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November 2015 Moms
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Introducing toddler to new baby

dapoint23dapoint23 member
in November 2015 Moms
What are your plans or past experience for introducing your toddler to your newest bundle?
From reading different perspectives, I really like the idea of not having the baby in the room when DS first comes to see me, and then having the baby leave before DS so he doesn't feel like the baby is kicking him out.
Curious about your thoughts and, if you've been through it, how it worked out for you!
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Re: Introducing toddler to new baby

  • dapoint23dapoint23 member
    I should add that DS is super excited about New Baby, and I'm just wondering how long that will last when he realizes they're not a temporary visitor!
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  • shellperryshellperry member
    edited October 2015
    My son was one when I had my second. We brought the baby in after he arrived. Also we got him a present from his little brother. However ill never forget bring him home and the look on his face when he realized we brought the baby home with us. They are best friends now.

    Edit, you'd be surprised how quickly DS will get attached to him. It'll be like the baby's been there the whole time
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  • dapoint23dapoint23 member
    Thanks! DS is almost 3 and depending on the time, the plan is for my mom to bring him to build-a-bear (something I've been getting him excited about) while I'm in the hospital.
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  • rebeccalynn27rebeccalynn27 member
    This is a great question and something I was planning on asking myself. DS is two and he is beyond excited about his new sister. He even cuddles her clothes whenever he gets the chance. I'm going to do what PP said and get DS a special present from the baby. I think he'll be more disappointed he can't play with her right away than anything else.
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  • MoRay05MoRay05 member
    edited October 2015
    I've been wondering about the same thing. My DD is almost 3. I've read it's important to not make it all about the new baby and make a big deal about being a big sister. I bought a big sister t shirt and a book that will be from DH and I. And I bought a baby doll that came with a paci and bottle to be from the baby. Our friends have a newborn and we finally got to meet him yesterday. My DD was sooo excited seeing him and we helped her hold him. She had the biggest smile on her face. I hope she has the same reaction to our new addition.
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  • NathanheartsKimNathanheartsKim member
    My oldest was so excited (21mo then) that she almost launched herself out of daddy's arms to get to little sis. :)
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  • drowe214drowe214 member
    Following. DS is 2. I like the suggestion of having him come in without the baby first. His birthday is 10/28 so we plan on putting a few presents aside for him to open when the baby comes.
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  • ajmcarrollajmcarroll member
    Does your local hospital offer any classes directed towards children and babies?  Part of the pregnancy classes our hospital has is "Especially for children" that is for all age groups and gets them involved.  

    Other than that as a FTM I don't have any other suggestions. 
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  • NathanheartsKimNathanheartsKim member
    nbpa3027 said:

    My son was 23 months when my daughter was born. Truthfully, he didn't really care. When he came to visit, he was more interested in seeing us than the new baby and we just kind of went with it. It worked well for us.

    The biggest thing is not to over think it. I know many have the vision of the first meeting in their head, but you really have to take your cues from the toddler and don't force your idea of a precious moment on them. I think we expect them to have all of these big feelings about the whole situation and in reality, they can't really comprehend exactly what is going on. Sure they know there is a baby, and they are a big bro/sister, but they don't really know what that means for them - they have to learn and they will all react very differently. The most excited kid might just see the baby for two minutes, realize they don't do much and be ready to move to the next activity.

    My kids are now 3 & 5 and they know there is a baby, and the baby will be coming soon. When it comes time to meet the baby, they will come in, we will introduce the baby, and if they want to hold him/her, they can if they just want to hang with us, that's fine too. We will probably buy them a new toy and give it to them when we come home from the hospita to keep them occupied while we get everything settled, but it isn't going to be from the baby--it will just be a new toy.

    @nbpa3027 Yes! Well put! :)
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  • mamavbsmamavbs member
    nbpa3027 said:

    My son was 23 months when my daughter was born. Truthfully, he didn't really care. When he came to visit, he was more interested in seeing us than the new baby and we just kind of went with it. It worked well for us.

    The biggest thing is not to over think it. I know many have the vision of the first meeting in their head, but you really have to take your cues from the toddler and don't force your idea of a precious moment on them. I think we expect them to have all of these big feelings about the whole situation and in reality, they can't really comprehend exactly what is going on. Sure they know there is a baby, and they are a big bro/sister, but they don't really know what that means for them - they have to learn and they will all react very differently. The most excited kid might just see the baby for two minutes, realize they don't do much and be ready to move to the next activity.

    My kids are now 3 & 5 and they know there is a baby, and the baby will be coming soon. When it comes time to meet the baby, they will come in, we will introduce the baby, and if they want to hold him/her, they can if they just want to hang with us, that's fine too. We will probably buy them a new toy and give it to them when we come home from the hospita to keep them occupied while we get everything settled, but it isn't going to be from the baby--it will just be a new toy.



    All of this. I've seen so many friends who have over thought it and it leads to disappointment. My son was 2 when my daughter was born- it was actually his birthday too (talk about thunder stolen lol) but he wasn't that fussed at all. He thought he was having a fab time at nanna's house and eating chocolate cake for breakfast. I did have a lovely ideal in my head of him running towards her in awe and everything was beautiful and wonderful. But in reality, he came, saw her and went back to his toys.

