My husband won't...

erwallace089 · August 2015

My husband and I have been having some intimacy issues for about 9months now. He wasn't really into having sex while I was late term and it never really picked up again. It made me feel like total crap during pregnancy... And is really bothering me still. I get it I was a huge whale or whatever but I have dropped just about every pound. I have been eating healthy and working out constantly. I actually don't mind the sight of my naked body anymore lol.

Any other mamas out there dealing w a similar situation? Anyone have some advice?

babystarin · August 2015

I'm in the same boat! My husband had sex with me once in early pregnancy and it weirded him out. We have hit the year mark

I don't know what to feel about it. I too have lost all my weight and I have mentioned it and all he says is he hasn't been into it lately... I don't know what else to do about it. I don't have any advice but understand how u feel.

cmcintos · August 2015

Yup me too. We've done it once since baby came!

richdog · August 2015

Do your husbands know that you want to have sex again? After my c-section, my husband kept asking me how I felt, and I would talk about how my body hurt or how I just didn't feel sexy. After a while I realized that if I kept saying those things, he wasn't going to approach me because he thought I didn't want to. Do yours know that you're feeling good and want to have sex again? Maybe it's just a break down in communication. Maybe you should just put the baby down for a nap and make the first move.

Keep trying and keep talking to him. I'm sure the baby has changed your relationship some and you're in new territory. Hang in there!

KD32412 · August 2015

I mentioned this to my husband, he said that sometimes it's different for men because their former "sexy hot gf/wife" is now a MOMMY, and that could be a mental hurdle to get over. The most important thing to do is talk about it with your partner. Communication is very important to maintain a healthy relationship. Keeping all this frustration and hurt could manifest into resentment, and make things even worse.

Best of luck, I know from previous relationships that feeling unattractive is hurtful. Hopefully this is just a passing phase.

erwallace089 · August 2015

I have dropped hints.. Initiated sex.. The whole nine. The couple times we have tried it's either ended because..well he couldn't keep it up. He says he's just under a lot of stress. We used to have a fantastic sex life. I just don't understand.

SMac2013 · August 2015

I'm in the opposite position. I can't give advice but maybe I can show you the other side kinda. My husband wants to have sex a lot and I just don't want to. It's not that I'm not attracted to him anymore, sex is just the last thing on my mind. I'm still in love with him and my feelings haven't changed at all towards him it's just having a baby changed the way I think. When I think about sex, I think omg I'm gonna get pregnant again and that turns me off big time so I am not interested in it. Or I am just too exhausted to even bother with it or too stressed out. He may be having a hard time adjusting to your new life, I know I am and it's def. affecting our sex life. Just keep open communication with him. I hope it gets better. Good luck

Katiegreg2010 · September 2015

Same here. Actually my husband just walked out three nights ago and said he was just not happy... We were great until the baby came, I feel like he has almost a male version of post partum depression! He's not the type to want to talk either. He swears it's not me, and that he loves me and that anyone should be happy with the life he has so he doesn't know why he's not happy. So he seems to think we need time apart, I'm devastated because I think he just needs to come back and talk it out. It's a big change... Maybe I'm wrong though...

skootnshoot25 · September 2015

My husband has a low sex drive to start with. We only had sex twice during my pregnancy and the second time I stopped because it was painful. After I recovered from labor, I also had surgery for a vaginal incisional repair so that added to my recovery time. Basically we went over a year without sex and he didn't mind at all. It's hard dealing with his lack of sex drive but when we do, it's fantastic so I focus on the quality over quantity piece. But in order for it to happen, the baby had to be gone and there was some alcohol, lingerie, and lots of foreplay. I don't have an answer to the sex drive piece, but I hope something works for you.

babystarin · September 2015

My husband has a low drive too. I think he's a bit superficial and that he's not as attracted to me from the weight I gained before getting pregnant. I only need to lose 30-40 pounds but doing it when breast feeding isn't working for me. My supply already sucks and I don't want to lose what I have. It's just frustrating sometimes and I feel even worse about it. Oh well- no time for sex anyways lol. We have too much to do around the house and work and taking care of our sweet baby.

torie2132 · September 2015

My husband had leukemia in his early 20's and because of that his sex drive is low. Personally I've always had a hard time climaxing - sorry if that's tmi - but I still miss the intimacy. I was on anxiety medication and that lowered mine. We had sex twice when I was pregnant. And twice since. He got too anxious about hurting me, I had a bad tear and it naturally doesn't feel good right now, and we stopped in the middle. It was awkward, but we talked about it and we're both okay. He was more embarrassed than anything. It helps knowing we aren't alone, the first year after a baby isn't easy and we'll all get there. I wish I had advice, but just more posting for soliderities sake!

Anne Mommy · September 2015

I'm on the other side of this. This being baby #3, I'm too dang tired for anything but bed. After DS1 was born, we waited awhile before having sex. Once we started, we were pregnant after a month. After DS2, we had sex once and were pregnant. I don't think it will be any time soon.

honkytonk_kid · September 2015

@Katiegreg2010

Male postpartum depression IS a real condition, please talk about it with your husband and pursue treatment if needed!

KD32412 · September 2015

Anne Mommy said:
I'm on the other side of this. This being baby #3, I'm too dang tired for anything but bed. After DS1 was born, we waited awhile before having sex. Once we started, we were pregnant after a month. After DS2, we had sex once and were pregnant. I don't think it will be any time soon.

Just curious, were you using any form of birth control?

MrsZ1891 · October 2015

So glad I found this thread and I'm not alone! We haven't had a decent sex life since the middle of my pregnancy. We do it maybe twice a month. I drop hints, I initiate, the whole 9 yards. I finally got my husband to admit to me that he isn't sexually attracted to me because of the weight gain. ( I only have 5 more lbs to lose before I'm at pre-baby weight) He was really ashamed and apologetic and I was really hurt. I've been eating right and working out and the weight is slowly coming off. I just don't know where to go from here. Sex is really important for me to feel connected to him.

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