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Has anyone heard of a "Grandma Shower"?

Jaylin85Jaylin85 member
in January 2016 Moms
I'm pregnant with my first baby and got a text message from my sister in law the other day to let me know that she was throwing a "Grandma Shower" for our MIL. I've never even if heard of this idea? I should probably clarify that I'm not very close with my in-laws. We see them frequently but I'm 6.5 months pregnant and I don't think they've mentioned the baby more than 5 times. It's rather complicated. The message only said that she wanted me to know "before the invitations go out." She actually had already picked a date and had invitations printed before mentioning it to me. She knows that my husband and I both have hectic schedules (we each work 40+ hours per week and are attending law school in the evenings) and we are trying to get everything done before the baby gets here. (Plus, I'm high risk and they are expecting him to come early.) She happened to pick a day where neither of us can be available but she thinks I'm being petty and just pretending I can't make it. She even called my in-laws sobbing and so now they aren't speaking to me. Any feedback on how to handle a "Grandma Shower" and deal with the in-laws in a way that won't send me into preterm labor?
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Re: Has anyone heard of a "Grandma Shower"?

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    sarahbeara25sarahbeara25 member
    Can honestly say I've never heard of it. My mum and my MIL are each hosting a shower and their friends and whatnot will be invited to their respective parties.

    I think you and your husband need to talk to your in laws to clear it up, or he needs to if that would go over better. You could just say that you were unaware of the shower and that if you had been aware before you could have made arrangements to make it, but unfortunately your schedules just won't allow it. But that being said I've been told I'm an overly accommodating person, I just don't like confrontation so I bend over backwards (not my best trait). 

    I wish you the best of luck with this... this kind of situation sounds like my worst nightmare.

    Pregnancy Ticker
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    jferrer1212jferrer1212 member
    Your SIL (not silly), but in retrospect, silly. Hahahah
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    Jaylin85Jaylin85 member
    Yeahbaby2016- yes, the purpose of this shower is apparently to give gifts to the grandmother so that she has things for the baby when he comes over. Keep in mind that this is our first and my MIL has opted not to invite any of their family to my shower.

    Willashbaby- my DH is equally upset over this whole thing. His father came over to the house while I was at class to mediate some sort of agreement between the sobbing SIL and me. It's getting ridiculous.
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    apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    My Aunt threw my mom a 'Grandma Shower' when DD was born but it consisted of just the two of them. Basically she gifted a bunch of stuff to her that she thought she'd need as a new Grandma (bouncer, quilt, diaper supplies). I thought that was sweet of her but it wasn't really a shower.
    I agree with PP that you and DH need to call MIL and let her know that you honestly didn't know about the shower and honestly can't make it. Sorry your in-laws sound nuts!
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    ambercakes92ambercakes92 member
    This is one of the most ridiculous ideas I have ever heard. Why do people need to gift a shower's worth of items to the grandmother who will likely not be spending a huge amount of time with the baby (given you're not very close)? I would probably leave the mediating up to your SO and FIL because this whole issue just sounds petty. Sure it would be nice of you to attend (sort of...? I feel like you should be the one receiving gifts) but you can't make it. Oh well. It's just weird to me that someone else is getting a party for YOUR baby.
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    Jessdub10Jessdub10 member
    Never heard of such a thing... My mom is throwing me a shower and inviting a lot of her friends that I've never met, but it's definitely not a "grandma shower." They just all get excited about this kind of thing, and this baby will probably be her last grandchild so... I'll play along and be very grateful for it. I'm happy to celebrate with her this time because my when dd was born we lived across the country.

