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Husband says no

Kc0825Kc0825 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hi everyone my name is Kari. I just recently had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. My husband and I have a 2 year old. The whole process of having a baby wasn't what he thought it was going to be and it's turned him and off from having any more. I had finally talked him into having another and after 5 months of trying he finally conceived. Now that we've lost this one I fear he's not going to want to try again ever. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Husband says no

  • ChichigoChichigo member
    My husband was reluctant to have another baby after out son was born, but agreed to stop preventing when he was a year old. I conceived within three months, then had a miscarriage at 9 weeks.

    My husband surprised me. He was willing to stop preventing as soon as I had my first post miscarriage period. Three months later, he's now willing to actually try to concieve.
    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Parent of Baby Boy M, born December 2013 Angels: Miscarriage @ 9 weeks, May 2015, Chemical Pregnancy November 2015



    Lilypie Maternity tickers
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  • camerainmyhandcamerainmyhand member
    What were his reasons? What about having the first baby turned him off so much on the idea of having more?
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  • Kc0825Kc0825 member
    My hormones were not the nicest. Our son didn't sleep through the night till he was one. So I was very tired all the time and I breastfed exclusively. He works full time and it's hard labor sometimes so when he would get home I'd pass the baby off to him since I had had him all day. Now I feel like we've or at least me have learned from our mistakes and it'll be better and more as a team. He's just scared and worried what it might do to our marriage since it was so rough the first time.
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  • camerainmyhandcamerainmyhand member
    Remind him not all babies are the same, and you two are not the same parents as you were before. Maybe he needs more time before you have another. Unless age is a factor for you, (over 40) there's no reason to hurry. I was always sure my kids would be 3 years apart. Due to our careers, my daughter being especially demanding, trouble getting pregnant again, and now a miscarriage, even if we get pregnant right away again my kids will
    be 4 years apart. I am totally ok with that now. It's the right timing for us, and that's what's important. Do what's right for both of you, and compromise. I know it's tough to wait, trust me...I know! Sometimes it's best though.
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  • MillerTime0513MillerTime0513 member
    We are having similar struggles here. My daughter, who is 4 now, was a terrible infant. Colic, reflux, didn't reliably STTN until she was 3. It really took a toll on us and our marriage. My m/c was an "oops" but now I want to try again and he says he doesn't for the same reasons he had before I got pregnant. He doesn't want to have to start over again. Neither do I, but now I can't imagine our lives with just one. If I were to get pregnant again right away, I would be 35 and there would be 5 years between our kids. I feel like I can't keep waiting.

    I have no advice, but just know you aren't alone. I hope we can both get to a place where we all feel good with the resolution.
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