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Boys boys boys: this momma needs help!

EllieBPullieEllieBPullie member
in November 2015 Moms
Ok..this is my second time being a mom...first one to a darling son and now another boy on the way...the stressor: my oldest son (he's 3) does not listen to me at all. I'm not sure if it's typical 3 yr old behavior or what but anything I say or do doesn't phase him. When I put him in time out for misbehaving it's almost like putting a teenager in time out...he doesn't care. But if daddy does it, it's the end of the world. What gives?! Any moms have boys like this? My fear is the new baby will pick up his bad habits and do the same thing. I'm completely out numbered.
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Re: Boys boys boys: this momma needs help!

  • PetitNightingalePetitNightingale member
    Not a mother yet, not super qualified to give advice--sure the cavalry will be here shortly. But I think you may be freaking yourself out for no reason! I don't think your new baby will automatically learn from your older son. 

    As for your 3 year old, the worst kids I ever nannied (ever) were 3. It's a hard age but keep your chin up and please try not to worry so much! Creepy internet hugs. 
    Do unto others. 
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  • rox7777rox7777 member
    I have a 2.5 year old son that's going through the exact same phase. He has no problem back talking to me and any form of punishment I try doesn't phase him in the slightest. His dad can just look at him and he immediately stops what he's doing and gets quiet. I grew up with 3 sisters so I have no idea if this is typical boy behavior. Definitely sympathizing with you though. I'm also having my second boy and the idea is overwhelming!
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  • Barker2+1Barker2+1 member
    This is typical boy shananigins in my experience. I have a 7 year old and a 5 year old boys and they both went through this phase around 3. 3 was the worst the terrible 2 were a breeze compared to the 3. If it makes you feel better my second didn't really pick up my oldest sons bad behavior because by the time he was old enough to start getting into trouble my oldest had moved out of the phase. Also having two boys does not mean they will be the same mine are as different as night and day and the things I struggled with my first were completely different than the crap my second tried to get away with. I will tell you that at 7 and 5 they are best friends and do just about everything together of their own choosing. Take a deep breathe and remember this to shall pass! Hugs
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  • JLW0504JLW0504 member
    My 2 yo DD doesn't listen to a word I say. She loves it when I put her in timeout. She hits and headbutts me all the time. Whenever anyone else tells her no, or yells, she immediately stops and puts on her pouty face. It drives me crazy.

    As long as we stay consistent with our tactics. I think they'll come around.
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  • nbpa3027nbpa3027 member
    Three is definitely a tough age! The most important thing is to remain consistent and follow through! If you say "if you do this again you will get a time out, " make sure you actually give the time out.

    It may seem like he doesn't care, by part of the purpose of the time out is to redirect their attention from the bad behavior. Even though he seems like he doesn't care, the time out is still a distraction from whatever he was doing.

    One thing that has also really helped with my kids is giving them choices. It is hard to come up with the choices and they have to both be positive choices, but giving them control helps a lot. For example, you ask them if they would like to pick up their Legos or books first. Not do you want to pick up the Legos or go on time out.

    I also have totally bribed my kids and t has worked. For example, they get stickers or a treat if they clean up their toys, behave in the store, etc. Nothing big, but maybe a couple of jelly beans or oick extra books at bed time.

    Kids have totally different personalities and so just because one doesn't listen, doesn't necessarily mean the other won't either. Also, as they grow their behavior will change (and school helps a lot) so your two year old will be modeling the behavior of his five year old brother, not the three year old you have now.
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  • Cook3133Cook3133 member
    Yes I have a 3yo that does the same damn thing! I'm on my 4th boy to :). My oldest who is 5 did not act like this at all, he is a lot more emotion then my second. He seriously doesn't care. I can spank his butt and he just stares at me, put him in the corner and he won't stay, send him to his room and he just plays or sings to himself :), he's a turd! The other day I was scolding him and he just looks at me cute and blows me a kiss!! I just stay persistant with him, there are times his feelings do get hurt when he gets in trouble but not often. He's judt a very strong willed child. I have to look at some of the good in his "bad" behavior. I honestly hope he keeps some of it because it makes him who he is. My youngest is 1.5 and I don't see it rubbing off on him. It is truely amazing as a mother to see how similar but yet how very different our children are. One thing is though is he is really good in preschool!! Never acts out, listens really well and his teachers live him! So we're doing something right :)