    As for your in laws, I would completely let your husband handle that one. I also wouldn't give in to sil because it could just set a precedent of her getting her way - and once your baby is here things concerning your baby/family need to be your way!
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    lillianspencer15lillianspencer15 member
    It sounds like your sil and mil really want some attention. It is ridiculous that your sil is throwing a grandmother shower... my stepmother went out and bought second hand baby stuff for when she watched the little ones and usually mom leaves the diaper bag so this party sounds like bs.
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    ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    Never heard of it. I think it the right context this could be cute --- but certainly not the way your in-laws are doing it, that seems obnoxious to me. At least it can be a good laugh with you and your friends when you are trading in-law stories.
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    Monilee1017Monilee1017 member
    I have heard of this and know one person who has had one. It was my moms best friend from work who was quitting her job to babysit the baby at her house. Everyone at work put one together for her, without her knowing, and got her stuff for the baby for her to have at her house. The mother-to-be didn't know about it and wasn't there, and I don't know why she needs be as it is a party for the grandma not the mom. I thought it was cute, but I liked that she didn't know about it.
    Married 2006
    DS1 2010
    DS2 2013
    DD1 2016
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    SisterSunshineSisterSunshine member
    edited October 2015
    Huh. Sounds exactly like something my MIL would do. She even decided not to invite her side to our wedding (after insisting she must do the invites for her side of the family bc she didn't like how we worded the official ones).

    She died a few years back.

    Sorry for the drama... all I can say is, drama isn't healthy for children. Stability and love and unity is healthy. My husband would NOT let crazy around our kids, grandma or not. I am so grateful.
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    Hrc724Hrc724 member
    I had never heard of one before but now I think I've officially heard of everything. Sorry you are dealing with this BS. Just do the best you can not to get caught up and upset by them, more than anything else you need to take care of yourself.
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    PreggoInTheCityPreggoInTheCity member
    Yikes! Sorry to hear you have to deal with all this! I've never heard of such a shower, and the idea that they won't invite their side of the family to your shower, but want to have one for your MIL is pretty ridiculous! And since they clearly don't want you getting gifts or attention, why do they care if you are even there? As PPs have mentioned, I'd just leave this to your husband to deal with, I've found that in tricky situations like this it's best to bite your tongue and let them deal with their family.
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    PedsIsHardcorePedsIsHardcore member
    I would ignore it and I wouldn't even talk to them about a "Grandma Shower". It was rude and I think that's one of the stupidest things. Who said that your MIL is even going to be caring for your child? She is making huge assumptions and it's just rude! Sorry...I'm hormonal and full of emotions tonight. I would end up ignoring that family member.
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    Kelley421Kelley421 member
    She's had her children, it's your turn.
    This shower is absolutely ridiculous. Why would she take the gifts and the spotlight that is meant for you and YOUR baby?

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

     GGB born November 2015!


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    nikkinbonnienikkinbonnie member
    Lurking here. My MIL's church throws grandparent showers for first time grandparents, the idea being to give the grandparents a celebration and some things to have at their home. This is a shower attended by people who don't really know the parents and so it's not diverting any gifts from the parents, but rather a nice way for my MIL and her friends to celebrate and be excited about becoming grandma. I think it's sweet, but I'm not expected to come and no one I know will be going.
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    mesamytmesamyt member
    Grandma shower? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.

    Sorry you are in this situation. I would say that since it appears that you were an afterthought to this "party" you should happily ignore them. It doesn't sound like your in-laws are currently in your baby's life so I don't see how it will change after lo is born. This party could be their way of keeping up appearances. Shake it off and do something for yourself instead. Pedicure and chocolate perhaps.
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    kelnate22kelnate22 member
    I seriously have no words other than I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. This time in your life is about you, your husband and your baby -- sorry, MIL, this is not about you!!! Hang in there and I definitely would make my husband deal with his mom, you don't need the added stress. Hang in there!
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    ashhsaashhsa member
    Jaylin85 said:

    Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think I'll just focus on my baby and I and let DH deal with this one.

    Good luck. I couldn't care less about "ettiquite" and I still find this situation bizzare and tacky, I hope your hubby tells them where to go!
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    mg137mg137 member
    Jaylin85 said:

    Thanks for the feedback everyone. I think I'll just focus on my baby and I and let DH deal with this one.

