Annoying Advice Overload

Sharra13 · October 2015

We only JUST officially announced a couple days ago and I'm already being bombarded by "advice." Seriously, I already want to throat-punch my own sister (new mom this June)...

From insisting that she text me anti-nausea info (even after I told her repeatedly that I didn't have MS) to going on and on about how she knows best on searching for a nanny (we aren't due until MAY and don't even know how our work schedules will be, yet!), and even random advice about diaper rash (yeah, it's obvious that you should let them "air out" a bit if it's bad)...she apperantly knows everything there is to know about being a mom and I just need to listen avidly. No thanks--we don't have even close to the same values or parenting style you do. We'll do our own thing.

And then my out of town friend (new mom this July)--who I love to death but also want to punch right now--is texting me paragraph upon paragraph upon paragraph of whatever advice comes to her mind....all about her pumps and how we should Skype so she can show me how they work (gross?), but if baby is sick, pumping isn't as good as straight up boob (whaaat???). All her pre-labor research was pointless but she wants to make me a bullet point chart of important things to know anyway...

I could go on and on--it's driving me nuts and I just really want to find my own way and make my own choices without all this crazy-town unsolicited advice! Anyone else getting this?

thismakes4 · October 2015

Yeah now that your expecting you will be given advice until the end of time on this child and future children. It's annoying for sure... Especially when it's from a mother of a one year old giving you advice on your five year old. [-X

zekesmommy611 · October 2015

My MIL was so annoying during my pregnancy with DS. She would be overly involved in EVERYTHING, from the nursery, to how I was feeding the baby, to my birth plan. I understood she was just excited but she was way too much for me. I finally broke and told DH he either needs to tell her to back off or I will. People won't know they're annoying you unless you tell them. I suggest finding a way to politely say that you got this and if you need help/ advice you'll ask.

Bluejay3030 · October 2015

Welcome to parenthood

. I just try to remind myself that most people mean well and shut them down politely if I'm really not interested. If it was my sister being that annoying I'd probably just be honest and ask her to give it a rest.

Eta: some of that advice may come in handy some day, as annoying as it is now. But there's a time for everything.

kbrands7 · October 2015

People just love to give moms advice-- relatives, friends, random people at the grocery store. If really don't want to hear it, just politely explain so. Like @Bluejay3030 said, most people mean well (and some of the advice you'll hear may actually help in the future).

yogahh · October 2015

I have a friend like that. She is a know it all and tells me the stupidest things that I guess she doesn't think I know ( like ginger is good for upset stomachs/ms). I finally had to tell me I have been reading a lot and have all this info already. Seriously put your foot down or this will get annoying, fast.

miraclepfGod · October 2015

Yep! We became first time parents in Jan when we adopted and got all that information on parenting and it drove me crazy now bc we are first time pregnant I am getting all that advice! I have one friend who literally post something to my FB page every day. Pm me about MS when again I don't have that and told her, let's me know eggs are good for protein, Uh, yea, I am an adult. I do know this.

But I take it all in stride that they are over excited for me and some I respond to and others I don't. I feel like announcing "Dear everyone, we are 33 and 43, we clearly are adults and can somehow manage to figure this out, just like the rest of life! If however we do feel the need for advice we will ask!!!" But I dont.

I guess 13 years infertile and hearing unsolicited advice all the time on how to get pregnant even from strangers make my skin real tough and hard to break through now. Lol Annoying but harmless.

Stop responding or start be much shorter in your response till they back off. They'll get the message. I've deleted the stuff she post one wall bc I don't want it on there. She's almost getting the idea! Lol almost...

call+it+magic · October 2015

Welcome to motherhood!!!
The advice is just begging, people that don't even know you that well will start telling you things that you don't want to hear.
I just keep te answers short and straight that way the one giving the advice will get the idea that you are not that interested.
I get what you are feeling, but also try to remember that everyone is just super excited for you and the baby.
Just nod and smile....

miraclepfGod · October 2015

It was funny, the other day I post a picture of my son and that I felt bad he was sore bc he was getting his canine teeth in which would make his 5th and 6th teeth in just 8 1/2 months and I STILL got advice on teething remedies, um, we are on his 5th and 6th, we got this! Sometimes they are uncomfortable with all that you do! I didn't even respond to the 2 post. I just laughed it off. I'm sure when he's getting more teeth in Ill still be getting advice! Haha!

Oh and one mom went on and on lecturing me about the danger of balloons and babies be he was near a balloon but not playing with it or holding it at all. It was at least a good foot and half away and I was there. I know they can be a choaking hazard it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out but apparently she didn't know the dangers till her 4th child!

mariaalene · October 2015

Ug. This is my #2 reason why I wait as long as possible to tell anyone

1. mc/other problems
2. Unwanted advice
3. Ppl touching my belly. Ewww

But as long as you have a kid ppl will give you advice and tell you what to do. So from this point on you're SOL.