    I think it's important not to expect much at all. Kids react in so many different ways. I've seen children burst in to tears and although as a mum you'd be upset at that- if you put yourself in the siblings shoes then yeah it's overwhelming and confusing and crying may be the logical reaction!

    I'm expecting this time to be a bit different, now DS and DD have eachother they're probably a bit more prepared. I know at 4, DS will be more excited. We've promised him he can be the first person after mummy and daddy to hold the baby. My mum will also take them shopping to buy baby a present on her way to the hospital.

    If you're buying the sibling a present from the baby, I think it's a good idea to get something you can do together... Something creative or a new book, something for some special alone time with the existing child. They will probably be looking forward to that time with you (half an hour in between babys nap or just before bed etc).


    This is just my personal opinion BUT the issue I see with you not holding the baby when your child visits, is that it isn't realistic as to what is to come. You're pretty much going to be holding that baby for a good few weeks constantly! It may be nice for you to be holding the baby and then you put it down to give your DS a cuddle... That way they know that yes there's a new baby and mummy will be holding it and caring for it a lot but there's still time for me and my cuddles. Then have your cuddle with DS and then ask if he wants to cuddle the baby. If he says no, definitely don't push it- wait til the curiosity gets the better of him, which it will eventually!
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  • Cook3133Cook3133 member
    My kids had no problems. My husband took my oldest, who was 2 weeks shy of 2, to the hospital to meet his new little brother and he fell in love instantly! With my third I was t sure how my 2nd would respond. We gave birth at a birthing center and was home that same night but after the kids were already sleeping. My 2nd who was 2y2m at the time woke up and came into our room, he saw the baby and said "what's that?" I said a baby and he just goes "oh" and then goes back to bed. The next morning both the boys were so excited to meet the baby and would fight over him, "my baby" "NO, my baby!" I didn't make the new change a big deal to them other than hey you get another brother so it wasn't a "distribution" in their life but just something new. I honestly believe my boys were just ment to have siblings and they have dealt with it awesomely!! They are so excited about the new baby and can't wait to meet him! My kids are 5.5, 3.5, and 1.5. I expose my youngest to babies when ever I can and he seems to love them so hopefully he'll love having one around all the time when the newest LO comes :)
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  • NathanheartsKimNathanheartsKim member
    edited October 2015
    @Cook3133 Sounds like me! My oldest will be 4 in January, the next just turned 2. We will be home same day since we are using a birth center. So excited to have #3 join us! :)
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  • elbouelbou member

    I agree with the others not to overthink it.

    DD1 was a month and a half away from 2 when her little sister was born. Due to a big scary flu strain that was going around, she was not allowed to visit us in the hospital. I had read a suggestion that when you bring the baby home, have Daddy (or someone else) carry baby in, and let Mommy walk in first to say hi to the new big sibling. I loved that idea, (especially after I realized that the last thing I did before leaving for the hospital was yell at her to "go to sleep, already!") so we tried it when it was time to bring DD2 home. Someone had bought DD1 a new movie while I was gone, and she didn't even notice me come in. I went to give her a hug, and she just squirmed until she could see the tv again! She started taking an interest in her sister a couple days later, and they have been very close ever since.

    When DS came along, my girls were 3 and 5. They were old enough to understand things much better than DD1 could when DD2 was born. They couldn't wait to meet him. I think DS happened to be in the little hospital bassinet beside my bed when they got there. They came to see me first and then DH picked up the baby to show them. I didn't really plan out or stage the meeting at all, but I have the best picture of that first meeting! They were so excited and proud of "their" new baby! DD1 rolled with the new addition no problem (possibly because she's done it before), and DD2 was so excited to be a big sister that she didn't have any trouble adjusting either. :)


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  • SoyyoyarySoyyoyary member
    My babies will only be 10 months apart, but I don't think DD will really notice DS is 13 yr her eyes light up when she sees him. I figure she'll get used to the idea. I guess we will see in a few days. I have no expectations..
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  • dapoint23dapoint23 member
    Thanks for all the input ladies! I definitely want to go in with no expectations, because if you have expectations for how a 3 year old will act you're just setting yourself up to be dissapointed! Lol
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  • lopezalonsolopezalonso member
    I'm actually not worried about DD meeting DD2... She loves babies and I am sure that she will be excited. I am more worried about my MIL trying to be a big part of the moment and my mom feeling left out or her not leaving us be at all. She really is reliving motherhood with my babies and sometimes it's hard to tell her to back off. I feel very protective of my mother.
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  • MadBloomMadBloom member
    We had Lillian 11 days ago now and we didn't over analyze anything. My toddler came in with my parents and my husbands mom. DH was holding Lillian and DD1 pointed to her and said "baby!!"

    I had a cuddle with her since we'd been in the hospital for 4 days already and we hadn't seen her. Then DH gave me Lily so we could hold her together and they could meet. She was happy about it for all of 30 seconds and then tried to push her away. We really had to ease into it with her over the last week and a half. She's very jealous if I'm nursing Lily but i know it'll get better. A few times a day I make sure she gets to sit and hold her sister. She picks out her cloth diaper just like she picks out her own and will sit next to her and "help" during diaper changes. I think it'll get better every day,
    YCSWU
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