    Great idea. You don't need the stress of confrontation. You already expressed your regrets at not being able to make the date, so just move on. I agree with all the PPs, your in laws sounds atrocious. It sounds like you try your best to keep as good a relationship as possible with your in laws. Keep that up and let DH handle the obnoxious stuff.
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    Leah6120Leah6120 member
    Yeah.. that's not a thing. Sorry grandma.. this isn't about you. How weird!
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    MssyMmmyMssyMmmy member
    Stupid....sorry you're related to them. Kudos to you and your husband for working so hard during your pregnancy. Good luck with everything!
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    MommyduclosMommyduclos member
    i can *maybe* see how this could be ok after reading some responses, BUT I cannot see how the mom to be should be invited, ever. I mean, really- you are supposed to buy a gift for your mother in law for YOUR baby? No, just no.
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    Cricket99Cricket99 member
    nikkinbonnie said:

    Lurking here. My MIL's church throws grandparent showers for first time grandparents, the idea being to give the grandparents a celebration and some things to have at their home. This is a shower attended by people who don't really know the parents and so it's not diverting any gifts from the parents, but rather a nice way for my MIL and her friends to celebrate and be excited about becoming grandma. I think it's sweet, but I'm not expected to come and no one I know will be going.

    I feel like this is an acceptable way to do a "grandparents shower" where the celebration is with the grandparents' friends.

    Asking you to attend a shower for your baby that isn't about you as well is silly, especially if you are expected to attend and weren't consulted on your availability. Good idea letting DH handle it from here :)
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    fmanocchiofmanocchio member
    Are they throwing you a baby shower?
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    rah938rah938 member
    My MIL did this but didn't tell me it was a grandmother shower until I showed up with her and people started handing her presents. I was 4 weeks postpartum and terribly sleep deprived and really could have done with a 2 hr nap rather than wasting time away from my son at a completely awkward event. Only the first of many crazy and selfish things to come.
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    l4rkl4rk member
    This sounds insane. As a guest, it would make me horribly uncomfortable to give gifts to a grandmother, but not the mother standing in the room! Wtf.
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    ashs88ashs88 member
    My mom's coworkers threw her a grandmother shower when my sister was pregnant with twins. It was actually a book themed shower and all of the gifts were books for my mom to keep at her house for when the kids visit. My sister was not invited to the shower and none of the people who attended were ones that would be invited to the "real" baby shower. It was just a fun and cute way for my mom's coworkers to celebrate with her. Doing something like that I think it totally fine, but the way OP's in-laws are doing it seems completely ridiculous.
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    MegStarkMegStark member
    Okay, what??!! The idea of this is insane. WTAF? I got mad for you just reading this. Personal friends of the grandmother giving her gifts or hand me downs for her house is one thing. Throwing a shower for her that they expect you to go to? That's completely bizarre and I'd let it be known to everyone involved that they're rude and stupid. I'm glad you're letting your DH deal with it, because you have bigger and better things to worry about.

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    ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    OP, although this situation sucks, I hope you found some good advice in the responses. I also hope that some of the responses made you at least giggle a little. I must admit that @willashbaby has been my favorite on this thread with her responses. Hopefully your husband has or is sorting this out. But seriously, this situation is comedy. Please get a great hardy laugh out of this. This stuff is what sitcoms are made of. 
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    caitlyn5454caitlyn5454 member
    edited October 2015
    OP, I agree with everybody who has already posted. It's ridiculous, it's rude and I definitely do not blame you for being however angry you want to be with them over this. I'm glad to hear you're letting DH handle it, but I definitely second making sure he tells them exactly how mental they're being. If it were me, I'd honestly second-guess even letting LO around them if this is how they act during your pregnancy. But like @ChiccoBeanz said, please don't let them get to you, and just laugh about the sheer idiocy they're displaying . I'll admit, I laughed at first because I thought this had to have been just a joke thread. It's absolutely mindblowing to me that this is actually a thing.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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