My boyfriend no longer Acts like he cares

MissyJ1975 · August 2015

when I first told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he was thrilled. Now I'm 16 weeks and it "weirds him out" to hug me, put his arm around me, and of course sex does too. Yesterday he tells me I'm messy because I left a dish in the sink after working on my feet for eight hours and commuting for three hours. Tonight he said he doesn't like when I kiss him because it feels
Like I'm licking him? I gave him a peck on the cheek?? I feel like I don't do anything right and I cry all the time. I don't know what to do.

cerafina205 · August 2015

Talk to him. Ask him if something is wrong.

cMichelle0423 · August 2015

MissyJ1975 said:
when I first told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he was thrilled. Now I'm 16 weeks and it "weirds him out" to hug me, put his arm around me, and of course sex does too. Yesterday he tells me I'm messy because I left a dish in the sink after working on my feet for eight hours and commuting for three hours. Tonight he said he doesn't like when I kiss him because it feels
Like I'm licking him? I gave him a peck on the cheek?? I feel like I don't do anything right and I cry all the time. I don't know what to do.

Sounds like you two should have a talk.

MissyJ1975 · August 2015

I've tried. He just says it feels different now or we can't because you're "with child". Now he talks about needing space and quite honestly I'm ready to give him all the space in the world and leave. I'm so stressed that I'm
Not sleeping well and almost fell asleep driving. I thought this was supposed to be the happiest time of your life.

djdawn29a · August 2015

Alot of space in the world just might wake him up...

satuttle1014 · August 2015

Like the other ladies have said, try talking to him and you don't see an improvement in like a couple of days after you talk then you may have to give him an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums but sometimes they are necessary, you don't need any extra stress in your life from your boyfriend who is supposed to be supportive. He better grow up real quick if he wants to be apart of your life.

KittyCat84 · August 2015

That must be stressful to have him be so unsupportive and acting so strangely. Pregnancy and the reality of having a child to support is a very stressful situation in the best of circumstances for men. He may be reacting to that stress by "taking it out" on you and being critical and nitpicking. I know you said you talked to him, but maybe you're not getting the whole story. Ask him point blank if the reality of having a child is stressing him out, and if not, then what has caused his behavior to turn? Be specific with your questions if he's giving you the run-around. Let him know that you need support and want to be there to support him, but he has to open up to you and communicate the reasons behind his behavior, and a flippant "it's different now that you're with child" isn't going to cut it.
Be careful when driving home, friend. Get some good rest

Also, I think it's a common misconception that pregnancy is the "happiest time of your life". Yes, there is a lot to be happy about and a baby will bring a lot of joy. But pregnancy brings a lot of stresses and uncertainties too, so there are usually a lot of mixed emotions jn reality.
Hope it all works out, and best wishes!

MissyJ1975 · August 2015

Thank you for the support. I will try talking with him again. I also know he is a little disappointed that we are having a girl.

4N6s · August 2015

....how old is he?

MissyJ1975 · August 2015

I'm 40 and he is 41.

Ceridwen77 · August 2015

Some men do have issues with intimacy during pregnancy due to irrational fears. Can he come to your next dr appointment so that your doctor can reassure him that being "with child" doesn't mean you can't be intimate?

djdawn29a · August 2015

I had a similar situation with my daughter..her father wasn't happy about having a girl and became so distant on all levels..I didn't know what to do so after
trying to talk to him several times, I just
gave up and didn't bring it up again.. I don't know if it was his own time he needed to
sort it out for himself but one nite a few
months down the road he woke me up in
the middle of the nite crying and apologizing
for his behaviour and stressed that he really
didn't want to lose us and from there he
was like a different person.. So he could
change his attitude..sometimes they surprise us...lol

PrimRoseMama · August 2015

MissyJ1975 said:
when I first told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he was thrilled. Now I'm 16 weeks and it "weirds him out" to hug me, put his arm around me, and of course sex does too. Yesterday he tells me I'm messy because I left a dish in the sink after working on my feet for eight hours and commuting for three hours. Tonight he said he doesn't like when I kiss him because it feels
Like I'm licking him? I gave him a peck on the cheek?? I feel like I don't do anything right and I cry all the time. I don't know what to do.

How old are you?
How old is he?

PrimRoseMama · August 2015

MissyJ1975 said:
I'm 40 and he is 41.

He's too old to act like a child.

cerafina205 · August 2015

I honestly thought this post was by a teenager. Sorry about your luck.

Knottie75347854 · September 2015

I'm sorry about this. My SO and I had issues adjusting in our first trimester. All more hormones were really overwhelming, for him and me and honestly I think men can sometimes sync with our out of control hormones when living together. Similar to how women sync up with their periods. Some men are just very overwhelmed and don't know how to handle it. He's your partner though, so have another serious conversation and then maybe give him the space he needs to come to some sort of peace with everything. Maybe in your mind, no ultimatum for him, come up with a personal time limit. Being pregnant and making big decisions is hard when there are so many emotions. I'm so sorry girl! My man flipped completely a 180 and has been amazing. I hope yours will realize that pregnancy is one minute in the grand scheme of a lifetime together as a family. Good luck!

