Overwhelmed with visitors

Re: Overwhelmed with visitors

• ginaannechelan member

  October 2015

  I'm with you! I only have a week and a half left until I go back to work. As soon as we had a few days to get settled... Bam. MIL was here. That means I have to cook and clean and navigate with the baby with her over my shoulder.
  
  Our whole schedule got off the first day she was here and he's feeding suffered. Now he's hit a growth spurt and has been eating every 2.5 hours and falling back asleep. She leaves today, but there's chatter she'll be back next week. I'd like time with my son to get into a groove before I have to work again.

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• jbettles member

  October 2015

  I feel the same, although I haven't had as many visitors as you or as frequently! It stresses me out when he's hungry and I need to nurse and ppl just act like they wanna watch. I'm very uncomfortable nursing in front of others, and I have huge boobs so it's so much easier to just take my shirt off. I wanna be like, "GO AWAY," but then you alienate people. So I usually just take him upstairs. Don't care if it's rude.

  

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• brit1983 member

  October 2015

  That sounds very overwhelming! I'm assuming these people ask first - I would say something like "I'd love for you to visit! We are still getting the hang of things but *insert day here* would be a good day for us." Can you have a few people come on the same day? That would cut down a bit!
  
  Hang in there - it will get better!

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• KCwalza146 member

  October 2015

  I had the same problem, I hated having to modify our schedule based on visitors, and I wish I would have spoke up more than I did. My girls were two months early so visitors have kind of tapered off and I am happy about it.
  
  I had a huge problem with my husbands family coming over unannounced and just walking in the front door. Finally he said something to them and they were so offended that no one from his family came over for 2 weeks. Fine with me!
  
  Just make sure to speak up if its a bad time or make it clear that you have a routine to stick to so visits will have to be kept to a certain time frame. Good luck and I feel for you!

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• Andlen member

  October 2015

  Thanks mamas!! I am easily overwhelmed lol - it's my husbands first week back at work so I've felt flooded I am hoping and pretty sure things will taper off soon. Thanks for replies!!

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• Atlasmom member

  October 2015

  SO and I got into a fight over visitors (he is afraid of baby getting sick) and I've had to say no to everyone. It's tough being mean to well meaning folks but have to do what is best for you and baby. Like SO said I should be resting and bonding with baby not entertaining folks that can meet baby later when he is stronger and I'm recovered. He was right and I'm glad I listened to him. Even a 30 minute visit is draining. My boss asked me this morning when I was bringing baby by the office. I told her not until December. She was shocked by my answer. Baby is not even 2 weeks old. I'm not even cleared to drive yet and the 2xs SO and I have left the house with him it has been a huge production.
  
  Rest and spend time with your LO while you can.

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• jen83mn member

  October 2015

  I was SO in the same boat a few weeks ago! We had at least one visitor a day the first four weeks of baby's life except one day. I was so exhausted. DH was home with me and he didn't understand what the big deal was (he welcomed the visitors for a change of pace and the opportunity to be social). For me it was just a big inconvenience when I was breastfeeding every 2 hours. I felt like I had to plan my day around visitors, and make sure I looked presentable and had taken a shower and had a shirt on by the time they came, that the house was clean, that baby had been fed right before they arrived. Any free time while baby was napping was spent preparing for a visitor's arrival. And while most visitors got the hint when it was time to feed baby and left, a few made no sign of leaving so I just got up and went in the other room to feed the baby (which is not fun when you feel like you need to banish yourself to a room in your own home!).
  
  MIL thought she could just stop by at a moment's notice the first few times. We had to tell her a few times that we wanted at least a day's notice so we had it on the calendar and could plan our day. She was resistant at first and tried to get away with same-day drop-in's, but we stood our ground and now she gets it. DH handled talking to her.
  