    I say it's a phase and a boy thing. Don't give up!! Even on those days you feel like locking yourself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine/tequila, whatever your poison :).
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  • mpp06mpp06 member
    Yep! I have a 3 year old, he's the exact same way! Very hard headed and strong willed. My daughter (7) was the same way. However I have a 5 year old and he's totally opposite. They all have a tougher time between 2-3 it seems, but a lot seems to just depend on their personality. It is SO frustrating though!
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  • EllieBPullieEllieBPullie member
    Thank you ladies! I was seriously about to lose my mind today with his behavior. I don't get on him for little things like not picking up his toys since that doesn't bother me as much but I do the time outs for the more serious and dangerous things (ex: he managed to get the socket covers off the wall and tried to pour water into the outlets
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  • dapoint23dapoint23 member
    Mommy tends to be the "safest" person in a child's life. Meaning the one they can let all their frustrations out with. It's frustrating as all hell, but try to take it as a compliment :)

    A mantra that my husband and I really try to parent by and I say to myself daily is "he's not giving me a hard time, he's having a hard time" .... this helps me get through the melt downs but is also balanced with the understanding that 3yo are just shit heads sometimes :)
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  • Escheffler34Escheffler34 member
    I've nannied for a threenager! Probably just a phase:)
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  • LSRooLSRoo member
    My 2 year old DS is an absolute terror these days. I am having another son in 4 weeks and I am assuming DSs behavior will only get worse- if that's even possible!! He doesn't listen to me at all, laughs when I try to discipline him and hits me all the time. The joys of having a toddler!
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  • kmkrushikmkrushi member
    Escheffler34 said:

    I've nannied for a threenager! Probably just a phase:)

    I was going to come on and use this term! Even though she's not quite 3 yet, DD has definitely started some of this behavior. My niece who is 3 is right in the thick of it. She and her mother butt heads constantly and I seem to be one of the only people she listens too, even though my own DD won't.

    I think most kids, boys or girls, are tough at this age. Two year olds my throw fits l, nut three year old talk back. Just keep at it and stick to your guns.
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  • savyjohn1savyjohn1 member
     When I was a nanny, and now as a mom - three was the toughest age!! Hang in there. As far as the Dad thing goes - it totally happens at my house too. One of my daughters former teachers always told us that children behave the worst for those they trust the most. Mommy will love me no matter what I do, so if I am going to be naughty, it will be with her. I took a class from the same teacher based around a book called "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk". Worth the few bucks on Amazon, it has been helpful over the years. Deep breaths, this too shall pass!!
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  • Lynnbirds4Lynnbirds4 member
    I have a 3 year old boy and another boy on the way too! I will just add my experience - my son was acting really similarly too at the end of the summer and as soon as he started in his Kid's day out program (3 days a week for about 4-5 hours a day) there has been a night and day difference in his attitude and behavior. I think he was just really bored staying at home with me everyday. Not sure if he is already in a program, but if not, you may want to look into one!
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  • EllieBPullieEllieBPullie member
    @Lynnbirds4 he does go to daycare two days out of the week for 8 hours a day. It's like night and day with that. Whenever I pick him up from school his teachers tell me how much of an angel he is and he's such a cuddle bug and I cannot help but say "my kid?" I'm totally at wits end and I wonder if it has something to do with a new baby coming into the home. Idk I'm just completely exhausted. Today he thought it would be a great idea to lick the cat and the walls...I get he's a boy but really?!
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