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September 2015 Moms
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So over the "it gets better" line....

erbareerbare member
edited October 2015 in September 2015 Moms
Anyone else? Like, I'm sure that it does, but right now when I'm in the throes of simultaneously loving and hating my baby (and my husband), I just want someone to acknowledge this experience for what it is. I just want someone to validate the feelings and say "yeah, you're right, it does suck, and cluster feedings are a bitch."

I just feel like overlooking or minimizing the despair just plants the seeds of future mommy guilt. Sure he's cute, but sometimes I'm allowed to think he's being a little shit!
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Re: So over the "it gets better" line....

  • melco19melco19 member
    The feelings are real, and I think they are completely normal. We love these little people more than anything, but we don't have to like them all the time. My guy still has days and nights mixed up at 4.5 weeks, and I average 3 hours of sleep a night. I can say that I love him to pieces, but I'm not his biggest fan at 5am when we have been up constantly since 12am.

     

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  • dmland17dmland17 member
    Yes! People keep asking me "How are you liking motherhood?" and wait for me to gush about it. I usually respond "I love her but she's a handful" and get blank stares in return when I don't say how wonderful it is. I DO love her, but the newborn phase is rough and it annoys me that peole don't acknowledge that. But to be fair, it slowly is getting better and for that I'm grateful.
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  • jbettlesjbettles member
    Ack, I'm totally guilty of this!! I say it in nearly every response I write. I don't mean to invalidate anyone's frustration - it really does get "better" in terms of what sucks about the infant stage - thankfully, they don't cluster feed forever. But every stage sucks in some way. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a horrid mother. What sucks for my 4 year old right now is transitions - she hates being rushed before she's ready to move on. Just last night, hubby did 4-year old's bath and I did baby's. Mine took way less time, and he comes in and says, "Oh, it was so nice when she didn't want to play in the tub for an hour..." Lol!

    But in response to your post, saying it gets better certainly doesn't make the sleepless nights any easier now. On that I definitely agree!!!!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • kmcshane0211kmcshane0211 member
    YeP! I like her A LOT more on days when she's not fussy. She's a baby, yes. And I "should" be empathetic to that. I am...on most days. Some days- I feel less than happy about it. It's ok!
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  • hopeful87-2hopeful87-2 member
    My sister was a really fussy baby and my mom said that she had days where
    She would cry to my dad because
    She thought she ruined her life by having her and although she loved her there were many days she didn't like her. My sister is 30 now, but growing up with this story I think helped set some realistic expectations for me of what normal overwhelmed new mom feelings might be like.
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  • sgleavesgleave member
    I agree with this so much. This little helpless baby is so frustrating sometimes, like last nights every 2 hours on the dot scream fests (that he's not done in weeks). I feel all the mother things I'm "supposed" to, but I also feel frustration, desperation and confusion just as regularly. While all of this may be normal newborn behavior, it's not normal to my life and that adjustment period is really tough.

    And as I wrote this he's sound asleep in his crib unswaddled, a battle I've been fighting for weeks (yesterday was the first time he actually slept any period of time in his crib). Small victories.
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  • bethanyjane26bethanyjane26 member
    So much yes.
    I love her, so much. But it's like she can sense when I'm tired or don't feel good and at that moment, she wants to be super clingy and needy and fussy.
    Like right now, I'm a single mom and my family comes over all the time to help, especially right now because I'm battling a cold so they come to keep me from holding her so much.. And she's a precious little angel the whole time they are here, but as soon as they get in their cars to leave, and it's me and her, world war 3 starts! We spent 8 hours with my family and she slept and was precious. Then they leave and she takes 3 huge poops, won't stop crying, won't take her bottle. -_-
    Really child?!?
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  • GrowingapepperGrowingapepper member
    It's 6:45 am here and I haven't had barely any sleep :( every time I'd feed her and get her to fall asleep she'd wake up when I try to put her down. I try to just let her lay there but she grunts SO LOUD. So I'd out her in the bed with me and I can't sleep well when I have her next to me because I'm paranoid but it was the only way to her to shut the heck up.
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  • monicaPmonicaP member
    Yes! This little one is my third and planned last. I have told others that it is a good thing she is last or there might not have been others. I love her dearly, but not her biggest fan at 4AM.

    That being said, I keep telling myself that it will get better, because that is all I have right now.
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  • snowflake2214snowflake2214 member
    As a STM I have been pretty honest even when pregnant with DD2 that I do not like the newborn phase. It is brutal. I think accepting this has helped me sometimes to not get so frustrated. Don't feel guilty, this transition is hard! I am counting down the days until the "4th trimester" is over and baby is 3 months.
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  • AndieTessieAndieTessie member
    Wah I actually love when people tell me that! The newborn phase is really hard and as a ftm it's reassuring to me to hear that it's normal and it's just s phase. What I hate I'd the "just wait until..." comments.
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  • BognesBognes member
    Brutal is a good word for it. Add in a shitty breastfeeding baby and it's close to too much. When does it get better?!
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  • slp213psuslp213psu member
    My husband and I are way too honest about this and people don't like it. Everyone thinks we had this impossible baby with DD1 and I say we were just honest!!! Everyone else paints these amazing rainbows.
    I know by 7 weeks I wanted to punch the next person who said it, I remember that particularly because it was my SILs baby shower haha. Awesome way to support a mom-to-be!
    That being said, I know it does get better and I'm just plugging away waiting for it now. AND this baby is much easier than DD1 and I still can't wait for it to get better.
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  • kanga915kanga915 member
    I totally understand where you're coming from, it's hard work having a newborn. But I can't understand calling a baby "a little shit"... At this age they are too young to be brats, they're not crying and fussing for no reason, and they aren't manipulating you yet. They're just needy and communicating that.
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  • ImanganImangan member
    Yiggle09 said:

    I keep getting the this is the easy time. When they sleep all day etc. I'm like he hasn't slept all day in 3 weeks he's 7 weeks today. I now have to entertain him which is incredibly hard for me cause other than a rattle and a dangle toy what else can I do lol ans the lovely tummy time. It's not easy I actually cannot wait for him to be mobile. How do I like motherhood. .. I say it's interesting because if I said I hate it I'll be judged. I never realized how selfish I was until I had a baby. I do love him. I cried the night of his first rain storm. yesterday was his first snow or when I think of him growing up etc but right now I'm out of my depth and frustrated. Not good at adjusting I guess. Sorry for my rant

    Hey,

    I think your post is totally normal and refreshing to hear all the thoughts - im 34 work in a tough corporate environment and can honestly say this is the hardest job I've even done in my life. The sleep deprivation the lack of schedule or knowing what's coming or what to do next when baby does t respond to you when you haven't showered for 2 days brushed your teeth , your still bleeding and your brain gets so confused you don't even know your own name anymore.

    Yes motherhood is amazing , the love for your child is overwhelming but the reality is its a no manual job that's 24/7 and absolutely exhausting. Thanks for sharing, after a very few rough days with a cranky baby you've made me feel normal! And for the record you sound like your a great mama so don't be hard on yourself a little honesty about trying to adjust to this major life change defiantly doesn't make you a bad mum! :-)
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  • jennsuzanne87jennsuzanne87 member
    It's nice to have commiseration. It's definitely a challenging time- I had a "I'm a bad mom!" meltdown the other night because no matter what I did, LO was fussy and un happy for days on end. He's since come back to normal and will sleep pretty well and is pretty happy. I find I just have to take things day by day and I also find the "It get's easier line" really means: "You will eventually get used to it. Until they change things up on you and then you will eventually get used to it again."
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  • erbareerbare member
    I'm actually glad someone pointed out the "little shit" line because I think it extends the point of needing validation for whatever coping strategy keeps you sane. We know newborns are not capable of manipulation or vindictive behavior yet, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel that way sometimes. Humor is just how I (and I'm sure many others)cope with tough situations, and that's ok! My son's current nicknames include El Jefe, supreme leader, King Jack, Sir Needs-a-Lot, and yes sometimes we'll say he's "being a jerk/turd/shit today" when asked by family on fussy days. It makes us laugh and helps deal with the very real frustration of caring for him, but it's not for everyone.
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  • Yiggle09Yiggle09 member
    erbare said:

    I'm actually glad someone pointed out the "little shit" line because I think it extends the point of needing validation for whatever coping strategy keeps you sane. We know newborns are not capable of manipulation or vindictive behavior yet, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel that way sometimes. Humor is just how I (and I'm sure many others)cope with tough situations, and that's ok! My son's current nicknames include El Jefe, supreme leader, King Jack, Sir Needs-a-Lot, and yes sometimes we'll say he's "being a jerk/turd/shit today" when asked by family on fussy days. It makes us laugh and helps deal with the very real frustration of caring for him, but it's not for everyone.

    I call my lo a milk monster. It's really the only thing he gets futsy about. He's either my happy baby or my milk monster lol. I EP so he visibly goes to town on the milk
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  • CEW225CEW225 member
    I completely understand as well. I love my child, but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated or think this stage is hard. The lack of sleep is hard, all the constant eating and fussing is hard. The worst part for me is when I can't figure out what's wrong when she constantly fusses. I know there are times where this isn't anything wrong and she just wants to fuss, but it's hard.

    I was at Walmart today getting some groceries and had a hard time. She was asleep the majority of the time :-D, until the last few minutes. I knew it was getting close to the 2 hour mark of her feeding, but.I was hoping I'd make it. She started getting really fussy and all the lines were crazy long. Ended up making her bottle and feeding her with one hand while I put stuff on the belt. Got her out of the car seat when we got back to the car and finished her bottle and burped her standing in the parking lot. Crazy! I was so frazzled. I hope that's part of the "it" that gets better.
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  • PregNancyClarkPregNancyClark member
    I guess I'm a weirdo... I love it. I find it much harder to deal with my very strong willed kindergartener and I'm sure someone with teenagers would think I'm on a cake walk. I think it gets harder, not easier.... But better is an opinion. In my opinion, it's all very very good :), and none of it's very easy.
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