Vent: my Dad's big (incorrect) mouth

oxley09 · October 2015

This is just a vent post to get my irritation off my chest. I know there are bigger issues in the world, but my hormones don't. (Man I'm going to miss that excuse!) I'm 36 weeks, this is our 4th babe, and we're and Team Green all the way. Over the weekend, my Dad attended a family wedding out of state that we weren't able to go to. Today, my cousin, who I'm really close to, texted me and said "so your dad says that your doctor slipped and accidentally told you the sex of the baby?!". Um, NO. Definitely not. After our 20 week ultrasound I told my Dad about how the clinic had sent us a disc with the images on it and that I wanted to look at them (because tiny baby pictures!) but that my OB had advised us not to look, just in case there was something there that might tell us the sex. His response was "oh that means it's obvious and now I know what it is". I tried explaining that even our OB doesn't know, and that he never said anything about it being obvious (and that lack of a penis may be just as obvious as there being a penis). But he clearly wasn't listening because he told our family that we know we're having a boy! So now I'm super annoyed. Because we've really made an effort to keep this a surprise (first time not finding out), and now if he's right - and there's a 50/50 shot he is - he's taken that surprise away! I love and respect my Dad a ton and we have a close relationship, so I'm not genuinely mad. And I know in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. But I do still kind of want to kick him in the shin.

jscasher · October 2015

That's a bummer. Not really on the same topic, but I was diagnosed with GD and told immediate family I wanted to keep it on the down low because I didn't want lectures about what I was or wasn't eating in addition to all the unwanted advice. First thing my MIL does at the shower is ask me how my blood sugar has been, in front of EVERYONE, and all of the aunts and grandma's and friends look at me like "what is she talking about is everything okay?"

I don't know what it is about pregnancy/babies that makes people forget or think they can say/ask/do whatever comes into their heads, but it's really frustrating. I'm sorry your dad put those worrisome thoughts in your head, he should have kept those to himself but I'm sure he didn't mean any harm.

nano1 · October 2015

That's so disappointing op

I would be frustrated with my Father if he'd done that. Have you said anything to him about it?

MercyC1130 · October 2015

On some of my us pics, they had certain things labeled and have heard of them having down the gentalia name; boy or girl.
So that's another reason your dad assuming boy is silly!
I would also be pretty annoyed with that!

ashleywuli · October 2015

I would be super annoyed! I mean maybe your cousin will get it that you don't know the sex of the baby nor does your father. I would just ignore the questions and blow people off as being silly if they continute with questioning you about the sex of your child. Good luck! Don't let it take the joy away from you!

gipfish · October 2015

That is annoying. Sorry you have to deal with that.

We aren't revealing our little girl's name until she is born, and my brother has taken to calling her Svanhild at every opportunity, because he wants to be the troublemaking uncle. Haha. I don't correct him, and have had a couple people ask me if her name is really Svanhild. They were so relieved when I told them, no, it certainly is not!

thegingeravenger · October 2015

I'd be a lot more than just annoyed. Maybe tell your dad that you can't look at the pictures just in case everything is labeled for the two of you to have? I mean, I'm having a boy and during our anatomy scan if she wouldn't have pointed everything out I wouldn't have even known that I was looking at my kid's junk. It just looked like the ink blot test to me!

Bettytteb · October 2015

Ugh, so annoying. What's with these dad's not being able to keep their big mouths shut! Back in the first tri I had a similar experience. DH and I told my dad we we're expecting when I was about 10 weeks but we told him to keep quiet because we wanted to wait until the 2nd tri to tell people publicly. Well, a few days later my dad was helping us move into our new house and I see him outside on the lawn chatting to our new next door neighbor...about my pregnancy! So my dad broke the news to our new neighbor (who I hadn't even met yet!) before we'd even told our family! I was SO annoyed!

bellie1223 · October 2015

gipfish said:

That is annoying. Sorry you have to deal with that. We aren't revealing our little girl's name until she is born, and my brother has taken to calling her Svanhild at every opportunity, because he wants to be the troublemaking uncle. Haha. I don't correct him, and have had a couple people ask me if her name is really Svanhild. They were so relieved when I told them, no, it certainly is not!

Ugh, @oxley09 and @gipfish, I totally feel you. Like you said, in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal and I keep trying to remind myself of this, but at the same time, soooooooo annoying. My mom was in town visiting the other week and wanted to know some of the names we've been thinking about--we genuinely have not picked out a name but have a list of 12-15 we're narrowing down--and now she's taken to calling the baby by one of the names (first and middle) that she likes best, so now I'm sure people are thinking that's what we picked out. I want to say something to her, but also don't want to start a fight, which is surely what will happen so I'm just biting my tongue.

FilmFreak933 · October 2015

We're team green. Relatively early on, my grandma decided it's a girl. She then proceeded to tell everyone not that she THOUGHT we were having a girl, but that we were in fact having a girl. I guess there's a 50% chance she'll have to explain herself to a bunch of people once s/he gets here.

PetitNightingale · October 2015

I'm sorry that your dad did this. I think this is just the kind of thing that loving, if slightly overbearing parents do. He's probably just very excited to meet his grandchild. Still he should respect your boundaries.

I was a surprise for my parents in terms of sex and my grandfather was absolutely convinced I was a boy. Told the entire family. Mother was royally pissed but he was wrong anyway! I think it is human nature to speculate (especially when they aren't you). Try not to let it bug you too much.

Ceridwen77 · October 2015

Has your dad even seen a genital ultrasound picture? Maybe if you show him a boy vs girl (that you google), he will realize how obscure it can be to tell the difference. Your doctor was just being overly cautious which is the right thing!

poupoule · October 2015

Lol he is gonna look stupid if it is a girl.

You can probably rub it off saying he is trying to be smart but he has no idea, and you have no idea.

It is the same surprise anyway, you still don't know ! it should not ruin it !

Both sexes are obvious when you look at it if the shot is good.

oxley09 · October 2015

Thank you guys so much. I think I really needed to hear that I'm not along in finding this super annoying. That alone makes me feel better about it.

I did text him as soon as I heard what he was saying - something like "Just so we're clear, our doctor DID NOT accidentally tell us the baby is a boy!" and he responded by sending me a craigslist posting for vintage tonka trucks - which my husband and I collect. Soooooo, yeah.

/:)

I think you hit it right on @poupoule - I think he's just thinking he's so smart even though he really has no idea. My dad is amazing and really intelligent, but I think sometimes he forgets that he's fallible too and that he DOESN'T in fact know everything.

I'm still annoyed and frustrated, and I wish he hadn't been blabbing his opinion as fact. But you guys are right - the surprise was for us, not necessarily for everyone else and I don't think he really thought about it when he did it. Which is also a bit annoying, but what can you do right?

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