Does anyone feel like they've lost themselves?

Re: Does anyone feel like they've lost themselves?

• monicaP member

  October 2015

  I'm so sorry you feel that way. We moved away from family last year and I knew I needed to meet some adults as my days were spent with a four year old and two year old. It could be very isolating. I found a local moms group and joined. This has given me a way to meet other adults, have a moms night out, and get support from others. I realize it is still about being a mom, but a group of others going through similar situations might be nice.

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• TeacherMom210 member

  October 2015

  I felt this way for a while after I had my first. It was so all-consuming learning how to be a mom that I lost touch with everything else. It's not as bad this time, but I do feel a disconnect being at home all the time.

  
  

  It does get better! Keep in mind that babies do grow (and more quickly than you'd think!). As they become less cranky it can become easier to get back to those things you did pre-baby. When they sleep through the night it's gold. You know you have a certain time to do things. Eventually you manage to find a balance where being a mom is a part of your large and complex identity. Hang in there!

   

  
  

   
  

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• ktbkitten member

  October 2015

  I had my first when I was 18. It took awhile to find myself again. It will get easier over time.

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• Growingapepper member

  October 2015

  Wednesday nights at the bar down the street are wing night and a lot of people from mine and DH's workplace go every week. Well I really wanted to go and just get out of the house and hang out with all our work friends for a little. But when we got there there wasn't really enough room at the table for me and DH to sit next to each other with the baby carrier so I had to go down to the end of the table with the other moms and children. I am not that kind of girl.. I hang out with the boys and I can't stand children. So when we left I cried the whole way home because I didn't have any fun and I quote "I don't want to be in the mom club."
  Definitely feeling you. Even when I do get the chance to get out of the house all everyone seems to want to talk about is the new baby. Before she was born it was talk about pregnancy. Right now talking about the baby is ok because I'm still excited about it but I know from being pregnant it gets old fast. I'm hoping soon people will get bored and realize they can talk to me about other non baby related things too.

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• slp213psu member

  October 2015

  I felt exactly like this when I had my first. The makeup was what got to me, that I looked like shit all of the time. Also I had left my job to be a SAHM so I felt like my entire identity was gone.
  It takes some time, but you do find a new identity. And you get your me time back. Even knowing this all gets better I looked at my desperately needing a pedicure toes and I said to my husband yesterday that I felt like I'd never get free time again.

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• jbettles member

  October 2015

  @Growingapepper - it DOES get old, to talk about baby all the time. I find that if you respond with vague statements - "Oh, he's such a good baby!" Followed by a question about them - "So how is house hunting going?" Gets the topic moving along nicely! Honestly, I think people ask out of obligation but then are relieved to talk about themselves or anything else, really.

  

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• ElleMF728 member

  October 2015

  I felt like this a lot with my first as well, I also left my job to be a SAHM.  It can be pretty lonely and emotional but you slowly discover yourself again, even if it might be a different version.  I don't wear make up like I used to or get dressed up as often but I still have the same interests and enjoy doing the same things.  

  
  

  Every so often I do get done up and have DH take me out somewhere nice just to remind myself that I still clean up alright when I need to  

  

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• Boobopgirl member

  October 2015

  I waited so long to fit in to club mommy that I never felt this way, but I understand totally the idea of feeling like you've lost yourself. I agree that finding a local mom's group or even a library story time or something might help you feel like you fit better in your new role and who knows, maybe you can even find another mom or two you trust who can watch your kids while you go out for some socialization.

  

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• jen83mn member

  October 2015

  Yup! I went out to get a pedi and for dinner with my sis-in-law last week and felt like me for the first time since baby was born! Being a mom is a full-time job and it's easy to forget who you are in the process. I love spending time with the little guy, but it was a much needed break and felt great to feel "free," if only for a few hours. When I can't have time alone, I've found taking walks with the baby and dog helps ... the baby sleeps the whole time so I can just enjoy being outdoors and make a stop at the DQ or Subway for lunch at times. When baby is fussy, I like to sing him my favorite 80s songs ... since I can't be out watching live cover bands now, it feels nice to at least sing the songs that remind me of when I used to go out! When baby takes his longer morning nap, I grab a shower if I can and every other day manage to put on some make-up or mascara at least.
  
  It will get easier once baby gets older and we're not so tied down to the house! For now, try to enjoy the little moments with your little one and do one thing a day for you, even if it's something small

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• mel0601 member

  October 2015

  Thankyou everyone!
  I guess once my little one has had her first immunisation and I can head out and do more then things will start to look up!

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