Hyphenated last name.

livvielove15 · October 2015

So I was almost 100% set on giving my daughter my last name. I wanted it that way because her father has not been around so why give her his name. On the other hand, his family has been so supportive & they are very excited for the new addition. I do want her to know where she came from but I'm just on the fence about maybe giving her both last names...

I was wanting to know if anyone else is having a tough time deciding on their LOs name or opinions!

lyankowi · October 2015

I still have ex last name but I was seriously considering hypening. I (used) to think it was a little confusing when you don't share you name with your kid but it is much more normal now.

Alexis514 · October 2015

My last name was hyphenated until I was old enough to legally change it. I opted to keep only my mother's last name as my father really wasn't a part of my life. I really struggled with a hyphenated last name growing up.
Could you use the father's last name as a middle name or second middle name? There are so many ways to make his family feel involved and let your daughter know where she comes from that don't involve a last name (family traditions, spending time together, pictures of his family in her room, etc).
In the end, I think it's important to do what you feel is right rather than feel obligated.

shayshayshah · October 2015

I'm in the exact same position, the father hasn't helped me at all and kept me and the baby a secret from his family up until a couple weeks ago and now their all very excited and really want to help. I've decided on not hyphenating baby's last name and just giving her only mine because if down the track he was to start becoming difficult and us having to take legal action for anything (also applying for passports when under the age of 16 etc) it is easier for me if she has the same last name as me. There's a lot of loop holes for custody and child support in Australia so just to cover my own ass really, it doesn't make him any less her father and I'll make sure she knows that

Nataliegz12 · October 2015

Speaking from personal experience, I regret hyphenating my daughters name. She struggled with it in school and with her bio father not being around she disliked it the older she got. But on the same hand his family was never around. She now just goes by one last name and is happy with that. Just before you make any final decisions think of it from all ways, if his family became uninvolved would you still be ok? My deciding factor was thinking about her name in the future on a high school diploma, ssn card, driver's license, she only identified with one last name and then would have all these legal documents with both. Looking back I wouldn't have done it that way because it was alot to change. She wont be any less connected to her "other side" because of a name, if they are truly there because they love her.

livvielove15 · October 2015

lyankowi said:
I still have ex last name but I was seriously considering hypening. I (used) to think it was a little confusing when you don't share you name with your kid but it is much more normal now.

I thought it would be confusing too which is another reason. There's quite a few factors to concider.

livvielove15 · October 2015

Alexis514 said:
My last name was hyphenated until I was old enough to legally change it. I opted to keep only my mother's last name as my father really wasn't a part of my life. I really struggled with a hyphenated last name growing up.
Could you use the father's last name as a middle name or second middle name? There are so many ways to make his family feel involved and let your daughter know where she comes from that don't involve a last name (family traditions, spending time together, pictures of his family in her room, etc).
In the end, I think it's important to do what you feel is right rather than feel obligated.

Those are all good points. Even if I use only my last name, she could still change it when she is old enough to decide which I would support 100%!

livvielove15 · October 2015

shayshayshah said:
I'm in the exact same position, the father hasn't helped me at all and kept me and the baby a secret from his family up until a couple weeks ago and now their all very excited and really want to help. I've decided on not hyphenating baby's last name and just giving her only mine because if down the track he was to start becoming difficult and us having to take legal action for anything (also applying for passports when under the age of 16 etc) it is easier for me if she has the same last name as me. There's a lot of loop holes for custody and child support in Australia so just to cover my own ass really, it doesn't make him any less her father and I'll make sure she knows that

Her father also kept it a secret for a very long time & hasn't made any plans to be around when she is born. That makes it very hard for me to give her someones name that might not ever be around. Sounds like you made the right decision!

livvielove15 · October 2015

Nataliegz12 said:
Speaking from personal experience, I regret hyphenating my daughters name. She struggled with it in school and with her bio father not being around she disliked it the older she got. But on the same hand his family was never around. She now just goes by one last name and is happy with that. Just before you make any final decisions think of it from all ways, if his family became uninvolved would you still be ok? My deciding factor was thinking about her name in the future on a high school diploma, ssn card, driver's license, she only identified with one last name and then would have all these legal documents with both. Looking back I wouldn't have done it that way because it was alot to change. She wont be any less connected to her "other side" because of a name, if they are truly there because they love her.

So true. Reality is, they could eventually disappear like anyone else. Then I could see an issue with having two names.

Unica1302+ · October 2015

This is a little bit of a different perspective but I grew up with married parents and my mother was the only one with her maiden name. When my sister and i were old enough we asked her to take my dad's name, so we could all be the same. When I got married I struggled with changing my name and decided to hyphenate mine and his(after 4 yeas of marriage). As for our new baby, sigh, it hurts my feelings she can't also have the hyphenated name but if she did my husband would the one out of the loop. I imagine if my dad had not been around I would have wanted my name to be like my mothers. Same if my husband wasn't involved- I wouldn't have given her his name. If i remember my kid sentiment it was just wanting for my family unit to be the same.

Gapeach83 · October 2015

I personally would not as PP it's hard to use on certain forms and can be a pain in the ass. I would explain to his family why and emphasis that they will still be a part of her life. You will make the effort for them to know her and her to know them. I think her calling them grandma(etc) will melt there heart and they won't care about her last name.

hlz128 · October 2015

My husband and I have a hyphenated last name but only go by the second half of it. We only want to put that name on the birth certificate seeing as we both don't really acknowledge the first part of our last name unless in legal documents or situations. Plus he wants to get rid of the first part all together eventually.

itstheblackwidowbaby · October 2015

LO will be getting my boyfriend's last name, but he's also been fantastic and completely involved through this entire process. I considered hyphenating our last names, but chose not to. Combined it would be a very long last name for LO to learn when he's learning to write.

Giving her a relationship with his family that wants to be involved will be a far better gift than a last name could ever be

sarahsnowball · October 2015

hlaverett88 said:
My husband and I have a hyphenated last name but only go by the second half of it. We only want to put that name on the birth certificate seeing as we both don't really acknowledge the first part of our last name unless in legal documents or situations. Plus he wants to get rid of the first part all together eventually.

^^^ I am in a similar situation to PP.
We gave our son the second part of our last name (and will for this LO too) and I hope to legally drop the first part myself eventually. I hate having a hyphenated name. Total PITA.

ash413 · October 2015

Since e you are not in a relationship with father, I think the baby should definitely have your last name. If his family wants to be in the baby's life then the last name should not change that. Not to mention as sad as it may be, his family may not be there forever.
In general I think baby should have mom's last name unless there is a significant commitment between mom and dad, and the father will undoubtedly be in the child's life regardless of his relationship with the mother.

ash413 · October 2015

Since e you are not in a relationship with father, I think the baby should definitely have your last name. If his family wants to be in the baby's life then the last name should not change that. Not to mention as sad as it may be, his family may not be there forever.
In general I think baby should have mom's last name unless there is a significant commitment between mom and dad, and the father will undoubtedly be in the child's life regardless of his relationship with the mother.

ashleyfreake · October 2015

My boyfriend and I will be giving the baby our last names hyphenated. We are not doing a middle name though so even with the longer last name it won't be too long. (Both his family and mine don't give middle names so that was an easy decision)

gkfk · October 2015

We are hyphenating too, because i kept my maiden name. I think it will be better when we travel with him, etc if he has both of our names. I'm hoping we don't regret it and our son doesn't hate it. I might change my name to hyphenate as well. Long ass story but my husband and his parents just changed their last name, so I'm not too worried about LO changing his name in the future if he chooses. And I'm SOOOO glad that i never changed mine when we got married since i would be doing it again now, lol. If i was not with DH, LO would get my last name only.

saraehyde · October 2015

We're hyphenating. It's because we're both women so my partner is not biologically related to the child and we want that connection in naming. It's a little more complicated though because she's Russian and their last names are different depending on sex and we're having a boy. So he'll have a hyphenated last name that one half of neither of us has, but is very similar to my wife's. We will make it clear from pretty early on we don't expect him to use the full last name.

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