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New to the board - My experience with loss (warning: surgery picture included)

cfreesquaredcfreesquared member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hi everyone. I'm new to the bump and this board. My hubby and I lost our first pregnancy and its been a rough road so far. I haven't really gotten to share my experience since everything happened, so here goes. 

My husband and I found out I was pregnant on August 18th. At that point I was only about 4 weeks. I found out at work and left early to go find something cute to give him to share the news. I gave him a little LSU baby onsie and a Daddy book. I don't think I have ever seen him so excited! We shared the news with our parents but decided to wait to tell everyone else. The next day I noticed some spotting so I called my doctor just to make sure it was all normal. She said it probably was but asked me to come in for an early check up to be safe. I went in the following Monday (August 24th) for an ultrasound and blood test. We couldn't see anything on the ultrasound (which they said was normal because it was still so early), but my blood test confirmed that I was pregnant! So excited! She asked to see me back on September 1st for a second ultrasound and blood test. The night before, I googled what a 6 week ultrasound should look like just to know what to look for. I was still having some spotting, but my doctor didn't seem worried so i tried not to worry either. My husband and I showed up nervous and excited to see our little peanut. The first thing the ultrasound nurse said was "there's nothing in that uterus" (which is a horrible way to tell someone there is something wrong). My heart just sunk right then and there. We took the pictures up to my doctor who said that peanut was stuck in my left tube. I received the Methotrexate treatment later that day to stop the pregnancy. A week later I had to receive a second dose because the first one wasnt working fast enough. Then on September 16th, I woke up with severe cramping, way worse than any I have had when aunt flow comes to visit. We went to the hospital and went through another ultrasound. Come to find out there was something blocking the whole tube and while the baby was no longer there, there was a build up of tissue and blood that had caused my tube to swell to the size of a baseball. The doctor said that it was "impossible that it hadn't ruptured already" and said that this was a rare occurrence. I've attached a picture of the mass, its outlined in yellow. It was insane to see it afterwards and realize that that is my tube. Needless to say, I do not have that tube anymore.

It has been a little over a month since the surgery. I still haven't figured out how to feel about it, I think mainly because we barely had a day to really just enjoy and let being pregnant sink in. On top of that, we still get the "when are yall going to have a baby" questions which are so much worse now. I have found comfort in a couple friends who have gone through miscarriages before. Its such a crazy realization just how often things like this happen. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but at the same time I am thankful for those who have experienced this and have reached out to me. It's comforting to know you're not alone. 
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Re: New to the board - My experience with loss (warning: surgery picture included)

  • penelope4612penelope4612 member
    I'm so sorry for your loss.  I had an ectopic as well, about a week after yours.  I got one methotrexate shot and didn't end up needing surgery (so far) but am still waiting for my HCG to reach zero.  We're benched until the end of Dec anyway because of the methotrexate so I guess it doesn't matter as long as it gets there eventually.  It's a hard thing to process, and I'm both excited to try again and terrified of this happening again.  Since my tube is still in there I think I am at somewhat higher risk of a recurrence then if it got taken out, so that also makes me nervous.  I also feel really mixed about the whole thing, like I somehow did something wrong, or others will think I did something wrong, so it's kind of a weird thing to talk about in person with people.  Also, we were pretty excited for this baby, and now not knowing what our fertility will be like after all this is really stressful.  
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  • cfreesquaredcfreesquared member
    I am sorry to hear about your loss as well. It is wonderful that the injection was able to work for you! I know it isn't much of a silver lining, but at least you were able to avoid the surgery. I know exactly what you mean about that fear of trying again. My doctor also says I am at higher risk for another ectopic and it scares me so much because now I am down to one tube. I know this might be the wrong way to look at it, but I cant help but thinking in a way the next time could be my last chance. I also know the feeling of wondering what you could have done to prevent it. Taking more vitamins, eating better... anything. My husband keeps trying to tell me not to think that way, but how can you stop it? As for talking to people, it is very difficult to put the whole thing into words and make them really understand. I was actually talking to my hubby about it last night. Before all this, when I heard about something like this happening I would obviously be saddened for the person but I never really truly understood what they were feeling until now.

    Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. It really is nice to know that you're not alone and that someone knows the struggle and truly understands how you feel. Hopefully the next time for the both of us will be it and we can put this behind us! Stay strong :)

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