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my intro, and how healthy I felt....

RaincityRaincity member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I am currently miscarrying. I never thought I'd have to use that word as a verb. I was 6 weeks 3 days. I was already on the June 2016 birth groups talking symptoms and getting excited, and wondering why my symptoms did not match up with everyone else's. I felt energetic, healthy, glowing, hungry and thirsty. I have a chronic pain condition and all that pain was GONE from the moment I found out. (That happens sometimes when the hormones are shifted around.) Constipation and sore boobs were my only symptoms.

I decided not to feel scared that I felt so good....that just seemed counterintuitive! I chalked it up to a super healthy diet of nearly 100% veggies and protein, and lots of raw food. I thought I was just really taking pregnancy well. I exercised my normal amount. I slept well. Yesterday, when updating the symptoms thread on the message boards, I realized I didn't have ANY. My boobs were not sore, all the other little things I'd had had cleared.

That moment, I went into the bathroom and saw a tiny amount of brownish blood on the toilet paper. To 'reassure' myself I took a HPT, which then flashed "Not Pregnant." After that, the cramping and bleeding began. That was yesterday. Today, more of the same. 

What I feel like now is this sense of utter randomness and purposeless. Like, how cute that i thought I could effect my pregnancy in a positive way by eating well and thinking well and feeling happy and connected. How cute of me, but honestly, everything is random. This pregnancy was lost because we're all just at the mercy of biology. (Obviously I'm not trying to make grandiose statements but I'm just explaining how I'm left feeling.) What's the point. Just, what's the point.  
Due with rainbow rainbow rainbow baby on 9/29/17
It's been a long road- Let's just say that! 
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Re: my intro, and how healthy I felt....

  • marie2409marie2409 member
    I'm so sorry. This is a terrible thing to go through that no one is prepared for. You did everything you could to be healthy for your baby, and that is a wonderful thing. Sadly, some things are beyond our control. I hope you get to heal in the way you need to, and that you also have the chance to grieve as much as you need. Hugs.
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  • Lainy1971Lainy1971 member
    edited October 2015
    I'm so very sorry too for the loss of your baby.... I too have been informed today that my pregnancy is no longer progressing and I am devastated. I should have been just past 8weeks but my baby only made it to 6wks + 1 day. I keep thinking "what was it that I did for my baby to not keep living" but I will never know.
    It just wasn't meant to be, these dreams and visions I was having with this baby and our future together :(
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