I am currently miscarrying. I never thought I'd have to use that word as a verb. I was 6 weeks 3 days. I was already on the June 2016 birth groups talking symptoms and getting excited, and wondering why my symptoms did not match up with everyone else's. I felt energetic, healthy, glowing, hungry and thirsty. I have a chronic pain condition and all that pain was GONE from the moment I found out. (That happens sometimes when the hormones are shifted around.) Constipation and sore boobs were my only symptoms.
I decided not to feel scared that I felt so good....that just seemed counterintuitive! I chalked it up to a super healthy diet of nearly 100% veggies and protein, and lots of raw food. I thought I was just really taking pregnancy well. I exercised my normal amount. I slept well. Yesterday, when updating the symptoms thread on the message boards, I realized I didn't have ANY. My boobs were not sore, all the other little things I'd had had cleared.
That moment, I went into the bathroom and saw a tiny amount of brownish blood on the toilet paper. To 'reassure' myself I took a HPT, which then flashed "Not Pregnant." After that, the cramping and bleeding began. That was yesterday. Today, more of the same.
What I feel like now is this sense of utter randomness and purposeless. Like, how cute that i thought I could effect my pregnancy in a positive way by eating well and thinking well and feeling happy and connected. How cute of me, but honestly, everything is random. This pregnancy was lost because we're all just at the mercy of biology. (Obviously I'm not trying to make grandiose statements but I'm just explaining how I'm left feeling.) What's the point. Just, what's the point.