I Can't Believe I'm Writing This (Loss)

LizC216 · October 2015

I am just in disbelief right now. I went for my first ultrasound today. I should be 8 weeks and 1 day. The tech did the measurements of the uterus and the ovaries and then finally moved on to a baby. There was a baby clear as can be. She is measuring and then says, "I'm sorry, I can't find a heartbeat". I just can't right now. The tech gave me and my husband some time and then came back in the room. I asked what the baby was measuring, she said "exactly 8 weeks, 1 day".

If this is indeed a miscarriage, it will be my fourth. At my nurse practitioner appt., she was quick to push a D&C, suggesting I get it as soon as Thursday. I just couldn't. I'm sure they are good at their jobs, but what are the chances that it stopped growing just today? Believe me, I like to be real and honest, but could it be that the positioning was off? She couldn't find my left ovary. It took forever with lots of pressure for her to locate it. I don't want to give myself false hope, but I do want to give myself certainty and peace of mind.

I managed to get the ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday with a potential D&C to follow. It falls on my daughter's 2nd birthday. I just can't believe this is happening again. If we do decide to do this again, I don't know how I'm going to make it through the initial 12 weeks. For now, I'm going to hug my girls, but I've got to say this doesn't get any easier. Not one bit.

Edit for Update: We went for the follow-up ultrasound today. The baby still measured 8w1d and no heartbeat. Getting that definitive answer was what I needed. I had my D&C a few hours after the ultrasound.

For now, I am continuing to focus on my 2 healthy girls. I am ready for this week to be over and look forward to moving on and trying again in the future. Thanks again for all your support. You are such a great group!

beff12 · October 2015

I'm so sorry. You're right, it isn't fair. Keeping you in my thoughts.

childcaremama · October 2015

Hugs, hugs and hugs. This is not fair. This is not right. Wish I could say anything that would help.

artteacher19 · October 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The same exact thing happened to me in January. The baby measured exactly to the day before we went in for our first US, 8w5d. But no heart beat. We were in total shock, our second loss. The midwife on call and doc who looked at it declared it unviable immediately, but I wouldn't do the d&c until I was absolutely sure. So we ran my hcg over the following 48 hours. When the numbers came back as decreasing it finally hit me that it was just such horrible luck. But the only saving grace I could find was that if we hadn't caught it that day then I could have went weeks going on still thinking it was all fine. Then it would have been much worse. There's no easy way to cope. It just really really sucks and I'm so sorry you're going through it too. But I would hold out until you feel absolutely certain and comfortable moving forward with a d&c or rx.

thismakes4 · October 2015

I'm so sorry. That is just heartbreaking. Sending hugs to you

LizC216 · October 2015

artteacher19 said:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. The same exact thing happened to me in January. The baby measured exactly to the day before we went in for our first US, 8w5d. But no heart beat. We were in total shock, our second loss. The midwife on call and doc who looked at it declared it unviable immediately, but I wouldn't do the d&c until I was absolutely sure. So we ran my hcg over the following 48 hours. When the numbers came back as decreasing it finally hit me that it was just such horrible luck. But the only saving grace I could find was that if we hadn't caught it that day then I could have went weeks going on still thinking it was all fine. Then it would have been much worse. There's no easy way to cope. It just really really sucks and I'm so sorry you're going through it too. But I would hold out until you feel absolutely certain and comfortable moving forward with a d&c or rx.

I actually had the same thought. I told my husband if we would have had the appt yesterday or last week, I would have continued on for who knows how long thinking that everything was fine. Especially without any sorting of spotting, bleeding or cramping to indicate that something might be wrong.

I hate seeing that others have to go through this. I wish you the best with your pregnancy. Thanks for the kind words.

seasalt123 · October 2015

I am so so sorry.

mrsjlopez12 · October 2015

Hugs and prayers to you.

mrstmoose · October 2015

I am so so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

BuzzBee614 · October 2015

I am very sorry. Thoughts and prayers with you.

lest12 · October 2015

I am so so sorry.

LovingLife! · October 2015

I am so sorry

dcheard · October 2015

I am so sorry!!! Your in my prayers x

vinerie · October 2015

I am so sorry...wishing you health and peace.

gemini2005 · October 2015

How awful- I am so, so sorry.

MellieRoseVargas · October 2015

I am very sorry to hear if this you and your family are in my prayers

kbrands7 · October 2015

I'm so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Bluejay3030 · October 2015

This is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through it

. Hugs to you.

That1didntcount · October 2015

I am so sorry, so awful. Sending thoughts and prayers.

nsouplynn · October 2015

I'm so sorry.

babycakes8214 · October 2015

I am so sorry you are going through this again. Sending you lots of hugs and thoughts and prayers.

yogahh · October 2015

Is there any logical reason why a HB cant be found? It just seems to coincidental that baby stopped growing the same day you have your US. But what do I know? Sending you positive thoughts, and hoping that your appointment next week goes better than expected xoxo

babygarris · October 2015

Sorry for you Loss. No one should have to go through that ! Sending my prayers

YouGoGlenCoco31 · October 2015

So very sorry for your loss. So unfair.

Be kind to yourself.

Photoslave · October 2015

I'm sorry for your pain. I wish there was comfort for this.

LizC216 · October 2015

yogahh said:
Is there any logical reason why a HB cant be found? It just seems to coincidental that baby stopped growing the same day you have your US. But what do I know? Sending you positive thoughts, and hoping that your appointment next week goes better than expected xoxo

I have no idea, but that's what was weird to me. Too coincidental. I feel like if they said there's no heartbeat and baby was measuring 7 weeks, I could accept it as is. With this, I just need more proof. I'm sure the chance of something going wrong is small, but if there is still a chance I think that's worth doing a second check. Even the tech said, "I'm shocked too, because everything looked perfect".

And what's really tough is I woke up with my symptoms in full force, including nausea. And I know it takes weeks to get back to normal and that I still have all these hormones going on, but it just adds to me questioning things. I'll just have to be patient and accept whatever may be, but I cannot think about anything other than this today.

Thank you for the kind words!

LizC216 · October 2015

Thank you for all the messages. I am feeling kind of lost today, so it's nice to have this board to help me along. You are a great group of mamas!

hellogoodbye2 · October 2015

I am so incredibly sorry

gardenandread · October 2015

I'm so sorry. Prayers for you!

Par13 · October 2015

So sorry to hear this. I hope you're able to get some more definitive answers soon.

missytheclydesdale2007 · October 2015

I'm so sorry. Sending prayers your way.

RanFan28 · October 2015

I'm so sorry. Every single one of these breaks my heart. Praying that your girl gets sweet news for her birthday.

skiingstark · October 2015

I am so sorry

babykasper · October 2015

I am so sorry for your loss, and no... It doesn't get any easier. My husband and I found out we were pregnant and one week ahead of my brother and his wife! We should have been 12 weeks and our baby stopped growing just over 9 weeks. We had a D&C that day (August 13th). Had genetic testing and everything came out perfect. Nothing was wrong with baby or placenta: didn't make any sense to us (that was our third miscarriage). We are now 9 weeks 6 days pregnant... We had our first ultrasound at 7 weeks and our next is next Monday (11 weeks). I'm terrified of the first trimester. To be completely honest, I want to skip the pregnancy altogether and just have the baby.

I know how you feel and the only thing I can say is that miscarriage is a lot more common than anyone likes to talk about. During my D&C I met so many nurses and doctors who all experienced multiple miscarriages and also all had multiple healthy births.

Hang in there. You'll get another healthy pregnancy! Prayers and thoughts for you!

avidkeo · October 2015

Biggest hugs to you. This truely sux.

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