MissyJ1975 · September 2015

Thanks but I think the problem got bigger. We looked and settled on a new apartment together. It ended up that I did all of the furniture picking and setting up the apartment. Then he started referring to it as my apartment, not ours. He hasn't come to the new apartment in a week and hasn't answered any texts in 24 hrs.

alanna3622 · September 2015

I am so sorry. Was this baby planned? How long have the two of you been together? Has he ever acted like this before?

thegingeravenger · September 2015

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck - it's a duck. By duck, I mean asshole in this case.

You need to get a hold of him and have a serious discussion about this. Let him know that these things are hurting you and that he's not being a good partner to you. Ask him what's going on and let him talk. Your update makes it sound like he's trying to do the slow fade from your life and that is 100% not okay with a baby on the way. He'll probably either start to shape up or leave. If he leaves, take him through the court system. Good luck to you.

abeebe1982 · September 2015

It sounds like he's having some major issues adjusting... and unfortunately you may have to mentally prepare to be on your own through this. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.

kyraaD · September 2015

PrimRoseMama said:

MissyJ1975 said:
I'm 40 and he is 41.
He's too old to act like a child.

i 100% agree with this. if you guys are in your early 40's & he's acting like this, then he isn't the guy for you. it sounds like he's not a fan of commitment. he agreed to get an appartment with you, but wouldn't do anything to help get it set up & moved into. & now he's distancing himself from you because you're pregnant. that's not the kind of guy you want to raise a child with.
i know it probably isn't what you want to hear, but i think you guys might need to at least take some time apart. it might be good for you both on the end. with time away from everything, it might help him clear his head & decide whether or not he's really willing to do this with you or not. but obviously trying to talk it out isn't working for you guys so you might have to try something a little more extreme.

good luck, girl! everything will work out the way it is supposed to.

ChristenNease · October 2015

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is just stressed out and nervous about the baby. My boyfriend kind of showed his butt for a while too but upon discussion he's just panicking about how to afford the baby. Take deep breaths and focus on yourself and the baby, you have to rest. Remember everything you feel, so does your baby. If he is going to continue to talk down to you like this then he's not worth your time.

delujm0 · October 2015

If you're planning to keep this baby, I'd suggest finding a lawyer, stat. Because if your boyfriend disappears regularly you're going to want a legally binding agreement laying out child support, at the very least, and custody just to be safe (though he doesn't sound super interested in it right now). These agreements can be updated if he comes around later...but I'd want something on the books to cover my ass of he becomes "unresponsive" once the baby arrives.

jewels1020 · October 2015

I agree with pp, it sounds to me he's looking for an escape route without having to come right out and tell you what's on his mind.. I would try to have a face to face conversation to see where he stands and what's going on in his mind.. sorry you're having to deal with this. Sending hugs !

MissyJ1975 · October 2015

I'm just about done with him. I spoke with him on the phone today asking to talk about things. He was watching a football game. I was talking to him about being nervous about being 23 weeks pregnant without anything planned for the baby. My doctor won't allow me to work now for a while because my blood pressure is getting high and the doctor now has me talking to a counselor to cope with the stress. While talking to him, he started rambling about some football player's name on tv and when I told him that right now that doesn't matter to me, he corrected my grammar. When I asked why he was being so nasty, he said that maybe he was hoping I would just hang up and end the conversation. Then he said talk to you later and I love you? He's driving me crazy and its taking a toll. I am not going to call him anymore. I'm done.

cMichelle0423 · October 2015

MissyJ1975 said:
I'm just about done with him. I spoke with him on the phone today asking to talk about things. He was watching a football game. I was talking to him about being nervous about being 23 weeks pregnant without anything planned for the baby. My doctor won't allow me to work now for a while because my blood pressure is getting high and the doctor now has me talking to a counselor to cope with the stress. While talking to him, he started rambling about some football player's name on tv and when I told him that right now that doesn't matter to me, he corrected my grammar. When I asked why he was being so nasty, he said that maybe he was hoping I would just hang up and end the conversation. Then he said talk to you later and I love you? He's driving me crazy and its taking a toll. I am not going to call him anymore. I'm done.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe distancing yourself is what's best for the both of you right now. And it can help you figure out how involved he plans on being.

alanna3622 · October 2015

At this stage your priorities will need to shift to focus on how you can supper yourself and who in your life can help as well.

At 23 weeks, you need to start planning for baby to arrive. I would be cautious about assuming you will be as energetic and physically capable in third tri.

I am so sorry for the split/separation. That is just terrible.

Is there anyone in your life that can help support you? if not, you may need to look at community organizations etc., and doing as much as you can yourself. Every task you do for baby now will be something you are grateful for when baby is on the outside.

MissyJ1975 · October 2015

I am grateful. I have my parents to lean on but I do feel embarrassed having to put that strain on them. I do feel closer to my baby though. When I'm feeling really down, it always seems like she gives me a good kick. Feels like she's telling me we are going to be fine together.

laurenm93 · October 2015

MissyJ1975 said:
when I first told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he was thrilled. Now I'm 16 weeks and it "weirds him out" to hug me, put his arm around me, and of course sex does too. Yesterday he tells me I'm messy because I left a dish in the sink after working on my feet for eight hours and commuting for three hours. Tonight he said he doesn't like when I kiss him because it feels
Like I'm licking him? I gave him a peck on the cheek?? I feel like I don't do anything right and I cry all the time. I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry to hear that your boyfriend is been so negative towards you. . I think you need to sit down & have a talk cos tbh he should be supporting you throughout your pregnancy not making you feel so low.. I hope you sort this out..

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