Introducing Mary Lynn!

It all started the evening of Wednesday September 24^th.  Around 7pm, I came back from the bathroom and sat down at the computer to do whatever (probably go on MySpace) and all of a sudden, I felt like I was peeing again.  Denial Exhibit #1: ?Eh, that?s weird but I?m going to choose to ignore that and pretend that peeing my pants is completely normal and has nothing to do with possibly giving birth in the immediate and near future.?  So I just changed my pants and went on about my evening?

I went to bed around 10pm and slept as well as a hugely pregnant woman sleeps (which is not very) until about 1am when I was awakened by these cramps and feelings I?d never felt before.  I?d have a 30 second bout of pain and then it would go away.  I would just about fall asleep and BAM! here?s another one.  Denial Exhibit #2: ?Eh, this is weird and it definitely sucks and these pains are coming at pretty regular eight to ten minute intervals but this can?t be labor because well, it just can?t.  I?m supposed to be induced next Thursday so I can?t possibly be having this baby a whole week early.?  Plus, I?d just been to the doctor a few days prior and there?d been absolutely zero progress. 

So I lay in bed for the next two hours moaning and feeling like crap but I didn?t want to wake up DH because I still didn?t really think this was happening.  Finally, I guess I was being too loud because he half woke up and asked me what was wrong.  I told him that I thought I was having contractions?and then he woke up all the way. ?We?re having a baby this morning?!? ?No, no, I don?t think so, go back to sleep.?

I?d heard that when women go into labor one of the things they want to do before they go to the hospital is to take a hot shower.  Next, thing I knew, I had to be in the shower.  ?Shit! This isn?t happening! This isn?t happening! I?m not ready!! I was supposed to get a pedicure, I was supposed to get my eyelashes tinted so I wouldn?t look like a burn victim in my hospital pictures!?  I sat in the shower for about a half an hour, letting the hot water pound on my back.  I may?ve fallen asleep for a minute or two but then inevitably a contraction would wake me back up. 

Eventually, I dragged myself out of the steam and made my way to the couch.  I turned on the TV and started watching ?A Baby Story??and really started freaking out.  I prayed to God that the contractions would stop, but I started timing them and keeping track and they were definitely approaching the five minutes apart mark. (I?d been told to wait until the contractions were five minutes apart and lasting one minute and happening for one hour.) Denial Exhibit #3: The contractions were five minutes apart then six then four then eight. They were all over the place so I couldn?t possibly be in labor. 

At some point I went to the bathroom and saw a bit of blood.  ?Shit!!? I thought. ?Is this the bloody show I?ve heard so much about??  Or my mucous plug?? No, it can?t be. It?s just, stuff or  whatever.?  That would be Denial Exhibit #4.  Just to make sure that I was right, I got on the internet and googled ?pregnancy bloody show.?  Everything that came up described what I was experiencing to a T.  Shit.

At 4:30am, DH got up for work and found me in a writhing ball on the couch.  He told me to get up and get dressed, that we were going to the hospital.  I kept telling him no, that we needed to wait, that I needed to call my doctor and his office doesn?t open until nine, hoping that by then all of this nonsense would have stopped and I would still have another week to get my pedicure and eyelash tinting and house cleaned and pictures painted to go over the crib and and and?

He made me call.  The doctor said he would meet us at the hospital.

Then the tears started.  I?ve never been so scared and felt so unprepared.  DH held me and told me it was going to be alright and reminded me of the beautiful reward that was waiting for us.  After a few attempts at pulling myself together, I stopped crying long enough to call my mom.  Of course, she knew what that early morning phone call meant.  And then I fell apart all over again.  She reassured me that everything was going to be okay and that she loved me and would be with me as soon as possible.

It was a quiet, tense drive to the hospital... 

They got me checked in and put in a labor and delivery room within 20 minutes of arriving.  The doctor showed up and let me know that the anesthesiologist would be around in a little while to give me the epidural.  The contractions were still steady and while they certainly were nothing that I would recommend as a good time, they weren?t so bad that I wanted to kill anyone.  Yet.

When the Needle Lady came (with her Skittle-sized diamond ring, apparently anesthesiology pays pretty well. I?m dreading that bill?), I think I was more afraid of getting the epidural than anything else.  Until then, I?d never actually shaken with fear.  The nurse was wonderful.  She held my hands while I bit on my upper lip and focused intently on a little nub on the blanket that was covering me.  It was all over in about a minute.  Honestly, my lip hurt more from me biting the crap out of it than my back did from the needles.

Then Happy Time started.  My legs got all heavy and rubbery, especially my right one.  Since my blood pressure was on the high side (gee, ya? think??), they made me lay on my side the entire time I was in labor.  Switching sides was fun times?especially with all of the wires and crap I was hooked up to.  Let?s see, I had the epidural tubes taped all over my back and chest, an IV, a catheter (DH was jealous of my pee bag), a fetal heart monitor strapped to my belly, a mama heart monitor strapped above that, and a blood pressure cuff wrapped too tightly around my arm.  Combined with the dead legs, I was going nowhere fast.  

Hours passed?family, friends came to visit?we watched movies, DH had lunch, I had ice chips?every couple of hours, I?d start to feel the contractions again so I?d get a booster of Epidural Goodness which would set me right.  Until suddenly, around 6:30pm, it didn?t anymore.

I tried breathing how I?d seen laboring women breathe but that shit just wasn?t cutting it.  My mom sat on the side of my bed and helped me breathe, encouraged me to use yogic breathing to get through the contractions.  It helped a bit, but my panic at the pain began to break my concentration.  Also, I should take a moment here to apologize to my mom and DH for subjecting them to my dragon breath.  Altoids were strictly verboten and the combination of fear and no food all day gave my mouth a horrible taste and most likely an even worse smell.  I am deeply sorry for this.

The pain kept getting worse.  The nurse told my parents and in-laws that I would most likely be giving birth between midnight and 3am, and since it was only about 7, everyone decided to go home but promised to return when DH called to say that things were finally happening.  Since I was in pain that was increasing in frequency, intensity, and duration, and the epidural was no longer taking that pain away, the decision was made to give me Stadol, an opiate that was supposed to take the edge off.  All it did was make me feel like I was waaaaasted.  I still felt all the pain and the drug messed with my head, started to make me feel panicked.  I heard the nurse say that the Stadol would work for about an hour which freaked me out because what then???  DH sat with me and let me try to transfer some of my pain to him via squeezing the crap out of his hands.  He kept reminding me to breathe, and despite trying to use some color visualization of my own invention to ease my pain (inhaling healing ?orange? breath, exhaling ?green? breath of pain) I was not dealing well with the situation.  At one point, I wasn?t breathing at all so they strapped an oxygen mask on my face which made me feel claustrophobic and nauseated which, combined with the ripping, tearing, wrenching feeling that burned across my lower back made for a hellish hour.  Eventually, the Stadol wore off enough to where I could actually yell again and I guess I was flipping out enough to where DH called the nurse and insisted that she check me and figure out some way to help me out.  So she checked?10 centimeters!!!!

The nurse said that she?d go get the doctor and I was pissed that he wasn?t hovering outside my door.  She came back and said he?d ?be here in a few minutes? and I yelled, ?NOOO! NOW!!!?  When he finally got there, I was ready to PUSH! but the Stadol was still messing with my head.  The pain was ridiculous and I felt myself wigging out and unable to control myself.  As the doctor was prepping and I was thrashing and yelling, the nurse stood in front of me, put her hands on my knees and in a loud voice said, ?Emily! Open your eyes and look at me!?  I tried to but my eyeballs were rolling around in their sockets, like I was a rabid, dying animal.  Eventually, my eyes stopped spinning and I focused on the nurse and breathed the way she told me. 

I pushed.  I begged to keep pushing.  I never truly knew what ?relief? meant until then.  I pushed and pushed with each contraction, and then someone said that her head was out and I heard her cry!  I was so happy to hear that little wail that I started laughing.  After a mere twenty minutes of pushing, at 9:22pm, Mary Lynn, all 6 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches of her, made her grand entrance into the world. 

My world will never be the same.  I could not be happier.