  Baby is 6 weeks old now. When my DH went back to work after 4 weeks I told him I'm taking an entire week off from visitors so I can just get the hang of it being me, baby, and dog and get into some sort of routine. I cannot even tell you how much better I felt and how much more relaxed I was that week vs the previous four weeks! Even though I was taking care of baby on my own, it was so much easier than having to plan around anyone else's schedules. I felt like I actually got to enjoy quality time with baby without being stressed about the house being clean or looking presentable. Week 6 I started inviting people over again, but mostly just the grandmas for a few hours once or twice a week and I told them I would be getting some things done (laundry, taking a shower, etc.) while they were here (not entertaining them ... of course I didn't say that part!). Now that I've gotten into the groove alone I actually enjoy having friends over, but limit it to a few times a week and at times when baby is generally happy (not at night during his fussy period where it just becomes stressful for me and baby).
  
  The best advice I can give you is to start saying no! I wish I would have been "visitor-free" sooner so I could actually enjoy those fist few weeks instead of being so stressed out all the time. The stress wasn't good for me and wasn't good for my relationship with my husband either because I was constantly more stressed than I needed to be. I am so much more laid back now that I've had time alone with baby and don't have to worry about having visitors all the time.
  
  Next kiddo I will definitely be more mindful of this and will limit visitors those first few months. I was thinking it would have been so much easier just to throw a party and invite all our (healthy) friends to meet baby at the same time ... one and done! So grateful we didn't allow visitors at the hospital except for immediate family ... that was stressful in itself with the number of times the docs and nurses come to check on you and baby! After that, I was ready to go home and be left alone and that sure didn't happen with all those visitors!
  
  It's tough because of course you want people to meet baby and to see your friends, but it's just so inconvenient, especially when you're breastfeeding and can't just whip out a bottle in front of them!

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• emmekaye member

  October 2015

  We were bombarded with visitor right after the baby that it was hard for us to get into a rhythm and even harder for me to relax enough to recover. We basically did a no visitors ban for a week after DH's brother came one day and his family (wife, daughter, 2 dogs) spent the night. DH was great and entertained them, but it was a lot considering it was 2 weeks PP. To be honest, I felt like if people are visiting and not helping you at a time where you need help the most then they being really inconsiderate of your situation .

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• chelseajeanene member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  My son is 6 weeks today and we have not had more then 1 day at a time without a visitor and at this point I'm outraged. I've started to feel like my son doesn't need me because I feel like I'm always handing him to somebody else. This is my husbands last week before going back to work and I haven't allowed a single person to come over and I don't feel bad about it. We need to bond with baby, alone.

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• jen83mn member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Atlasmom said:

  SO and I got into a fight over visitors (he is afraid of baby getting sick) and I've had to say no to everyone. It's tough being mean to well meaning folks but have to do what is best for you and baby. Like SO said I should be resting and bonding with baby not entertaining folks that can meet baby later when he is stronger and I'm recovered. He was right and I'm glad I listened to him. Even a 30 minute visit is draining. My boss asked me this morning when I was bringing baby by the office. I told her not until December. She was shocked by my answer. Baby is not even 2 weeks old. I'm not even cleared to drive yet and the 2xs SO and I have left the house with him it has been a huge production.
  
  Rest and spend time with your LO while you can.

  We brought baby into our offices at 4 weeks to meet everyone, but only because winter is coming and I wanted to bring him in before flu season was in full swing since he won't be able to get the shot until he's 6 months. Just something to keep in mind! If your office is anything like mine, people show up with the flu because we don't have sick time and they don't want to use their PTO. So irritating, but that's another issue!

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• Atlasmom member

  October 2015

  @jen83mn this is why SO has trust issues when it comes to visitors and baby. People are just rude or they can be sick without knowing and make baby sick. My sister's baby had to go to NICU at a week old from a cold. She blames it on visitors and a few folks that kissed the baby.
  
  Thanks for the advice. I might end up not even taking him to be honest or I'll wait for a day/time I know the place will be empty.

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• jen83mn member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  @Atlasmom - Good plan! Yes, I struggle with this issue with my in-laws who don't seem to think having a cold qualifies as being "sick." If you're contagious, you're sick ... and stay away from my baby! We went over there this weekend and found out while we were there that FIL had a cold ... enough to keep him away from the hospice care where his aunt is the day before, but not enough to stay away from our newborn or at least warn us so we could make that decision? Frustrating! At least he kept his distance and didn't touch the baby, but he did touch every piece of pie as he was cutting and plating it. I waited until he wasn't looking to cut my own!

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