Last Time Moms?

LilLump2 · October 2015

Two questions:

I'm really having a rough time with this pregnancy. I know this is my last time at the party, and I really want to enjoy and cherish this last time that I will carry someone's heart beneath mine. But frankly, I'm miserable, and not even to the halfway mark. That scares the living shit out of me. I just want it to be over, but I don't want it to be over, because then it will be OVER, forever.

I'm 100% sure this is it. I'm getting a Mirena placed, and we're contemplating if he should have a vasectomy as well, as an extra b/c precaution. I'm nervous about a vasectomy though. What if something were to happen to the kids and I? Then he would be alone in the world, unable to have more with a new love he might have someday. If I had done any form of perma-birth control when I was "done" last time, then DD2 wouldn't be here, not would LO. So I kinda don't want him to do it. But while Mirena is SUPER effective, sh*t happens, condoms are annoying, and I am SUPER 100% sure that I don't want another child in my life.

So, Last-time moms, how do you know this is it? Are you doing anything to make sure this last time is special, or so you can remember it in some way? How are you making sure that there are no "oopsie" babies after this?

2-Step · October 2015

I'm done after this one and I also had a very rough first trimester with a lot of sickness, migraines and exhaustion that lasted up until about two weeks ago. I feel really great now, so there is probably a light at the end of the tunnel for you too! I really wanted to fully enjoy this pregnancy, like you said, and that first sick phase made it very hard to do! Now I know what I am having, am feeling better and things are getting fun!

As for knowing I am done, DH and I both knew we would max out at 3 and we almost stopped at 2. My biggest reasons are that I want to have time time and money to fully invest in my children and I feel anything over 3 would make that very difficult. I will be having my tubes tied after this baby. I think we both feel like this is our family and if anything ever happened to us we would not be going on to have more children. I also just know that my body is done being pregnant, I'm 34 and this was my personal age range window to have kids. If I ever felt an extremely strong desire to have another child I would most definitely look into adoption, but I would never get pregnant on purpose again no matter what, which makes it easy for me to make the permanent decision to have my tubes tied.

If you are 100% sure you are done, then why don't you be the one to have the permanent operation?

kitteh81 · October 2015

This is definitely it for us, in fact we were planning on being done with two and DH already had his vasectomy consultation scheduled when this little one slipped past the goalie. So he'll be going through with the big V, and I might even get an IUD still. Just to be extra super sure we don't have any more oopsie daisies.

I'm trying to enjoy this pregnancy, knowing that it's my last, and honestly it's been pretty easy so far, physically. But life in general is super stressful right now. I'm finishing up my Masters and trying to secure my first teaching job. Our toddler is acting EXTRA TODDLERish lately, which has been tough. And DH has absolutely hit the burnout point at his job, and I think it's actually leaving him quite depressed. So life in general is just HARD right now, which makes it hard to enjoy the pregnancy.

Luckily, the two big issues should resolve when baby arrives. I'll be done with my coursework, and DH is going to take paternity leave and then probably won't be returning to his job, so those stressors will be gone. Lord knows we'll probably have other stress to deal with then, but I really think that once DH quits his job a lot of our issues will resolve themselves.

So, I'm not necessarily enjoying this pregnancy, but definitely looking forward to the birth, and I will definitely be taking time to soak in the newborn stage as much as possible.

jmathi0149 · October 2015

I am 100% done after this one. We will have a son and a daughter and we feel like our family is complete. Pregnancy is so special I don't feel like I need to do anything else to make it special. I feel in my heart that I am done. I had a ton of complications with DS1. This pregnancy in general has been easier but I have been really sick.

I am a very anxious person and I too worry that we may do something permanent and I will worry to death something will happen to one of them. On top of that I will only be 26 when DD is born. My husband will be 32. He is fine getting a vasectomy but I just worry 26 is so young to make permanent choices. I have debated just getting a Mirena then having him get his vasectomy after a few years.

