Reassurance please!

lyannast · October 2015

I have avoided this site for months, but I'm feeling super stressed and concerned and would appreciate any *positive* feedback.

So, I have a nightmare family situation and my mother in law to be has been absolutely awful for the past month. She's not listening to me or my partner and I'm so stressed that I cannot eat. I still get sickness also and still am not back up to my pre pregnancy weight. I am aware that bubs are very good at taking what they need but it's concerning when you're six months pregnant and everyone is commenting on how thin you're looking.

is anyone else experiencing anything similar?

Also, if anyone has any advice on how to handle a completely crazy MIL I would appreciate it. She won't listen to either of us when we say we don't want her at the labour, and she's gone around spreading rumours about us and saying I've brainwashed her son... Also badmouthing the name we've picked for our daughter and saying it's feral, most ugly name ever etc. I'm really frightened because we're getting married while we're away next month and my partner hasn't invited or told a single family member. I've tried to encourage him to invite his Mum but he just does not want her there

I know she will blame me and I'm terrified. She has a history of aggressive behaviour and I'm at my wits end.

Sorry for the rant. On a positive note, here's my beautiful daughter..

Leah6120 · October 2015

A)Your baby girl is beautiful

I can't wait to do a 3d of mine when I go visit family in a few weeks.

this subject comes up a lot but your doctor would be telling you if it was a problem and your baby looks just fine. So I wouldn't stress that at all. You can always add protein shakes or something into your diet if you're worried about what she's getting.
C) I can't relate so I know it's easier said than done but this woman sounds super toxic and you need to let her go. If your husband is ok with separating himself from her a bit you should absolutely let him. And nobody can be at your delivery you don't want so feel free to let the nursing staff know and they won't let her near you. Your priority is your daughter and not pleasing a vile woman who does not have your interests in mind. Move on

kmo8986 · October 2015

We had a strict no one at the hospital rule while I was in labor, because my monster in law pressured her way into the delivery room with my niece and nephew. We debated not telling anyone we were at the hospital until after the baby was born, but we decided against that because both of my parents live far and labor gave them a chance to get here and meet their grandson a few hours after he was born instead of possibly the next day.

We are sticking to our guns again and saying no one at the hospital until we are ready. Definitely tell the nursing staff who is or isn't allowed in to labor and delivery, they will keep people out.

sarahbeara25 · October 2015

Shitty situation...

Weight should be fine, doctor knows best

but the MIL problems really suck. I'm not sure what advice I can give... but I hope it all works out. I think that, while difficult, putting your foot down is important. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. Her MIL is just awful. When baby was old enough that he wasn't "new and exciting" she decided to stir the pot by accusing my friend of cheating on her husband (which would LITERALLY never happen). Her "proof" was that baby didn't look like him at 3 months. Of course now baby looks just like Daddy... urgh.

But I agree with PP. A closed delivery room is entirely within your rights as a mother. It will cause drama... but it sounds as though anything would cause drama with this woman so you might as well be in control of what kind of drama.

maddisonwallace · October 2015

Look at those beautiful little lips!!! Congrats!!
My mom had a REALLY hard time eating and was sick her entire pregnancy with me. I went through a phase when I would cry just thinking about food because I felt like I was starving baby, but I had severe aversions to EVERYTHING. So I started drinking those Boost protein shakes for breakfast or coupled with a spinach salad and some fruit until I could finally convince myself to eat a meal. It was a lifesaver.

As for mom, ugh... She's honestly probably unaware of the damage she's doing to y'all and it lashing out. But stick to your guns. You're a big girl and now you're a mom. She should be respectful of that, but we can't always expect that from people. Continue to do what's best for your family. Sometimes that means not including them in things or giving them pieces of information because of how they've acted in the past. Forgiveness is required. Trust isn't. She has to earn that back.

SisterSunshine · October 2015

My MIL was DANGEROUSLY unbalanced and malicious. My husband dealt with her and protected me from her drama. Do Not feel bad if he chooses to cut her out of his life , or wants to limits her exposure. It's one thing to have to deal with crazy as an adult, kids need peace and stability. At any cost.

That's my experience anyways.

QueenCarlissa · October 2015

You can tell the nurse to get her out of there. Luckily nurses are your bodyguards when it comes to unwanted guest in the room.

usernametaken1 · October 2015

Easy. Don't tell her you're in labor! Let her know after you deliver. If there is anyone you are close enough to that you want at the delivery, I assume they are trustworthy enough not to tell her if you convey that direction to them.

Also, straight up tell her, if she wants to ever see her granddaughter, or be part of her life in any way, she's going to do things on your terms.

Seems harsh but the last thing you need right now is more stress. You need to be put first, for the sake of your growing fetus.

kfreeman2008 · October 2015

I am pregnant with twins and have only gained 15 pounds. That isn't much, but I've been pretty sick this pregnancy. I eat lots of fruits and veggies. So, the babies are getting plenty of nutrician. Just try to take a prenatal vitamin and let your doctor know about the stress. My grandmother was anorexic with my uncle and he was the heaviest and healthiest of the three kids. So, our babies are stronger than we think....like you said.

My MIL has been a nightmare. My husband finally told her it's our way or no way. She had all these plans to "help" which meant taking our older kiddo three days a week and making us drive...etc. He basically told her that if she doesn't shut up and just deal with what WE want, she won't be involved in anything. Then be made the point by just ignoring her. Seems immature, but she finally understood how serious he was when he just stopped communicating with her. She would retaliate and get his cousins and dad involved and he just stood his ground and it worked.

Good luck! You aren't alone!

Want a personalized experience?

Reassurance please!

Re: Reassurance please!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards