Generation Gap (kinda long I'm ranting here)

EllieBPullie · October 2015

Anyone having issues with their moms and how things are done nowadays versus back then? My mother annoys me with her "I had three kids I know what I'm doing" antics whenever I have something to say about the rules with my oldest son and unborn baby. I feel like she thinks my parenting skills are not up to hers ( granted she was not the greatest mother in the world like she makes herself sound) and likes to challenge me. Like for instance the new car seat laws for NJ. Whenever I tell her my oldest child needs to be in a 5 point harness car seat at all times she likes to come back and say " when I raised you kids, I didn't have to do all of this". We recently got into a huge fight about her ability to be responsible for my son (she didn't respect some of my rules and in turn put my son in harms way) and she did not want to hear what I had to say because I'm her child and she is the mother. Anyone experience anything like this?? There is a huge gap between when she had her last child and I had mines (we are talking a little over 25 yrs) I'm just ranting a bit before my 2nd son arrives and she'll have to hear my mouth again.

aabbaby · October 2015

Yes! I am having the first grandchild for both my mother and my mother in law the generation gap is a huge topic and frustrating aspect. So many examples... Drop down cribs, love my MIL's comment "how are you suppose to get the baby out?" The difference of opinion of breastfeeding, "what about when you leave the house or have guest?". Then the comments of why do you need that... My biggest problem is my MIL not understanding why she would need the whooping cough vaccination... I know once baby arrives the idea of having a schedule is going to be a hot topic! Wish they would understand my parenting wishes and goals from this generation and just support my trails and errors.

rubirubi89 · October 2015

MIL says ultrasounds give off radiation and thats why babies are born with autism. Her last son was born in 1978.

JLW0504 · October 2015

We let our parents know early on that they had their go at parenting and if they didn't respect our parenting style or undermined us in front of our kids, we would limit their time with them.

ashleyfreake · October 2015

My mother argues everything from circumcision, car seats, cribs, breastfeeding, to vaccinations. Basically whatever opinion I have on anything for my child she feels the need to explain how she did it different back in her day and we all turned out fine. Definitely going to have some major arguements once my little guy arrives

Cook3133 · October 2015

I am the youngest of 4 and am 33, I was the only child that had to be brought home in a car seat. My dad is pretty protective of the little kids but for some reason him and my mom have no clue of how important car seats are. My oldest is 5 and still in a five point and will be until he outgrows it. My husband and I have been in EMS & fire for over 10 years. We have seen first hand how important it is to properly secure your children. They say "I don't drive crazy, they'll be fine" ok then it's not you I'm worried about it's all the other idiots!! We live in a farming community and some of the onion trucks run stop signs and teenagers speed on the back roads. I kindly remind them how horrible they would feel if someone hit them with my kids not restrained properly. It doesn't help that my oldest sister who also has a 5 & 3 year old doesn't care how her kids are in the car. BTW a booster seat is not ok for a 5 year old with just a lap belt. The shoulder belt is also extremely dangerous in a crash and can do major damage to the trachea.

I refuse to let my kids go with my parents if they don't have a car seat and if they do have them I install the seat for them just to make sure.

Huge issue with us to.

semulcahy · October 2015

Maybe I was out of line in doing this, but I made it very clear with my parents and in laws that, while I love them and respect them, this is mine and my SOs child, and only we know what is best for him. I'm 34 weeks and have only seemed to offer advice when I've specifically asked, and I consider myself lucky. I hope it will stay that way once LO is here

shellperry · October 2015

Cook3133 said:
I am the youngest of 4 and am 33, I was the only child that had to be brought home in a car seat. My dad is pretty protective of the little kids but for some reason him and my mom have no clue of how important car seats are. My oldest is 5 and still in a five point and will be until he outgrows it. My husband and I have been in EMS & fire for over 10 years. We have seen first hand how important it is to properly secure your children. They say "I don't drive crazy, they'll be fine" ok then it's not you I'm worried about it's all the other idiots!! We live in a farming community and some of the onion trucks run stop signs and teenagers speed on the back roads. I kindly remind them how horrible they would feel if someone hit them with my kids not restrained properly. It doesn't help that my oldest sister who also has a 5 & 3 year old doesn't care how her kids are in the car. BTW a booster seat is not ok for a 5 year old with just a lap belt. The shoulder belt is also extremely dangerous in a crash and can do major damage to the trachea.

I refuse to let my kids go with my parents if they don't have a car seat and if they do have them I install the seat for them just to make sure.

Huge issue with us to.

I thought that it had to do with waight more then age for car seats. My 5 year old is more like an 8 year old in size and he's in a booster seat with a back on it. But it's only the lap belt. It clips in around the head rest goes across the front and buckles in. When I say he's a big boy he in a boy9/10 but some of the pants are too short

sadyy131 · October 2015

My MIL does not use car seats for her younger children (8&10) even NJ law states that they should. And trust me, she wasn't using them for the past few years.
SIL has her 16 mo old son in a forward faced car seat with the straps extremely lose. Like you could fit two children in there. And the other day when he was in my MIL car, he was sitting on a booster with a regular seatbelt on. I almost died. I worry constantly that my daughter will be in a situation with them and get extremely hurt. And everytime I mention something about getting our car seat insepected by the fire department they look at me like I'm crazy. I don't know if I can trust them to bring LO anywhere and it really scares me.

VexedMommy · October 2015

I've had these fights. After they ask to take my daughter for a night or to an event and I explain to them they can not because of x thing they did or said they could not do they change their mind pretty quickly. My child, my rules.

I let them slide on things like candy and buying ridiculous dresses and other things I would never purchase for them or allow them to eat on a regular basis at home. There has to be give somewhere, but it should never be on the things you feel strongly about.

I also thought that car seats were a height/weight issue and not an age issue. My Dd is 48lbs and 48" and still in a booster at 9. We fight that battle constantly since her sister is 10, 90lbs and 62" and has not used a booster in about 2yrs.

Knottie68754264 · October 2015

I'm not sure about other states but in Oklahoma it is a height or age requirement. They are required to be in restraints until a specified age or until they reach the weight limit for that particular restraint as set forth by the manufacturing company. So like for rear facing car seats it's until the age of 2 or until the child is 35 lbs. we have a legal site that all of that information is laid out in. Maybe some of the other states do as well. As for generation gap it's not just the parenting that's the issue but also the transition of the roles in the home. Women who are employed full time outside of the home means they have other duties and obligations besides the family. That just wasn't the way back then. Not that being a mom full time isn't hard but the expectations are different.

mollynap · October 2015

I'm pretty lucky with my mom. She's said so many times "You know way more than I ever did when I was pregnant!" She thinks it's amazing all the resources we have these days.

There are plenty of other people who give unsolicited advice to make up for her.

HopefulMNMom · October 2015

mollynap said:
I'm pretty lucky with my mom. She's said so many times "You know way more than I ever did when I was pregnant!" She thinks it's amazing all the resources we have these days.

There are plenty of other people who give unsolicited advice to make up for her.

Same here! Both my mom & MIL are just amazed by how much more we are involved in prenatal care and how much education we have received regarding regulations, laws, etc.

There are sometimes the occasional comments of "I did it this way" but you have to brush it off. That's probably what they learned from their moms / aunts / doctors at the time. Research and education have come a long way so try to give them a break if you get a random comment.

If they are doing something unsafe, that's a totally different story and something to be taken more seriously. I'm sorry for those of you who have experienced this while your child was in their care! Open discussion is probably the best way to deal with it.

modanz1 · October 2015

My mom knows better than to say those things to me. She raised a very strong willed girl and it bites her in the ass sometimes!

