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May 2016 Moms
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Legal guardians?

yogahhyogahh member
in May 2016 Moms
Ever since finding out we are expecting I've been thinking about all the big things we should do and have put off. Like making a will, joining a church so lo can be baptized. But my biggest issue is who will be legal guardians incase something happens to DH and I.

We don't have a lot of close friends, atleast no one I would feel comfortable having this convo with. A good friend of mine is a fantastic mother, but her husband is an alcoholic and they are always struggling for money so it doesn't seem like a good option. Both of our families are small; he isn't close with uncles/aunts and cousins and his sister is MIA. I am an only child and never knew my dads side. My mom and I cut ties with her side. I am really concerned about this. He hates my mom so I cant see her getting custody. His parents are late 60s and I don't think it would be fair to saddle them with raising a child at this stage of their lives.

Anyone else in a similar situation? How are you handling it?

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Re: Legal guardians?

  • sincerelymomsincerelymom member
    I'm Jewish, but I do think that you might be surprised if you joint a church now how quickly you make friends and find the perfect couple.
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  • yogahhyogahh member
    Maybe. Neither of us are "joiners". I'm not that kind of person to go out of my way to say hi to a stranger and try to form a friendship. And as I get older it's harder! DH is the same and pretty much a loner. I do want to join a church (he looks at me like I'm nuts) so it's worth a shot!

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  • tgortneytgortney member
    edited October 2015
    I can relate at the fact that I also am an only child. We're not super close to his family (and sister) either. We only have my parents but I wouldn't trust my parents raising my child honestly nor their families. We have best friends, out of state, who we think would be great! But they're already God parents to their families' kids. I honestly have not thought about it in depth until I read this thread :-SS
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  • mrstmoosemrstmoose member
    You can pick me @yogahh! Just kidding..kind of  =))

    But, I think joining a church is a good first step. Maybe talking with H about a absolute last resort so that way if, God forbids, something does happen, you have someone set up. You can always change it later. 

    DH and I pretty much know it's either going to be my brother and SIL (who is already going to be responsible for her nieces if something happens to her sister) or DH's twin brother and his wife. I think either is a good option for us/our children but we have to really sit down and decide who will raise our kids how we want them raised if something were to happen. His parents are older as well, and my parents aren't married so there's no way we would leave them to our parents, also to not cause issues. 

    And for a will, I think we are going to do one online and make it simple. 
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  • camillaandcarsoncamillaandcarson member
    edited October 2015
    Great for you for thinking about this! We already have a child and never could decide even though neither of us are only children.
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  • rltortrltort member
    As a Mormon (short for a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) for the past 11years+, take your time to truely study, ponder, and pray about what you should do for Your and your family's spiritual well being. Then obey by following the promptings the Spirit tells you. This advice is the best any one can give. No matter the faith, all believe in a loving higher power that cares for us as His own children. If we set and practice good habits now, then when we raise our children they will know to where look for direction for them selves. Families are Eternal.
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  • mumbolinomumbolino member
    edited October 2015
    How about considering close friends as legal guardians? If there is no suitable couple.... Maybe wait a bit, and see if you meet new people en route to parenthood? I am told that happens a lot, and I am COUNTING on that BIG TIME, as we live in a foreign country and our friends and family are on the other side of the world. 
    About baptizing: I was baptized as a baby, but I'm not planning to have mine baptized, as both of us are never attending or considering to attend church, we had no church wedding, but a free ceremony, so I think a free "welcome" ceremony for the LO will be fine :-) (for us, of course!) 

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  • kns1988kns1988 member
    I read something that put my mind at ease a little bit the other day on Carolyn Hax (advice columnist for Washington Post - love her). She said that appointing someone as legal guardian doesn't have to mean that they're the ones raising your children should anything happen to you. It can be that they're just the ones to make the decision to find a suitable place for them. Maybe the kids would be older and would just need reasonable accommodations until they graduated high school, and they could help with that decision. Keep in mind, too, that it's very unlikely that something would happen to both you and your husband.

    You can also change it. Maybe put his parents in for now without making a big deal about it, and then if you meet another young couple when LO comes along and you become close to them, you could change it.
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


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