Can I ask baby shower host to invite my friends?

LaLaLaurie06 · October 2015

(Disclosure: I did search past threads to see if anybody else had asked this question, and I couldn't find anything.)

My MIL is throwing me a baby shower, which is great, but I've just found out it is only for family members. I think there is a limit to how many people my MIL can fit in her home, which I totally understand, but I have about 5 friends who I would really like to invite and celebrate with. I've been invited to their showers and am going to one of their showers in a few weeks, and it would also be nice to have some people at the shower that I actually know. lol Due to my friends' impending pregnancies and the timing of the shower, I don't think three of them would even be able to attend, but I just thought it would be nice to extend an invitation to them. I don't want any of them to be offended at not being invited. I also don't want to be rude to my MIL. Is there a nice way to ask if these five people can be invited? Or should I just try to get them all together for a ladies' tea or something and say, "No presents - just join me in celebrating!" (Because I swear it's not about getting presents. I would just really like my friends to be included in the celebration.) What do you guys think?

kynbar5 · October 2015

I think this could actually go a few different ways. Your MIL may just want it to be a family occasion and if you honestly feel that asking for your friends to attend would be a wrong move then don't. Usually with a shower you leave everything up to the host but I can understand what you're saying. Maybe it would be better to do a little girl lunch day type of thing. Like you said, a few may not be able to attend anyways so maybe the 6 of you could schedule something that works for all of you and leave the shower up to your MIL. Good luck and congratulations!

ecwk · October 2015

I think you should post this on the baby shower board.
I do think the general consensus is that the shower is a gift from your MIL and she has the ultimate say in guests, theme, location etc. You say you understand that there is a limit to how many she can have in her home but by wondering if you can invite extra people, it comes across that you don't care.
You're lucky enough to be having one, you should be satisfied with that.
I don't understand why you can't just explain to your friends that it is family only and then go out for a meal with them or something. They can't possibly be offended at that.
Also, why would you not know anyone at your shower if it is all family?

LaLaLaurie06 · October 2015

Thanks for the response. I didn't know there was a baby shower thread in March 2016. Didn't come across it.

It's mainly my husband's family, who I am not very close with. My family is small and lives out of state, so they won't be attending this shower. I'll just be celebrating with them separately.

LaLaLaurie06 · October 2015

Thanks for the kind response! I think I'll just try to get the girls together for a more intimate celebration and let my MIL do what works for her. Just didn't know if anyone else had ever been in this situation.

ecwk · October 2015

Sorry I meant that there is an actually board for all things baby shower related and you might get more/quicker answers there. I'll link it in a sec.

ETA https://forums.thebump.com/categories/baby-showers

2-Step · October 2015

Personally, I would just ask nicely and let her know you understand if she can't accommodate them and if she can't you will do a ladies lunch. I don't think it is rude at all to politely inquire about who the hostess intends to invite to a party being thrown for you. Yes, it is the hostess' choice who to invite, but most people that host showers end up at least coordinating the invites with the guest of honor and gathering addresses from them. As long as you don't demand they be invited then I don't think it is rude at all to at least inquire if they would be welcome. Maybe she thinks you are having a separate friend shower. If you tell her this is your only one I don't see why it would be a problem to have 3 extra people there.

kfarr26 · October 2015

I didn't know it was solely up to the host as to who is invited. When I hosted my SIL's shower, I requested guest lists from her, her mom, and my mom so nobody important to them would be left out. It wasn't my party, it was one I was throwing to celebrate her. I wouldn't have offered to throw it if I wasn't prepared to accommodate any and all guests that were wanted by her especially.

I don't see why it would be rude to ask if she has the space to accommodate a few of your close friends. I think your attitude is great by already having an alternative in case your MIL won't be able to extend them invitations for any reason, so I just don't see the problem.

Torpedogirl · October 2015

Anytime I have ever hosted a party I have always asked the guest of honor for a guest list. I feel like it's a little rude and selfish to invite who you think and not ask the actual mom to be. I mean if you are throwing the party truly for her then why in the world would you not want who they want there. There is no special written exact handbook. You should do what is best for you. I would for sure ask if she could accommodate 5 of your close friends I am sure she will be happy to have them.

Can I ask baby shower host to invite my friends?

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