But when those kinds of topics come up with other people, I remind them that many children were needlessly injured or killed back then too. just because most of us survived does not mean it is the safest choice. My mom did tell me last night that back in her day they didn't have maternity clothes like we wear & that she wouldn't have been comfortable showing off her shape like we do. (She was commenting on how tight my tank was) And I told her that they also thought segregation was a good idea, so I am just going to stick with my generation's idea of maternity clothes.

jamiem522 · October 2015

I have an "adopted" mom (best friends mom) that tells me if he doesn't sleep through the night you just put rice cereal in the bottle or water to fill him up. Put him to bed and don't go back in until you've slept all night. You shouldn't hold your baby too much because they will get spoiled. Don't leave the house for at least 6 weeks. Formula feed until you milk comes in. Her husband went back to work the next day, no reason for a man to stay home. I love this woman but the difference between the way she raised kids and today is big. I just nod and smile!

TacoSarah · October 2015

HopefulMNMom said:

mollynap said:
I'm pretty lucky with my mom. She's said so many times "You know way more than I ever did when I was pregnant!" She thinks it's amazing all the resources we have these days.

There are plenty of other people who give unsolicited advice to make up for her.
Same here! Both my mom & MIL are just amazed by how much more we are involved in prenatal care and how much education we have received regarding regulations, laws, etc.

There are sometimes the occasional comments of "I did it this way" but you have to brush it off. That's probably what they learned from their moms / aunts / doctors at the time. Research and education have come a long way so try to give them a break if you get a random comment.

If they are doing something unsafe, that's a totally different story and something to be taken more seriously. I'm sorry for those of you who have experienced this while your child was in their care! Open discussion is probably the best way to deal with it.

I'm lucky with my folks as well. My mum shakes her head and says "we just used to put you in the Moses basket on the back seat, looking back it was so dangerous but we didn't know, it's just what you did back then".

katiedhunter · October 2015

Luckily DH and I are the last ones having babies in our families so the grandparents got broken in with all our nieces and nephews! Lol

EllieBPullie · October 2015

Thank you ladies! I'm so glad I am not the only one that has a mom or MIL like this! It would extremely annoy me when my mom and I have a disagreement over the care of my oldest son (he's the first grandchild) and here comes my brother and sister backing up my mom. For the longest time I told my siblings to stay out of it since they didn't have children at the time. Now that my sister had a baby she finally understands what I mean but for some reason doesn't see what my mom does as wrong and irresponsible. Example my mom had my son in a car with NO CARSEAT and drove about 3 blocks away to someone else's house. Thankfully nothing happened in the 3 blocks but that's all my mom sees it as. It was 3 blocks and nothing happened. My husband and I told her if she can't get it together and follow our rules then my son is no longer allowed to stay over night on the weekends. Her response? She started crying and made it sound like I told her she was a bad mother and grandmother. Please give me a break.

japostolova · October 2015

My mom didn't use car seats on us older kids and only used an infant seat for her youngest until she no longer fit it in. No convertible, no boosters, no high chairs. She also doesn't understand not using pillows blankets bumpers and stuffed animals in the crib. Finally we don't agree on the vaccine thing. Back when she had her kids there were far fewer vaccines and she doesn't understand why I want to keep my babies away from people before they are vaccinated. Ugh. I just try to be consistent & firm. Hopefully it ll be easier when they re older, I think I'd worry less about someone else taking care of them

carajadep · October 2015

Thankfully there is not that big of an age gap between me and my mam (20years) and my youngest sister is only 11, my mam kept her in a car seat until she was around 10 even though she was tall and would explain to us why when we all laughed at how protective she was. Now I understand where she was coming from!

SoFlaMommie1128 · October 2015

It's simple - your child, your rules. If they don't respect that, then that's their choice. Just like you have the choice to limit their time with LO if it comes to issues of safety (car seats, vaccinations, etc.)

Have to pick your battles, no doubt, but when it comes to the important stuff, like the health and safety of my son, I know I'm going to be 1000% adamant and I don't really care what anyone else has to say about it.

Want a personalized experience?

Generation Gap (kinda long I'm ranting here)

Re: Generation Gap (kinda long I'm ranting here)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards