Super low sex drive

Re: Super low sex drive

• groovylocks member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  I'm sorry to hear it. 
  
  As somebody who has the opposite problem though (Super-high sex drive, husband creeped out about "doing it with our daughter between us") it seems to me like your DH is being a wee bit overdramatic. I'm still speaking to my husband. I still hug and kiss and cuddle him (and luckily frigid Mr. Mom still wants physical contact in abundance - just nothing sexy) and I'm certainly not acting injured or traumatically stressed because my husband wants to hold off during my pregnancy. (And we're talking ENTIRE pregnancy, people. NINE MONTHS WITH NO SEX o_o)

  
  

  It just seems to me that he's making this a big drama when the reality is that it's an annoying inconvenience. You're welcome to show him this and tell him, for me, to just suck it up. You're almost done INCUBATING AN ENTIRE PERSON. So he needs to just get over himself. 

  
  

  It is temporary.

  
  It will pass. 
  
  Things will return to normal.

  
  

  And as my doctor told me, i can't pressure him or trick him or browbeat or guilt him into sex either. Because that's just not fair. He feels how he feels and I can wear my big girl panties for a couple more months. 
  
  Your husband can wear his too. It WILL pass. 

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• groovylocks member

  October 2015

  And for the record, I don't want to be entirely hard on your husband. Because I know how he feels. I feel unloved, unappreciated and very weirded out by my husband's flat-out refusal to have sex with me. But he's just got to trust (just like i have to trust) that this isn't a permanent change in your marriage. 

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• ArtlessIbex member

  October 2015

  ***lurker***

  This may be a UO (and I might get completely flamed), but there's always the option to just do it.  I mean, assuming you aren't on pelvic rest or anything.  I totally agree though that he sounds a little overly dramatic about it. 

  When I was pregnant, somehow the hormones conspired to make everything pretty much numb down there.  Sex was unappealing to me, but when DH wanted to do it mostly we did, and it was fine.  Of course, he also rubbed my back every time I complained about my back pain, so I kinda figure we came out even.  For us it was a compromise.

  If the idea is completely distasteful and there's nothing you want to do less, you have every right to say no, always.  For me it was more about understanding that DH wanted to feel close to me, and that was how he got that.

  

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• lizzbeth292 member

  October 2015

  One of the reasons why I didn't want to have sex was because of the pain. It feels so much tighter and dry! Afterwards, it just burns and feels really uncomfortable.
  
  Lucky for him (and me) I was in the mood last night..out of the blue! And again this morning lol he was very much pleased ^_^ anyways, there's my update.
  
  I agree with you all three of you thank you for your advice!

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• Craiggles member

  October 2015

  This woman writes a lot about the desire gap between spouses. Hope you find it useful!
  
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-busting

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• ZoeyRaeJames member

  October 2015

  This may be a TMI here, but when my Hubby is in the mood and I'm not, I "help him out" so to speak. (TRYING to keep that a bit "clean" there ) ) Just like how he helps me, when I'm in the mood, and he isn't. Sounds like your hubby is being a bit dramatic about all, though. Like another poster stated here, after the baby is born, you HAVE to wait 6-8 weeks after birth anyway. Because you shouldn't be having sex at all around that time!

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• nickilynn0516 member

  October 2015

  I very rarely feel the urge to do it. but i know my husband wants it and I feel bad for not giving it to him. Sometimes I just give him oral and that's the end. We have sex about once a week now. Used to be about 3-4 times. it is temporary, and when the 6 weeks were up after our son was born, we were like rabbits. It goes back to normal.
  

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• celainev member

  November 2015 edited November 2015

  lizzbeth292 said:

  One of the reasons why I didn't want to have sex was because of the pain. It feels so much tighter and dry! Afterwards, it just burns and feels really uncomfortable.
  
  Lucky for him (and me) I was in the mood last night..out of the blue! And again this morning lol he was very much pleased ^_^ anyways, there's my update.
  
  I agree with you all three of you thank you for your advice!

  I actually had this problem when we first got married. We waited til marriage and as soon as we were married I had so much pain during sex that it turned me off of it. But over time, and using lots of lube, made me enjoy it sooooo much more!
  
  Now that we're pregnant we don't do it very often, but that's for environmental reasons. (Living with my parents whose room is right on top of ours and they can hear EVERYTHING.) Anyways, we go away on date nights and make it more fun. My parents move out this week so I'll be trying to fit in lots of action before baby comes!!
  
  I highly suggest keeping a commitment to yourself. That's what I did when it was very painful. I said "once a week" to myself and managed that, then I bumped it up to twice, then three times, then I got pregnant! And again, get a lube that has no fragrances or anything. I found that was the cause for "burning" after sex.
  
  Edited to add: I also got a vibrator. We used it during sex the first few months when it was really painful. It really helped excite me. (Maybe TMI)

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• willashbaby member

  November 2015

  Seriously can he not masturbate? There are plenty of things the two of you can do together that still involve intimacy and orgasm (for him if you really aren't interested) that don't involve penetration. Get creative, if this is enough to make you feel like your marraige is falling apart you two have a LONG road ahead! 

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