Afraid to tell someone...

june2016baby · October 2015

Does anyone have someone they know that they are REALLY dreading telling about the pregnancy?

My brother and SIL have been trying for 4 years now to get pregnant, and have all but given up on fertility treatments. And here I am, accidentally getting pregnant when I already have three babies.

I'll be 12 weeks at Thanksgiving, and will have just gotten my confirmation ultrasound. I might even be showing, as I was just starting to show last pregnancy at 12 weeks.

Although I would love to announce to all my family at Thanksgiving, I just don't see how I can do that to my brother and his wife. She will especially take it hard.

Do I announce whenever the time seems right during Thanksgiving? Do I wait until it's almost time to go home? Do I keep it a secret even longer, as to not ruin their day? Do I tell them a few days before? I'm not sure what to do. And I'm worried about telling them before and then seeing a look on their face when they see me at Thanksgiving. We all get along great, but I know this will be extra hard on them.

meggyme · October 2015

Whenever you decide to announce, I would make sure that you tell them first so that it doesn't take them by surprise. Maybe call them before you arrive for Thanksgiving. Make sure they know that you're trying to accommodate their feelings and understand that they might be upset.

Good luck.

likeabel · October 2015

That's a hard situation but I'd definitely tell them in private before Thanksgiving. They'll have time to react and collect themselves before being around the whole family. Also I would think it would be more difficult for them if you waited to tell them. They'll find out eventually and might feel like they were being lied to.

cattlebride · October 2015

I would also tell them in private before the big reveal. Perhaps it's just me but getting that information over a phone call would be better than in person. Then they can have their emotions and dont have to school thier expressions for quite as long. Sometimes even when your excited for someone you need time to grieve for yourself.

nekedfeet · October 2015

Exactly what previous posters said^ especially the phone call part. My SIL was pregnant during our whole ordeal (bad scans, followed by 14wks necessary termination) and didn't tell us she was pregnant with a healthy baby until 2wks after. She was due just a few weeks after our due date and the proximity made it really painful news. We needed to be alone and process those feelings before getting our shit together to be able to put on a brave face in public. It must've been hard for her to tell us, but it was absolutely necessary. Don't ambush them in front of your whole fam- tell them on the phone beforehand, and let them know when you plan to announce to everyone else.

HBamama2B · October 2015

My FH and I had to do IVF after several unsuccessful years. It can be painful, but they will likely be happy for you and want to share in the joy even while they feel their own pain. I agree with everyone above. Tell them in advance so they can adjust and be ready to enjoy the news on thanksgiving.

goldie987 · October 2015

I wouldn't tell them by phone, I would tell them in an email. Then they can respond however they need to, even if it means sobbinf uncontrollably, screaming, yelling etc and not worry about you hearing it. They don't have to save face (or voice) that way. Make sure you explain why you're telling them early and that you plan to tell the rest of the family at thanksgiving. Give them a time during the meal you plan to share so they can excuse themselves right before if they want to. This is a really tough situation and I give you such kudos for thinking about them when all you want to do so share your exciting news with everyone.

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