlier and opted to take a small reduction of salary to accommodate this. I feel just shaving off the 2 hours from my schedule has done wonders for me mentally (there are actually a lot of things non-baby I am managing this year) and physically.


    Others may say suck it up. They may also work in situations in which that is the only option. You actually have the option. I highly doubt your principal and coach (if you have one) will give a flat out no. If you can, AND you truly feel it is warranted physically, bring it up. Of course, if you think you can make due by all means keep at it.
  • I'm team "suck it up", but I don't have to be on my feet for any extended period of time for work. But I do think it's at least some exercise for you.
  • As a manager of business I would say to not ask for any accomodations. I work up to 12 hours M-F however I do have the ability to sit whenever I want to. I can absolutely see how 30 mins of walking would be a struggle. Coming in later is absolutely a no in my book though. Goodluck and I hope the next couple of weeks go by fast for you.
  • I also teach at a charter, and my schedule is arranged so that I start at 7:30 and am in front of kids (on feet, circulating, walking flights if stairs) until I get a break at 1:00. After that, I just have duties, meetings, or sometimes pull kids for screeners or interventions. Still, I plan to take leave a week or two early, mostly because of the exhaustion caused by with the mental demands that come with the really high needs/behaviors of the kids. And the fact that I'm always moving with them!

    That being said, I've been very honest with my administration, and they've been very supportive. I don't ever hesitate to radio for assistance if I need 3 minutes to run to the bathroom, grab a quick snack, or refill my water and just be out of the room for a moment. I think that a conversion, framed in a solutions-oriented way, can be a good thing. It doesn't seem like a lot, but those smaller breaks can be very refreshing :) and it's nice to be on the same page with everyone.
  • I'm lucky enough to be leaving work permanently in a couple days at 32 weeks. Work has been getting tougher but if I couldn't afford to take leave or be a SAHM, I'd just suck it up.
  • I'm not the type to ask for accommodations. Chasing 22 five year olds everyday (kindergarten teacher) at least helps me sleep a little better at night.
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