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March 2016 Moms
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Feeling disconnected from pregnancy

lisamullins36lisamullins36 member
in March 2016 Moms
Hi, I was just wondering if anyone else was feeling the same.
I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my second child, and I feel really distant from it. My son has no contact with his biological father, and I worry that my partner will feel differently towards him when the new baby is here, even though he has shown absolutely no signs of this! My partner and I live next door to each other (long story ha!) and runs a business so we have decided he will stay at home during the week, so I'll mostly be alone, the new baby has no bedroom in my flat so I don't have a nursery to prepare and I still have most things from my son so I've not really bought anything.
We went for a sexing scan a few days ago, I booked it in the hope that it would help me to feel more connected, but it doesn't seem to have made a difference. We had a miscarriage before this baby and I'm not sure if it's worry or crazy pregnancy hormones but I feel like an awful mother and he's not even here yet! Anyone else anxious about a second baby? TIA
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Re: Feeling disconnected from pregnancy

  • mcav3822mcav3822 member
    I'm sorry you're going through this, I also feel disconnected from my pregnancy. It's my second baby. My first was a boy and this baby will be a girl. I am depressed. I had to quit my government job because of the depression and extreme morning sickness that still hasn't subsided and I decided not to get married or move in with the baby's father mainly because I rushed into this relationship after my breakup and ended up pregnant within a few months. I still had feelings for my ex so add that to my severe depression...... Then I start thinking about how I can't go back to school until years from now because I will be taking care of my two babies. I have a doctors appointment today to talk about my depression. It has nothing to do with the baby but the circumstances are not the best. I hope you feel better. Oh also 19 weeks (well almost).
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  • kynbar5kynbar5 member
    I'm sorry you're going through this but I'd definitely seek out some professional help. Good luck.
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  • lindscnn1lindscnn1 member
    I was disconnected from my last pregnancy because the doctor insisted we not expect the pregnancy to continue, even at 5 months along. We were told to not name the baby, don't buy anything, etc. It wasn't until I was around 8 months that we were given the clear to do all of those things and even then I was still stuck in fear-land. The moment she was born my instincts kicked in and everything has been great. I remember feeling so guilty about not feeling connected to her while she was inside me. I think you are feeling this way because of the mc you had previously, I think you are subconsciously guarding your heart which is not uncommon after a loss.
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  • Laurenc523Laurenc523 member
    I second @lindscnn1 comments.  Its hard to feel connected to a pregnancy after a miscarriage, or loss of any kind.  I want to be confident in saying that once that baby is born your have an incredible bond and your motherly instincts will kick in again!  I have no advice besides finding a support group for pregnancy or infant loss and maybe talk to your doctor about how you feel.  Just saying words out loud seems to take a huge weight off your chest and you can breath a little easier.  Good luck, and feel free to join the weekly loss check-in posts.
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  • pamalerjeanpamalerjean member
    I think it's pretty normal to have at least less connection with second+ babies....so busy with other kids! We tend to spend every minute thinking about baby the first time around because we have so much free time still. That could be part of it. I certainly feel that way
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  • maddynnuggetmaddynnugget member
    I too had a hard time connecting to this baby that I'm carrying mostly because my last two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I didn't want to get my heart broken again. With DD we settled on a name right away and we referred to her that way right away so we were kind of projecting onto this little person we'd not even met. This time we are still kicking around a few names and she is simply "She". I am noticing it's getting easier the more she moves. It feels more 'real'. But every time I hear or read about a late term loss I panic again. I know when I hold her in my arms I will adore her but it's hard to allow myself to think that far ahead.

    If you don't feel as though you can see a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak it couldn't hurt to mention it to your physician or seek out a support group. Best of luck to you.
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  • LittleTsmomLittleTsmom member
    I haven't had a loss yet and I still feel disconnected. I can't imagine giving the same love I did for DS. I obviously don't care for my pregnant body as much since I am taking care of my first 24/7. There is just no time or energy left I feel like. I am sure it feels even more disconnected after a loss, I can only imagine.

    I am sure we will all bond with the little ones once they are in our arms. Cheers.
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