Living life waiting

riveridgional · October 2015

So, I just constantly feel that I am living my life waiting instead of living in the moments. Waiting after BFN for AF to start, waiting for CD3 monitoring, waiting for O, waiting to test....and repeat! It's really starting to have an effect on me, and I don't want to look back and regret not living these days to their fullest. What do you do to keep yourself in the moment and really enjoy life during this process?

lmroz8605 · October 2015

riveridgional This is a very good question and one that I would like advice on as well. Trying to make plans in the future for anything is near impossible with this waiting game. Worrying about future costs of treatments etc, makes it difficult to take small vacations or do any home repairs or anything like that. I feel guilt because costs of treatments all add up.

jilligan14 · October 2015

I have a hard time with this as well. I want to go to my cousin's wedding in Hawaii in March but don't want to spend all that money and also don't want to fly during the first trimester if I do get pregnant before then (I know people do it but since I've had 2 early losses, I just want to stay put and take it easy if/when it happens). I feel like I can't really plan anything for the future because there's always this thought of, "I might be pregnant then..." It's tough. I've been trying to find a balance and to still do certain things (I'm going camping at a music festival in the mountains this weekend). I think finding a balance is the best I can do because there's no way I can shake that "waiting" feeling completely, and yet I can try to distract myself with a few fun things and try to enjoy the moment (as hard as that can be at times).

greengypsy · October 2015

i feel the same.. i feel stuck in a constant loop.. not moving forward & it gets worse for me as i go further down this IF road.. the 2ww is always the worst for me.. im 10piui now & as always am going a lil nuts.. i find it a little helpful to see validation on these boards & that im not alone. i also just ordered adult coloring books off amazon as someone on these boards suggested helps w stress.. i figured id give it a try!

lmroz8605 · October 2015

@greengypsy I totally agree with you on that the 2 ww is always the worst. The beginning of my cycle I feel so positive like this is going to be the month, but sitting around waiting to see a BFP is the worst. Adult coloring books seem very therapeutic and relaxing!

KidShrink · October 2015

I was also feeling that way...not to worry, once you get a BFP you wait for your next blood test, your first ultrasound, and every other one after. But it's not as depressing. I was going through IF and miserable in my work situation; I wanted to be my own boss with my own clinic. DH was initially wary, then after hearing me complain constantly just told me to go with it. Then my mom was asking whether I thought I should wait til after baby. I explained to both of them that as it stood at that time, I had already put things on hold because of wanting a baby, but couldn't keep on doing that forever if no baby was ever going to happen. Then not only would I be miserable because of IF, but because of a bunch of other things in life. So I went off on my own (scaled down the big clinic project for now because I could only handle so much stress), booked an awesome trip to Italy for our wedding anniversary, and another trip to Florida to visit the in-laws. We tried to do as many fun stuff as possible. I don't think there's any way to completely forget about what you're going through, and in retrospect, I wish I hadn't spent so much money in the past few months because it could come handy for my mat leave (self-employed...), but eh, it helped then. Also, I had a plan as to when I was willing to move on to the next step, and how much/what I was willing to do (no more than 1 egg retrieval for IVF and the associated ETs if any, then starting adoption procedures by January if nothing had worked). It just helped me have peace of mind because I like to have a plan, and knew that by the end of the adoption process, there'd be a baby for sure. We were also planning visiting a friend in Australia in February or March if nothing had worked by then (that was my 'reward' for no baby). My point: keep on living as you 'normally' would (i.e. If unfortunately you never ended up with kids, what would you want to do) and plan accordingly. It helped preserve some of my sanity.

Whiggrrl65 · October 2015

I have to admit that I too am having a rough time and hate being on the constant loop. We were invited to go to Napa this fall with friends back in the summer and I said no because I should be pregnant by then. Ugh.
We always go to baseball spring training in March and I think we are just going to book it. My DH will be devastated if we don't go and if it means we have to miss a cycle, then we will miss a cycle.

I have been toying with either switching jobs or starting my own business but just feel so trapped because of good health insurance and steady income.

Anyway, we are all in this together and it's nice to have a support group.

emgem819 · October 2015

@Whiggrrl65 my DH is hardcore Yankees fan so we were going to book a trip to St Pete to see them play for spring training. Where do you go? I say we do it...sometimes planning trips can be fun and take our mind off TTC!

Whiggrrl65 · October 2015

@emgem819 We are Phillies fans and go to Clearwater so same area!
It's SO much fun! Definitely spring break for adults.

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