I'm still haven't come to any real decisions. I'm just here to support you since I know what you are going through and see the other answers hoping for some resolution myself.

LittleTsmom · October 2015

Very rough pregnancy for this one as well. I had my first pregnancy super easy. I guess I took it for granted. At 20wks I still feel awful and barely surviving with a handful toddler. So, there is/was definitely no enjoying in this pregnancy.

We are done at 2. Two makes two is our family plan. If we really want more in the future we will adopt. We want to spend quality time(finantially too) with each kids and also have personal lives. It's what will work for us.

I am so exhausted to enjoy the pregnancy but whenever I have time I get excited thinking of nursery ideas and rearranging the whole house. I never had this joy from my first as we lived in a small apt at first. And never got him a separate room even after we moved since he still cosleeps with us.

I just wish I will be able to enjoy the newborn stage with our next LO. And it not to be a struggle with our DS.

amaniupendo · October 2015

We took awhile to decide about this one and then it took a while to conceive. We were very close to calling it one-and-done.

I am a miserable sick pregnant lady. I can't do this again.

Our lifestyle is for 2 kids max. We like to travel. We live in a city with limited space.

We will do a vasectomy and IUD.

Vasectomies are reversible FYI. Our friends had his reversed successfully.

jenniferamcooper · October 2015

We MAY be done after this one. I've always wanted 3 and my husband has always wanted 2... we have a boy and if this is a girl I made a pact with my husband that we will 100% be done. If it's a boy then we talked about seriously discussing trying for a 3rd in 2 years time. It's not a gender thing for me, I think 3 boys would be ridiculously fun!
I totally have mixed feelings about this as my last pregnancy. I'm the *worst* pregnant lady 24/7 nausea (medixated), exhaustion, dizzy spells. My husband has been doing everything since 5 weeks (I'm 16 weeks now). He's basically solo parenting and it's really hard. He said it'd be really hard doing it all over with 2 kids, and he's right but every pregnancy is different.
To the first poster vasectomies are VERY safe. There have never been a fatality from a vasectomy but women do die from tubal ligation. Tubal ligations are also really expensive when compared to vasectomies. Even mirnena and oral contraceptives come with risks. Mirena has the risk of pelvic inflammatory disease and oral contraceptives have the risk of stroke and blood clots. My husband didn't have to do much research into the topic before saying "why don't all men have a vasectomy, it's so much safer", and he's a pain wussy.

smushi · October 2015

This is number 2 for us, and I stink at being pregnant, so we will be done with this one. DH said he'll be getting a vasectomy. We've all been busy and sick, so I've not even taken a bump picture this time around. We haven't done any kind of announcements or anything. I laughed to DH early on in the pregnancy that we should just keep mum about it on fb and then surprise here's a baby! I was only joking but it seems like we're on that trajectory and we didn't even mean to.

cataleya82 · October 2015

This is my third, I have two boys and this baby is a girl. I'm pretty certain that I won't be having anymore babies after she is born. I'm 33 and my boys are 12 & 8. I'm also single. I hate to do anything permanent because I feel like I might get upset about that, so I'll just use birth control pills after I give birth, and if I ever get married I'll just ask my husband to get a vasectomy

It's certainly a difficult decision and makes me sad thinking this may very well be the last time for everything, so I'm trying to soak it up the best that I can.

red3ye · October 2015

We will also be done after this pregnancy. I hate being pregnant, have had h.g. with both pregnancies and refuse to do it again. Dh and I actually discussed it before getting pregnant and decided to try to get pregnant for 1 year. If it didn't happen, we were just going to be one and done. Also, if we have a miscarriage we will be one and done.
Our problem lies in deciding what birth control we want. I could tubal litagation done during our scedualed csection (dr has already a proved that option) or dh will have a vasectomy. There are risks to both, but I am leaning towards a vasectomy (if I can convince dh that is the best).
Even if something happens to the kids and i, Dh doesn't want to have more.

oceanchild · October 2015

This is definitely it for us. 4 was always the number we talked about. Originally I wanted 6, and he was happy with "2, or 3 at the most" (he worries about finances and his age) … we talked about it a lot before we got married to make sure we were on the same page, and decided on 4. (Now I'm glad, bc it turns out I hate being pregnant and each pregnancy has been more miserable than the one before it.) So I totally empathize with the wanting it to be over part, but also with the wanting to hang on parts, bc as much as i hate the way I'm feeling 85% of the time, there is still that 15% that is really neat. I've been taking bumpies and trying to just really relish the parts I do enjoy.
I don't want to be pregnant ever again, even if we won the lotto, and hubs wouldn't want more kids if something happened to me either. We are Catholic, so we can't do anything like vasectomy or BC or anything, but we use NFP and are fully confident in our ability to avoid when necessary.
Considering having professional pics done this last time with the whole family (no naked fertility goddess belly shots or anything, just family photos with my huge belly), and a birth photographer as well.
We just really feel like our family will be complete, and we are ready to focus on the next chapter of our lives, moving out of tbe growing family/baby phase and into the kids growing up phase. I know it's going to be hard to not want to slow the last baby down though too. It seems like they want to get bigger faster and faster every time, to keep up with the big siblings, walking and talking sooner.
Such conflicting feelings, wanting time to both speed up and slow down.

Melodyags · October 2015

This is definately our last to. I'm 38 and already have a 17, 10, and 9 year old and the one on the way. After I have my csection I'm having my tubes tied also before I leave the hospital. I've had so many problems this pregnancy and a miscarriage before this one
I'm definately positive I don't want to do this again and lets face it I'm also not a young woman. In your case your only 26 and maybe in 10 years from now you may change your mind. After my 9 year old I didn't want anymore either than when hit 35 I changed my mind.

RosyK · October 2015

One or the other of us will be getting snipped after this baby. Dh wants it to be him. I've thought of the 'what if', but, he will be 40 2 weeks after this baby is born and he does NOT want to have any more after that, with me or anyone else. He's said that since before we were even married.

Now, as for me, I've always wanted 3-5 kids, this is our #4 at home (one in heaven) and so I'm satisfied with that, but also really wanted to 'cherish' this last pregnancy.... Now at 21 weeks, I'm feeling better and am actually starting to feel like I can appreciate the pregnancy instead of just hating being pregnant and wanting it over. But, in reality, I've NEVER liked being pregnant. I've always said, I'm in it for the baby, not the pregnancy. Will I miss the kicks... Maybe, but I think what I'll miss the most is that high I get right after delivery, that "im superwoman and just had a baby" high. I love that feeling!

lightrox · October 2015

This is my last also I was actually scheduling my husbands vasectomy when I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. So he's getting his surgery done before the end of the year.

Latina211508 · October 2015

I'm pregnant with our fourth baby. I'm from the Feb board due the 8th. My husband and I compromised on 4 children. My husband offered to get a vasectomy but after our baby is born. We both agreed. He also told me regardless if anything happens in the future he doesn't want anymore children. He's content with four. We are both still young but we just agreed that four is completing our family. It does make me sad that this is my last time I'll be pregnant and the last time I'll have a newborn. I've had great pregnancies and deliveries so maybe that's why I don't mind having more children. But I also think of my children, career and that eventually it had to come to an end. Plus I did want all my children in my twenties. We are going to use condoms until he decides to get his vasectomy which is just depending on time he can get off since he will take time off after the baby arrives as well. He's ready and we both don't want an oops. I'm just taking a lot of belly pics, enjoying being pregnant and I'm also going to do maternity pictures. With the baby we are going to 3d pictures and get a photographer for newborn pics as well. Im not rushing this pregnancy, I'm just letting time pass and I'm appreciating everyday. I'm 24 and my husband is 26. We are ready to move onto the next chapter with our children.

kmejia2 · October 2015

I am 33 and was done before my first 12years ago (got prego on birth control, but was vorn on birth control eh) they would not tie my tubes then i was too young. I have always used more homeopathic ways of bc and been good, but its like any other bc and you got to be on point i missed and ovulation and bam as many say blessed with a baby. My first pregnancy was very difficult, emotionaly and physically. Many complications my child was healthy but me not so much. This time around its been a lot easier i dont feel as tired no moring sickness nada just a lil heart burn and i already suffer from migraines so ive had a few but its nothing new. I want to shop and decorate and so excited to meet my baby and see what they develope into, but i still will be having my tubes tied after this one. I do hape to foster kids as soon as things get into place. DD always wanted one of his own so i am pretty confident i can make this choice without feeling guilty or selfish. Our bodies though ment to birth children can sense when we are ready to say enough.

LilLump2 · October 2015

2-Step said:
If you are 100% sure you are done, then why don't you be the one to have the permanent operation?

Good point. First and foremost, it's not permitted at my hospital. (Catholic hospital) So I'd have to do it later, and then recover from it. I'm assuming it can be done in an office? I admit that I haven't really looked into it, because that doesn't sound appealing at all.

Also I kinda dig that Mirena will mean no more periods. I really got spoilt those 8 years without.

Thank you to all who replied, I appreciate that you took the time. I think we've decided to just go with Mirena for now. I'll have it placed at 6wks, and then assuming nothing happens during pregnancy/infancy (SIDS is scary, yo) Then if he still wants to do it, then he'll start the process.

kitteh81 · October 2015

If you can't have it done during labor (assuming you're having a C Section) then it's really not practical to go back and do it later. It's a major abdominal surgery with some serious recovery time. A vasectomy is a much easier, outpatient office procedure with minimal recovery. So I'm pushing for that, in our situation.

skruhmin · October 2015

Yep we are done. We do FAM because I can't do hormonal BC. Our last kid was supposed to be our last because it takes us forever to conceive and we hate ttc sex. FAM worked well for us until this baby when I ovulated early, which NEVER happens. Welp hello surprise baby. We most likely will only use condoms because both of us have health issues - I have endometrios and don't want the scar tissue and he has read about several men having issues after a vasectomy (mainly scar tissue and blue balls on steroids). I absolutely 100% hate being pregnant. The only perk is feeling baby move.

jess9802 · October 2015

I am pretty sure we are done after this baby; I'm 35, and pregnancy + postpartum is hard on my career (I'm the breadwinner). Neither of us want to make it permanent, though. I'll almost certainly get Mirena again after this baby. FWIW, it did not stop my periods, but made them quite light.

irenewslee · October 2015

My husband is very much against getting a vasectomy. He thinks it should be me who gets it done. I don't think he plans on having any other kids (even if it's not with me) but something about the word just hurts him. People tell me not to get it done if I am not having a C section since it's a major surgery. So I'm trying to explore other options too.

FutureMrsCaesar · October 2015

We are definitely, 100% done, assuming a healthy baby. A few months post partum DH will get a vasectomy. I'll schedule it and take him myself

We were also planning to be done prior to this little surprise and doing FAM which had worked perfectly for us for 8 years, and boom, one early ovulation combined with a vacation and here we are. Although I will admit we were not 100% sure we were done at that point. We wanted to wait until next year to decide for sure, we were certainly NOT trying at the time. I know we're done because 4 kids is a lot, and logistically it makes things challenging. DH travels a lot and while my kids are great, taking care of 4 by myself most of the week is a ton of work and is totally exhausting. Also I HATE the first 17 weeks of pregnancy and I really, really don't want to do it again. I am super excited to be having a little girl to add to my boys but this was going to be it regardless.

I don't HATE all of pregnancy, now that I'm feeling pretty good it's not so bad, but I do have body issues during pregnancy. Whenever I see a pregnant woman I immediately think how beautiful she looks with her bump, but when I have one I feel awful and self conscious. So I am trying to make an effort to try and enjoy the growing bump this time, and not spend the entire 9 months feeling insecure about how my body is changing and if I look 'too big' or not.

kynbar5 · October 2015

We're both done after this one but fwiw, you should maybe do a little more research. I've personally gotten pregnant on the Mirena and it doesn't stop everyone's period. There are also a lot of other risks that come with any birth control. A vasectomy can be reversed (my dad has successfully done this, twice actually) and also, I've personally known a couple that had a baby when the vasectomy failed. My point is, all birth control has it's downfalls and shortcomings so you should really do some good research. I will be getting a tubal ligation after I deliver this baby simply because while pregnancy doesn't bother me at all, this is our 6th baby and we've got a pretty full house lol. Good luck.

maelic · October 2015

FAM works well for us, but my husband is planning on making sure we don't have more kids by getting a vasectomy as soon as is practical post-baby. He's two and through, I'm a little sad because part of me still wants three children. We can talk about it some more, but he's pretty adamant at this point.

I have endo and hormonal birth control is no bueno for me (I've tried everything). I'm not going for major abdominal surgery if I don't have to, so if he wants a more permanent method he is free to go ahead and get the snip. Vasectomies are certainly much much safer than tubal ligations.

As for "what ifs" who is even to say that he would want a new family if something were to happen to him? And, to be morbid, there are always options for reversals, adoptions, or fostering. Do what makes sense for your family NOW, don't catastrophize unnecessarily.

lindscnn1 · October 2015

We are done after this one is born. This is our 5th and I will be 35 this month. The age of myself is a reason but also the age gap between our other kids. Our oldest is 18 so I am technically old enough to be a grandmother. I had the Mirena IUD placed 9 years ago but the first year of that darn thing was basically non stop bleeding and when I stopped bleeding long enough to have private time with DH that "string" (warning tmi) would poke him badly. After a long year of that we demanded the doc remove it. We were pregnant with baby #4 within a few months. My husband is going to have the vasectomy after this one. I figure I grew and delivered 5 humans so he can handle the vasectomy. It is a lot easier for recovery than me having my tubes tied. We know we are fine with not having more kids now but after our 4th was born we couldn't say that with certainty. I guess that is how you know.

smount2011 · October 2015

I'm not quite sure if we are done after this one or not. My age is a factor- I'm only 32 but it took me 4 years to ttc this one, and I don't want to have babies back-to-back. I have PCOS and endometriosis, which those took me a couple years to get under control. DH always wanted 2 and I wanted 3, so we had figured 2 by him and my daughter gives me 3. But that hasn't worked out so well.

kynbar5 · October 2015

@lindscnn1 lmao I completely forgot about "the string" which according to my husband is more like a straight pin! Hahhaha. I had to have my cut shorter pretty quickly after having it put in.

rayandbrit · October 2015

I am feeling really done with this one. I was content with 3, but DH would have like 19 kids, so 4 was our compromise. My pregnancies have gotten progressively worse each time, and I had some complications early on with this one, so I am really done being pregnant. Also, we only make girls

and I think 5 of us ladies in 1 house will be a good stopping point. DH will be getting a vasectomy sometime this year.

I am sure in a few years I will get a little itch, but I am honestly SO excited about starting the next chapter of life after being pregnant or having a newborn every year for the past 7 years!

ceds07 · October 2015

I am like 95% sure that this we are two and done. It just feels right for our family and frankly, I'm a miserable pregnant person. But at the same time there is something that seems to tempting fate-y about actually making it final (not catastrophizing, just my own personal neurosis). So I think we'll probably stick to regular BC for a while and then talk about DH getting snipped down the line once the pregnancy and newborn stupor wears off.

kynbar5 · October 2015

Good info https://www.m.webmd.com/women/tubal-ligation-and-tubal-implants

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