Partners parents don't know ( lengthy)

Kat&George · October 2015

im not sure what to do I'm 23 weeks along, I'm really happy with where my partner and I are he says that he is too. We've been together for ages now, but he hasn't told his parents yet I already have a son my whole family knows even my estranged mother he keeps saying that he'll tell them when the time is right his told all of his friends I'm just stuck and at the stage where I can't understand why he won't tell them

Sorry if this isn't the right place for this

shupertj09 · October 2015

Are his parents conservative? Is there some factor that is causing him to be afraid they will freak out on him?

Kat&George · October 2015

We aren't married yet

camusoh2011 · October 2015

No advice really other than tell him to get going. I can imagine that they may feel a little hurt/upset finding out so late in the game especially since it seems like everyone else knows. If he's worried about their reaction maybe you two can come up with a very cute personal way of letting them know together and letting them know that you guys are happy, excited, and serious about your realtionship and your growing family.

malaki1418 · October 2015

My partner and I aren't married yet either - so I can relate a bit to the feelings he may be having. I was the one that waited to tell my family. Granted, not quite as long. I told them at 8 weeks. Mostly, out of guilt because my SO had told his family literally the next day - he could not contain the excitement. We have been together for 6 years and have a very strong and loving relationship. We do intend to get married in the future, but are rolling with our unexpected, but very welcomed new path. I think you should encourage him to bite the bullet and make the call to his family. My family is over the moon excited for us and I bet you his will be too. People love babies! You could also go passive on it and send a surprise card in the mail and follow up with a phone call once they have time to digest the news...but I bet you anything whatever is in his head stopping him from telling them is far worse than their actual response will be. Best of luck and congrats on your new adventure together!

pettycrocker · October 2015

How long is "ages" that you've been together? Is your SO not the father of your son? You said you have a son, so I guessing that is from a previous relationship? It is strange... Have you asked him why he's keeping it a secret? Feb is pretty much around the corne. I would be questioning his agenda at this point

Kat&George · October 2015

About 4 years my son isn't biologically his he just keeps saying that I don't understand and that he loves me and wants me maybe I'm just expecting too much

VitaLuna · October 2015

Are you saying his family doesn't know about your son, either?

When exactly does he plan to tell them if he doesn't want to now?

brushesnbrunch · October 2015

shupertj09 said:

Are his parents conservative? Is there some factor that is causing him to be afraid they will freak out on him?

This would be my question as well, conservative/religious? While I don't have personal experience, my family is VERY conservative/religious and my brother and his now wife had their first out of wedlock. They were both active duty Navy assigned to a ship in Japan at the time, and really hadn't been together very long. He told my parents through an email while they were on vacation. Naturally they were upset, for quite a long time, but realized that there was a child in the mix now and they pushed their anger aside to love this baby and his mom unconditionally. Her family was on the other side of the country (similar background-conservative, but VERY strict Catholic household). My SIL's relationship with her family was always rocky, and still very strained, but they did not come to see her while she was having Luke (my nephew), so my mom, sister, and I drove down from WA down to San Diego to meet her, as we'll be her support system while my brother was stuck in Japan. Long story, but if that is the reason why he's hesitant to tell his family, know that there are good outcomes out there of disappointment that gets flipped to so much excitement once either the thought of a baby becomes real, or he/she is here.

camusoh2011 said:

No advice really other than tell him to get going. I can imagine that they may feel a little hurt/upset finding out so late in the game especially since it seems like everyone else knows. If he's worried about their reaction maybe you two can come up with a very cute personal way of letting them know together and letting them know that you guys are happy, excited, and serious about your realtionship and your growing family.

I second letting them know that you are happy, excited, and anxious to extend all the love you can to this baby. Hopefully they will join you in that sentiment.

cbou · October 2015

Kat&George said:
im not sure what to do I'm 23 weeks along, I'm really happy with where my partner and I are he says that he is too. We've been together for ages now, but he hasn't told his parents yet I already have a son my whole family knows even my estranged mother he keeps saying that he'll tell them when the time is right his told all of his friends I'm just stuck and at the stage where I can't understand why he won't tell them

Sorry if this isn't the right place for this

His parents don't know about your son or your pregnancy?

Kat&George · October 2015

They don't know about my pregnancy

kira91499 · October 2015

I actually waited to tell my dad/step-mom until yesterday. Not only are they conservative, my dad is a worry-wart. I too am not married although I've been with my SO for 6 years. I know they definitely care about perception and other people's opinions. I truly had intentions of telling them a little sooner but the more I put it off, it just got easier. They are also out of state so that made it easier to push it off too.

My point in saying this is maybe he does have a reason however I think he at least owes you an explanation as to why he is dragging his feet. Eventually he's going to have to say something though!

rainbowminion · October 2015

I don't think they will be any happier if they don't find out until the baby is born.

egraves4 · October 2015

rainbowminion said:

I don't think they will be any happier if they don't find out until the baby is born.

In fact I can only imagine that the longer you wait the more difficult it's going to be for them to understand why you waited to so long. We told my SO's grandparents at 15ish weeks and even they were a little upset by the fact that we "kept them in the dark" for as long as we did.

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