Unsolicited advice (long, sorry) — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Unsolicited advice (long, sorry)

So I'm sure we are all getting a lot of unsolicited advice on how to take care of our new LOs. How do you all handle it?

It's easy to brush off from random people, but when it's the same person over and over, it's tougher to ignore! Every time we see or talk to my MIL, she asks us detailed questions about baby girl's routines, behavior, etc and then tells us why she's acting that way or questions why our routines are what they are. Colic is shockingly her explanation for everything despite the fact that my baby isn't colicky. She also gives nonsensical advice such as changing her diaper every 2 hours (even if it's dry) to prevent diaper rash. Or to put rubbing alcohol at the injection site after her shots to numb it...never mind the fact that rubbing alcohol doesn't have numbing properties lol.

DH tells me to just nod my head and smile whenever I'm subjected to these conversations and I was doing pretty well with this but my annoyance is starting to become defensiveness and anger. I'm starting to feel like she thinks I don't know what I'm doing. And I know she doesn't trust my instincts because the last time we visited her, she kept asking me if my daughter was hungry even though I kept telling her she'd just taken a bottle. she then spoke to my DH in Spanish, who then said he thought the baby was hungry. LO ended up spitting up on my MIL, which she blamed on colic. ~X(

I'm just getting so frustrated. I don't want to have a bad relationship with her but I can feel myself starting to really dislike her. And I do not have a good poker face! I wish she would just learn to enjoy her granddaughter and stop trying to be a third parent. I need some serious advice here on how to deflect her input without being disrespectful. Help!
heath3er

Re: Unsolicited advice (long, sorry)

  • Not a ton of advice but definently talk to your husband about supporting you! The only thing that got a nosy and annoying relative off my back with my first was my doctor. He was awesome and was happy to explain that my daughter was a normal growing baby and was going to fuss but it didn't mean that she was sick or had colic or was hungry. He also added on that since I was her mom I would be the one that would be able to recognize when my daughter was acting weird or different. And that you can't just compare babies. They grow at different rates and will act different. (I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown at this point and this saved my sanity) So talk to the baby's doctor if you think this will help.
    A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. -Herm Albright
    LoboandSuperNinjaheath3erdeviduke412AndieTessie
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  • Well my mother-in-law stop talking to us the day we had the baby she hadn't called my husband or me and said she's not ready to talk to us because she decide to leave the day after we had him when she was supposed to stay for another week because she was mad that she wasn't in the delivery room. .I know this is a run-on sentence but I'm doing Siri while I'm feeding the baby.

    So I'm sure we are all getting a lot of unsolicited advice on how to take care of our new LOs. How do you all handle it?

    It's easy to brush off from random people, but when it's the same person over and over, it's tougher to ignore! Every time we see or talk to my MIL, she asks us detailed questions about baby girl's routines, behavior, etc and then tells us why she's acting that way or questions why our routines are what they are. Colic is shockingly her explanation for everything despite the fact that my baby isn't colicky. She also gives nonsensical advice such as changing her diaper every 2 hours (even if it's dry) to prevent diaper rash. Or to put rubbing alcohol at the injection site after her shots to numb it...never mind the fact that rubbing alcohol doesn't have numbing properties lol.

    DH tells me to just nod my head and smile whenever I'm subjected to these conversations and I was doing pretty well with this but my annoyance is starting to become defensiveness and anger. I'm starting to feel like she thinks I don't know what I'm doing. And I know she doesn't trust my instincts because the last time we visited her, she kept asking me if my daughter was hungry even though I kept telling her she'd just taken a bottle. she then spoke to my DH in Spanish, who then said he thought the baby was hungry. LO ended up spitting up on my MIL, which she blamed on colic. ~X(

    I'm just getting so frustrated. I don't want to have a bad relationship with her but I can feel myself starting to really dislike her. And I do not have a good poker face! I wish she would just learn to enjoy her granddaughter and stop trying to be a third parent. I need some serious advice here on how to deflect her input without being disrespectful. Help!

    MouseMama817heidi8992
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  • I agree with pp. First you need to talk to your husband and make sure you two are on the same page and that you have his support. Then I would suggest one of you to express your concerns/issues with your MIL. If not, I don't see her behavior changing. If you never say anything, she might not realize her actions are bothering you like they are.
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