TheThornBird · October 2015

I don't mind advice that much, but the criticisms drive me crazy. I work with animals, which everyone has an opinion on; one girl even told me I would inhale dog hair, it would collect in my lungs, and somehow that was bad for the baby? I try to refrain from snorting hair off of animals.

I also work out, which people tend to freak out over. I've heard from a few people that push-ups will cause me to miscarry. Never mind that my OB and trainer (who trained pregnant women in the USMC) said it was fine. Grr....

KidShrink · October 2015

A very close friend of mine has been a bit intense on what kind of stuff I need, mostly. Thankfully, I'm prepared! I've replied back 'Yes, we tried for 2 years, I had plenty of time to do my research' and with the reasons why I'm choosing one product over another. So far I've been okay from other people and on other fronts...I happen to be a child psychologist, so I've spent the last few years of my life teaching parents (what a fraud I've been!), including above-mentionned friend whose kid is totally playing her with food (super picky with his parents, who will start offering a buffet as soon as he starts refusing food), but will quickly eat two full plates with me or DH! So yes, put your foot down, or the advice will keep on raining!

BabyBliss2012 · October 2015

Yes it is annoying... I agree. My SIL thinks she's an expert on pregnancy and being a mother since she just had her second child even though I've been through this before and am pregnant with my second. Without sounding like a B I just take it all in and pretend it's all new to me. Otherwise A fight will break out that I'm being mean or something. People who act like they know everything are always the last people I ask for advice.

Sharra13 · October 2015

Thanks guys! I am trying to shake it off and ignore most of it. Keeping responses short or even stopping them all together to give a hint (yeah right).

Unfortunately, my sister has been like this since before even SHE got pregnant. She worked in a daycare once and took a child development class in college for her teaching degree (which obviously didn't prepare her much, as she quit teaching before her first year was up---another story!) a while back. So she knows EVERYTHING there is to know about kids and let's me know all the time, randomly. We built our house a couple years ago and the first time she saw it, we were giving her a tour and she started going on about how, when we have a baby, we need to make sure to have some mirrors at baby-height and make home-made paper blocks for them so they develop correctly. We weren't even close to trying at that point!

Funny: I honestly don't mind getting occasional words of wisdom from some parents, especially when I am chatting with them and ASK them about something specific. I know I can't figure out everything on my own, but I want to take it at my own pace and choose what to ask and what not to ask.

My husband keeps telling me that ever since I got pregnant, I haven't been holding back as much (AKA have turned a lot B**chier), so it's probably just a matter of time until I go phsycho meltdown mode on my sister, lol.

miraclepfGod · October 2015

@TheThornBird

"I try to refrain from snorting hair off my animals."

Hahahahaha! I sincerely hope that was your response in the most polite way bc the repose speak for itself! Love it!!!

miraclepfGod · October 2015

@Sharra13 is this an older or younger sister? If older thats probably an older sibling being thing if younger, maybe she feels bc she actually did something first she has a chance to prove her knowledge? IDK but I would advice before you break speak to her bc once we pregnant woman break we can't take back what we say!!! Lol better to write it out and make sure it sounds direct and to the point yet loving and respectful so not to hurt her and get it done.

I my personal opinion.

beff12 · October 2015

The unsolicited advice hasn't started this time because we haven't announced to the world yet. My husband is one of the pastors at our church, which means all the old ladies feel like DD is their baby (not even kidding).

The "best" advice I got last time was when I was probably about 7 months - I was plenty big enough. A lady told me that I hadn't gained enough weight and she could tell because my cheeks weren't fat enough. "Eat until your cheeks get fat." Riiiiiight. :-?

Edited because words are hard.

asunna · October 2015

this is where i just listen and thinking about what i need from the grocery store

seasalt123 · October 2015

I personally think there are people out there who are naturally nosey and judgmental and parenthood (or pet ownership) becomes the one time they feel justified in coming down hard on someone. I mean they can't spend too much time fussing about the diet of a stranger because ultimately 'to each their own'. However when a child or pet is involved, they get to pretend their judgmental nosiness is 'for the good of the child'. This is my first child but I've been watching this happen to all my parent friends for years now and I was already fed up. Because of this, I intend to tell people in my life (except my trusted close friends) very little about any of my chosen methods of child rearing. I will need advice, of course, but I will request it from people whose opinion I trust on the subject matter.

schicksal · October 2015

Family has been pretty good about this so far, but we live 1,500 miles from them and both of us have a small family. My mom is pretty normal (funny how you discover this sort of thing once you're also an adult) but the MIL is a little... BSC. Still they usually don't say much unless one of us asks, which works out pretty well.

We also have a few more hippieish friends, but they had kids before some of the others we know and they got all of their advice giving out of their system on them instead. So far, so good but I know we're going to hear some truly bizzaire things from people as time goes along and I'm sure it will become a fun sort of contest to see who is told the craziest thing.

kami09 · October 2015

@Sharra13 totally get the annoyance over unsolicited advice. However, the need to write that someone was a new mom in June, or July...is that because you are trying to say they are "barely" a mom?

lalala2004 · October 2015

kami09 said:
@Sharra13 totally get the annoyance over unsolicited advice. However, the need to write that someone was a new mom in June, or July...is that because you are trying to say they are "barely" a mom?

That's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? If she states a fact, and you can find that offensive, that's quite a talent

)

OP, I think the people in your life are trying to be helpful, but if you just nod and say "K" every time they dole out unsolicited advice, they'll probably get the hint.

kami09 · October 2015

Lol not much offends me. I've just seen people have that whole "I'm not taking advice from you when you've only had a baby for x amount of months." I just think it's pretty petty.

Sharra13 · October 2015

Kami09: I don't think it's petty at all. To be honest, I didn't think about it and was originally just posting the facts so there was some background (knowing they have their own new 1st infants versus NO kids, like my sister was when she started this trend, or 10 of them makes a difference, I think). But now that you pointed it out, I do actually think being "barely" a mom makes someone less qualified to give certain kinds of advice than someone who has an older child or multiple children. You've only experienced a few stages at that point, so you have no idea about how what you are doing now will turn out in a couple of years. Also, you would think that women who are "barely" a mom (as you put it) would be better at refraining from the advice overload, since they probably just experienced it all themselves while they were pregnant.

I have a friend who has a teenage son and a toddler and I LOVE getting advice from her (of course, she waits to be asked, which helps, lol). I have seen how her parenting choices have turned out and I really respect them.

I always think that parenting is one big universal experiment. Every child is different and every parent is different. We all end up taking a little bit of this and a little bit of that and combining them in the hopes, years down the line, we end up with a pretty awesome human being.

kami09 · October 2015

If the moms who have 4 month olds are giving advice for a stage they have yet to experience, then yes...not helpful.

However, most of the time mom's just get excited that they have some experience to share. They were the person who had yet to experience it and didn't know what to expect. Now they have something to share and yes, at times get overzealous, but most of the time comes from a good place.

I just don't understand why people feel the need to do that whole "I'm not taking advice from her, she JUST had a baby"...downgrading her experiences. Trust me, if something happens when little one is out, you'll most likely turn to the mom who JUST had a similar experience.

mariaalene · October 2015

You'll look to someone with more experience. Not someone with less experience

Edited: cuz I've changed my mind & to clarify

I would go to someone with more experience than me. Not less experience than me. Yes i agree I would go to someone who JUST freshly experienced what I'm going through before I go to someone who did it 12 years ago. Times change. Memories fade.

It's not that she is "barely a mom". She is a mom. I'm not barely a woman bc I'm only 28 and not 58. She's an inexperienced mom. Which also sounds offensive lol but it's true and she's gotta earn it.

I think the bigger issue is the overwhelming amount of advice and the subjects. Which makes the friend seem over eager and annoying

kami09 · October 2015

But I do get it. The advice seems annoying and you will parent the way you see fit.

I will say, though, that some of the "annoying" advice that you don't listen to because you will want to do your own thing, may bite you in the ass. I had SO many people tell me to just put my son down more often while napping. I wanted the time with him in my arms. But wouldn't you know, 8 months down the line, he still needed to fall asleep in my arms. It was hell breaking that habit. So I wish I would've listened a little more. (& that advice came from friends who had babies 5, 6 months prior.)

kami09 · October 2015

@mariaalene I actually agree with you. & I would never call someone "barely a mom". That came from what I perceive to be a lot of people's attitudes towards new moms.

& like I said, if someone has little to no experience in a particular instance, then they should not be giving advice on it. But I would gather that new moms are just giving advice on what they found worked for them, etc. So pointing out that a mom just had baby (so why is she giving me advice?) is kind of pointless.

mariaalene · October 2015

kami09 said:
But I do get it. The advice seems annoying and you will parent the way you see fit.

I will say, though, that some of the "annoying" advice that you don't listen to because you will want to do your own thing, may bite you in the ass. I had SO many people tell me to just put my son down more often while napping. I wanted the time with him in my arms. But wouldn't you know, 8 months down the line, he still needed to fall asleep in my arms. It was hell breaking that habit. So I wish I would've listened a little more. (& that advice came from friends who had babies 5, 6 months prior.)

You are so right here! Great example. But it's hard to listen when you want to cuddle your baby so bad

schicksal · October 2015

ok today's annoying advice: Magnets! Specifically, the kind the cure morning sickness. Put 'em on your wrists and watch all your problems go away. So we did an experiment since we have an IT worker between us: tie a hard drive magnet (these are ' don't get close to anything made of metal!' strong) to your wrist and see what happens. The reslts? Nothing. If there was a perfect cure for morning sickness everyone would know about it.

Want a personalized experience?

Annoying Advice Overload

Re: Annoying Advice Overload

Choose Another Board

Search Boards